Despite having slept fitfully all week Nishinoya could not catch those few hours of much needed sleep. He needed to be well rested and on his game to prepare for the trial of making up with Asahi, and he had nothing else to do in the infirmary, anyway.
When he finally did manage to doze off it was restless, barely dozing. He could feel the wrenching of his gut the entire time, influencing his imaginings of scenarios and turning them into flashes of nightmare. He couldn't seem to stop himself from, one way or another, seeing the situation end terribly.
Nishinoya wasn't certain whether it was more of a relief or more painful to be woken from these nightmares by an unmistakable too-loud voice carrying through the curtains at lunchtime. "Is Nishinoya Yuu-san still here? We were told he was sick and wanted to see how he is," Hinata worried, to which the school nurse replied "shh, voices down… last time I checked he was sleeping, so now might not be a good t-" but Nishinoya croakily cut in "come on in, then." The scratchiness of his voice heightened the illusion that he was unwell, which he was grateful for.
He repositioned the hard, flat pillows so he could prop himself upright on the gurney as Erina-sensei drew aside the medical green curtains with a scraping clatter, admitting the small group into the cubicle.
Immediately Hinata began rushing to Nishinoya, appearing to be mid-leap when he realized that jumping onto a sick person might not be the best idea. He tottered forward on one foot, arms windmilling before he caught his balance. A corner of Nishinoya's mouth upturned in amusement. Daichi, Sugawara and Ennoshita followed the two first-years in. It was upon noticing that Asahi wasn't there that the small smile took on a forced quality.
Sugawara explained "no-one saw you around at recess. Tsukishima had Takeda-sensei for Literature in third and figured he'd know where you were, being club advisor and all, so he asked and let the rest of us know."
Nishinoya barely heard, too distracted by the way his heart sank with the lack of Asahi's presence. He hardly registered the surprise that everyone seemed to be sharing at the fact that cold Tsukishima, of all people, had taken the initiative to ask about the wellbeing of one of the teammates he supposedly despised.
Trying to seem as if the answer didn't concern him, Nishinoya reached over to steal Hinata's bento-box, taking out one of the octopus sausages and munching on it as he nonchalantly asked "so where's Asahi?" and last minute "everyone else, too?"
"Asahi…" hummed Sugawara thoughtfully, before shrugging. He looked to Daichi, who also shrugged with an expression that said 'no clue.' "Everyone else though," he continued "thought there wouldn't be enough room. It was going to be only me and Daichi coming at first, but these three insisted" he gestured with his thumb to where Ennoshita, Hinata and Kageyama stood.
Disquiet tugged at Sugawara's brows as if it were just occurring to him, "but Asahi, now that I think about it… we have chemistry together in first period but I didn't see him."
Daichi added worriedly "he didn't show up to our history class in third and fourth either. I haven't seen him at all since practice this morning. He didn't even join us at lunch today, like he usually does."
Nishinoya's gut flip-flopped with discomfort and his forced smile crumbled away completely. Daichi's eyes narrowed as his observant eyes picked that up, and Nishinoya knew the captain was scrutinizing the faint remaining blotchiness on his cheeks and the puffiness of his eyes. Nishinoya broke eye contact, hoping he wouldn't figure out that the sudden illness was a lie. Looking to everyone else now, he noticed the overwhelming aura of agitation that everyone seemed to have. 'I'm just overthinking it. It's not that obvious that I've been crying, right?'
Thank God for Ennoshita, who supplied "looks like you've got some pretty bad hay-fever or something?"
Grateful for the excuse, which everyone latched on to, Nishinoya pondered "uh, yeah… I walked pass the gardening club on my way to class and there was this weird flower. Guess I was allergic" he ended with a rueful smile.
Daichi's lips thinned markedly, and Nishinoya almost interpreted it as anger, but after a second appraisal realized his captain was troubled. Though his voice was steady as ever as he said "it's lucky we had this afternoon as a planned day off already. Better make the most of today and tomorrow to rest and get better before Sunday."
Nishinoya nodded curtly as if that had been an order, twinging internally with guilt for making them worry. "I'll be sure to not stress myself out too much. You two will probably be practising later even though we're supposed to be having an R and R break," Nishinoya jested to the first-year duo. They looked only the smallest bit bashful but didn't attempt to deny it. 'I know why Takeda-sensei thinks we're a bunch of volleyball nuts; because we are.'
As silence extended the libero began "so, Tsukishima…?"
Hinata grinned evilly as he exclaimed, gesticulating wildly the entire time, "I know, right? I went to him about it and he was being a total tsundere, saying stuff like 'I only did it because Yamaguchi told me to.' Then Yamaguchi told me he actually didn't and Tsukishima might not be as much of an asshole as I thought he was." The way Hinata impersonated Tsukishima was admittedly hilarious.
Kageyama frowned, crossing his arms over his chest as he argued "who are you talking about? The Tsukishima I know is a four-eyed prick. Besides, where's your proof? I didn't hear Yamaguchi say that, therefore, no frickin' way."
"Aww, he really did say it though!" whined Hinata defensively.
"Gonna need some proof," insisted Kageyama.
"What, you expect me to record when I'm talking to people all the time? Of course I have no proof! I can't get it now!" the orange-haired spiker huffed.
