Cat's Paw
Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Characters: Misato, Ritsuko
Rating: M for explicit sexuality and language.

Disclaimer: Property of Gainax. I owe nothing. No money is being made off this. BELIEVE.

Episode 15: Those women longed for the kisses of others', and thus invite their kisses...

Chapter 4

Glassy and unfolding, white phantom shapes formed by the fluorescent lighting reflecting off the water. A slight haze of hot steam filling the room.

Drip, drip.

Each a small splash where droplets land from the facet and hitting the surface of the water in tiny, repeated explosions. Asuka rested her head back on the edge of the tub, letting her body soak; simply floating there for a while—suspended. Her eyes closed and she listened to the humming. The drip, drip, dripping...

And it always came back to this: that black dress. Days, nights, months had passed, and yet it always came back to that dress Misato had worn that night on her way to meet Kaji. She couldn't forget and was still in awe of what she had seen.

Woman.

What did it mean to be a woman?

Of course, that anatomical body part between her legs defined her as female, Asuka noted, glancing downwards in slight disgust. She had been soaking so long her fingers were like prunes.

To be bathing---have her sex bathe in—the same bathwater as Misato and Shinji, absorbing the leftovers; and how she despised it.

That thing between her legs made her female…but woman?

How much she was trying to prove? The plugsuits and the ANGELS she had defeated trying to defined her worth; and it wasn't the college degrees or the praises.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Unpleasant memories have a way of finding me in the bath…

And she was strong. Asuka had to be. There were too many variables to calculate—too much to protect from; it was easier to build a wall than defend open countries where her psyche was concerned. But when she shut this door—the bathroom door—that was when it came. All the unpleasant thoughts. All the doubting.

Misato had said, "It's not for a kids," when she had asked to borrow her lavender perfume. Sure, she was going to use it on a casual date; nothing too serious. But…she wanted that perfume...even if it was just to try out. Just to see if it worked.

That's the difference, she thought, between me and her; recalling the height and fullness that was there around Misato's hips and breasts; the ratio of her legs and arms—completeness that Asuka had yet to develop. No. She was still a child. Awkward and half-formed. And there was a part of Asuka—deep, deep inside---that feared she would never get there.

Asuka frowned, wanting to splash the dirty water out of the tub or at least pull the plug and watch that it all drained down until she was sitting in nothing. They would chastise her.

Minna daikirai.

Instead, she had her fingers skim over the folds underneath the reddish pubic hair--the folds that served as the lynchpin of her being. There was a separation, it seemed, between herself and this body she inhabited; and her eyes glazed over in judgment, wondering then what this was for?

The fullness…

If not for the enjoyment and attraction of men...like Kaji.

That was the measure of her worth. And she wanted to go see him, talk to him. Flush away the faithlessness she had in herself.

***

Nine Years ago…

University of Second Tokyo

He watched from his bed, his eyes following after her adoringly---as she had shuffled out of that bed that they shared and was now in the process of shimmying on jeans she worn when she had arrived four days ago. There were no specifics. It was as if she'd always been there--this person occupying this space in his room, in his life. They had met only a few months ago; her initiative. And since then...

Misato Katsuragi.

She sniffed at herself, remarking, "Ugh, nasty. This is the last time I'm letting you talk me into having non-stop marathon sex."

There was always some kind of reality to ground the dream.

He chuckled and rolled onto his back; the lull of post-coitus coming over him. "Come on, you love it. It's not like I had to do much convincing."

He glanced around at the empty soda bottles and pizza boxes littering his single-man dorm room: sustenance that maintained them during those trying days. And he was more than willing to give over to the sweet death that came with their lovemaking if it meant more in the future.

But Misato just wrung her hair, as if trying to get that awful collision--the stench of sticky junk food and mustiness of bodily secretions--off of her. "Next time, we stop for a bath."

"A shower. But only if I can shower with you."

"Shut up. I'm serious."

The look on her face said otherwise; and she was close enough for him to grab and pull her back into bed—even if she was fully clothed; that only had the appeal of more to take off.

She yelped when he had dragged her down, and protested in mock consternation afterwards as she lay awkwardly on top of him, "You're not taking me seriously." All that before giving into fits of laughter he provoked.

And then the phone rang; Misato pushed Kaji away, dodging his kisses to grab the cell that sat on the nightstand. She answered, laughing, "Hello? Oh hey." Kaji shifted his head in interest; there was immediate change in Misato's attitude--a casual comfort that came with recognition. "No, I'm not. I—I'm studying."

