It was quite obvious also.
It was obvious that she was some kind of addict, but at the time I didn't know what kind.
She was wound as tightly as a spring, never smiled for real, always moody, brooding.
She was a control freak, had to be in control of everything. I guess that was because of her addiction problem.
It took a lot of effort to be in control of her urges and eventually that need for control spilled over into other areas of her life.
I can only speculate which areas, but it was obvious that she had the need to be in control of every aspect of her life. Even of her relationships and the men she was with.
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The strain of putting up a facade eventually started to take it's toll on Rabb.
The man who had been the embodiement of the healthy way of life started drinking the dark seed.
Coffee.
'Before', as the time of the Austin-era was called now, no one ever saw him with coffee in his hand early in the morning.
He always came in to work in good spirits. He didn't need caffeine to send oxygen through his veins into his brain. She did that for him with merely her presence.
The man had completely changed within months and it was an awfully painful sight to watch.
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Unlike Rabb I had never found my soulmate.
But after seeing what losing her did to him, I'm glad I hadn't found her.
His love for her (and her for him) had always been obvious, but never more so than during those years of 'after'. I don't know how he managed to keep going, let alone function.
Yet, he did. Barely. And while he was a complete mess personally, his career was still going strong. He still scored win after win in court.
Yet, he hadn't really laughed once since 'before'. There were some fake or forced laughs and I have no doubt the Major bought it.
The woman never knew him, never knew what he was about, and she just proved that a few years later when he did what he had to do for his own peace of mind.
Sorry, I'm straying off the topic.
Rabb and Mackenzie did manage to get closer and form a friendship, but it just couldn't compete with what he'd had with Austin.
He knew it.
He didn't even try to make it as strong as that one. He knew he couldn't replace her and what they'd had.
Nothing and no-one could ever replace her.
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