SURVIVOR: HOGWARTS
BY MYRTLE THE TYRTLE
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A/N: WOW! 9 reviews already! This is my mostest amount of reviews for an actual story! (Does HELP PLEASE count as a story?)
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CHAPTER FOUR
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A brief recap: Lord Voldemort has invaded Hogwarts and the only way he can kill all the kiddies is to eliminate them from a Survivor-type show. The Hufflepuffs (and one unfortunate Ravenclaw) were the first to be eliminated, and Harry&Ginny and Hermione&Ron have been found in very compromising situations. Who will be next? Read on…
"OK," said Jeff. "Now that we're all here, let's put our plan into action…"
"Stop right there!" said a very loud voice.
"Oh, great!" sighed Harry. "Now that Voldy's back, we'll never be able to carry out our secret diabolical plan."
"Secret plan? Who said secret plan?" Lord Voldemort and his dragon from Chapter One came flying into the room.
"Uh… I said, secret flan," lied Harry. "Would you like one?"
"Ooh, yes please," said Voldy, and he took a piece of raspberry and chocolate flan that Harry had just conjured. He bit it, chewed it, swallowed it, digested it and passed it, all in the space of about three seconds. "Urrrrgh!" he groaned. "That wasn't flan, was it?"
"Um, yes it was, Voldy."
"Urrrrrrrrgh! I'm allergic to flan, you idiot! You're eliminated!"
"Now, now, Voldy, let's not rush into things," reasoned Jeff. "Let's not forget our little deal…"
"Deal? Oh, right, that – urrrrrrrrrgh! – deal. Well, OK. You, ugly kid with the scar and glasses, what's your name?"
"Harry Potter."
"Harry Potter? That sounds familiar. Maybe there was a prophecy made about us at some point… oh well, Harry Potter, you must pick someone from your own team to be eliminated. You have ten min-"
"Ron."
"Don't interrupt me! I'll kill you!"
"Hello? Voldy? Deal?"
"Oh, sorry, Mr Jeff the stupid stuck-up I'm so much better than Voldy Muggle. Fine, Harry can pick someone else to get rid of."
This one was going to be harder. OK, thought Harry's brain, let's get rid of the person that is the most detrimental to the team.
"Neville," said Harry's mouth.
"Mmmm, sorry, but young Mr Longbottom resigned from the show, regarding a bout of low self esteem."
Crap! thought Harry's brain. Next on the list…
"Hermione."
"Very well. Hermione and Ron, the Harry has spoken. Now get out of the castle so I can kill you!" Hermione and Ron left reluctantly, holding each other very closely.
Voldemort followed them, and killed them quickly.
"OK, now for today's team challenge."
"Wait, Voldy. It's my job to announce it, and all the teams aren't here yet."
"Go ahead then."
The next thing anyone knew, they were all in the Great Hall and a deceptively small obstacle course was set up. All the teams were there as well: Five Slytherins, Four Ravenclaws, Two Gryffindors and no Hufflepuffs.
The Slytherins bowed low when Voldemort glided into the room. "Master," they hissed.
"Yes, yes, I'm great, I know. Now, crazy Muggle host, tell them the rules for this game."
"It's rather straightforward. Here's a list of what you have to do:
- Transfigure a rock into a blast-ended skrewt
- Run away from the blast-ended skrewt
- Run along a narrow beam – if you fall off you have to start again from the very beginning
- Unlock a padlock releasing five flags
- Take the flags into the lake
- Pin them onto a family of four unsuspecting Gryndilows
- Feed the Gryndilows to a pack of mermaids
- Take the mermaids into the Forbidden Forest
- Leave them there
- Ride a centaur
- Raise a baby giant
- Drink unicorn blood
- Make the centaurs angry by the three previous tasks
- Find giant spiders
- Escape from giant spiders
- Fly a car into the Whomping Willow
- Kill a dirty great snake
- Save a hippogriff from execution
- Make a whole heap of dementors go away
- Get a golden egg off a dragon
- Take a bath with a ghost
- Set up a secret anti-Ministry defence association
- Knock out a fully grown mountain troll
- Take your skrewt for a walk
The house group that completes all tasks the slowest will be eliminated. Now go!"
The students sprinted off, and it wasn't long before they had all got up to step 6 (pinning flags on Gryndilows). It was at this point the Gryffindors took a great lead, as the Slytherins (who had been in second) got attacked by the Gryndilows and crashed into the Ravenclaws. These two teams were only up saving a hippogriff when the Gryffindors completed all the tasks.
Shortly afterwards, the Ravenclaws took their skrewt for a walk, and came in second.
"Slytherins come in last, therefore they are all eliminated and allowed to be killed!" declared Jeff Probst, and Voldemort reluctantly took the remaining students of his old house to be killed.
While they were gone, Jeff Probst said to the final six students: "OK, now because we have only six of you left we have decided to combine, or merge, the two tribes. Your team name is the Hogwarts United Houses, or HUH for short. And your new locationy base type place is the library."
The Ravenclaws were delighted at being able to live in the library, an act that Madam Pince had always deprived the obsessed bookworms of. But Harry and Ginny, the remaining Gryffindors were upset that they had lost their privacy for their budding relationship.
At this point, Voldemort came back in to announce the final challenge…
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A/N: Contrary to popular opinion, this is not a cliffhanger. I have merely neglected to continue this chapter any further.
Although, now that I realise it, that is actually your standard definition of cliffhanger.
If you review I'll get Harry to make you a flan! If you have any allergies, e.g. apples, nuts, flan, please let me know. I don't want you to eliminate me…
MYRTLE.