"Just sayin' I don't believe you," concluded Kageyama simply.
Hinata pouted as if he wanted to dispute more but couldn't think of anything else to say without going around in circles.
Ennoshita piped up from behind everyone else "you know, Kageyama, Tsukishima isn't really that bad a guy."
Nishinoya never knew it was possible for Kageyama to look so incredulous. "But… but he's a total dick!"
Ennoshita chuckled and hesitantly retorted "maybe he treats you the way you treat him."
Even Nishinoya got a giggle as everyone else broke down in fits of hysteric laughter at the gobsmacked expression Kageyama donned, as if he'd never even considered that.
The banter continued for the remaining 30 or so minutes of lunch, Nishinoya repeatedly lapsed into silence, only occasionally chipping in when it felt like everyone was starting to take note of the unfamiliarity of it.
At last, the bell called them back to class and the curtains were drawn closed with a polyester whisper, leaving Nishinoya in solitude once more.
He anxiously checked the time on his phone, insides squirming as he noted there was less than 3 hours until school finished and the time came to face Asahi.
Following lunch time, it was nigh on impossible for Nishinoya to get back to dozing. He tossed and turned, the same bad scenario's playing out in his head over and over until he was feeling legitimately nauseous.
When the end of day bell rung out across the grounds, stampedes of feet soon passing by the infirmary soon after, Nishinoya whimpered. The thought of the task ahead tortured him. All he wanted to do was bury himself beneath the thin, scratchy blanket and procrastinate what needed to be done, but he knew now was the best and only time. If they hadn't worked everything out by Sunday, their teamwork could be affected and they'd be huge burdens during the practice match. He didn't want to abandon his mission today because he knew he would make some excuse to avoid forcing himself to go see Asahi at his own home tomorrow.
'I gotta go see Asahi. I gotta go see Asahi. Remember what Takeda-sensei said, don't leave it for later. I gotta go see Asahi. I've got to speak to him.' It took him nearly five minutes of this mantra to build up enough of his will just to sit up on the bed, with a few self-derisive insults thrown in to get him to stand up. He kept the mantra running as he quickly stopped by his locker to grab his backpack, throwing it over one shoulder as he breathed deeply in an attempt to calm the intense thrumming of his heart. At some point his hands had started shaking and it took him 4 attempts to fit the lock back into place.
Half hoping and half afraid that he'd delayed too long and Asahi was gone for the weekend, Nishinoya power-walked the rest of the way to the front gate. On the way, a guy from his class waved farewell as he headed to soccer club. Nishinoya forced a weak smile and returned the gesture.
There weren't many students left within the school grounds now except those who attended demanding clubs. A large number were gathered at the bus stop further down the road, but most had already been picked up by parents or begun walking home. Nishinoya checked the time again. '3:26…' Gut roiling with a new ferocity, Nishinoya vaguely remembered that he had eaten nothing all day except the octopus sausage he'd stolen from Hinata. He'd skimped on breakfast because he'd been too distracted and nauseated by how he was planning to end things with Asahi. Now, after bringing that goal to fruition, he was trying to reverse the huge mistake he'd made.
'Come on, self. Toughen up. You're not in elementary school anymore, you're a grown man now. You can't back out of something a little difficult. If you really like Asahi you can do this, you can definitely talk it out with him. I just need to open my mouth, make some sounds... That's all talking is. Not that hard, right?'
He was more nerve-wracked than he tended to be before volleyball games. Though those had been more thrilling than anything, this… this was a little bit of apprehension mixed with doubt, distress and fear.
He wiped his sweaty hands on his rumpled white button-down shirt, pacing back and forth along a short distance of fence to keep occupied. The feeling of wanting to make a run for it only intensified when Asahi rounded a corner, head down, and started in his direction.
'Deep breath… breathe… pull yourself together, man!'
With Asahi less than 20 feet away, it took every ounce of determination Nishinoya possessed to remain. As the distance between them rapidly shortened, Nishinoya could see the way Asahi's shoulders slumped more than usual and sense the overwhelming aura of misery he emanated. He knew it could very well be all his fault.
Nishinoya's determination grew marginally. 'If I'm the one who made him upset, it's my duty as a man to make amends.'
Squaring his shoulders, Nishinoya called more weakly than he hoped "now a good time?"
The giant startled, wide eyes darting up to meet Nishinoya's. After a moment he wilted again and looked away, fiddling with the straps of his backpack as he heaved his wide shoulders into a defeated shrug that made him seem more fragile than he looked.
Nishinoya was uneasy seeing his Ace in such a state. The only time he'd appeared as gloomy as he did now was after losing that match to Date Kogyo, the one which had prompted Asahi to quit volleyball for a time.
Clearing his throat, Nishinoya steadily repeated "now a good time? I… I feel like we should talk."
Silence.
"Somewhere more private maybe?" prompted Nishinoya uncertainly.
Asahi grunted, which the libero took as consent. Without further discussion, Asahi lowered his head once again and resumed walking. Nishinoya instinctively took pursuit. Within minutes he figured they were heading to Asahi's house.
'That was easy enough… just gotta make some more words and it'll work out…'
Nishinoya's gut clenched violently.
'Fuck, who am I kidding, this next bit is going to be so much more difficult.'