My father had been rushed to the hospital. It was nearly dark when L and I left the café; we had been talking longer than we had originally thought. L had called up Watari - whose name is really Quillish Wammy - and he drove us to the hospital my father was taken to. I was anxious the whole ride there, sitting in the back of the limousine with L next to me. He didn't provide much comfort, but I was grateful that I wasn't going to my father alone, even though L is practically a stranger, despite how safe I feel around him.
We were silent for the entirety of the ride, and I just sat, looking out the window at the passing buildings and the people on the sidewalks, oblivious to the turmoil we were going through. I watched the red flashes streak along the tinted blackness of the glass. I could see L watching me in my reflection, and when I met his eyes through the reflection, I smiled at him. There was no heart in it, but I think he understood my meaning.
I held his gaze for a while. It was easy, since I wasn't looking directly at him. I knew there was a careful mask in place, so he couldn't read my thoughts. My eyes didn't flash red, and I couldn't read my name in the black depths. I read it in the reflective glass, of course, but there wasn't anything I could do about that. The kanji characters swam above my head, becoming warped every time we passed a light outside.
When we pulled up to the hospital, I broke our gaze. Watari assisted us out, and I raced into the busy building, right up to the front desk, L and Watari right behind me. "Yagami," I told the woman, and she nodded.
"Room 765," she informed us, and I took off.
Now I'm sitting beside my Dad in the room, and L is curled up beside me in his own seat. The room is small and white, and my Dad has the room to himself. There are a couple of paintings hung on the walls, adding a splash of color to the room. Behind me, there is a table with a television on it, facing my father, and cabinets locked up tightly below. My mother is standing by the door, talking to L and I. "Okay, see you tomorrow. Have him call home if you need me to bring anything," she says, looking at Soichiro. "Raito, take care of him, okay?" she requests.
I nod. "Sure, Mom." She sighs and leaves the room, closing the door softly behind her. I stare at the door for a moment longer, and as does L, his thumb to his lips. L and I turn simultaneously towards Dad, both of our faces carefully blank. It's kind of creepy. Nevertheless… "So the doctors think stress was the only cause?" I ask Dad, allowing some emotion to leak into my voice. I don't like opening up myself anymore than necessary around the odd detective beside me, because I know every move I make is being watched and analyzed to completion. One wrong move and I'll be locked up for being wrongly accused as a mass serial killer.
"Yeah," he tells me, and I relax somewhat. I was so afraid that Kira had caused it, or some other problem with his health. "To be honest, I thought it was Kira when I first collapsed, but I'll be alright. It seems I've been pushing myself a bit too hard lately."
"Indeed," L agreed. "It must've added to your stress knowing that Light-kun is a suspect in the investigation."
I turn to him angrily, and snap, "You actually told my father that?"
"Yes," he says blandly. "In fact I've told him everything. It's true he even knows that I am L."
I turn to my father in disbelief for the nerve of this guy, but my father takes it the wrong way. "That's correct," he says. "This man is L." Like I care right now, I think. "To protect his identity, we on the Task Force refer to him as Ryuuzaki, but make no mistake - it's him. So, Ryuuzaki," Dad turns to L, and L focuses on him, rather than the white wall he had been staring at. "Now that you've had a chance to talk to my son, is he cleared of suspicion?"
"When I say I suspect him, you should know it's very minor," L replies. "There is little chance that Light-kun is Kira. We've gone over this but I'll explain it again. Not long ago, Kira killed 12 FBI agents that were sent to Japan to assist us." He turns to me. "They were instructed to follow people connected to the Japanese police. One of the agents, Raye Penber, exhibited unusual behavior before he died."
"I understand," I press, crossing my arms. "I was one of the people Raye Penber was investigating before he died. It only makes sense I'd be a suspect. Oh, to be precise, there is no one else you could suspect."
And that is my problem. I'm the only one connected to the police who is smart enough to out-do L as Kira has done. And, I'm one of the people Raye Penber was investigating. But, I am not Kira, and I can't seem to get through to L. He doesn't understand that I don't have any reason to kill these people - criminals or no - nor do I have any real drive to kill, even without a motive. I'm reminded of the painful truth that we are mortal everyday, every hour, every minute. I don't want to reinforce that.
"I find Light-kun's deductive powers quite impressive," L interrupts my thoughts. "He is always quick and to the point."
