Well, brace yourselves, 'cuz this is the chapter I introduce my first OC. I've been alluding to this since day one and it's finally here. So, get yourselves ready for a million-laughathon, 'cuz I'm pretty sure I violated at least four different laqs of sanity with this one~

Disclaimer

I don't Adventure Time, just these hilarious stories and the OC(s) that will make themselves known.

"Make sure the floors are clean! Dust that chandelier! Align that bread knife! And WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET CINNAMON BUN OFF THE TABLE?"

Finn, Jake and Marshall Lee stared as Princess Bubblegum barked orders and pointed at numerous things in the banquet hall of her castle. Jake nudged Finn's shoulder and motioned for him to bend down to his level. "Finn, I'm scared, buddy." And he had every right to be.

The princess had called them over a few hours ago, screaming that she needed their help with something urgent. Some royal business, they were too busy playing Beemo's new game to pay any actual attention.

Peppermint Butler dashed in past the trio, pushing a stretcher. Dragging Cinnamon Bun off the table and into the stretcher, he dashed back out the way he came, the wind from his exit rustling Lee's unruly hair.

"So..." ventured the immortal. "What did she need us for, anyway?"

Finn rubbed his chin, trying to think back as to why they were called here in the first place.

"Finn!" Bubblegum's voice screamed from speakerphone. "I need your help!"

"Sure, PB, what's up?" replied the hero, thumbs clicking away on his controller.

"I need you to get Jake and Marshall Lee down to the castle right this...what? -sigh- I'll feed you later, Cinnamon Bun, go play over there for a bit, okay? Finn? You still there?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come to the castle. We'll be there. What do you need us for, again?"

"I told you last week!" snapped the princess. "A delegate from the -brrzat- ...dom is coming to -crackle- ...very important, so PLEASE be on your best behavior. No PDAs!"

And click went the phone as it died.

Finn continued playing his game, soundly whipping Jake's butt in the epic multiplayer mode. "We really gotta get a new phone." said the hero offhand.

"Totally, bro." replied Jake, leaning back and forth with his controller.

-/-/-/-/-

"WHAT ARE THE THREE OF YOU STANDING AROUND FOR?" screeched the princess, making the boys cower. "GET TO WORK!"

As though someone had turned on the lights in a dark room filled with roaches, the three scattered, still unsure of what it is they were actually supposed to do.

After a few minutes of arbitrarily moving things around to seem busy, Lee sighed and floated over to an incredibly frazzled Princess Bubblegum. "Okay, time for some honesty, princess. We completely forgot what we're here to do. Can you dial your meltdown meter back a few notches and tell us?"

Bubblegum's head whipped in Lee's direction so fast, her crown couldn't follow, giving her an even more manic appearance. "You WHAT?"

"Well, we were playing a game when you called us." said Finn, running up to Lee's side. "And the phone was bad. So...could you just remind us one more time, please?"

Sighing in exasperation, Bubblegum slumped in a nearby chair, rubbing her temples. "This is the last time I'm gonna tell you. Today, a delegate from the Thunder Kingdom is coming with the hopes of forging an alliance with the Candy Kingdom."

Finn blinked. "Since when did Ooo have a Thunder Kingdom?" Finn had traveled all over the mystical land dozens of times, but he had never seen or even heard of any Thunder Kingdom.

"They've only just recently established. They're a small nation, but they're working fast. I mean, the country IS ruled by Thunder Demons."

Finn blinked again. Thunder Demons? Now he was sure PB was making stuff up. "Is that why you're freaking out so much?"

"This is HUGE!" snapped the princess, startling everyone again. "The kingdom may have been recently formed, but their economy is thriving, they already have a well-formed military force and already enlisted Fionna and Cake as honorary citizens!"

"WHAT?" shrieked Finn.

"Their prince was impressed with their fighting skill. And he likes cats."

Suddenly very serious (and miffed Fionna had beaten him to something awesome yet again), Finn dropped to his knee, taking Bubblegum's hand. "Princess, I swear on my honor as an adventurer, I will do everything in my power to make sure this meeting goes off without a hitch."

Marshall Lee floated in and put his hands over Finn's. "That goes double for me, Sugarlocks."

Jake stretched his hand over, grinning broadly. "Me, three!"

Princess Bubblegum smiled for the first time in days. "Thanks guys. This means a lot."

And so, with renewed vigor, the group resumed fixing up the banquet hall. But during one brief moment of recess, Finn slipped away, pulled out his phone and dialed Fionna.

Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Click. "Hello?"

"Fionna, what the GLOB?" Finn quietly screamed into the phone.

"Ow! Finn? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me!" replied the hero. "What's this about Thunder Demons and Thunder Kingdoms and you being honorable citizens and stuff?"

"'Honorary'." corrected Fionna and Finn could practically see her rolling her eyes. "And I told you all this stuff last week. Weren't you listening?"

Finn rubbed his chin and tried to think back-

"Stop that, Finn, this is no time for a flashback." Fionna cut in. "Look, just try not to freak out when he shows up. Bubblegum really needs this."

Finn nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Bidding his female counterpart goodbye, Finn hung up and sighed. It was gonna be a long day.

Several hours later, evening had fallen and the entire castle was spic and span. The floor glistened and was clean enough to eat off of. Every inch of the castle gleamed, some places shining so bright it was almost blinding. Exhausted, Finn, Jake and Marshall Lee slumped together in a corner, sighing collectively.

"Man, why'd PB make me clean the ceiling?" grumbled the vampire. "It's not like anyone's gonna look up there for more than two seconds anyway..."

Before anyone could reply, Princess Bubblegum rushed in, a wild look on her face. She obviously wanted to make a good first impression; her hair was neatly combed, nails done, the whole princess shebang. She was even wearing heels, which tipped off the boys just how big this was; Bubblegum NEVER wore shoes.

"He's at the gate!" she squealed, running as fast as she could to the door. Nervously, she ran her hands through her hair, smoothed out her dress and stood at attention. "Look presentable!" she hissed in the three's direction, and they immediately copied Bubblegum's stance.

The gate to the castle opened and in stepped a small creature that Finn would have had a hard time not squealing over. It was about half Jake's size and appeared to be an odd fusion of a panda bear and koala. Its fur was a mix of black and white, with a large, yellow circle on its stomach. Its eyes were large, doe and concealed behind a pair of large glasses, and wore a black butler's uniform with a yellow lightning bolt sewn onto the left breast pocket. It cleared it throat before speaking.

"Presenting," it said in a squeaky voice that reminded Jake of that psycho red squirrel that attacked him that one time. "The honorable Prince Jasso!"

The sky suddenly darkened as clouds gathered, the evening appearing to have turned temporarily into night as thunder boomed and lightning flashed.

Suddenly, a MASSIVE bolt of lightning smashed into the foyer inches from the tiny creature, sending chunks of castle tumbling down. The lightning crackled and shaped into a figure that slowly rose upright. As the smoke cleared, the figure became visible.

It was a young man that couldn't have been older than 18, with skin the color of milk chocolate. His short, black hair was pulled into a ponytail with a single yellow streak going through it. He wore black pants and a black t-shirt, a yellow stripe down the sides of each. His ears were pointed, giving him an elfish appearance, though his eyes were cat-like and striking goldenrod, with red pupils.

"Heya." he said in a smooth voice as everyone stared, Princess Bubblegum's eyes wide with horror at the sight of the gaping hole in her castle. "Sorry about the hole. I like to make an entrance."

The tiny creature next to him sighed and rubbed its temples. "My liege, I truly wish you wouldn't do that. Gaining the favor of other nations goes better when you don't destroy their dwellings."

"Oh, Ukit, stop being such a worrywart. We all know you're going to fix it before we leave, anyway." Ukit rolled his eyes and sighed, following the prince as he strode over to a still stunned Bubblegum. "Princess Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom, I presume?"

Finally regaining her senses, Bubblegum nodded and curtsied. "It's an honor to make your acquaintance, Prince Jas-"

"I'll stop you right there." the Thunder Demon said, raising a hand. "I'm not big on that whole stuffed shirt gob. Just call me Jasso, okay?"

Ukit sighed. "Prince, it really wouldn't kill you to act royal at least once in your life."

Jasso waved his hand dismissively. "I'd rather not risk it." His striking eyes roved over the foyer until they took notice of the trio of Finn, Jake and Marshall Lee.

"A vampire?" Jasso said quizzically as he made his way to the boys. "My, my...I've never seen one before. What's your name?"

Lee took the prince's hand and began shaking it. "Marshall Lee, the Vampire King. Nice to meet you, Jasso."

"PRINCE Jasso." hissed Ukit, eyeing Lee up and down. "And you should feel grateful that the prince has allowed you to touch his person."

