Valley of Tomorrows

Summary: Follows the storyline of Townhouse Incident and beyond through the eyes of Rafael Barba. How will healing take place and their worlds change after Olivia's life is at risk – again. Will they be able to work through whatever demons resurface? Will their worlds ever be even remotely the same? Established Barson.

Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: SVU, any of the characters, or any of the storylines referenced from the television show. I am making no profit off of this work of fiction. Any names, places, or events having similarity to real life occurrences are simply coincidence. Title comes from the song Valley of Tomorrows by Needtobreathe.

A/N: In the next chapter, you'll see a slightly reworked summary because this plot has taken on a mind of its own and is going to be handled differently than just their relationship. Totally AU after Townhouse Incident, but I think it'll be okay. I think that's just the moment I used to springboard into my first ever Barson fic. This just. I needed to explore the Rafael/Noah connection, I think. Anyhow. Thanks for the reviews and for reading - keep them coming so I know how you're feeling! Enjoy!

Chapter 4

Life was starting to fall into a new sense of normal, though they clearly weren't completely recovered from the incident that had happened only two weeks prior. Olivia being held at gunpoint wasn't something Rafael ever thought he could get past – especially when he'd witnessed it himself. They weren't arguing as often, however, and she had even let him sit in on part of a session with Dr. Lindstrom to talk healthily about both of their fears and understand one another.

Rafael had admitted to thinking that Olivia needed to exercise more caution in her career. After all, he worried not only for them but for Noah, now. It was the one topic Olivia was still seemingly hesitant to talk about. So much so that Rafael rarely brought it up, not wanting to upset her more than he had to. She had promised to be careful, though, and it was all he could ask. He knew that she would never stop putting others first on the job.

Nights were still restless most of the time, but they both slept better together, so Rafael had been spending the vast majority of his nights at Olivia's. It was easier to be there – given that Noah needed his bed, toys, and space. With so many changes, Rafael had been hesitant to push any further, but he also knew that they needed to disclose their relationship sooner rather than later, especially with Olivia rejoining her squad in the coming week. They had even started to talk about Olivia's wishes for Noah. Rafael insisted that he should be considered in Noah's future, as the two were already close. There were days when he had to consciously stop himself from referring to the toddler as his own son.

While he didn't think Olivia would argue to such a development, he also wanted to let her call the shots with her own child.

As he walked up the steps to Olivia's apartment, Rafael had to smile to himself. It had been a busy day in the office, but he managed to make it home in time for supper – stopping to pick up their favorite Thai food on the way. He'd had to bring home a bit of work with him, but he knew she'd understand. Their normal had quickly shifted into dinner and television with Rafael working. Olivia tended to stay up later and later, waiting until her eyelids couldn't hold themselves up anymore before laying down in bed.

On a good night, she would only have one nightmare.

On a bad night, Rafael was lucky to sleep more than two hours or so.

Knocking gently, he waited for the door to open, smiling softly as he watched the frame of his girlfriend appear in the doorway. Her hair was wet and she was already changed into his Harvard sweatpants and a white v-neck. Rafael could only assumed she'd recently showered, but he had no idea why. He also noted that there were no sounds of a toddler wreaking havoc on the small home. Stepping through the door, he kissed Olivia's cheek and walked beyond her, hearing her lock the door and double check that it was secure.

It had become their custom to ensure that the home was secured after arriving – sometimes triple checking for Olivia's own peace of mind. The likelihood of something going awry with them present was slim, but not impossible, and even Dr. Lindstrom had suggested coming up with a routine that put her at ease.

"You smell good," Rafael murmured as he started shedding layers of clothing, dropping his blazer, vest, and tie all over the pack of a chair. "Late shower? Where's Noah?"

The questions tumbled from his lips as he fumbled with his cufflinks and, having successfully removed them, slipped them into the pocket of his suit jacket before walking toward Olivia, letting the bag of food wait until she could answer him. He watched as she wandered toward him, her arms snaking easily around his torso as her head found his shoulder. Her hair soaked his lavender dress shirt, but he didn't complain in the slightest as his lips pressed into the top of her head and his own arm rested across her back and shoulders.

She seemed calm, which didn't necessarily surprise Rafael, but left him wondering what caused the early shower. Olivia had been fairly regimented in the last couple of weeks and her relief and not being alone in the apartment had been evident each night when he appeared. Today seemed different – but good.

