"So what brings the one and only human Spectre to True Men?" Michelle asks, running her eyes and fingers through the racks of clothes. We're two rows over from Garrus and his new friend, close enough to hear the Drell's barrage of suggestions and the Turian's exasperated sighs.

I shrug a little and examine a jacket that caught my eye. Dark brown leather, two chest pockets with hidden zippers, two open ones at the bottom. Not bad, about a thousand credits more than I'll ever pay for a piece of clothing. Not gonna happen. "My crew's been neck deep in a living Hell for the last few months. We needed to take some leave, remember the galaxy ain't as bad as we tend to think. Nos Astra was the best place to dock, and I'm in desperate need of clothes."

"Why is that? Celebrities like you usually have closets bigger than my sister's apartment."

"Well, most of my wardrobe got lit on fire last week. Not a whole lot left afterward."

She stops looking through clothes long enough to laugh. "Why were your clothes burning? And how did the crew react?"

"I took the match to them myself," I say with pride, hoping to freak her out a bit. "The crew was cheering me on. And no, no alcohol, drugs, or lost bets were involved."

"Fame and eccentricity are two sides of the same coin," she smiles with a joking gleam in her eye.

She pulls out three pairs of jeans with two short sleeved shirts. "Ok, I'm going to cheat and play with Tinkerbell's idea for you. Your friend doesn't seem to like jackets, so the two of you shouldn't look like Siamese twins walking down the street. Jeans, white shirt, and a stunning jacket to top it off. I'm thinking black, distressed leather with crimson accents. Does that sound good?"

"Works for me," I nod. "I'll try these on, see how well it fits."

The small pile of clothes falls into my hands, far gentler than when it was tossed onto Garrus. "End of the hall on your left for a changing room. I'll see what I can do about finding a jacket. Give me a shout if you need anything."

I carry the load down the rows, through two small doors, and finally into the surprisingly spacious fitting room. Three hooks hang from the wall, across from a mirror and a small chair to set my things on. I unhook the holster from my belt and set in on said seat, taking care to remove the pistol and leaving it extended for a quick grab. With that slightly paranoid precaution taken care of, I settle back into shore leave mode again.

The first shirt is a few steps down from Garrus' overly-fancy one: short sleeves with no collar or buttons, but thick stitching like a polo. It's a lot whiter than his and doesn't look bad in the mirror. I bite the inside of my lip for a few seconds, then decide against it. Too heavy to be worn with something else. The next is a soft v-neck in the same color. It feels like some kind of cotton and synthetic mix, stretching a bit with movement. Actually really comfortable, and it almost looks like a slightly oversized muscle shirt. This one, I've got to go with. Tali should like it. All three of the jeans are a great, loose fit with only a slight need for a belt. The darkest of the trio's a little more comfortable, so I'll stick with that one.

I come back out wearing the new ones that I like, carrying my old clothes and the ones I don't want on opposing arms. The holster's hooked back up to my belt, the Predator is glued against it like before and spare clips in my pocket. Michelle's waiting for me with a rack of jackets and hangers. "This is a good look on you," she nods, eying me over. "Not quite finished, but it's a good start."

"More than I would've accomplished on my own, that's for sure. I decided against these, but I'm keeping the ones I've got on."

She takes the unused merchandise and places it onto her mini-rack. "Here's some jackets for you. Do you want some shoes to try too?"

"I think I'll pass on that," I say while examining the gray sneakers. "Mine aren't beat up too badly. More jeans and shirts would be welcome, though."

"Sounds good to me," she nods. "You take your pick out of these jackets while I hunt for more pants like the ones you have on."

I give her a quick thumbs-up. "Please and thank you."

Michelle wanders off as I run my fingers through the line of accessories. Garrus soon takes her place with obvious exhaustion in his eyes. "How many cops do you think would come if I killed Tinkerbell over there?" he grumbles, clenching a fist.

I chuckle and grab a hanger. "More than we could take without sniper rifles. He can't be that bad."

"He asked which I was better with: the pistol I use to kill, or the one I use to please. One guess which one he was looking at."

"Hey, at least your scars haven't hurt you love life."

He shakes his head. "Spirits. A girl coming on that bluntly bothers me. A man named Tinkerbell is worse."

