A/N: A big, big thank you to all that have read and reviewed this story so far. I can't even begin to describe how much I appreciate it.
Thanks to all on the rooftop who have put up with my moaning and groaning over writing this story -- you guys keep me on the ball!
Holly x
FOUR: In Preparation…
Jack Bolton always prided himself on being a very prepared man.
Two months before his son was born, he had already 'baby-proofed' the house, packed an overnight bag for the hospital, worked out the quickest route to the hospital and practised his birthing coach exercises. He had read up on labour; about childbirth - about the correct breathing exercises and how to measure contractions.
When he was captain of the East High Wildcats over twenty years ago, he always had his game mapped out weeks in advance - for friendly games and the big championship games.
When he became coach of the East High Wildcats, his organisation skills soared. He even made sure to pass some of that preparation dust onto his captain son months before the start of season.
When Chad Danforth came running up to him mere hours before his son's wedding and announced he had "misplaced" the rings, Jack was calm. Jack was cool. Jack was prepared. It had taken him a full hour and half to locate the bands of gold but he had done it.
He was always prepared.
Until now.
He knew immediately after his wife fell against him in uncontrollable sobs that she would be expecting him to be prepared - perhaps he would start reeling off contact details of councillors who specialised in stillbirths and child loss. Or maybe he'd know the right that to say to his grief-stricken son and heartbroken daughter-in-law. Maybe he would announce he'd speak to the doctors and specialists to achieve more information. Or he might just be able to work out why this monstrosity happened and how to make it all right again.
His mind was empty. His wife sobbed into his shoulder and he held her; trying to let the words Chad Danforth and Taylor McKessie had spoken only seconds before sink in. He hadn't even realised that such a predicament could exist - a woman giving birth to a dead baby? It was unnatural; it was sick. It was mind boggling and surreal.
He watched as Taylor led an inconsolable Maria Montez to a chair that was situated in the small family waiting room; trying to comfort her as best she can. Chad stood there helplessly; his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans and looking as though he hadn't slept in days.
Jack was the first to speak. "Where's Troy?"
"In with Gabriella still," Chad responded hoarsely. "They came out of the delivery room an hour ago but he hasn't left her yet."
"And he didn't think to call us when all of this came out?" Jack didn't mean for his voice to sound sharp, but the emotions were working their way into him, despite his strong urges to keep them at bay for the sake of his family. "We could have done something…"
Chad merely shook his head and looked to the ground. "He was in Texas when Gabi found out. I found her in the bedroom crying because she couldn't feel the baby moving. That's when I took her to the hospital and we found out… I was going to call you straight away, Jack; you know I would. But their heads were all over the place last night and Troy didn't want to have to talk about it all over again. He wanted to wait until after the birth - at least to get that ordeal out of the way."
Jack nodded his response. "How-" he swallowed, noting the stupidity of his words as they flowed freely from his mouth. "How are they?"
"I haven't seen them since the birth. The doctors said Gabriella was resting - apparently it was a complicated and painful birth, so she's on painkillers which are making her drowsy. They say they want to keep her in overnight and I'm guessing Troy's staying too. I was just heading over back to their house to pick up a few things."
"Oh no, Chad, we can do that," Jack gave him a small smile. "You guys look like you haven't slept in days - I can go back and get them a few things."
Maria Montez choked back another sob from the other side of the room. "What about the baby?" She asked weakly.
"The baby's in an isolation room," Taylor answered; her voice low. "The, uh, midwife suggested that we go and see if there's any clothing Troy and Gabriella would want him to wear… or any teddy bears or toys they would want putting in the moses basket. She did explain this to them but I guess it hasn't sunk in yet and Troy was in no mood to talk about it. Gabriella's been sleeping since they brought her out of the delivery room."
"And they're going to see the baby right?" Maria asked. Chad and Taylor exchanged looks of bewilderment.
"We, uh," Chad was the first to speak. "We don't know. They haven't said. We haven't seen--"
Rosa Harper interrupted Chad, much to his relief. The midwife greeted the three parents and offered her sympathy. Jack stood up straight, taking in every word the young woman spoke - about the birth, the complications, the procedure, counselling that would be offered - not only to Troy and Gabriella; but to them as grandparents - and finally, about the baby.