"Noah," she started, her voice soothing Rafael even more as he tugged her closer, "wasn't feeling well today and decided to throw up his Goldfish and milk all over me. So after cleaning up the little man and laying him down, I showered and waited for you," she explained, her voice only giving away hints of concern for her son because Rafael knew her so well.

"Does he have a fever?" He asked softly.

"Not as of an hour ago and he didn't seem to have one at all during the day," she stated, eventually pulling back from Rafael and poking her finger into the bag of Thai food. Barba watched closely as she rolled the sides down to tug out styrofoam containers. The only sound was the material's squeak as she opened it, smelling what sat before her. She glanced over her shoulder with a smile. Rafael chuckled, immediately going into the kitchen for plates and silverware. "I assume," Olivia continued, having successfully laid out the four different entrees that Rafael had chosen for them. "That we're sharing all of this. Because if you think I will be content with just one choice, you're so very wrong."

Rafael laughed and nodded, "Anything for you, mi amor."

Grimacing, Rafael rolled over, untangling his hand from Olivia's as he checked what time it was by flipping his cell phone over on the night stand. He groaned as the bright light shone in his face, but realized quickly that it was only 2:27 in the morning. Noah's cries echoed through the apartment, but Olivia had yet to wake up. Rafael couldn't let her peaceful slumber be disturbed, as rare as it was anymore. He tossed his blankets to the side, moving gingerly to keep jostling Olivia.

He moved quickly into Noah's bedroom, not turning on the light to keep from shocking his own system. It was rare, at this point, for Noah to be the cause of a restless night, but he was clearly upset and the last thing Rafael would do is leave him to cry it out on his own. He knelt by Noah's bed, where the toddler sat up, holding his arms out as he continued to wail. Rafael quickly embraced the child, tugging him close and perching him on his hip.

He pressed a hand to Noah's forehead, pursing his lips as he moved it, slipping it under Noah's shirt to check his tummy as Rafael's mother used to do to him when he was young. Noah wasn't warm, but that didn't mean he wasn't still sick. Olivia said that Noah hadn't been feeling well most of the day, so whatever was causing his discomfort would likely take more than a few hours to dissipate entirely.

"What's wrong, chiquito?" Rafael murmured, rocking Noah as he stood, bouncing him on his hip walking to the kitchen. The movement and presence of another person seemed to calm the child. Rafael smiled at him, using his free hand to open the refrigerator and grabbing Noah's sippy cup that had been replenished with Pedialyte at Olivia's instruction before they all went to bed. He held it out for Noah who grasped it with one tiny hand, the other draped over Barba's shoulder. He took a small sip, and then another. While Noah drank, Rafael used his foot to shut the refrigerator door, balancing everything quite easily.

After a few sips, Rafael took it back and set it on the counter, tucked behind his and Olivia's coffee mugs for the morning. He knew he needed to make sure that the small amount that Noah had just consumed wouldn't be revisiting them. Noah pouted, but Rafael refused to give in, finding his normal spot on the couch and situating Noah on top of him.

"Mama says you're not feeling well, huh?" he asked, Noah's eyes trained on Rafael as he sat mostly still. A hand traveled up to his eyes, rubbing them gently before he held his head, finally collapsing into Rafael's chest. The prosecutor couldn't help but cherish the moment, even if he was tired. Noah's eyes had yet to close, though, so Rafael rubbed soothing, gentle circles on his back. He had to sit in disbelief for a moment, musing at the fact that several months ago he could barely handle holding Noah, let alone waking up with him in the middle of the night. Now, however, Noah being in his arms was second nature. He had fit seamlessly into this life, and while it didn't necessarily make sense, he certainly wasn't about to deny that it felt better than anything he had ever been able to have before.

"You know, Noah," he continued, his voice gentle and soothing in his attempt to lull the toddler back to sleep. "Your mama loves you so much, she smiles whenever someone says your name or something reminds her of you. I love watching her with you because you make the world right," he informed, lips brushing against the top of Noah's head. "I love her so much and that love brought me you. So how about it, let's say we declare ourselves as our own little family now? You, Mama, and Me. Okay?"

"Love, Rafi," Noah muttered quietly before his eyes drifted shut. Rafael smiled, letting himself lean comfortable against the arm of the couch and falling asleep himself. A protective arm holding Noah securely to his chest and the rise and fall of his chest both comforting and protecting Noah from all harm.