"Just ignore him. We'll be out of here soon." I shrug a jacket onto my shoulders, surprised at how comfortable it is. It's a very lightweight leather with a thin lining. The sleeves stop right past my wrists, with the bottom hanging just below pocket level. There's no restriction of movement at all, which is a nice improvement from Garrus' earlier choice. The leather is jet black with a thin red stripe running down the shoulders and arms, almost like N7 armor. Two outside pockets, two inside by my ribs, not cooking hot to wear, and actually decently priced for leather. Think I might have to get this one.

"Not bad," Vakarian comments. "Looks like it was made for you, honestly."

"Thanks." I pull on the front of it a little, noting the strangely wide opening. It's only a bit loose around my torso, but I could almost fit a small person against my chest and zip it up around them. It makes the jacket itself very comfortable, if a bit odd. You can't see the extra width in the mirror, so it doesn't bother me. Might actually help hide the Predator if I get a shoulder holster. "Think I'll get it. Better than the hoody I'm stuck with at the moment."

Garrus nods. "Might want to get a replacement for that, too. It looked like it was on its last leg this morning."

"Only paid ten credits for it anyway, so no big loss. It lasted the week."

Michelle finally comes back with a new load of pants and shirts. "Oh, that is perfect for you, Shepard. You have to get it."

"I probably will," I shrug. "Got some more clothes for me to try?"

"Yes. I found some v-necks and dress shirts. They should give you something to play with for more outfits. After that, I've got twelve pairs of jeans for you to pick from. That should fill your burnt wardrobe back up."

"Sounds good to me. I'll go try the shirts. Garrus, you want to look through the map, see if you can't pick somewhere for us to go after this?"

He nods. "No problem, as long as Tinkerbell doesn't come back over here." He opens his omni-tool and start scouring his map.

Michelle starts to turn away when I stop her with a hand on the shoulder. "Can I ask three things real quick?"

She looks a little surprised, but she stays courteous. "What do you have in mind?"

"Could you see if you can't find me a kind of thin, black hoody for me? Something with a zipper up the front would be preferable. Also, can you deliver these clothes to my ship? As long as they get here sometime today, I'll be happy. Finally, when you ring me up at the register, can I be wearing some of these clothes?"

"The hoody, I'm sure I can find somewhere. The delivery is easy. However, that will cost you an additional 1% in fees. And you're free to wear them out as long as you pay for them. Will that be it?"

"Yep. Thank you. I'll go try these shirts on."

I make quick work through the pile of tops, digging through a dozen of them in a little over five minutes. Never been real big on clothes shopping. Something I got from my mom, thank the Lord. Dad, the family musician and artist, could drive Tinkerbell to shoot himself with his diva finickiness. I have a very distinct memory of us going shopping for him once and only getting a single shirt after five hours of trying and browsing. Regardless, nine of the original twelve shirts will be going home to my closet.

Garrus is waiting outside for me, omni-tool open and lit up like a Christmas tree. "I think I found something that might interest you," he says with a slight smirk, the one that always worries me.

I hand my clothes off to Michelle before turning my attention to him. "What've you got?"

"I just found out one of my old captains retired to Nos Astra. He owns a gym a few miles from here, one that hosts a lot of fighting tournaments and exhibitions. It's on the other side of a strip mall, and there's a restaurant next door that serves food for everyone on our list. I'm thinking we work our way through the mall, hang out at the gym for a little while, then we can all meet for lunch."

"Well, that's convenient," I chuckle. "Let's do it. Get in touch with your old captain, make sure he knows we're coming and to disarm the security system. Let's keep the police firefights to a minimum."

"Fine. We'll do it the easy way," he grumbles with feigned disappointment. "It's not as fun without gunfire."

"You two enjoy getting into trouble, don't you?" Michelle jokes.

"Trouble finds us so much, we miss it when it's not around," I smile. "I'm surprised insurance companies don't put trackers on us just so they know where all their money's about to go."

"I saw a video of your incident on the Citadel when you used that statue of the mass relay while driving a tank. If that's any indicator, I'm glad we have insurance."

"Please. If you want to see destruction, you should've been with us on Tuchanka. We had a run-in with a very large thresher maw, and we hunted pyjacks with missile launchers."

"I'm officially staying on your good side, Commander," she laughs and hands me an armful of jeans, topped off with a black hoody. "These should work for you."

