Hello again! I hope everyone was able to see the last chapter, I was having problems uploading it. Hope you enjoy!
"Turn around Casey." Chief stopped me just as I stepped out of his office. I groaned because I was done talking about my feelings. Chief gave me a look "This is important I don't want to hear it." I decided against arguing and turned around. Chief came in behind me and closer the door. He sat down so I followed suit. "We are getting a replacement for Andy shift after next."
My jaw dropped. I knew this was coming but I didn't realize it would be this soon. "Really? This soon? There is no way my guys are going to be able to handle this and you know that." I became mad. We had been through enough this week.
"I do know that but there is nothing I can do about it. I had to beg to have the replacement come shift after next. I wanted everyone used to be taking calls before we threw someone new in the mix." I could hear the sorrow in Chief's voice.
"How do you suggest I tell the guys that we are adding someone new in?"
"I'll do it with you. We will get all of your men into the conference room and let the blow off whatever steam they have and ask any questions they have. Does that sound good?"
"Not really." I wasn't happy about this at all.
Chief gave me his infamous death glare. "Let's go."
Everyone was in the kitchen so it wasn't difficult to get everyone into the conference room, although they did look like deer in headlights.
"Ok. Your Lieutenant and I just wanted to let you know that the replacement for Andy will be here shift after next." Chief got it all out in one breath.
"You can't be serious. Are you trying to pretend Andy was never here?" Herrmann was instantly livid.
"We don't like this anymore than you do. Chief had to argue so the replacement wouldn't be here next shift." I felt the need to say something.
"This sucks. I want to be around the people I know at work but apparently that is too much to ask." Vargas just looked disgusted.
"I feel the same way you do. But I expect each one of you to be kind and welcoming. Understood?" I needed to make myself clear, but no one responded to me.
"How the heck are we supposed to manage that when whoever this replacement is will be replacing a valued member of this team?" Otis wasn't buying the pep talk attempt.
"I don't know." Chief chimed in again. "I do know that next shift when you begin to take calls again it will just be you. You all need to join together and keep yourselves around your family. I know that each and every one of you is strong enough to handle this." He finished.
"I don't know if I can." Cruz admitted. "I know Andy and I weren't all that close but I don't know how to be handling all of this."
"If I had to guess no one in this room knows how to be handling this, including myself and Casey." I nodded in agreement with the chief.
"Why do they want to throw another guy into this chaos?" Hermann could seem to wrap his head around what was going on.
"I have no idea. I don't get it either." I tried to answer his questions honestly.
Chief put his hand on my shoulder to get my attention "I'm going to leave so you guys can talk about whatever you need to." Quickly he got up and left. Now it was my turn to feel like a deer in headlights, I have never felt so scared to talk to my guys.
I moved into one of the rolling chairs that the rest of the guys were seated in. "So, I don't know how to start this conversation so does anyone want to say anything?" I figured honesty was best.
"This isn't fair at all, none of this is fair." Vargas spoke first.
"I hate how I'm not really there for anyone wherever I am; my kids are really confused because even when I'm home I'm not really there." Hermann added.
"I don't feel like myself, normally I'd be thrilled at the chance for someone new and not be the candidate. But, I'm not." Otis just seemed confused by the situation.
"Well, I don't have any answers, I wish I did but I'm searching for them myself." I admitted.
"What was it like?" Mouch spat out "I mean seeing him die? If you want to share." He trailed off.
"It's ok. I need to be able to talk about it at some point." I didn't want him to feel bad for asking. "I remember when he broke the glass I was really surprised that it didn't explode on us right then but I still wasn't sure but Andy went in anyway. Then I heard Severide on the radio saying there was no vent. But Andy didn't hear me and next thing I know the fire exploded. The last thing I saw before I ducked was him reaching out to me." After I finished I realized I had started crying, everyone else did as well.
"How do you appear to have it together so well?" Cruz asked frustrated.
"Trust me I don't have it together. I'm just a good actor."
"Wow." Hermann couldn't say much more it seemed.
After a few minutes of silence I jumped at the chance to change the topic as soon as I was sure everyone was done talking about it. "So what are everyone's thoughts on going on calls next shift? I know I'm petrified."
"I'm pretty scared. It makes it so much more real that we might lose a guy when we actually do." Vargas spoke up.
"I never thought something like this would happen to this house until it did." Otis spoke somberly.
"I'm hoping we actually don't have to take calls next shift and Chief is just trying to get everyone emotionally prepared." Cruz deadpanned when everyone else laughed. "Even though I know that isn't the case.
"I think I can speak for everyone when I say we are all hoping that. But, we eventually have to take calls." I tried to be the voice of reason in the conversation.
"But Dad…" Mouch complained in his best 5 year old voice, effectively ending the conversation. No one could stop laughing
"Sorry guys." I laughed along with them but quickly changed the conversation's tone. "But seriously, if anyone wants to talk more just come to my office or give me a call."