Chapter Four: Atari Boxing Massacre

The Nerd shit himself as he managed to jump out of the way from Leatherface's chainsaw. "Aw no, not this guy again!" He tried to run, but he felt an uneasy pressure on his butt while brown liquid was seeping from the end of his pants. "Oh fuck, did I-?"

He didn't have time to ponder on the subject as Leatherface was wildly swinging his chainsaw, running for him. The Nerd turned around and thought up a brilliantly disgusting idea.

"You want some shit? Well, bombs away!" the Nerd declared as he dropped his pants, letting the shit spray onto Leatherface. Leatherface tried to back away from the assault of putrid anal fudge, but instead slipped and fell down, while the Nerd picked out a conveniently displaced fan. "Can't believe I'm saying this, but thank fuck the laws of physics don't work in games!" He placed the fan in front of his spewing backside and the shit droplets and streams whizzed like bullets, putting holes into Leatherface in the process.

Leatherface was now screaming wildly in disgust and pain. The Nerd finally stopped, throwing the fan at Leatherface's head. He pulled up his pants, and readied himself for another fight. Leatherface, covered in mounds of poop, got up and tried swinging his chainsaw at the Nerd again. The vibrations splattered more shit all over the area and the Nerd got pissed.

"You know what?" The Nerd said as he landed a straight punch at Leatherface's shoulder. "I'd rather stick my head in grimy elephant grease! I think that sticking my dick inside a cheerio is easier-!" The Nerd continued as he kicked Leatherface in the nuts. "-Than killing you! What are you, a fucking cat? It took a tank to take your first life, a bunch of wheelchair-related crap to take seven more of your lives!" The Nerd crouched down and readied his final punch.

"…And it'll take a fucking Nerd to take your last one… SHORYUKEN!" The Nerd sprang up with the legendary spinning uppercut, breaking Leatherface's jaw and also setting him on fire. The Nerd landed, and then felt a tingling discomfort on his right arm. He looked and saw that his arm was also on fire. "HOLY FUCK BALLS! COCK-A-DUKEY PIDDLY ASS SHIT NUGGETS, I'M ON FUCKING FIRE! He ran around like a maniac, trying to put out the flames on his arm.

While he was trying to deal with the blistering flames, Leatherface slowly got up. The Nerd, having realized he was near the bathroom, went to the sink and put out the fire on his arm. The Nerd laughed in relief, "Ha ha… holy fuck farts, thank shit that's over…"

He was then turned around, face-to-face with an angry Leatherface. "…Fuck." The Nerd grumbled. Leatherface threw him against the wall and started kicking him. After he was satisfied with repayment, he wrenched the towel rod from the wall and was about to whack the Nerd until the Nerd shouted: "HADOUKEN!"

The blue burst of flame sent Leatherface flying into the wall opposite the Nerd. Both of them managed to get up and they ran towards each other. However, they missed each other by mere inches and the Nerd grunted. "ASS! Every time I try to make my mark I miss it by a few inches! Why do things like this have to be so precise?" They both turned around and ran towards each other again. This time they made contact and then they broke away from each other. The referee from Punch-Out! came in and waved his hand. A bell rang and Leatherface and the Nerd started moving around the bathroom.

Both of them tried to move towards each other but instead moved in the direction opposite the one they wanted to go. This confused them to the point where they had to review the Rocky Sega Master System Instruction Manual for a refreshment. They got up, but then they suddenly jumped out of the bathroom into the bedroom again, where there was now gym equipment. The Nerd, unable to control his body, went to the sandbag, while Leatherface was working the weights.

A training montage began with the Rocky theme. The Nerd, pissed, yet inspired, said, "Gotta do good on these training stages… Gotta get strong!" He started punching the crap out of the sandbag. Leatherface didn't say anything but picked out two eighty pound dumbbells and started working his arms. The Nerd excelled at the sandbag, with 68 punches out of 60, allowing his rage levels to escalate even higher. He picked out a jump rope and started hopping like mad.

Leatherface managed to do 35 lifts on each arm, more than compensating for gaining the special hook combo. He got down and started doing reps. The Nerd finished his footwork exercise with a rate of 8 jumps a minute, meeting the quota for gaining faster movement, while Leatherface's reps earned him a greater stamina level. The Nerd then started lifting a ninety-pound dumb bell, lowering it and lifting it back up again. Leatherface started practicing his hooks the punching bag, ending with a rate of 4 punches per second, allowing him to punch much faster. The Nerd dropped the dumbbell, exceeding the lifts with 19 out of 15 lifts, increasing his overall strength.

Later, they both stepped into the Bathroom Arena, the Nerd dressed in a white sleeveless shirt, brown shorts laced by gold, with shitty games hanging from the top, and he had red Everlast boxing gloves. Leatherface was dressed in his usual attire. The only differences was that he had blood streaked boxing gloves, along with human-skinned shoes.

The Arena was filled with the pixilated X-Men, shouting and cheering as the referee called the rules. "All right, I want a good clean fight! I know both of yous are dangerous poiwsons, but there better be no dirty fist fightin'! Ready…FIGHT!" The Nerd and Leatherface squared off. Leatherface threw a left jab, the Nerd sidestepped and threw a flying hook at Leatherface's forehead. The reach was insane, and Leatherface grabbed the Nerd's arm and punched him two times in the face, nearly breaking his glasses.

The Nerd backed away and looked up at his health meter. His jaw dropped at the sight.

His health meter was nearly half-gone, while Leatherface's health was on diminished by a sixth. "Punch a cat in the fucking nutsack, my health is that low? That's fair, you lose your health in like four fucking hits, but it takes nearly forever to beat your opponent? Whiny ass cock fucker, this is assy!" His rage meter filled all the way up, and just as Leather face was about to punch the Nerd again, the Nerd's fist flew like lightning and whacked Leatherface. "I'd rather stick my balls-!" the Nerd ranted as he started hooking Leatherface, "-on a buffalo's horns! I'd rather-" the Nerd continued rambling as he threw a hay bale punch, "-hook my dick on a fishing rod and catch Jaws on it!"

Blood started flowing from Leatherface's nose. Leatherface tried to punch back, but the Nerd just kept going and going and going. Soon enough the Energizer Bunny came in. The Nerd noticed him and grabbed him. "Huh? Hey, what the hell are you doin, you psycho?" the Bunny yelled as the Nerd raised him in anger. "Energizer, you were ASS! You didn't last long! My Game Boy died after ten fucking minutes! FALSE ADVERTISING!" He started beating Leatherface with the Energizer Bunny. The Bunny tried to call out to the referee, "Hey! Ain't this illegal? OW! OW! YOU DOUCHEFAG, HEY!" The referee, however, was sitting on the john, reading a Nintendo Power Magazine. The Nerd kept beating Leatherface until cotton was spewing out from the Bunny's body.

He threw the Bunny away and raised his fist for one last punch…