Kaji couldn't help another chuckle; and Misato flinched, her free hand shooting out to cover his mouth. "That's my study partner," she said quickly, addressing the concern of the male voice that was overheard. And Kaji, in jest, responded by licking the palm of her hand. She pulled away, making a face as she wiped his saliva on her jeans. "Ughh..."

Recovering, Misato continued her conversation on the phone while Kaji laid with his head on her lap, content. She announced, "All right, we'll be there. I'll see you tonight then." Then she flipped her phone, effectively hanging up.

Kaji raised his eyebrow, "We?"

"Yes, we."

"And where exactly are we going tonight?"

"Oh you know, to a bar," Misato tossed out nonchalantly, explaining, "That was my roommate. I guess all the suspense of me being gone this whole time got to her and she basically blackmailed me into presenting you..." Misato had a wistful look on her face when she considered this other person.

Roommate? Misato hadn't said much about this person. In fact, he had figured she was looking for a roommate in him, having spent most of her time here since they've met. "Interesting..." he remarked.

"So you're going," she said.

Not a question. Not a command. Just a statement--point of fact.

"And I don't have a say in this?"

"None."

Kaji sighed in mock resignation and simply said, "Whatever my lady wishes. But, we're going to have to take a shower first."

And Misato punched him lightly on the arm, shaking her head. He really was a rascal. "Idiot," and that was a term of endearment.

***

NERV HQ

Present

Some days were harder than others...

Some days, all Kaji had to do was wake and he couldn't concentrate; not on anything else but those ghosts; hungry images that beckoned back to bygone days.

A woman had talked to him while he was on the way here; not that they don't usually do. He had a thing about himself—always did. Even growing up, they loved him; showered him with hugs and kisses, offering more and he'd be glad to take.

He was at his desk, the one assigned to him by the powers-that-be. Not that this was where he usually worked. The desk was for appearance's sake.

Many names, many alias, faces and jobs, but Kaji Ryogi only had one heart that stayed loyal to two things: truth and the woman who had left him during the infancy of his adulthood. And it didn't matter how many others talked to him or flirted with him—like the one who had asked him, "Can I see you later tonight?"—she always fell back into his thoughts. I'll go out tonight, probably sleep with this woman and never call her again…

"KAAAJJJIIII!"

It was a reflexive wince and Kaji immediately clicked the screensaver on, hiding the documents labeled 'classified' and turned to face Asuka, who had walked in unannounced; and, as soon as he did, she threw her arms around him, draping over him affectionately. "Kaji! Do you miss me?"

"Asuka..." He recovered, "Actually, I'm more surprised than anything."

He held two hands on her shoulders and tried to push her gently away. The crush she had on him was embarrassingly obvious; she made every opportunity to announce it. And if he was 14, maybe there would've been a chance; but at almost 30 and getting older every year, the difference between them made her infatuation seem ridiculous and him insensible.

In other words, there was no interest on his end, whatsoever.

"Sorry, Asuka, but I'm very busy at the moment. Can you come back some other time?"

And normally, she would've whined and pouted, but she would remain upbeat about having seen him. This time, however, that jovialness vanished. Today was different.

"Right...you're busy." There was a pause, and she seemed to consider the real implication behind his words: he didn't want to see her. And that other woman's image flashed in front of her eyes, taunting her. She looked up at him, eyes accusing. "But I bet you would make time for Misato--in a heartbeat. Am I right?"

Kaji's expression darkened. She had bought up something extremely personal; and, in this context, he judged that it was completely uncalled for. "You know that's not why. And don't bring her into this."

But she just repeated, "Am I right?"

"No."

"You're a terrible liar, Kaji."

She might've been ridiculous, but if no one could've doubted her sincerity; that those feelings were genuine despite the shakiness of the foundation on which they rested.

"Why...what..." It was hard to say aloud what she had always feared was true; but she needed to know. "What is it about her? What does she have that I don't have?"

"Asuka..."

Why can't you look at me the way you look at her?

And she lashed her heart out; stringing it on such an agonizingly honest display that it touched on the tragic. "I can be a woman! See!" At this she tore away the ribbon that held the top of her student uniform, undoing the button and exposed herself--the bra, what precious little it held up. She wanted to know---needed to know--that she could equal and exceed the other woman in his eyes. "Don't look away, Kaji," she begged. "Look at me!" pleaded.