"A perfect baby boy…" Rosa's words hung in the air around him and suddenly he could hear nothing else. Lucille fell back against him and Maria allowed Taylor to comfort her. Finally, every ounce of preparation that ever existed in him went. He had a grandson. A perfect grandson. He used to dread the day he would be known as 'grandad'; the word seeming too old for his forty-seven years. But now, all he wanted was to be congratulated for being one. Even if he'd never experience any of those breathtaking, life-changing events with his first grandchild.
After Rosa finally left them room, Chad stepped forward, knowing the three adults would be going in to see their children. "Um, me and Tay are going to head off to Troy and Gabriella's. They'll need the toys and the clothes pretty soon, so we should…"
Taylor unwound herself from Maria and nodded her head slowly; sleep deprivation lingering in her deep eyes. "Yeah," she agreed tiredly. "We won't be long."
Jack nodded his head in response with a small smile. "Thanks, guys. I think I'm speaking on behalf of Troy and Gabriella as well when I say that… I think this situation would have been a lot worse without you there supporting them."
Chad just nodded and shoved one hand into his jeans pocket, the other grasping Taylor's as a form of comfort. "Just… tell them we're thinking about them, okay? And we'll be back to see them soon."
Jack nodded again and watched as Chad led Taylor out of the room and as they disappeared from view, he let out a deep breath. "Come on, ladies," he said lightly, tapping Lucille's cheek affectionately as she looked at him. "We need to pull ourselves together. I think they've had enough heartbreak in the last forty-eight hours."
Jack Bolton always prided himself on being a very prepared man.
But nothing in the universe could have ever prepared himself for the foreseeable future.
--
Troy kissed her hand again. And again.
And again.
As if the simple gesture would work to eventually fix everything that had broken apart in the last couple of days. He was desperate now. He didn't know what else to do. All he knew was that he just had to be there.
But was that enough for Gabriella?
Gabriella slept soundly on the small bed; her fingers grasped tightly in his. Subconsciously, his thumb grazed over her third finger and the wedding band and engagement ring that adorned it. His eyes never left her face. Her simple features; the beautiful chocolate eyes he felt he could drown in forever hidden under weary lids; the shattered pain lingering in her being forced guilt and blame out of him like a flash of lightning.
He didn't know how… or couldn't fathom why… but he knew all this was his fault. In some way; some unknown way, he was responsible.
Troy lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles again. He'd put her through the most unbearable pain, both physically and emotionally, that no woman should ever have gone through. And he was supposed to fix it.
He didn't hear the door open. In fact, it didn't occur to him that anyone else was in the room until he felt a strong hand fall onto his shoulder and Maria Montez appeared at the other side of Gabriella; her hand going to her daughter's forehead and brushing strands of hair from her face.
"Troy." His dad's voice pricked his ears. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
Troy shook his head slowly as he felt Maria's soft gaze on him. "No thanks," he managed to breathe out. "I'll stay here."
"Troy." His mom's voice picked up now, and he could sense the despair in it. She was already breaking down. "You need some fresh air… and some food. Your father and I need to speak to you and I'm sure Maria would like to be with Gabriella alone right now."
"Really?" Troy couldn't keep the sarcasm from his tone. "I'd love to be on a plane right now; on my way home from Texas. I want to be psyched about winning against the Spurs and walk through my front door and greet my eight-month pregnant wife and celebrate with her. Then I want to go into my unborn son's nursery and fuss over whether everything looks perfect or not because," here, he drifted off, and Jack tightened his grasp on his sons shoulder. "Because there isn't long left until the birth and everything has to be perfect."
Maria collapsed into a chair and held onto Gabriella's other hand; the tears falling without her even realising. "She looks so delicate," she commented quietly, running her hand slowly over Gabriella's curls. Lucille leaned over Troy to rub Gabriella's forearm gently and looked at her son's solemn face. When her helpless gaze turned to Jack, the basketball coach moved to help Troy out of the chair.
"Come on, son," he said softly, eventually managing to get Troy into a standing position. "Let's get some flowers to brighten up this room." Jack smirked thinly, waiting for the inevitable, 'dad, are you really a woman?' comment, but it never came. He watched as Troy leaned over Gabriella and pressed a small kiss to her forehead. He hovered over her sleeping face, emitting Jack to clear his throat uncomfortably and put his hand on Troy's arm to gently lead him out of the room. "She'll be there when we get back."
