Chapter 4----Love's Labors Lost

Happy? I'm sick again. Grrr all of you! Oh well, as long as I get reviews, I'll do this when sick.

I sat in the kitchen for a long time. It was nearly noon when I left. I decided to take a walk, to clear my head. It helped in the mountains- I wasn't sure how well it would work here. Too many people for a Queen to go unnoticed.

Sure enough, as soon as I started on my walk, Secnad came up to me. She walked three paces behind me, as had been polite during Galdran's reign. She hadn't been to Court in many a year, if she had ever been at all.

"My Lady!" she greeted. I ignored her for a moment, and I ignored her incorrect title for me. "My Lady?" she called again. "Yes? Didn't I tell you to call me Mel?" It was meant to be comforting and inviting, such as a friend might say. It came out as a spiteful remark. I felt my cheeks turn scarlet. I took comfort in the fact that when I turned around, Secnad's cheekbones were highlighted with a faint rose. She didn't show any emotion when she was paying attention to anyone around her, I noticed. Very Court-like.

"Fine…Mel."

"Secnad. We now know each other's names, do you have something to say?" I asked, another attempt at whimsy. Another failure.

"Er…yes." Secnad said, stuttering sadly. "Well, I w-wanted to…apologize." This was hard for her. Why could a Gypsy not apologize? Did it have something to do with that 'straight as an arrow' philosophy? That they would think it a waste of time, and so she was unaccustomed to it? I caught myself wondering over what she was saying more than listening to her, so I ceased the endless parade of questions going through my head.

"Go on…"

"Well…I know that you are- for lack of a better word- pregnant, and as such rather moody and such and well, I know that feeling…"

She had been pregnant? With who's child? I remembered the way Danric had been looking at her. With Danric's child?! Not possible!

"…of being pregnant and I know that it must be hard for you to try and reach out to anyone new you know and so I know why, I simply w-wanted, I wanted to make sure that everything w-was alright…and such…"

I had totally missed the meaning in that last statement with her stutters.

She sighed. "Is everything alright? I mean, I saw how you were looking at us and such and well, I wondered…"

I blinked. "Oh, yes. Everything is fine. Life, it's FINE, fine, fine, fine!" I felt angry tears on my face, and I was ashamed.

I looked at Secnad. She was biting her tounge and bouncing on one foot, the other hooked behind her knee, the picture of anxiousness. She lifted her hand once, twice, thrice without doing anything with it. Finally she murmured, "Forgive me, but I must return hospitality." She lifted her hand again, this time with a handkerchief in it, and wiped the tears running down my nose. I couldn't help myself. I smiled.

"What happened to your child?" I asked. She took the kerchief away from my face and placed it against her own. "She died. Smallpox. It would have been no life for her anyway. We couldn't have fed her." She remained calm, the only sign of her grief the handkerchief that was covering any tears.

Danric's child had died. No wonder he was so worried about keeping me- and the baby- safe.

"When was Danric with the Gypsies?" I asked. She stared at me. "What?" I repeated myself. She looked at me strangely, confused. "Well, I assume as that you had his child that he would have been with the Gypsies at some point." Secnad looked horrified.

"Are you accusing me of incest?"