"Ukit, take a chill." said Jasso, waving him away. "And you two are Finn and Jake, I presume?" The heroes nodded and fell to their knees in respect. "Honored are we to meet the ruler of the Thunder Kingdom."

Jasso sighed and motioned for them to stand back up. "Dudes, seriously, stop the whole official stuff. I hate that. Just act as if I was anyone else in Ooo, okay?"

The pair nodded uneasily and Jasso returned to Prince Bubblegum. "Well, shall we begin the tour? I've only got a few hours before I have to be back at the Thunder Kingdom."

"R-right away." replied Bubblegum, still put off slightly by Jasso's lackadaisical behavior. "If you'll just follow me, I'd like to start off with the lab..."

Marshall Lee stared after the two as they left the room, Ukit following close behind. "He seems...nice?"

Jake nodded, crossing his arms. "Yeah, he's pretty cool. Finn?"

But Finn was silent. His eyes were doing that thing then do when he's really freaked out. They were solid black and Finn stood as still as a statue, an incredibly creepy, passive look on his face.

"Finn?" called Jake again, snapping in fingers in front of the stunned hero. "You there, bro?"

Finn nodded sagely. "Yeah. But that guy...that Thunder Demon..."

"What about him?" asked Marshall, worried for Finn.

"He's evil."

Of all the evil in Finn's rouge's gallery, they all had one thing in common; deceit. Ricardio had seemed to be a nice guy, but had ulterior motives to 'cut out Princess Bubblegum's heart and make out with it.' The businessmen had seemed professional and hardworking, but turned out to be crazy. And the Ice King spoke for himself, especially since the whole 'Nice King' thing. And while many shared Finn's paranoia and wariness, in response to his accusation of Prince Jasso being evil, they had only one thing to say.

"Finn, you're crazy."

"I'm not crazy!" Finn shrieked back as he peered around an archway, tailing the trio of Bubblegum, Jasso and Ukit. "He's totally evil! I just know it!"

"Far be it from me to agree with Jake ever," said Marshall Lee, who was floating above the distressed blonde. "But I think he's right. He doesn't seem bad. I mean, you thought I was evil when you met me."

Finn turned to glare at him. "You pinned me down in the middle of the night and tried to suck my face off."

"Don't act like you didn't love every minute." smirked the vampire.

"ANYWAY..." said Jake, wanting to steer away the conversation. "If Jasso really is evil, what reason does he have for being here? He wants to make an alliance with the Candy Kingdom, after all..."

"He probably just wants it to seem that way, so he can swoop in and take it over! I mean, seriously, have either of you heard of this Thunder Kingdom?"

"It's 'recently developed'." Lee replied, air quotes and all. Finn waved away his sarcasm. "Whatever. I KNOW he's up to something, and I'm gonna find out what."

"And this is the royal badminton court." said Bubblegum, gesturing widely around the massive arena. "Over there's the swimming pool and over there is the ball pit."

Ukit sniffed and looked around the area in disdain. "We did not come here for leisure activities, Miss Bubblegum. We came to see if the Candy Kingdom is worthy of entering into a treaty with-"

"Ahem." went the sound of Jasso clearing his throat, shooting his diminutive butler a glare. "You'll have to forgive him, he and fun aren't exactly the best of friends."

Bubblegum chuckled nervously. "Well, let's continue."

As the two walked through the pavilion, Finn poked his head out from the ball pit, eyes locked onto Jasso. "C'mon..." he whispered, an intense look on his face. "Lemme see some proof how evil you are, Thunder Demon..."

"So you're stalking him now?"

"EEP!"

Covering his mouth, Finn whirled around to see the bat form of Lee staring at him, tiny hands on tiny hips. "That's a little creepy, man."

"He's evil, I know it! And I'll prove it; watch! Any minute now, he's gonna do something bad."

The two stared as Bubblegum droned on about the architecture of the Candy Kingdom, Ukit with a perpetual frown on his face and Jasso looking so bored, the glaze in his eyes could rival donuts.

"Wow, yeah." said Lee sarcastically. "That's the look of one super-evil hombre. Should I run home and grab your demon blood sword?"

"Yeah!" said Finn ecstatically, to Lee's shock. "Might as well be prepared for whatever evil plan he decides to enact!"

Bat Marshall Lee facepalmed. "Oy vey."

Princess Bubblegum led Jasso into a large room covered in a glass dome filled with a menagerie of plants; the greenhouse. Birds chirped and fluttered around and butterflies flitted about, the evening sun casting a serene glow over it.