"Thank you kindly. I shall return."

I try to get back into the dressing rooms, but Tinkerbell cuts me off. "Sorry," he apologizes without really noticing me; his eyes are glued on Garrus again. "I just had a revelation. One word: piercings. Get a few of them on your head crest, something nice and sparkly. Make three long streaks of gems all the way down to your fringe. They are all the rage right now. Even the mechs will stop to admire you."

Garrus backs up and reaches for his pistol. "You come near me with anything sharp, and I swear you will leave here in a body bag."

"Oh, a tease," The Drell says, a slight shiver moving through his body. "I love when they put up a fight. It is so fierce."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

After Michelle and I saved Tinkerbell from a painful death at the hands of the terrified Turian, I got through all the clothes that were brought to me. Everything was a perfect fit, but I only decided to keep six of the pants and the hoody, just for practicality's sake. From the look of the price tags, this trip is going to set me back a little more than six hundred credits, less than I expected. Good thing I stashed so much of the Cerberus funding. Their accountants are probably pissing themselves right now, realizing how much of their money I cost them. I'm above stealing or scavenging from people like on Omega or the Alarei, but I don't feel bad about Cerberus. Besides, I didn't steal it. They gave it to me... And I forgot to give it back. I'll get around to it. Maybe.

I come back out wearing the new outfit that's staying on for the rest of the day: lightly faded blue jeans, white v-neck, new leather jacket, and the slightly torn-up silver running shoes. Michelle takes everything else and crams it all into large paper bags. "Will that be all for you?" she asks sweetly.

"I think I'm good as soon as I pay. Or can I leave without doing that?" I joke.

"And what, leave me with the bill?" Garrus chimes in. "Don't act like you wouldn't."

Michelle grabs all bags, standing with her new load. "How about I take you two over at this register before you start shooting at each other?"

"No fun," Garrus and I say in sync, which earns another smile and a head shake from the Asari.

As we follow to the register, my omni-tool beeps with another message. From Samara. Oh, crap, who died?

Shepard, there's been a development in my assignment. Jack and Grunt are heading out together for the bars, but Zaeed is planning on staying on the ship for some time. I will follow the Krogan and his companion with discretion, but I cannot watch the mercenary. I am instructing EDI to monitor his homing beacon when he leaves. Please notify me with your wishes. -Samara

While trying not to walk into walls at the same time, I type out a quick response.

Alright. Thanks for the heads up. Keep an eye on Grunt and Jack, make sure they don't get into too much trouble. If you see a situation brewing, send me a message and give them a hand. I'll get over to help if I'm close by. Zaeed will be fine on his own. Be careful out there. There's no telling what those two can get themselves into.

"You are paying for your friend's outfit, correct?" Michelle asks from behind the counter. I didn't even realize we were there yet. Guess I'm not quite the multi-tasker I thought.

I shake my head a bit. "Yes, all of it's being charged to my account. And anything we're not wearing is being delivered to our ship. I'm assuming you'll need that address."

"Just a dock address and the ship name."

I fill out all of the forms required, noting all of my money leaving my wallet. Damn, I thought paying for weapons upgrades sucked. And... how the hell did Garrus spend three hundred credits on one outfit?! I could've built a rifle from scratch with that kind of money! "You're lucky I promised I would pay for this Garrus. Otherwise, I would skin you and sell the hide to make up the difference."

"Hey, you never set a price limit," he smirks. "And if you actually paid me for my work-"

"Don't give me that crap!" I laugh. "Do you know how much it cost for Chakwas to put your face back together, not to mention that damn fancy coffee you need every morning? Even if I paid you Zaeed's wage, you'd still be owing me money. And don't even get me started on all the rifle upgrades I gave you for free."

"So why do you keep me around, if I cost you so much money? If the scars are turning you on, just say so," he retaliates, smile even wider.

"Sure, Vakarian. The only reason I let you stay on my ship is because I'm secretly hoping you'll get the nerve to come on to me. Then I can hold you down and do unspeakably naughty things to you while Up All Night plays loud enough to rattle the fish tank."

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" Tinkerbell shouts, prancing over to the register. "I KNEW TWO YOU WERE A COUPLE!"

Garrus and I facepalm in sync. "Can we please get out of here?" the Turian grumbles under his breath.

