Chapter 4: Christmas Eve
Kagura woke up from the loud noise. Something was going on downstairs. She got out of bed and went downstairs where she saw how okita was going after hijikata with his bazooka.
Her anger slowly started to rise until she didn't want to hear the noise of bombing anymore.
"KONOYARO –aru" she screamed. "STOP THAT NOISE! I WANT TO SLEEP -aru!" okita turned away from hijikata and made his way to the yato girl who was still in her pajamas. A vein popped on his forehead. He hated it when someone disturbed him while he was trying to kill hijikata.
"uruse china! Im busy, don't interrupt us or I'll go after your head" he said in a dangerous tone,
"ehhh sadist?! Im always after your head either ways –aru" she said and pushed him slightly.
He pushed her back and they casually started their early morning fight.
"ehhh mina! Yamette!" shinpachi said and held kagura back. Kagura was fighting like crazy as okita started to mock her while she was trying to free herself. Eventually she knocked shinpachi out but she was once again disturbed. But this time by gintoki.
"yamette kagura-chan. Don't get involved with those shinsengumi guys" he said spontaneously
"whats that supposed to mean?" hijikata said lighting his cigarette. "Don't talk about the shinsengumi with that mouth of yours. You can't even discipline your underlings" he said exhaling the smoke.
"ehhh? They're well-disciplined and either ways, we always beat you" Gintoki said crossing his arms.
"Is that so?" hijikata said, trying to stay calm. But in reality he'd love to knock gintoki out.
"How about a competition today? Since tonight is Christmas eve, we all have to go to the city to buy groceries. This time it will be the yorozuya vs. the Shinsengumi, volume 4." Hijikata said crossing his arms.
"What happened to volume 1, 2 & 3?" shinpachi thought after he regained consciousness. "Once again I will be dragged into their stupidity. Is there really no God?" The feeling of helplessness which he so dearly knew, slowly started to come back to him.
"Challenge accepted" kagura and gintoki said, wearing black suits and glasses.
"What are you trying to be?" shinpachi asked them, their stupidity was slowly getting to him.
"We're professional hitmen" gintoki said with an English accent. "im Gintoki de Mont Blanc"
"And I am Kagura de Angelina Jolie" she said, reloading her gun.
"Isn't that an American actress?" shinpachi suspiciously asked. "How did I end up here…"
"And we're the American hitmen" they said revealing a bright and dangerous aura, ignoring the poor glasses…
"Listen when people talk to you!" he yelled, eventually giving up.
"pfft that doesn't even compare to us." Okita said, brushing through his hair and looking at them arrogantly. "im sniper sougo 13" he said and put on his black glasses as well as reloaded his black sniper gun, god knows where he was hiding it.
"im mayo assassin hijikata" the demon vice commander said and brought forward his mayonnaise.
"and I –" kondo-san started but was interrupted.
"only us two it is" hijikata told sougo.
"ehhh don't ignore me!" kondo said, tears started to form in his eyes.
"ma ma gorilla" sougo once again comforted the gorilla who released a depressing aura.
"Aaannyywayyyy- each group will receive a list of groceries that you have to buy. The winner team is the one who can buy them all, and who is the first one to arrive to the vacation house. Everything is allowed." Gintoki said in a professional manner and handed the grocery list to the shinsengumi group.
"just when did he have time to prepare the lists.." shinpachi wondered and slowly tried to turn away from them only being held back by kagura.
"Oii! Yorozuya! Why does our list reach the floor while yours barely has half a name written on the paper?!" hijikata asked annoyed.
"I knew something would be wrong" shinpachi said, not surprised. After all, he works for gintoki.
"my, my, are you saying you can't beat us even if the odds are not in your favor?" gintoki said mockingly, while kagura smirked behind him. Seconds later okita pressed his forehead against the smiling kagura which returned the forehead fight with the same strength. Obviously, okita was not the only one who wanted to fight for hijikata was ready to draw his sword and attack gintoki but calmed himself down in the last minute. Before hijikata was able to reply to gintoki, he was interrupted by kondo-san.
"now, now, don't say stuff like that. The shinsengumi can do anything. But it's the yorozuya who's showing weakness. You're the ones who are showing that you can't win when the odds are not in your favor." Kondo mockingly said, clearly reaching his goal which was to annoy the yorozuya.
After several minutes of arguing, shinpachi created a new and fair list. "gin-san you really can't do stuff like that" he told gintoki who was all-so-lavishly picking his nose. "let's win" he said ignoring shinpachi. And so the battle began.
The yorozuya and the shinsengumi arrived at the city after a long car drive. Their starting point was the same and all members had a copy of the list. The items included; all kinds of food and snacks, booze, games, strawberry milk, house-related-items as well as jump and pickled seaweed. And so the hunt began… but not for groceries... but for each other. "Everything is allowed" kagura screamed and attacked okita in a berserk manner. Even gintoki and hijikata started to fight and enjoyed their time. The only saint ones who had no will to fight was gorilla- I mean kondo-san and shinpachi who looked at these lunatics in disbelief. "why…" he slowly uttered and so they made their way to the shops where they could find the groceries. On the way kondo-san tried to show shinpachi his good points in hope shinpachi would tell his sister... which would never really happen. But even so, shinpachi enjoyed buying groceries with kondo even though this was supposed to be a race. "lets just buy the groceries in a normal way for now.. Until they calmed down." Shinpachi said taking a sip from his water bottle. "yeah.. they really are something. I wonder if they already separated. Two fierce fights in one place is up to no good. Okita is surely with kagura someplace now." Kondo said slowly and smiled at the last sentence. Shinpachi understood what kondo-san said and stayed silent. They've all noticed. Okita and kagura were people who were always closely watched by everyone, especially when they were together.