"And this is the greenhouse. Within it contains every breed of plant you could possibly imagine."

"I see..." muttered Ukit. "No doubt some for concocting poisons, I'm sure."

"N-no!" quickly replied Bubblegum, waving her hands. "I-it's just a hobby!"

"That's perfectly understandable." assured Jasso, glaring so hard at Ukit little sparks of electricity crackled in his eyes. "He doesn't understand that people have methods of passing time that are enjoyable." Ukit merely scoffed.

From high above, Marshall Lee, in regular vampire form, held Finn tightly around the waist. The hero himself was staring down at the trio through a pair of binoculars, brows furrowed in concentration.

"Look at him." grumbled the blonde. "I bet he's thinking of aaaaaaall the havoc he could wreak in this place."

Lee rolled his eyes for what felt like the billionth time that day. "Yes, dear, so much havoc. He could pluck every petal off every flower in here, and we'd be doomed to contend with having no flowers for at LEAST a few weeks."

Down below, Ukit cut off Bubblegum right as she was explaining the uses of her jawbreaker perennial. "Miss Bubblegum." he said in a clipped tone. "Much as I love horticulture, we are on a VERY tight schedule. Could you please use what little time we have left to show us something of VALUE? Something that would make us want to align with the Candy Kingdom?"

Bubblegum's face briefly flashed an angry red but was quickly replaced by a look of serenity. "Of course, Mr. Ukit. Perhaps the exercise room, where we can find a device to remove the stick from your ass?"

Silence.

Ukit's jaw dropped into a perfect 'O' of surprise, just as Bubblegum covered her mouth, cheeks redder than the flames of the Fire Kingdom. Jasso was literally rolling around on the floor with laughter, tears streaming from his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry!" Bubblegum furiously apologized as Ukit's fur bristled in anger. "I-I don't know what came over me-"

"Bubblegum..." Jasso said as he picked himself off the floor. "You are a freaking RIOT. That's the first time I've ever seen someone other than me put Lord Stuffy Ears in his place." Wiping the last few tears of laughter from his eyes, Jasso picked up the fuming Ukit and placed him on his head. "Shall we continue the tour?"

Nodding, the princess gestured them out of the greenhouse to the rest of the castle.

"..."

"..."

"..."

It was Lee who broke the silence. "That...was...HILARIOUS. I've NEVER seen Sugarlocks lose her cool like that. Serves that sourpuss bear right, though, huh, Finn? ...Finn?"

But Finn was covering his mouth, trying his best not to laugh.

After several more tours (where Ukit was ordered by Jasso to keep his mouth shut and Jake had to leave midway through to keep a date with Lady Rainicorn), Finn and Lee stalking them the whole way and finding no evidence of evil, the group ended up in the banquet hall, ready to sit down to a farewell dinner. Finn and Marshall Lee sat on either side of Bubblegum, with Ukit seated at Jasso's right. Peppermint Butler came in with a food cart carrying several covered dishes and set one before each of the diners.

"It's...it's not candy, is it?" inquired the prince.

"No!" replied Bubblegum as Peppermint Butler swiftly removed the dishes to reveal a steaming plate of spaghetti with meatballs, and garlic on the side for each of them.

"GOOD GOB!" hollered Jasso, his eyes tripling in size.

"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry!" moaned the princess, covering the dish. "I was just so nervous about what to serve I went with the easiest thing and..."

Just when it seemed Bubblegum was about to break down, Jasso turned in her direction. "I don't think you understand; I flippin' LOVE spaghetti and meatballs."

Bubblegum's eyes lit up as Ukit scoffed. "Caviar, crackers and finger sandwiches would've been more appropriate."

Finn opened his mouth to retort but Lee silenced him with a swift under-the-table kick.

"And it's a nice night out, too." Jasso said, gazing out of one of the many enormous windows. "We don't get much snow in the Thunder Kingdom."

"Well," began Bubblegum. "The Candy Kingdom is famous for its clear evenings, as well as..." She paused. "Did you say 'snow'?"

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!

Bursting through the ceiling came a massive pillar of ice that split the elongated dinner table right down the middle, sending chucks of plaster and ice everywhere. Ukit yelped and dove under the table as Jasso, wide-eyed, simply scooted his chair back. From above came a high, wicked cackle as a tall, imposing woman descended via elegant lighting bolt-shaped eyebrows.