"Asuka, please...you don't know how it is." How all of it was in the past...

He needed to clarify; because there was some guilt on his part which accounted for her distress. "Misato and I, we're not together."

"You can say anything to me, Kaji. But just stop lying."

And there was a part of him---what he would approximate to be his soul--that wished he was lying; imagined an alternate universe where Misato had met him first--before that other person--and had moved in with him. There was that possibility, among many other lifetimes he could've lived.

But this...this was not one of them. He had come to terms with it. "Asuka, pay attention when I say this," he enunciated the next part so that there would be no mistake, "Misato doesn't love me--not like that anymore and that's not the reason I asked you to come back later. I really do have work to do."

Asuka shook her head, refusing to believe. It didn't make sense to her. "How can she not be in love with you? It's not like she's into women or..."

It was something Asuka threw out there; hypothetical and entirely thoughtless. But it had been so abrupt that it caught Kaji off-guard; and his eyes had just flicked a little. Just a little; enough, however, for Asuka to ascertain…

Was it true?

She stared at him, disbelieving; he stared at her, disbelieving. Was he that easy to read? Not where Asuka was concerned. She who had adored him so, and paid attention to every loving nuance…

He couldn't escape her.

"Oh my god..." her voice came out soft, "How? Who...?"

She was going to ask who it was...that woman...but then she realized that it didn't matter.

And Kaji found himself able to speak again, realizing that he needed to mitigate the damage he had unwittingly inflicted---the betrayal of confidence. "I'm not confirming or denying anything, Asuka. I have a feeling you won't believe me either way. But know that all you have is unsubstantiated speculation." He continued, emphasizing, "It wouldn't be wise for you to spread such rumors. You'd complicate professional matters involving personal--"

"I know that!" she snapped back. "What do you think I am? Immature? I don't waste my time with petty gossip."

And for once, Kaji was glad Asuka was in possession of that boastful ego of hers. Asuka, meanwhile, was backing towards the door. There was too much confusion here and she couldn't deal with it in front of him. "You know what, Kaji?" She began, her voice shaky, "I think...I'm just going to go home. I've had enough craziness for one day." She lowered her head and walked briskly out the door.

***

"Paper, scissors...ROCK!"

The boy struck out rock, but Misato had simply splayed her right hand in a wiggling upward manner. "KSSSHH!"

Shinji reacted. "Wha--Misato, what is that?"

"Atomic weapon, what else? Hehe. Pay up, Shinji-kun," she gave him a huge grin; white teeth all crunched together to form a bright smile and she held out her hand. "Come on."

He sighed as his shoulders slumped.

This woman was supposedly almost 30, and yet...

"You know," he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a 100 yen coin. "You're only going to waste this on beer money."

It was post-dinner, and the two at the table were sharing a friendly--and 'fair'-- game of paper, scissor, rock--- one of Misato's specialty; and Shinji, after all this time living with her, was finally starting to figure out why this was...

"I say we ban nuclear items from the arsenal of weapons we can choose from," the boy said, finally placing a part of his allowance into her hand. "The game is called paper, scissors, and rock for a reason."

"I'm not going to waste this on beer money," Misato said, before considering; then deciding, "Okay, fine. Maybe...all right. It's not like my job pays me enough. So I will take your money, Shinji, and thank you now."

"You're welcome..." he said, suppressing an eye roll; he picked up his tea to sip at it, opening one eyes to look at his guardian, who happily counted her loot. Still…

He was happy. Happy with routine: cooking dinner, having them eat, and then spending time doing diminutive recreational activities. Shinji didn't know how many more of these uneventful evenings were assured for the future; but for now, this, he felt, was much more than he deserved.

Moreover, he knew---glancing at Misato, sitting there---he knew she was trying hard to make it look like she was into babysitting them. It couldn't have been easy for her...

To put up a front for their benefit.

There had been a lot of pressure at work lately. Misato came home shaking some nights, before she'd realized he had seen her. Other nights, she didn't come home at all.

So, he figured, he would play along while she was here; feign ignorance so long as they could maintain some semblance of happiness and normalcy.

He turned to look at the third (human) member of their household, Asuka, who at this moment was staring in their direction, but she mightiest well be staring at empty space. She had that distant, glazed over look in her eyes; and Shinji noted how unusually quiet she had been…

No, 'idiot'.