"Ryuga-kun, I'd like to help with the investigation," I tell him. "My father has erased any doubt I might have had -" there was none, "- regarding your true identity. Also, I'd like nothing more than to catch Kira, so I can prove I'm not him."
"No, Raito," my father says quietly. "This is a time in your life when you should be studying to become a police officer. It won't be too late to join us once you are done."
I don't believe it. My father is telling me no? I don't recall asking for his opinion on the matter. Not to mention, "Com'on, Dad, what are you talking about? Who knows how many years that'll take? Besides, don't you remember my promise? That if something ever happened to you, I would hunt Kira down and make sure he gets executed." I look down at the bedspread, knowing that I'm acting like a child. But, technically, I still am one. I'm not twenty yet.
"Light, listen to me. Kira is pure evil. We can all agree on that. But recently I've started thinking of this whole situation in a different way." My father's eyes close. "What is truly evil is the power to kill people. And anyone who has come to posses this kind of power is cursed. No matter how you use it, no true happiness can be obtained like that. Not by killing other people."
"I think you're absolutely right," L says, and we both turn to him. "If Kira is just a normal person who somehow obtained this awful power, I would say that he's cursed."
My father sighs slightly. "Ryuuzaki, I am sorry for all of the trouble. I'll be back in work as soon as the doctors let me out of here."
L looks surprised at my father's comment. He looks like he's about to respond, but a nurse comes in and says, "Excuse me, visiting hours were over ten minutes ago." Bitch.
Still, L and I stand up and I give my father a quick hug before following the wayward detective out the door and down the hall. We walk in silence, passing several doors along the way. A new woman occupies the secretary's desk when we pass it again, but she doesn't look up from her crossword puzzle as we pass. I break the silence just as L makes it out the door. "Ryuga-kun," I mutter, and L turns, still quiet. "What would it take for you to believe that I'm not Kira? Please, isn't there something?" I'm ashamed to be reduced to begging, but I can't think of anything else to do. L is like a rock - immovable and impossible to see through.
L's eyes widen a fraction. "If you aren't Kira it won't be necessary," he says. "Let things run their course and the truth will be revealed."
"I can't take this anymore!" I tell him desperately. "Put yourself in my position, how do you think it feels to be accused of being Kira?"
L looks down slightly before answering, "It is one of the worst feelings ever."
Really? I wonder. This guy must be a fucking genius, I think sarcastically. "What if you were to lock me up in someplace for a month with no T.V. or any other kind of access to the outside world and keep and constant watch over me?"
He shows no reaction to the suggestion. "That's no good," he tells me. "I can't do anything that would deprive you of your basic human rights. And furthermore, it is complete nonsense for the investigator to take suggestions from his suspect." L gets in the car, and Watari closes the door. He rolls down the window and speaks to me through the gap. "Don't worry so much, be patient; it will become apparent to us if you are not Kira. And listening to that conversation between you and your father, I was almost convinced you might not be him. Light-kun, please take good care of Mr. Yagami."
L pulls back, and just as he rolls up the window, I say quickly, "And one more thing. I know I agreed to help with the investigation, but I don't think I will be able to do much until my father is healthy again."
"Yes, of course," he replies, and the car drives away, leaving me alone beneath the shrouded stars and artificial lights from the hospital entryway. As I'm standing here, I feel that same cold feeling, swirling around the bones of my spine and between the plates, seeping into the crevices and chilling my entire body.
...
My father is still in the hospital when the Kira case progresses. My mother is in the hospital with him at the moment, while Sayu is downstairs watching a movie of some sort. I, however, am in my room again, fighting off another migraine and vaguely listening to my own television while I lay face first on my bed. My eyes are closed, and I am curled up tightly, my hands pressing hard into my temples. I have already taken an overdose of the migraine medication, but it isn't working.
I haven't seen L since that night when we visited Dad. That was eleven days ago, and I admit, I miss his company. I have no one to talk to, aside from acquaintances such as Kiyomi Takada. I'm thinking of asking her out, since she is fairly intelligent and is very beautiful. But she is not L, who, while I cannot talk to him freely, I can be more of myself than with anyone else. He challenges my mind, rather than boring me. It's a nice change, one that I think I got used to far too quickly, seeing as my standards have been raised and I can barely tolerate the people I used to talk to in high school.