Troy walked ahead of his parents as they made it to the narrow corridor, shaking his mother off his arm as she tried to cling to him.
"Troy," Jack called, having to pick up his pace to catch up. "Hold up."
"The shop's this way, dad," Troy replied tiredly. "Just around this corner."
Jack stopped his only child in his tracks, keeping a firm grip on his shoulder. "I know where the shop is, Troy. You think we brought you out here to discuss flowers and candy?"
Troy ran a hand through his hair. "Well that's all you'll get out of me. I don't want to talk about it."
"You have to at some point." Troy looked into Lucille's eyes and saw the unwanted tears that hung in her lids. His eyes softened; his mind too quickly thinking of his son as his parents first grandchild and then reverting back to his own suffering. "The doctors will be offering you and Gabriella counselling, and I think you--"
"I don't want it." Troy walked straight into the small hospital gift shop; his eyes so obviously keeping as far away from the balloons and presents of congratulations. Lucille looked to her husband helplessly and he patted her forearm gently as he followed Troy into the gift shop.
Coming up straight behind his son, who was aimlessly glaring at various cards reading 'with sympathy', Jack hissed softly in his ear. "You don't think you need it."
"It's not about what I need."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous." Jack couldn't keep the anger from his tone. "Sure, Gabriella's been through something truly horrific and traumatising but so have you."
Troy clenched his teeth and went to walk away. "Quit reminding me I'm not as strong as you are." The words cut through Jack's heart like a knife. "It's so easy for you to stand there and say that but I'm not going to crumble and let her deal with this alone."
Lucille let out a choking sob, having heard every word as Troy stormed out of the shop; barging past confused visitors and making his way towards the main entrance of the building. Jack watched his son's retreating back, feeling as far away from being prepared as humanly possible. He slowly turned back to his wife and quickly pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Pick out some flowers for Gabriella… keep Maria company?" It was more of a demand than a question and Lucille nodded her reply. "We both know they'll get through this, okay?" She nodded again, squeezing his hand before he turned and walked at a fast pace in the same direction Troy had gone; his heard beating so erratically he thought it would stop dead flat any moment.
He found his son sitting on a bench a couple of hundred yards away from the main entrance. Jack walked down the small grassy hill towards him and quietly took a seat beside his hunched form. His hand was in his hands; the elbows digging painfully into his thighs. Troy flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't look up.
"Dad," he croaked. "Can I just please deal with this my own way?"
Jack linked his fingers. "Your way sucks," he replied. "Your way means you drive yourself crazy."
"I am not crazy," he spat, his face still hidden by shaking hands. "I just need to think about this."
"Think about what?"
Suddenly, Troy's head snapped up and Jack caught a glimpse of unshed tears. He saw anger about to spill out of his son and hurriedly prepared himself for the onslaught. But then, like a flash of lightning, the anger disappeared and Troy's face fell. "I don't know," he admitted before finally looking his father in the eye for the first time since he arrived. "What do I think about?"
Jack let out a loud sigh. "Well, I guess you think about that light at the end of that tunnel."
"What light?" Troy let his head fall back into his hands. "I don't see it, dad."
"What do you see?"
"I just see Gabriella," he mumbled, his voice breaking with every word. Jack squeezed his shoulder tighter in assurance. "I thought she was…" A sob escaped his lips as he spoke, his mind clearly challenging him to say the words. "I thought I was going to lose her too in there."
"She looks like a delicate doll," Jack smiled softly. "But everyone who knows her knows she's got hidden strength."
"You didn't see it." His lifeless eyes stared forward. "She was in so much pain and the baby wouldn't move. She just kept pushing and pushing but nothing happened. And in the end, they had to drag our baby out of her with the biggest pair of forceps I've ever seen. She didn't even comprehend what was happening, dad. She was just crying out and the doctor and midwife were forcing her to keep pushing, even though I could feel life was just spilling out of her. She went through all that and I…" again, his voice faltered. Jack's arm circled Troy's shoulders. "I just sat there and cried. I didn't do anything. I just… sat."
"Troy…" Jack was trying so desperately to keep his head together.
"Have you ever felt so completely useless? So useless that bam! suddenly you're joining the group of the worlds worst husbands."
"Troy, you are not a bad husband."
"She could've died."