The first thing Rafael noticed as he started to be pulled from his slumber was that the weight of Noah was no longer present against his chest. He moved his hand up his body as though he was going to stretch, but sat up straight as he looked around for the toddler who had been previously resting with him. Relief flooded every feature as he found Noah with Olivia, her smile bright as she settled him into his booster seat at the table with dry toast in front of him.

"Mierda," he breathed, rubbing a hand over his face before stepping toward the table. He was still in a pair of plaid pajama pants with no shirt and Olivia looked over, smirking as she took in all of him with her eyes. Rafael shook his head, not stopping to give her the chance to continue her visual assault. He reached for a coffee mug and filled it to the brim with the fresh pot she'd clearly prepared. "Time is it?" he asked, minimally making any effort to get all of the words out.

Olivia chuckled, walking over and stealing a kiss before paying attention to the eggs she was making on the stove. She flipped it over before attending to the bagel that had just popped up out of the toaster. "Good morning to you, too, sleepy head," she offered, glancing at the clock. "Six-thirty. You need to leave soon, but your breakfast sandwich is almost done."

Rafael murmured a thank you as he continued taking long, drawn-out gulps from his coffee mug, finishing nearly two-thirds of it before refilling. "Did you sleep through the night?" he asked gently, finding himself shocked that he hadn't woken from her after Noah's early morning melt down.

"I did," she smiled. "But you didn't."

"I slept enough," he reasoned, walking over to Noah with a smile on his face. He ran his hand over Noah's hair once, mug still in his other hand. "Didn't we, chiquito?"

Noah's arms stretched up toward Rafael, toast still being clutched in one hand with small pieces crumbling everywhere. Rafael laughed, shaking his head and instructing Noah to eat wordlessly, simply pointing at the bread. He returned his attention to Olivia and sighed softly. The unspoken was about to become real and he didn't want to have the conversation.

"So, I was thinking that we should probably take care of disclosing our relationship before you return to work," he started gently. He didn't know what she would say, but he knew that someone was bound to pick up on their careful glances and not-so-hidden touches. He wouldn't be able to hide it forever and if he was ever going to approach her about being more to Noah than just the man who slept in his mother's bed, he needed to know that everyone could witness their relationship.

Olivia didn't look away from the pan she was tending, but her voice could still be heard throughout the room. "I don't know if it's time," she answered quietly, sounds of hesitancy in her voice.

Rafael took a deep breath before allowing himself a long draw from his coffee mug. If now wasn't the time, then when? He couldn't have her hurt or held hostage again and not be able to say anything beyond professional courtesies. He didn't want them to wind up in a situation like she and Cassidy were in not too long prior if one of them ever was accused of something inappropriate or unlawful. God forbid something happen to Noah or her and no one would think to tell him.

He shook his head, taking a step toward her. "Now," he stated firmly. "Is the right time. I won't do this again. I won't have you being hurt and me not knowing everything."

"And if one of us has to leave?" she asked, turning around to look at him over her shoulder. "I don't want to stop working with you, too."

He paused, trying to decode every emotion present in her voice. He heard the fear and panic, the hesitation. He didn't want to lose their day-to-day work interaction, but not disclosing meant he could lose this. Coming home to her at night, waking up when Noah was scared or sick, hurried kisses as they wandered out of the door. Losing any of that would be far worse for him than losing his position with her unit at work.

"I will fight," Rafael insisted. "I will fight to keep my position, but if one of us has to be transferred, it can be me. These moments – the ones over breakfast and after dinner are more important than my job, Olivia. Please?"

She bit her lower lip, nodding slowly.

Rafael smiled, setting down his coffee mug and wrapping his arms around her, tugging her hands from the pan. The eggs looked almost burnt, but they could wait another thirty seconds. Decisively, he pressed his lips into hers, kissing her fiercely. He felt her give way to his touches and her own arms wrapped around him, each movement matched in intensity.

They continued on momentarily, the world stopping around them. Somehow, they would be entirely okay. Rafael didn't know how or when, but they would.

Nothing could break up their moment. It was near perfection. Until he heard a banging on the table and felt Olivia pulling away just in time to look at her son, a smile erupting on her features – truly – for the first time in weeks.

"More, Mama!" He called, waving his sippy cup in the air.

Yes, Rafael decided internally, he was exactly where he wanted to be – sick child, loving girlfriend, and a future that looked brighter than anyone could imagine regardless of where he wound up working.

Somehow, though, he knew not to get too attached to the perfection. It took only a moment for all of that to change.