No, 'what are you stupid?!'

This peace was disconcerting.

"Asuka?" He waved his hands in front of her face, snapping her out of whatever infinite loop she had gotten herself stuck in. And she blinked in surprise, seeing Shinji's look of concern when he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" she realized, after a beat, that Shinji and Misato were staring at her. Misato had the beer can to her lips, and she glanced sideways at Asuka; not out of concerned, but more out of curiosity.

It didn't help matters any when Asuka suddenly blushed bright red, flustered when she found herself the focus of Misato's attention; as if the woman could—at any moment—figure out that Asuka had been thinking about her…

"I'm going to bed," she announced, getting up from the dinner table to flee from any possible interrogations; it was humiliating enough to have been caught unaware to begin with.

"Bed?" Shinji looked at the clock. "But it's only 8."

Asuka, however, was already at her bedroom and simply closed her sliding door in response. All this strangeness had only worried Shinji further.

Misato, on the other hand, watched after the girl. There was something off about her, sure. But she couldn't help the feeling that it had something to do with her. It bothered her, but not in the same way it bothered Shinji. And Misato thought about their already tenuous relationship.

Shinji, Misato concluded, was easy. Shinji genuinely liked her. Asuka was different; it was never simply love or hate. Although most of the time, it felt like the latter.

"Maybe it's forced indifference," Misato figured, finally placing her beer can down.

***

Asuka laid on her bed—on her stomach, with her legs splayed out. She hugged the pillow to her chest, contemplating…

How could she have not noticed before?

All those nights when she thought Misato had been out with Kaji…

Misato, in that black dress flashed in front of her mind again. Asuka found herself blushing at that thought and of her assumption. Her guardian suddenly looked different. The entire idea of femininity---that fullness and what it was for…she couldn't have been more wrong.

Asuka wasn't disgusted; although the revelation had initially been unsettling. She realized soon afterwards that she didn't care enough to judge only because now…

Misato's life had nothing to do with hers on that level anymore.

And Kaji…

He had known all along, and yet…

He did nothing.

And something changed in Asuka at that moment; changed Kaji in her eyes. She had seen the way he looked at Misato—how he interacted with her; Asuka could tell that he was still very much in love. But the presumption that Misato loved him back always hung in the air like a sickness to Asuka. Now that it was gone, it was as if Asuka had lost some kind of compass that she never even realized that she had.

So, she thought, Kaji's feelings are unrequited too…

Asuka had stepped back enough to truly assess the man she claimed she loved, and realized that then that she knew nothing. Adulthood had become too complicated; an entangled mess that Asuka no longer felt she wanted to be a part of.

Kimochi warui...

"I feel sick."

***

Nine Years ago…

The local dig at the university was a little more than a classroom wide; yet, on a Friday night, it was packed to the brim with students—long exhausted from their week—coming here to let off steam. It was a rowdy almost lawless place that, were it not for the bouncer, could've easily had fights break out every half an hour. So it was strange, Kaji thought, to see such a center of calmness surround the woman Misato introduced him to that night.

She was leaning against the wall just outside the main line to get in, eyes closed, entirely shut out from the noise level of the groups congregating around her. Cigarette in hand, she was taking small puffs, shoulders rising and lowering, relaxed with every exhale.

Misato had pointed, "There she is! Ritsuko! Oy, Rits!"

And she had opened her eyes to look up at them. Kaji noted immediately the yellow of her hair; while not a cheap dye job, it had managed to cheapened her look (in his opinion); contrasting so sharply the naturalness of Misato's. Then there was her skin, so pallid in its appearance…in all, you would be hard press to find someone who wouldn't think of her beautiful, but there was an uneasiness about her that agitated Kaji, forming a 'queasiness' around the pit of his stomach.

She smiled at them; while Misato dragged Kaji—arm hoop in his—to greet her. Misato put one hand behind her head apologetic. "I'm sorry. Am I really late?"

"You're late enough," the other woman responded, chastising but still playful. Ritsuko's eyes flicked over to take in Kaji. "So," she said, addressing him; her tone light, "You must be the 'study partner' I keep hearing about."

"One and only," and he gave her then his most charming smile, but she had merely glanced at him up and down. She would later confess to him that she had thought him frivolous then---an opinion that wouldn't change much with time.