"Now, isn't this rude of you!" laughed the Ice Queen, landing on the ice pillar. "Having a party and you didn't invite me!"

"Ice Queen!" snarled Finn, unsheathing his Root Sword and getting into a battle stance. "Why are you here? Prince Gumball's not even in the Candy Kingdom right now, he's on vacation!"

"Don't gimme that!" snapped back the ice witch, sending a bolt of frost at Finn that he narrowly avoided. "You're always keeping the princes under wraps, but not this time! Now, fork over Gumball!"

Marshall Lee floated up from his seat and rolled up his sleeves. "Ice Queen, before I lay some serious-ass smackdown on you, I have one question to ask: who's watching Gwynn?"

"Gina, of course."

"Oh, okay." And then he lunged.

Ice Queen jumped out of the way of the vampire and quickly shot a ray of magic at him, coating him head to toe in ice. "Nice try!" cackled the witch, sticking her tongue out.

"REEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Finn, springing into action; Root Sword held high.

Mock-yawning, Ice Queen shot a blast at Finn's legs, instantly coating them in ice and sending him plummeting to the ground. "Gotta do better than that, blondie! Now, last time, where's Gum-"

"ICE QUEEN!"

The queen visibly flinched as Bubblegum rose from her seat, her eyes blazing and fists clenched. The princess had tried so hard to make Prince Jasso feel welcome, to show him that the Candy People were good, kind-hearted citizens that would do no harm to others and the Ice Queen had come to ruin it.

16 hours of hard work down the drain.

Needless to say, she was pissed.

ROYALLY pissed.

"I spent all day setting this up..." said the princess, so softly after her previous howl that it was borderline terrifying. "Trying to get everything perfect...to forge an alliance with a new nation...and YOU...had to come in here...and FUCK IT ALL TO GLOB! GUARDIANS!"

Two hands tore off the ceiling of the castle, the two Gumball Guardians glaring down hard at the wide-eyed Ice Queen.

"Get RID of her!"

"[Yes, princess.]" replied the gargantuan sentries in their monotone.

Ice Queen whipped around to glare at Bubblegum, taking flight on her eyebrows. "This isn't over, pinky! Prince Gumball WILL be mine!" And, sticking her tongue out, she took flight, avoiding the hands of the Gumball Guardians.

After the chaos was over, Ukit, jumped out from under the table, a look of pure anger and indignation on his face. "Princess Bubblegum! Is THIS how you take care of a nation?" He gestured around the destroyed banquet hall for emphasis as Bonnibel slumped in her seat, cringing in shame. "To even THINK we would form an alliance with such spineless, cowardly, incompetent fools that couldn't fend off the attack of a mere ice witch is nothing more than fanta-"

"Ukit, shut up."

Four pairs of eyes (one set frozen) turned to Prince Jasso, who was looking up at the hole Ice Queen had escaped from. His eyes were alight with wonder, pink very faintly ringing his cheeks.

"Princess Bubblegum." whispered the Thunder Demon. "Who was that?"

The princess sighed and slumped further in her seat, rubbing her temples. "That was Ice Queen. She's a constant annoyance to everyone. She's obsessed with kidnapping princes and she's totally crazy and freaking dangerous and-"

"The most beautiful creature I've seen in all of Ooo."

Absolute.

Total.

Silence.

Ukit's eyes bugged out so much, the veins were visible. Finn's jaw dropped so hard and so fast, the bones cracked slightly. Marshall Lee was so shocked, the sheer energy of his surprise shattered the ice. And Bubblegum...

She stared at Prince Jasso as though he had suddenly stripped naked, grown two extra heads and commanded her to do the cha-cha while juggling fruit pies. "Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-what?"

"Those eyes..." said Jasso, the pink in his cheeks glowing brighter. "Such an alluring mixture of blue and white. That voice...like a raging spring thunderstorm. That passion and drive...the likes of which I've never seen. And such form...the way that flowing dress hugged very curve. An angel in a witch's image..."

Finn turned to side and violently threw up as Marshall Lee fainted, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Bubblegum waited for locusts and frogs to come trampling in any second now. "Prince-I mean, Jasso...you...CAN'T be serious."

"In all my years of living, I've never been more serious; and I'm NEVER serious." In a flash of lightning, Jasso was in front of Bubblegum, holding her hand like a priceless object. "You say you wish to enter into an alliance with my kingdom?"

Bubblegum nodded dumbly.

"Bring me this Ice Queen so that she might be my bride and you shall have your wish."

Hehehe...~