Michelle nods and hands me a receipt. "Yes, we're all done. Everything will be delivered by lunch time."

"Thank you," I say. I cram the paper into my pocket and 180 for the door. "You guys have a good day. And for future reference, I have a girlfriend, and she sure as hell isn't this dumbass."

The Asari just laughs and waves. "Enjoy your day, gentlemen. Come back soon."

"Call me, Dirty Harry!" Tink shouts, Garrus and I half-sprinting for the door.

Once outside, we keep moving until we get to the next block. A single thought crosses my mind when we stop at the street's corner: why the hell are we running? It's not like they're gonna chase us down or anything. Regardless, we're laughing and breathing a little harder when we lean against the wall. "Well, that was an adventure," I chuckle, adjusting my Predator so it isn't digging into my side.

"For future reference, I prefer my adventures with a three-to-one explosions: flirting Drell ratio," Garrus jokes. "At least we got our clothes."

"Fair enough. Let's just avoid that place, or at least come in during a different shift."

"Agreed. And we speak of this to no one."

"What? Don't want to come out of the closet just yet?" I grin.

"You start that rumor, I will have Legion and EDI edit you into a porno and send it to everyone on the ship. It'll be your voice, your body, everything. Admiral Hackett will even get a copy."

I throw my hands up in surrender. "Alright. Fine."

He tilts his head to the side, pointing his crest at the next block. "Come on. The mall's maybe a mile this way. Might as well get a start now."

I lean back off of the wall. "Lead the way. I'll send Tali a text while we walk."

"No problem. Just keep those messages to a minimum. You can be alone with me for a few hours." He starts walking due east, stretching his shoulders in his new clothes.

"Hey, Tali's the only reason we haven't killed each other yet. She deserves a message from time to time," I joke. My omni-tool glows to life again, and the message inbox appears for me.

Glad things are going well over there and the music is helping. Tell Gabby and Ken to play nice; I don't want any more cat fights on my leave. And honestly, I completely forgot I sent you those other songs before you mentioned it. At least you've got plenty to enjoy, right? I think Garrus found a good restaurant for us to eat at, about three miles from the docking bay. I'll be sure to order the cab for you guys; just let me know when you start wrapping up. (Thane agreed to ride with you, regardless of anyone else who tags along with you. If you don't want him to, I understand. Just tell him.) Anyway, have fun with work.

And about those kisses and hotel sheets: you tell me when, and I will book the room. Or you could surprise me in the cabin. As long as you do some more of your adorable stuttering and it's sometime very, very soon. ;-) Either way, we'll play that song as long as you want, and those unmasked kisses won't be imaginary anymore.

Take care, Tali. -Your dashing and strange boyfriend, Aaron

I fire it off and focus back on what's in front of me before I walk into a wall. "Do I want to know the contents of that message?" Garrus asks with blunt sarcasm.

"It was PG, don't worry," I smile. "We don't talk dirty, in person or long distance. She's just anxious for lunch."

Vakarian looks back with a slightly raised eyebrow. "Nothing? I figured you guys wouldn't do that a lot, but none?"

I shrug. "What? It's not our style. We'll make a few jokes about getting her out of her suit and kissing again, occasionally one or two about more than kissing, but no 'talk dirty to me' crap. It's just not us."

"Tali, I can understand. She's too... inexperienced to even try. But you, I don't get."

"I'm not nearly the expert you seem to think, Garrus."

"What does that mean?" he snorts like he's trying to suppress a laugh.

"Contrary to your belief, I'm no ladies' man. Just because I happen to be somewhat famous doesn't mean I'm any good with relationships."

"Your sex life can't be that bad. You've already had two girlfriends in the time I've known you, and both of them have ended up in your bed."

"Which makes up sixty-six-point-six percent of all of the relationships I've ever had sex in."

That last part gets him to stop in his tracks. "Wait, you've only been with three women?"

I shrug again. "I suck at dating. I didn't even start until I was enlisted, and I prefer more stable, long term relationships than anything else. Sex isn't one of my goals in the deal. And yes, I realize this is strange coming from a male of any species."

He shakes his head a little. "I didn't figure you were into casual sex or anything, but I was seriously off on that particular assumption."

"I'm weird. What can I say? I've had nine girlfriends, five of them being serious relationships, and only three of them resulted in sex. Yes, there's been so few I can keep track. Call me crazy."