"But she didn't. And she would have been in a hell of a lot more pain if you weren't next to her. You're not useless and don't ever think you are. And as for what you said in there?" Jack pointed back to the hospital building. "Bullshit, son, and you know it. You are one of the strongest people I know - you and Gabriella as a unit? You can overcome anything."
"Yeah, dad, I think this is a little bit bigger than giving high school status quo the finger."
"You're strong together, Troy. You always have been. And in many ways."
"I don't know how we're going to come through this. She blames herself for freaking out when she found out she was pregnant and I wasn't even there to help her when all this started."
Jack shook his head vigorously. "Don't start with the guilt, Troy. I'm not having you sitting out here moping around and blaming yourself for something you had no control over. I can't even begin to think about what's going on in your head right now - hell, I'll be honest, I don't want to ever find out. Can I see myself handling this calmly in your position? Troy, fuck, no! I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you or what advice to give here… All I can do is be there and to me, it sounds totally useless and completely and utterly pointless because there's nothing I can say… Troy, you need to talk to a specialist."
"Gabriella," Troy uttered in the midst of quiet sobs.
"Her too," Jack squeezed his son's shoulder again. "She needs help too."
"No, she needs me. Don't you get it?" The fire burned in his eyes again. "I have to do this for her."
Jack started to get desperate. "Troy, there is no way on this planet that you guys can get through this on your own! It's stupid to think that way and it's suicide to your marriage to not allow her to try and get over this with proper support."
Troy stood up abruptly, glaring down at his father with true hatred in his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Jack clenched his eyes shut quickly, cursing himself inwardly for his choice of words. "No, Troy, I didn't mean that--" He drifted off as Troy walked away from the bench; making his way towards a large patch of green that seemed to lead to nowhere. "Troy!" He stood up and ran, ignoring Troy's sharp requests to leave him alone. "Troy, you know I didn't mean that."
"Whatever."
"You know what I mean by proper support. You're there for her like no one else could never be and she needs you more than anyone."
"Shove it up your ass, dad."
At this, Jack latched his hand on to Troy's arm and forcefully pulled him to a stop. It tugged his heartstrings as Troy faced him; the anger still laced in his once cobalt eyes - silent tears falling freely from them. "Snap out of it, Troy." Jack glared at him desperately. "You're no use to Gabriella this way, and I didn't raise you to believe you're nothing. You've never been nothing!"
"And what the hell do you think is going through Gabriella's head right now?!" His words were sharp; dripping with poison.
"I dread to think, but I know she needs to talk to someone about it."
Troy shook his head dejectedly and Jack could see the anger drifting away again. "She hates me, dad."
"She does not hate you."
Troy embedded in hand into his hair, the frustration and need for everything to just declare itself as one horrible nightmare pouring out of him. "I wasn't there."
"You can't put yourself at blame for not being a mind reader."
"But she knew he wasn't moving two days before I left! She didn't want to worry me but I should have known -- she can never keep anything away from me and I just ignored it."
"It doesn't matter how many times you try and figure out what went wrong, Troy. It doesn't matter how many different ways you look at it -- you couldn't have prevented it. Whether you were there beside her when she first noticed he wasn't moving or whether she confided in you five minutes after she got nervous; you couldn't have done anything."
"Dad--"
"No, you'll listen. Do you want to lose her?"
Troy shook his head solemnly. "Of course I don't."
"Okay," Jack calmed his tone. "So you know what you do now? You go back to your wife and you tell her you love her. You forget all about pointless 'what if's' and you take her hand and tell her you'll be there beside her through this. You be there when you both need to grieve; you encourage yourselves to accept the professional help offered to you because otherwise you'll be living the rest of your lives with the guilt you shouldn't be feeling. You'll end if losing her if you keep thinking like this."
Jack's face softened, his own emotions and torment rushing through his body as Troy finally broke down into uncontrollable sobs. "Don't you remember your assistant coach back when I was in high school?" Troy flinched as Jack tried to comfort him. "Don't you remember when he and his wife went through a miscarriage?" Jack nodded slowly in understanding. "They split up, dad. I remember seeing him and wondering what the hell had happened to make him so low. He lost his child three months into the pregnancy, and in the end, he and his wife divorced because they weren't strong enough to make it."
Troy didn't flinch this time when Jack forcefully put his arms around his only child. "You know that's not going to happen with you and Gabriella."