Misato glanced between the two of them. "Oh, Ritsuko, this is Kaji—be nice. Kaji, this is Ritsuko."

"Pleased to meet you," she held out her hand.

"Believe me, the pleasure's all mine."

And they had shaken each other's hand, superficially acknowledging each other's existence, before Ritsuko pointed out that they should get in line soon, if they hoped to get in at all.

Once inside, Misato occupied herself with a game of beer pong on the long table, while Kaji sat with Ritsuko off to the side—Misato had insisted on him getting to know her. She's a really cool person. And, alone with Ritsuko, Kaji found marked differences between the two women---just exactly how reserved this woman was.

She was content, with a pack of cigarettes set aside by a glass of beer, to just sit and observe. Misato, on the other hand, had flung herself into the crowd and was now hailed the life of the party (she was currently being lifted up by several frat boys).

"So..." he started, "how did you meet Misato?"

"She introduced herself to me."

"Same here."

They smiled at each other, finding commonality. Ritsuko turned to look at where Misato was, observing, "She's quite the people person, isn't she?"

"Understatement of the year." He chuckled.

"And you must be something else yourself," she said, "for her to talk about you so much. Compatibility means you must be just at ease as her socially."

"Is that really what compatibility means?"

"It would suggest, and I see nothing here that would prove otherwise."

And Kaji considered then the calculation in her statement and immediately deduced that he was dealing with a very careful and guarded person. As the minutes ticked, he discovered that making small talk with Ritsuko wasn't that hard; though he found himself weighing the implications of what she was saying with every sentence.

Misato returned after a long absence, face flushed and giddy from the activities she had participated in, and sat herself down at their table.

"Ah, so the prodigal daughter returns."

"Shut up," Misato responded to Ritsuko's tease, finishing with, "I'm too buzzed to understand big words like that." Then she opened her eyes wide to look Ritsuko, trying to see through the alcohol-induced haze. "Say Ritsuko, lend me your shoulder."

"What?"

And before she could say another word, Misato had already plopped her head heavily on Ritsuko, breathing out, tired but pleased.

"Uh, Misato?" Ritsuko turned to look at Kaji for help; and, for the first time that night, he saw Ritsuko out of her element and flustered. "Misato? Your boyfriend is right there. Why don't you use him for a headrest?"

"Mmm, let me stay here," Misato mumbled, "You smell better than he does."

"That, I have to agree with," Kaji said amused.

Misato opened one eye to look at Kaji. "You know this girl," she said, thumbs indicating Ritsuko, who had given up trying to remove Misato's head from her shoulder, "she's such a nerd. Before me, she spent her Friday's in the library. Can you believe that? The library!"

Kaji was sympathetic—Misato looked like she had shifted all her weight to lean against Ritsuko; and he answered Misato's question in regards to Ritsuko, "What a waste."

"Exactly."

***

Present.

The drive home was quiet. Both of the car's occupants were in pensive moods. Shinji shifted in his seat slightly before glancing over at Misato, who was at the wheel, her eyes focused on something far away.

The past, maybe?

Sunday, and they went to get groceries, as usual; but Misato had made one surprising stop that seemed to change everything for the day. She had gone to church. A short pit stop on the way home.

Shinji had never seen his guardian do anything remotely religious; the only indication that she might have been was the cross that hung around her neck. Even then…

"Miss Misato?"

And she broke from her reverie, turning her head to him. He only predicated her name with a 'miss' when something was really bothering him.

He asked then, hesitant with his wording, "Are you…do you…"

"What is it, Shinji?"

"Do you believe in that?" he indicated the cross, which had been such an integral part of her wardrobe that he had taken it for granted; not noticing till now.

"Hmm…why do you ask?"

"It's just…my old teacher…he was a Christian too. And I never guessed that you were…" the last part came out quiet; he was feeling stupid for having bought it up.

But Misato was contemplative, and she asked in return, "Does it bother you? What I believe in?"

"No," he said quickly, hoping not to offend. "I was just wondering. That's all."

When she didn't respond, Shinji lowered his head and settled back in his seat, believing he had said the wrong words yet again.

"Shinji," she began again, after a long beat—a pause for thought. "It doesn't matter what god you believe in or whether you believe in god at all, so long as you have faith in humanity. That's what's important. I wear this because that's my way of expressing that faith."

It was important, she figured, for the pilot of Unit-01 to understand this—to have that connection with the whole of their species. That faith, if he had it, was imperative to their survival—she had realized that the first time she met him and had quietly lamented the lack she perceived in him.