A sharp pain breaks my thoughts, and I groan, pressing my temples more and curling up tighter. A few tears leak from the corners of my eyes from the pain. Still, a few words from the T.V. break through to my foggy mind. "In other words, all of the reporters and staff here are being held as Kira's hostages," the announcer says grimly. Despite the blinding pain in my head, I sit up and try to focus on the television. It's blurry at first, but that is to be expected, I suppose. "Aside from that, we have a professional obligation to share this message with you. I assure you that this is not a hoax, and that Sakura TV is not airing this tape for the purposes of sensationalism.
"Four days ago, our program director here at Sakura TV received four tapes. After a thorough examination, there can be no doubt that they are from Kira himself." The announcer pauses for dramatic effect, probably, and then continues, "The first tape we received contained a prediction regarding the time of death of two suspected criminals who have recently been arrested. And, as predicted, at the exact time that Kira had specified, both men died suddenly of heart attacks yesterday. Kira has instructed us to air this second tape -" the screen flashes to a picture of a video tape sitting innocently on a table, then switches back to the announcer at his desk, "- at exactly 5.59pm and we do intend to comply with his demands. This tape should offer proof of his powers by predicting yet another death. Beyond that, we understand that is contains a message to all of the people of the world from Kira." Really, now? I wonder what Kira has to say. "And now, the video."
The screen blanks out for a moment, becoming an off-shade of white with letters spelling out 'K-I-R-A' in the center, similar to what L himself had done when confronting Kira after his stunt with Lind L. Tailor. There is a moment of background noise and shifting, signaling that Kira might not be used to this sort of thing. Then a computer-altered voice is heard on the recording, telling the world what Kira has to say.
"I am Kira," he starts, and I can't help but think, well, duh. "This video is being aired on April 18th at exactly 5.59pm as I requested, then the time now is 5.59, 41, 42, 43, please change the channel to Taiyou TV. The news anchor Mr. Kasuhiko Hibima will die of a heart attack at exactly 6.00." I reach for my remote and change the channel, not at all surprised to find the news anchor dead at his post. People begin to crowd around him, clearly unaware that he was just killed by Kira. A man waves his hand in front of the camera, and I change the channel back.
"I will present you another video." Another jolt of pain makes me lose the rest of the sentence. When I hear correctly again, Kira is saying, "Scheduled to appear in a live broadcast, he too, has dared to defy Kira." I missed the channel and the victim, but, no matter. I got the point - Kira is now killing people who work against him. He really has gone insane.
"Now that you've seen proof of my powers, you should have no trouble believing that I am Kira." Not at all. I'm fairly certain that this is Kira's work, or at least some version of it. Honestly, I am wondering when L will try to stop the broadcast. I glance at my computer, then decide to pull up the live news broadcast, to see what they have to say.
When it's up, I see that the video feed is directly outside of Sakura TV's main building.
"People of the world, listen to me," Kira says, "The last thing I want to do is kill the innocent. I hate evil, and love justice. I've always thought of the police as allies, not enemies. I intend to create a new world, a world that is free from evil. If you all agree to join me on my mission, I know we can make it happen, and as long as no one tries to catch me, I promise the innocent will not die. Even if you don't agree with me, all I ask is that you not publicize your views in the media. If you can do that, you will be spared. All you have to do now, is be patient. I will create a better world that we can all enjoy. Say goodbye to the world as you know it. Soon, we will have a new world, ruled by benevolence, with only kind hearted, honest people. Try to imagine it," he urges, and I feel bile rise up in my throat. "A world where the police and I -" I turn off the TV and throw my remote onto the bed beside me, leaning back.
Kira has no right to try and suggest that he and the police force are the same. They are similar, this is true, but not the same. The police don't kill people without knowing the circumstances surrounding the crime, after all. I do agree with Kira in some ways - that major murders and rapists and terrorists should die for their crimes. They are horrible people, after all, and society would be fine without them. But still - Kira is a criminal himself - killing people is never the way to go about things. People will inevitably die anyway, so why bother? You're just condemning yourself, anyway.
A high-pitched noise comes from my computer, and my head throbs in response. Dear lord, why does my head hurt so badly? I ponder this as I stand on shaking legs and move to my computer chair, which I collapse into. I lean forward, my elbows on the desk and my head resting on the inside palms of my hands, my tired eyes watching the screen of the computer, which is playing the news.
