Disclaimer: Not mine I'm only having fun.

Chapter 4

"Agent Romanoff," Natasha woke up to the feel of someone's hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry to bother you, but perhaps you would be more comfortable if you went to a hotel with the rest of your team mates."

Natasha blinked at the old nurse who'd let her in the room earlier and smiled softly at her concerned face, "No. I'll be fine here. I don't want him to be alone."

The old lady smiled gently, "He'll be glad to see you here when he wakes up. But you should take care of yourself, I doubt the Captain would want anything to happen to you."

"You're right, but I... I need to stay with him."

"Very well. You should take this then," the nurse said handing her a blanket, "It can get very cold here the later it is."

Natasha was about to thank her when the monitor beside Steve's bed began beeping loudly before emitting a continuous beep. The spy's heart sank, she knew what that sound meant and so did the kind nurse who immediately pushed a button on the wall. Natasha grabbed at Steve's shoulders, "Steve. Steve! Steve please," she fought against the arms pulling her away. "No. No, I have to stay. Please let me stay with him."

"Agent Romanoff," Sarah's kind voice broke through the haze Natasha was in and she woke with a gasp. "I'm sorry if I startled you."

"No it's... it's ok, I was," Natasha sighed, "I was having a nightmare."

Nurse Sarah smiled sadly at the young woman before her, "That's not uncommon when people have loved ones in the ICU. The Captain is strong, he fought hard in the OR and I'm sure he'll fight to get back to you. Anyway, I came in here to tell you there's someone insisting on talking to you. I'll let him in."

Natasha blinked, still trying to process the fact that Steve's death had only been a nightmare and then Nick Fury was standing in front of her. He was dressed as always, and something about it was strangely comforting to her. The Russian spy felt tears sting her eyes at the familiar sight of her mentor. Nick pulled her into his arms immediately, taking her by complete surprise.

"He'll be ok. Rogers doesn't know when to quit and he isn't about to quit on you."

Natasha buried her face against Nick's leather jacket, "You don't know that. He flat lined four times in the OR. The doctor was sure he wasn't going to make it."

Nick ran his hand softly through her red hair, "Yeah, but he made it through. He's here in the ICU now, and nothing has gone wrong in the last six hours. Natasha, he'll pull through and you two will be back to obliviously flirting with each other in no time."

The spy smiled at that but her eyes were still sad, "I don't know if we'll be able to go back to that."

"You mean that in the week since I last saw you he fessed up?"

She laughed softly, "No, we fought," her voice sounded teary. "Tony wanted my help in going after Banner. So we fought. I said things I didn't mean; told him it wasn't any of his business what I did with my life or who I wanted to have in my bed."

"That has got to have gone over well."

Natasha rolled her eyes, "It didn't. Wanda had to get in the middle. She took Steve and the boys down to Clint's farm."

"Ah, so the youngest kid stopped the fight between mum and dad?"

"Stop teasing me. The point is, he came back from the farm and he wanted to talk. I wouldn't let him. God, Nick, I wouldn't even listen to what he had to say. And why should I? He's going to say he has feelings for him, but he can't."

"And why not?"

Natasha pushed away from Nick, "You know very well why. I'm not good for him. He's too good, and I'm just an assassin. I don't want my past, my reputation to hurt him."

"I think that should be his decision. Natasha, you're more than just your SHIELD file, more than just your KGB file. I mean, do you really think Rogers would hold what was done to you against you? The guy's best friend was turned into an assassin by HYDRA. Steve knows that Barnes didn't have a choice in that, and neither did you Natasha. You were a child. You did what you had to do to survive, and you've changed."

"I'm no hero Nick. I have so much blood on my hands. And I can't give him a family," she said as traitorous tears ran down her cheeks. "He deserves that. Him more than anyone, Steve would be the perfect father. And I let..."

"You didn't let them do anything," Nick interrupted. "They did that to you, and you had no choice. Natasha you have to let go of your past. It doesn't control you anymore."

"Yeah, and what about when the public finds out that their hero is dating an assassin? You know what everyone thinks of me, and it's never bothered me but I don't want my reputation tainting him. I should go, disappear quietly. Steve will get over me, he'll find a nice girl like Sharon and they'll get married and have kids."

Nick shook his head sadly, he hated seeing the spy like this. The look in her eyes was so similar to the one she'd had back in the early days of her recruitment when she's held a knife to Clint's throat after a particularly bad nightmare. It had taken him, Clint and Phil days to track her down and calm her enough to get her back to base.

"Natasha," he said, gently engulfing her back in his arms. "Listen to what you're saying. You love him and you're going to destroy both you and him emotionally by trying to save him. Nobody who really knows you gives a crap about your reputation. We all know who you really are, he knows who you really are. Give it a chance, give yourself a chance. The two of you just got lucky, if he was anyone else those bullets he took for Barton would have been the end. Do you really think you could go on without him?"

The spy sobbed, "No..."

"Then I think you know what you have to do when he wakes up."

"This isn't me," she said with a shake of her head, "I don't cry. It's your fault, you assigned me to the Avengers and they made me soft."

Fury chuckled at one of his best agents, "Nah, it didn't make you soft; it made you remember who you were. It brought back pieces of Natalya you thought were long lost. I for one am glad, and honored that I've gotten the pleasure to see so many different facets to you. And for the record, you're still my best agent."

"Yeah you say that because Steve is asleep and Barton's not here."

"I say it because I mean it. Take care of yourself Romanoff, and take care of him too," Nick said as he left the room.

Natasha sat back on her chair next to Steve's bed and took his hand, "Steve. I need you to wake up. Because I have to tell you the truth. I said I didn't want to talk but I do. So I need you to wake up."

She was a little startled when Steve's hand tightened around her own, "Nat?"

"Steve."

"Hey," he rasped before coughing.

Natasha got him a glass of water from the bedside table and helped him take a sip, "I'm glad you're awake."

"How's Barton?"

"He's ok, didn't get a scratch on him. You however weren't as lucky."

"I can feel that. When can I get out of here?"

"No idea. You just woke up, but it'll probably take a few days. If it hadn't been for the serum you would've died."

"Doesn't matter, not if it meant Lila, Cooper and Nate wouldn't lose a dad."

Natasha noticed how he kept blinking and smiled before running her hand gently through his hair, "Sleep, we'll talk more when you wake up again. I promise I'll be here."

"You should rest as well."

"I will, right here," she said before placing a tender kiss to his cheek. Steve's eyes closed almost immediately and Natasha sat back in the chair feeling lighter than she had ever since their stupid fight.