At the back of an alley.
The noises of broken glass and walls was heard and people moved away from that area. Edo, as it is now, has learned the rules of noise. You hear it, you avoid it. And so, kagura and okita were able to fight will all their strength not holding back. The punches, the kicks, the insults, none of them were held back, but something else was. Something deep inside which none of them wanted to show nor accept.
As Okita was about to punch kagura, he was distracted by a black stray dog who silently stood there and revealed masochistic eyes. Okita stopped which gave kagura an opening to throw him to a wall.
"Oii!" he said rubbing his head, with a passionate desire to hurt her.
"ha, its your fault for not paying attention. I'm a woman who takes every opportunity presented to her –aru." She continued talking nonsense, which okita stopped listening to. To her surprise, he turned his back and slowly walked towards the stray and his sadistic aura slowly started to appear. Of course, even animals have senses and so the stray slowly started to back off, but was not fast enough. Okita held him and looked into his puppy eyes which made him even more excited. Carrying the stray near kagura, he smiled and said "china. Don't you think those eyes are great? Won't be long until you make those to me" as his smile increased. To both of their surprises, kagura couldn't help but blush and become angry. Laughingly he run away trying to avoid her bullets which were fired madly from her umbrella.
At the back on another alley.
Gintoki and Hijikatas fierce swordsmanship was at its fullest and their fists and legs also took part in the fight.
"You can't beat me" they both said in sync... Which has been going on for minutes now. What else would they expect of symmetrical enemies? None of them would have showed their desire to stay in the house and do nothing but despite their laziness, they enjoyed it. And either ways, they both wanted to talk about a subject.
While recovering from a two sided punch, they both took a minute to recover their breath.
"That kick was weak, but other than that, I need you to keep kagura away from okita. Shinsengumi police men don't want strays from the yorozuya."
"ehhh" intake exclaimed. "Yours was even weaker, and it's not kagura-chan but your subordinate who's after our innocent kagura. If anything happens to her, I'll haunt you both down." He said angrily.
A short silence followed, and hijikata lit his cigarette.
"This won't do." He said calmly.
"It's not up to us to decide. If things are meant to happen, they will. People can resist them, deny them, try to live without them, but they won't feel complete. And us, as humans, we are weak, so we will go back to whatever will make us feel fulfilled. Sadists, and yatos are no exception." Gintoki said with a serious face.
"You don't have to tell me. I know what you're thinking." Hijikata said, exhaling the smoke. He slowly walked out of the alley of which half of it was destroyed. Looking back at the sentimental gintoki, Hijikata smiled, knowing that his symmetrical enemy, is a good man.
Back home.
On the way back, Hijikata, Okita as well as gintoki and kagura met up. They walked all the way to the house wondering is shinpachi and kondo bought the necessities. When they arrived home, they just stood in the hallway, listening to the voices from inside the villa. A vein popped on their forehead. Three familiar voices joined the party.
"oii oii…" gintoki said angrily.
He ran inside and saw how Catherine was treating shinpachi as a table and was merrily smoking and drinking sake. A second vein popped on his forehead.
"what are you doing here…" he said calmly, trying not to burst out in anger.
"oi oi gintoki, don't be so selfish. We heard you got this place, so we decided to come. The old bar was getting boring." She said arrogantly, while her cat ears joined the rhythm.
Another vein popped on his forehead.
"And where is the old hag?" he asked calmly
"What are you talking about? I'm here. I was in the kitchen preparing what shinpachi and kondo bought." The old hag- I mean Otose said from behind the corner.
The next second insisted of gintoki screaming at Otose while she strongly scolded him back saying that he never paid his rent and therefore has no right to kick them out now. And of course, at the word rent, he slowly backed off looking at her like some kind of monster, which she may or may not be… there's some weird-ass voodoo kind-of-shit going on in Gintama.
Poor shinpachi was also helpless against Catherine's feet and once again started to curse the author for giving him the straight man's job. "God does not exist. I know it. I just do" he thought in despair and despite Kagura and Gintoki seeing him, they stepped on his hand, ignoring him and walked all the way to the window where Otae and Kyubei were looking at Yamazaki who was trying to show his strength by eating more than 50anpans already. Yamazaki and Shinpachi, both had it hard. And they had it the hardest when they were together with everyone else.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth was watching the newest gintama episode with Sadaharu who was comfortably chewing Katsura's head who was playing another round of UNO with toujo. And neither was disturbed. For them, it was an abnormally calm afternoon. They talked, sat around, some took a nap, others drank strawberry milk and threw idiotic comments, while some took a shower, stalked, were used as tables and one specific person who cooked which was Otose, after all she was a wife once.
The villa which was luxurious upon arrival, was now… well you know what happens to a house when these people are together… anyway, now the guests consisted of the Yorozuya and Sadaharu, The Shinsengumi, Otae & Kyubei and their stalkers, Katsura and Elizabeth + Otose, Catherine and of course, Tama-chan who was so nicely helping everyone with any weird shit they needed.
In all countries, people spend Christmas Eve peacefully and mainly sleep early so they can awake the next morning early and with ease. Well, in Edo, Christmas was celebrated differently. It was just like New Year. You wait until the clock strikes twelve and you celebrate until the morning, then take a nap and then continue celebrating. And even between abnormal people, this was tradition.
To be continued