A man - Hirokazu Ukita - is getting out of a police car. He's a short man with a tame haircut, wearing a police uniform. He runs up to the doors of Sakura TV and begins to bang on the glass, and, when that method fails, he digs his fingers into the crack between the doors and tries to pry them apart. All the while, he is screaming for them to allow him entrance. He informs whoever is guarding the door on the inside that he is a police officer and that he demands entrance. This method fails as well, so, apparently quite frustrated, he pulls his gun and levels the bullet hole with the locks on the doors.
Then he freezes up, and the guns slips from his fingers. He falls to his knees, then crumples further to the floor. He's dead, I notice, looking at the numbers that had dropped from roughly twenty more years of life to zero in a few seconds. But how did Kira kill him with just his face?
"We interrupt this program to give you live news from just outside Sakura TV. As you can see, someone has just collapsed outside the door. Again, we're coming to you live from the Sakura TV building."
If Kira can kill with just a face now, does that mean the whole Task Force is going to die? I don't like that thought. That would mean that my father and L would die, and then where would I be? On a sudden thought, I turn my TV back on and look turn to my screen again.
I look closely at the news broadcast, figuring that Kira would be near the building, or watching the doors with a camera.
"And now I need a response from the police. You must decide weather or not you will help me create a better world for all of us. Please announce your decision on the 6 o'clock news in two days. I've prepared two videos; one to be aired if the answer is yes, and another if the answer is no."
Another siren sound comes from my computer's speakers, and I notice a large police van come speeding down the road, past Ukita's car and body, and it goes straight through the doors. The glass makes a large shattering noise that hurts my sensitive ears and I see the shards fly everywhere. They are scattered along the ground, sparkling in the artificial lighting. Well, I think drowsily, that's certainly one way to get through the doors. "A vehicle has just driven through the front doors of the station," the news broadcaster announces. "We're still outside Sakura TV," she continues. Two more police cars drive up to the scene, and I wonder if they have a death wish. "As you can see, a police car has just arrived." And I was right. Both men from the cars collapse just as soon as they leave the safety of the tinted windows. "Two men have just collapsed outside on the sidewalk. I think we might be in danger," she says, and the image begins to become a little fuzzy. They are moving the camera. "We're moving away from the scene."
The crew moves the camera far enough so that they won't be killed, but I can still see the scene. Roughly five minutes pass without incident, then I hear several sirens, and I have to turn down the volume of my speakers. I watch as several dozen police cars drive up, and line up in a semi-circle around the entrance. Police officers with masks over their faces pour out of the cars. I can see why they would do this. I can still read each of their names, but Kira has always needed a face to kill. The officers give out several orders, and shift their numbers so that the door is completely concealed from cameras.
"Listen up," someone says, "there is a very good chance that Kira is still in the vicinity of the station. As you move out, proceed with caution, you are not to remove your helmets."
"There you have it," another news announcer says, "the police refuse to cooperate with Kira. Instead, they are preparing to fight. And, as much as I fear for my own life in saying so, this is right. And it must be done. Kira has become a threat to our very constitution, and, as citizens, we must fight back. I am NHN's Golden News Anchor, Kobi Takibaga."
Well, then, I think. My head gives another painful jolt, and I close my eyes as tears leak out of the corners of my eyes. What the hell…?
I turn my TV and computer off, partly because I think they're done for tonight, and partly because I can't think straight and it would just aggravate my migraine. I get up from my chair and my vision blurs for another second before I get my bearings and land heavily on my bed. I position myself so that my head is on my pillow, and I'm facing my window. My curtains look like blobs of color rather than fabric, and they seem to bleed into the cream color of my walls. I close my eyes and the pain lessens just a small fraction. I don't know how long I just lay here, curled up like a child, thinking of nothing before I fall into a dreamless slumber.
...
The next morning when I wake, my migraine is gone, and I thank every god I know of for it. Chronic migraines are something I have always gotten - I think they are another price for the sight I have. I seriously don't know why I have to have the damn things in the first place, but I have them and there isn't anything I can do about it.
Still, the migraines were something I would get once to three times a month, not every other day as I do now. And even then, they had never rendered me as helpless as I was last night. I could think through them, and I could move with only a little dizzy spell when I stood up too fast. But now, it seems like I cannot do anything with these. For the first time in my life, I thank my photographic memory because I would not have remembered a thing that the news and Kira had said last night if not for it.
I wonder what L thought about it.