"What if it does?" Jack didn't try to soothe Troy's cries, instead allowing him to relieve himself of as much pain as he could. "They went through a miscarriage. I watched as my wife gave birth to my dead son. I just sat there and watched as she went through all that. What if she hates me for it? What if she wakes up one day and resents me for not keeping my promise to her?"
"There was nothing you could have done…" Jack was running out of words; his usually prepared state failing his mind as he desperately wracked his brains for the right words. Just anything to ease all of this. Somewhere inside his shattered soul, he knew there was nothing he could say. "There was nothing you could have done."
"I just feel so… useless." Jack held onto him tighter; his sobs refusing to subside.
"Do I really need to be telling you all this, Troy? You know Gabriella would never see you like that -- and anyone else for that matter. I have no doubt in my mind that you guys will get through this. You just need to allow yourselves to grieve together. Promise me you'll think properly about the counsellors support. Promise me you'll talk to Gabriella about it?"
"And it's that simple?" Troy pulled out of his fathers grasp, wiping away the stray tears and squaring his shoulders.
"No, it's not that simple. What the hell is there in life that is? But it's a start."
Both didn't hear Lucille approach and when they finally noticed her as she stopped by Jack's side, neither took in her tearful eyes and quivering lip. "Troy?" She reached out for him with a shaky hand. Troy allowed her to engulf him in a hug and felt her sigh heavily as he gave into her comfort. "She's awake," she breathed as Troy pulled away. "She's asking after you. I think she wants to see you."
Troy looked up at Jack, who nodded with a small smile as if to say 'I told you so'. Troy returned the subtle gesture, before looking at his father in the eye and uttering, "We were going to name him Jack," he gulped as his father's face cracked. "We called him Jack." Glancing back at his heartbroken parents briefly, Troy turned on his heel and sprinted back to the hospital building.
"Jack?" Lucille looked up at her flabbergasted husband as he put an arm around her shoulder and held her close. "Is he going to be okay?"
Jack Bolton was always prepared for anything.
Exceptions to this fact? His son needing him after losing his unborn child. The grievance to bear knowing he'd never meet his first grandchild. His grandson. His namesake. Jack Bolton blinked away his tears and his mind called to him to snap out of it. The torment and horror would not end that day. He needed to get himself prepared.
"Jack?" Lucille asked again; her voice breaking. "Are they going to get through this?"
Subconsciously, he had been preparing himself for that very question from his wife of twenty-seven years.
And in this time of heartbreak and compassion, he knew he had to lie.
Placing a kiss to her temple, he breathed as he watched his son's retreating back fly towards the main entrance. "He's gonna be okay, Lucy. They're gonna be okay."
--
"Tomorrow, you can see your baby."
Tomorrow.
There was some part of Gabriella Montez that didn't want tomorrow to come.
The room was dark and quiet. Both her mother and Troy's parents had reluctantly left an hour before; Chad and Taylor in tow. She pulled the hospital sheets up closer to her neck; her heavy eyes begging for mercy and sleep to overcome her. The day had seemed like a year. She couldn't fathom what she was thinking; what she was feeling. Her small hands lay on her stomach which tormented her pathetically - a small bump remained; the only leftover indication that she had carried a child for the last eight months. Now all that remained was lifeless and sagged skin, giant purplish stretch marks and a vulgar nightmare that had been forever imprinted in her mind. She felt crude, improper… dirty. The guilt continued to eat away at her fragile mind and she clenched her eyes shut to try and drown it out. It mocked her with a vengeance; forcing her battered body into a state of shock and repulsiveness.
The door opened and Troy slowly walked in, carrying a small teddy bear and a bouquet of lilies. "Hey, gorgeous," he smiled, coming over to sit on the bed. He was wearing a mask and Gabriella saw right through it. Her ribs seemed to enclose tightly around her heart. "Walked by the shop and saw this little guy staring at me, begging me to buy him for you." He handed her the bear and she smiled as he tapped her nose with it. "And these…" he gestured towards the pink lilies. "Well, these are just pink and girly and you always said that I should make an effort to get you something pink and girly at least once a month."