Misato looked outside, at the dusk that was beginning to rest across the bay of TOKYO-3; and reflected on what little time they had left. Not this life. Not her life. But life in its entirety.

"Have courage, Shinji," she told the boy; and Shinji had looked at her, realizing that she wasn't just referring to this instance--and the gravitas of her words stayed with him long after the day fell to darkness.

***

Late Evening

He maneuvered the bow, to and fro, as if he were pulling on the invisible chords tendering his heart; gentle, steady--the string giving sound to the to the yearning there; light and long, sometimes deep and short, but they were there. A constant stream of undeterred melodies. And if he closed his eyes, fingers finding purchase on the right string of the cello, deftly pressing and releasing--all by memory, he could feel himself rise, then seemingly borne by something as intangible as 'hope'. As ethereal as 'love.'

This was beauty.

This was his faith.

JS Bach- Suiten Fur Violoncello Solo 1

And she had stood by the door, watching his back, cello resting against his leg and shoulder--there was such tenderness to the scene; as if, now alone, he had found a medium for expressing what had always been so elusive. "Shinji Ikari...Wonderboy..." she thought, "You never cease to amaze me."

It wasn't the first time she had seen him play. Living with him for so long, she was bound to encounter it sooner or later. She had seen the instrument case resting in his bedroom; she wasn't stupid.

And how many times had it been like this? With her watching? Listening? She had never bothered telling him; never felt the need to. Why disturb this peace?

But that day, there was something about the way he drew that last note...

The elongated sound that rose and fell, lingering in the air as if suspended...

That made her change her mind.

And he turned around upon hearing her applause. It seemed like the right way to make herself known; and she started out with something unusual; a compliment, "Not bad! I didn't know you played."

He smiled; but surprised, he had to ask, "Asuka? Don't you have a date tonight?"

Tonight, last week...every Friday for the last two months she'd had dates--something which she had rarely done before. It was strange, but Shinji didn't say anything. It wasn't his place to figure out the why. And for Asuka, each one--the dates--seemed more disappointing than the last. She sighed as she walked over and plopped herself down on the futon in the next room, the door still open for Shinji to see and converse with her.

"My date was boring so I ditched him."

"You ditched him?"

"Yep."

Shinji was a slightly shocked and saddened for the guy; but considering it was Asuka he was going out with, this wasn't a surprise. Still, he couldn't help commenting, "That's kind of harsh, don't you think?"

"Maybe..."

She stared at the ceiling, finding herself unable to say the words she was expected to say. Kaji's the only guy for me. How much further from the truth was that? What was she looking for? Something closer to comfort, perhaps...

"Shinji, when's dinner?"

***

Dinner was done and finished with; just the two of them, Misato was working overtime tonight. And Shinji was keeping himself busy with reading the new cookbook Asuka had given him a while back. He had thought, at first, that this was an entirely magnanimous gesture on her part; a gift of goodwill...that was until she told him that she wanted to try each and every single one of the dishes (300 to be precise) in the book.

"Still...she did praise me," he thought, recalling how she had said...

"You're a great cook. I concede to you." And she had patted him on the back, saying, "The kitchen is yours."

And he had kept that praise tucked somewhere in between the pages of this book; so now, whenever he had time after schoolwork, he would take it out, glance it over, and absorb anew those words...

"Shinji!"

His head snapped up from the book and he looked to where Asuka was lounging on the pillows. The television was on as usual; and Asuka had turned away from one of her favorite program, looking at him, expectant. "Come sit by me."

He supposed then that he was in shock. One, she had just (voluntarily) ask him to be near her. Two, she had said it in the nicest way. And he couldn't help but think that the world might have been coming to an end at that very moment.

"Huh? What?"

"Idiot, what part of 'come sit by me' don't you understand?" She gestured to an empty pillow, space made especially for him; adding, "Bring that book with you."

And after a few moment of checking if he was, in fact, not hallucinating this, he responded, "Uh..okay, sure."

He sat down next to her, wary, when she frowned and told him, "Dummkopf, how am I suppose to show you what I dish I want you to cook tomorrow unless I can see the book? Come here!" With that she grabbed his arm and tugged him over. "Now let's see..."

Asuka started to flip the pages, skimming through the pictures, the lines: 1 cup that, 2 teaspoons there, chopped something...