"I wasn't trying to offend you," Garrus says, laying a hand on my shoulder. "I assumed something different, and it caught me off-guard that I was so wrong. There's nothing wrong with wanting serious relationships before sex."

I smile and give him a friendly jab in the ribs. "Hey, don't worry about it. I understand. No harm, no foul. But out of curiosity, what gave you the impression that I was more... experienced?"

He fires back a good right with a grin. "Thanks. You seemed like you had some notches carved into your belt. Confident with women, not flustered when they came on to you, you flirted a little with some of the girls on the ship. That, and Ashley. I know that wasn't casual sex; you two had a relationship. But honestly, you seemed more like friends than anything else, and having sex that early, I assumed it was standard protocol."

"Eh, fair enough. I just know how to keep my inner freak outs hidden, which is why I seemed confident. Negotiating for peoples' lives makes flirting seem simpler. But as for me and Ash... I will admit that was a really weird relationship. Don't get me wrong, I was attracted to her and everything, but you're right that we were more friends than anything else. Ash pushed more for a relationship than I did, honestly. I know it sounds weird, but that whole thing felt... off. I think Ash wanted us to be together and the situation and the stress just helped it along. I don't really know."

"What's that human saying? 'Cset la vie,' or something like that?"

"Yep, something like that," I smile. "Life goes on. I'm in an amazing relationship now with an even more amazing girl. I'm not going to complain."

"There we go," he nods. "Come on. The mall's two blocks over, and there's an armor shop right at the entrance."

"On your six."

We walk side-by-side until the mall's big banner and gate comes into view. But before we can walk in, a one-horned Salarian catches my eye. Mordin' right across the street, coming out of a travel agent's office. He's actually in something besides his lab/combat outfit. A Hawaiian-looking button-up shirt hugs his small frame, along with a little straw hat, khaki shorts, sandals, and the most hilarious pair of sunglasses I've ever seen. All that's missing is the drink with a beach umbrella in it. "Hey, professor!" I shout to get his attention.

He looks around for a few seconds, surprised by the sudden sound. After he locates us, he makes the quick jog over. "Shepard, Vakarian. Pleasant surprise to see you here. Appears you have already made purchases. Look good," he smiles.

"Thanks," Garrus says. "So how does the great Professor Solus plan to spend his shore leave?"

Mordin holds up a small travel pamphlet with a picture of a tropical beach on it. "Artificial beach, roughly forty miles from here. Heat of Illium's surface too high to visit naturally occurring beaches at ground level, but local Asari have created one for tourists to visit. Six science museums and four labs withing walking distance, affordable hotel with great view. Many pleasant distractions."

I raise a bit of an eyebrow. "Mordin, I've told you that you can be a very strange man, right?"

"What? Salarian physiology makes relaxing problematic. Can't stay still for long, must work on something. Will make time to lay on the beach, play in the water. Possibly examine sea shells and non-sapient fauna, something besides Collector work. With any luck, will find another scientist to talk to, discuss latest advances in different fields. Always anxious to learn."

"Why don't you have a vacation away from the work completely? You do the same thing too much, you get tired of it," I say, trying to get him away from any more labs. In addition to burnout, the man would probably kill half the planet in some experiment.

"Aaron, you do realize that we're going to a kickboxing gym, right?" Garrus chimes in. "Kind of the same thing with a different coat of paint."

It takes me a second to reach the same conclusion. "Fair enough. Mordin, just try to relax some, alright?"

Doc nods. "Don't worry, Shepard. Will keep working to minimum. Most of the lab and museum visits simple curiosity. However, slightly vested interest to see one of the experimental genetics labs. Currently working on converting on species DNA into compatible form for another. Example: take sample of human semen, convert to be accepted by Turian physiology. Turian female can then become pregnant from human male. Possibilities endless for cross-species couples. Nephew working on thesis about the topic. Want to help him. Also, great chance to learn. Groundbreaking work."

That would be one hell of an accomplishment. "Hey, if you'll enjoy it, be my guest. Make sure to check in with the Normandy from time to time."

He nods with a smile. "Will do, Shepard. Enjoy your shopping. You too, Vakarian."

"See you later, Mordin," Garrus says as the Salarian leaves. I give him a quick wave and lead into the mall.