"So you do listen to me," Gabriella's voice was raspy but there was a hint of mocking in her tone. "Should I feel privileged?" She knew Troy could see through her barrier. Without another word, Troy removed the paper packaging from around the delicate flowers and placed them in the vase situated on Gabriella's bedside table. She watched as her husband placed the teddy beside them and ran his fingers through his hair. Reaching up, Gabriella took a hold of his hand, noticing the look of surprise on his features as she quickly laced their fingers. "Tell me you're staying here tonight," her voice shook as she spoke.
His eyes falling, Troy lifted his other hand to run his knuckles over her defined cheekbones. "Like I'd go anywhere else."
"Tomorrow we're going to see Jack?" It sounded more like a question then a statement, and Gabriella blinked heavily as Troy nodded his head. Tears began to swell in her eyelids and she looked down, ashamed of herself. "I don't know if I can," she whispered, biting her bottom lip with intensity. "I don't know if I can do it."
Troy felt his heart brake all over again and instinctively leaned into her, touching his forehead to hers. "Baby, you can."
Gabriella shook her head and allowed a single tear to rain on her cheek, giving Troy the sweet task of gently brushing it aside. "I just keep imagining how he'll look… and what it will feel like. I always thought about the first time he'd latch onto my finger. He's not going to."
Troy rubbed his nose against hers, willing his own heartbreak to hold back while he concentrated on being the husband she deserved. He owed her that much; as a failure in his mind, he owed her everything. "We have to say goodbye," he sighed with shaky breath. "We have to see him, Gabriella. We'll always regret it if we don't."
Closing her eyes, Gabriella reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his body up and over her body as she held him tight. "Troy?" She whispered, ghosting her lips over his own eyes and cheeks. "Baby?"
"What?" He whispered back, taking in everything about her.
"You do still love me, don't you?" Her words cut through him; piercing his heart.
"You're seriously asking me this question?" His eyes widened at the sincerity of her features. He gulped. Was this the first stage of a marriage downfall? "Gabi, how many times do I have to tell you you're everything to me?" His hand raked soothingly through her matted locks. "Of course I love you."
Gabriella merely nodded; her fingers playing idly in his hair; almost as though making a memory of how it felt to hold him so close. Troy brought his lips to her cheek and kissed away another tear before looking back into her eyes, frantically searching for any remains of the Gabriella he loved before this hellish nightmare began. His heart broke all over again when he couldn't find a single trace.
Seeing the tiredness wash over her, Troy quickly kicked off his shoes but didn't bother with the remainder of his clothes as he slid beneath the sheets of the single bed. Gabriella manoeuvred herself to rest her head against his shoulder; her arm laying lazily over his chest. He held her tight, pressing a kiss onto her curls and running his fingers through them. A part of him was terrified that sometime in the near future, he'd be faced with the prospect of never holding her like that again.
"I know it won't make you feel better if I say I'm sorry." Her voice was timid; as though succumbing to some evil force eating away at her broken insides. Troy flinched upon hearing; his mouth opening to tell her to not be so ridiculous. It was his fault, not hers. "But I am." She spoke before he could utter a single word.
"Don't," his voice quavered. "Gabi, don't--"
"I want you to forgive me." A bout of strength hung in her tone. "I don't mean right now… or even tomorrow. I love you and I really want you to consider forgiving me."
Sentiment was the furthest thing away from her voice, and without realising he was breaking all over again, Troy began to sob against her; holding her tighter and feeling her sigh gently against his chest. "Gabriella, you know I don't--"
"Tomorrow." She cut him off again, lifting her head and placing a small but loving kiss on his lips; silencing him. She dried his cheeks with her thumb and kissed him again - her own way of soothing him, of trying to take away his pain and suffering with a single kiss. "We'll see Jack and we'll say goodbye." Troy swallowed heavily, his mind spinning. Gabriella's gaze swept over his face and he saw right through her. "I just…" she drifted off, letting her head fall and bury her face in his neck. "I just always wanted to be what you deserved."
"You are." Troy couldn't keep the anguish and sorrow from his voice and he pressed kisses along the side of her face. "You are, Gabi. You are." He felt the salty tears fall onto his skin and he tried with every last piece of strength he possessed to take in his dad's words… even Chad and Taylor's words.
They wouldn't sink in and they refused to give him some sense of hope. They just hung in the air, challenging him to dare to take them in - as if knowing his weakness and using it as a weapon against him. Mocking, agonizing, disdainful.
"You are," he croaked again. "You are."
He couldn't begin to dare to think that she believed his every word.