And all Shinji was aware of was their proximity--Shinji had held out the book, while she leaned over his arms, head lowered so that she was reading from his lap; and her head of hair--those lustrous locks of orange-red (the color of sunset...he had never seen that c.,olor on a person before her), was right below his nose; Shinji thought that his heart stopped. It must have.

Restarting slowly. Cautiously---that heart of his.

And Shinji, recovering, started to realize exactly how close they were; he could smell sweet strawberries--the shampoo that she used, mixed with some kind of powdery scent. Fresh. She smelled fresh. And he decided that the subtleness of that scent--that lull-- that was a much better than Misato's perfume, which overpowered him and made him sneeze.

There were so much there to describe; Shinji hardly realized that he was categorizing the details of this moment in his mind. It was automatic; how when she turned slightly, he had looked at her cheeks, the smoothness of it. Like that of a child's.

How long was he in that stupor when she had lifted her head and looked at him with sympathy? One eyebrow cocked and an understanding smile on her face, as if she empathized with--could sense-- what afflicted him then; this hopeless infatuation.

Asuka? Empathy?

"Shinji," she said, a kindness coming through her voice that he didn't recognize; but had so often imagined that she was capable of. "What would you say if I let you kiss me now?"

He fumbled, blushing a furious red, as he recalled when the last time she was moved by an urge like that, "What? You mean...like before?"

"Yeah."

She could see him hesitate, wrestling with the urge to say yes, simultaneously recalling how unpleasant she had made that previous kiss; so, she added, "And this time, I won't cut off your oxygen supply. I promise."

"Um...you won't?"

"Nope."

And he had looked at her then--big brown, puppy-like eyes, trying to ascertain if this was one (cruel) joke.

Asuka had grabbed him by the shoulder to motivate him, reassuring, "I promise, didn't I? I keep my promises." Then she approached, like before, closing the gap between their faces. And this time, Shinji's too stunned to close his eyes--whereas in the other incident, she had issued it as a challenge; here it was an offer.

She had tilted her head towards him, eyes half closed as she judged the distance of her lips from him.

He swallowed. Hard.

Have courage, Shinji...

And then, her eyes did close, meeting those lips now, in what had to be the softest kiss in Shinji's life; not that he had very many to compare it with, but still...

And she kept her promise, hands straying nowhere to pinch his nose; instead, she kept steady pressure where the kiss was concern. And it wasn't her smashing against his face (again, like the last time, where he could only concentrate on breathing), but, here, he could actually taste her. And she stayed long enough for him to discern the complexity that was there.

And just as abrupt as the kiss began, it ended with Asuka cutting of contact and throwing her arms up, declaring, "Well, I'm off to bed."

"Huh? What?"

He could only gawk, uncomprehending, as she stood and--before he realized how quickly--she was at her bedroom door; she stopped long enough to turn to him and smiled; again, that compassionate look. "Good niggghhhttt, Shinnnjiiii."

That was when the door closed, leaving Shinji to wonder about what the hell had transpired here.

To be continued...

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Author's Notes:

This was a chapter I debated whether or not to write. Then figured, what the hell, so here it is. It provided a good break in the action so that there wouldn't be an overload of Misato/Ritsuko stuff. In any case, it touched upon the periphery of their relationship, and this chapter builds on the triangle between Kaji, Ritsuko, and Misato that has such an importance in the series.

Also, I really, really wanted an Asuka/Shinji chapter. Some people may dislike Asuka--and yes, she does come on strong, but I have a soft spot for her; especially after watching her kick berserker ass in Eva Rebirth. For Asuka, I had her obsessed about adulthood to the point of neurosis--she is very insecure in her own worth, and this is just one area of insecurity I got from the canon. It's only when she's able to let go of that obsession with being an adult (and Kaji), that she, paradoxically, matures and is able to look for 'healthy' connection with other people. That doesn't mean she escapes her fate of eventual depression as portrayed in the canonical series; remember, she still has unresolved issues with her mother. Nor does she get over her jealousy of Shinji, though the beginnings of love does temper it.

I also really wanted to find a resolution for Asuka's crush on Kaji. I never liked it much.

Not to worries though, all hell will eventually break loose.

Leave a review and quick! It makes it easier to endure writing long term, believe me. Seriously, if you're reading this fic and not leaving a review cuz you're lazy, then a pox on you I SAY.