The Girl in my Nightmares

Disclaimer: I do not own Hey, Arnold! or any of its characters.

Chapter 4 – I'll Miss You

Arnold's P.O.V.

Our junior year of high school was finally over.

"Man, it feels great to say good-bye to school for a couple of months!" Gerald said, as we walked down the stairs from school. "No more studying, no more essays, no more listening to Mrs. Brawley…"

"Actually, I think I'm going to miss it." Phoebe cut in.

"Yeah, no kiddin' Phoebes! We'd never have time off school if it were up to you." Helga sneered.

Gerald grabbed Phoebe's hand and pulled her into a hug. "The only thing I'm going to miss about school is you." He kissed her.

Gerald and Phoebe had officially started going out, and now that they spent most of their time together, Helga and I would tag along. Things still felt awkward between us, which is why I'd decided to wait a little longer to tell her how I felt, but at least she was talking to me again.

"I'm gonna miss school too, Phoebes." I agreed.

"Yeah right, football head." Helga said. "I'm pretty sure school's what you'll be thinking about while you're lying around in the beach eating ceviche."

I was spending summer break in Costa Rica with my grandparents and Gerald.

"What are you doing this summer, Helga?"

"Nada! I'm going to be stuck here all summer with Olga and her stupid husband."

Olga had gotten married four years ago to a guy named Andrew. He was the typical man any woman would want to marry: tall, good looking and rich. Helga obviously hated him, but he was in fact a pretty nice guy. They had two kids: Andrew Jr. who was almost three years old and Jazlyn, barely nine months old. Helga was always going on about how annoying they were but the truth is she secretly adored them.

"So… are we in for tonight?" Gerald asked. "I heard this party's gonna be W-I-L-D Wiiiild!"

Peapod was having a huge party at his place downtown to celebrate the end of the school year and apparently the whole school was going. We were leaving early the next day, so this was the last night the four of us could hang out together.

"I don't know, Gerald. We're leaving pretty early tomorrow and – Ow!"

Helga's fist punched my shoulder. "Oh, c'mon football head! You could use a wild night."

I could never understand how a girl who looked that skinny could punch so hard. "Fine… I guess we could –"

"Great!" Gerald said, and leaned in to kiss Phoebe. "So, I guess we'll see you two ladies tonight."

When Phoebe put her arms around Gerald for a more intimate kiss, Helga and I glanced at each other uncomfortably.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "So, uhm… Phoebe's house at nine?"

"Sounds like a plan."

As soon as I got home, I started packing for Costa Rica. Then I took a quick shower and, after rummaging through my whole closet, finally picked out a clean plain white shirt and a brown jacket, and sprayed some cologne on.

While I walked down the stairs ready to leave, Grandpa looked at me slyly.

"Well, look at you… all bright and shiny! Who are you trying to impress?"

Warmth crept up my face. "No one, Grandpa."

He leered at me. "Are you done packing? We're leaving early tomorrow. Don't stay out too late."

"I won't, Grandpa. And yeah, I'm all set."

"It's going to be so much fun! Your Grandma and I spent our honeymoon there, you know? When we –"

"Grandpa, could you please tell me about it tomorrow? I'm already running a bit late."

"Go on, then. Have fun!"

I headed towards the door.

"Oh… And, Arnold?"

I turned around.

"Good luck!" He winked.

My face turned red again. "Thanks, Grandpa!"

It was 9:15 when I knocked on Phoebe's door. I glanced down at my shoes and waited for someone to answer the door. When I heard the doorknob turn, I looked up and saw Helga on the other side.

My insides went warm and my heart skipped a beat. She was standing in the doorway, her hand still clutching the door, wearing a little black dress that would've made any teenager's heart jump up and down. She looked stunning, almost as tall as me, with a pair of high heels on. My mouth went dry.

"Where's tall hair boy? Why isn't he with you?"

I swallowed hard and opened my mouth. "Err… He, uhm… He said something about picking up Sid and Stinky on his way."

"Hm… Well, Phoebe's not ready yet anyway, so… Do you wanna come in?"

I barely nodded and she moved aside to let me in. When she closed the door behind us, we both stood there in the hallway not knowing what to say to each other.

"She might be a while. Do you wanna sit down?" She finally said.

Again, I just nodded.

Helga grabbed a magazine that was lying around and sat down on the couch pretending to read it. I sat on the couch across from her and tried to focus on anything but her long athletic legs. I hadn't noticed how long I'd been staring at her until our eyes met and I quickly looked away. I could tell we were both relieved when Phoebe finally walked down the stairs.

A while later, Gerald arrived with Sid and Stinky. As we were getting into the car, Stinky held out his hand to help Helga get in. "Gosh, Helga, you're looking awfully pretty tonight. Looking all ladylike and all."

Helga's cheeks turned pink and she glared at Stinky. "Get the hell out of my way, you dweeb!" She pushed his hand aside and climbed in. I climbed in after her.

Gerald's car was one of those mini compact ones, so Sid, Stinky, Helga and I had to squeeze in in the back.

"Move over, you morons! I can feel the freakin' arm rest pressing into my ribs!"

"Where the heck do you want us to move, Helga?" Sid glared. "There's no fuckin' room!"

"Well, maybe if someone hadn't –"

"Y-You can sit on my lap if you want." I offered.

"What?! I'm not sitting on your lap, football head!"

Stinky's head popped out to look at Helga. "I reckon we'd all be a lot more comfortable if you did."

"There's no way in hell –" Gerald made a quick turn that made us all crush up against Helga. "Ow! What the heck, tall hair boy?! Learn how to drive will ya! Crimeny!"

I saw Gerald smirk through the rear view mirror and I knew he'd done it on purpose.

"Fine! I'll sit on football head's stupid lap!"

Helga moved to sit on my lap and Sid and Stinky repositioned themselves on the backseat. Now I was the one feeling uncomfortable. Having Helga this close to me was making me sweat and causing all kinds of weird stuff in my stomach. I stared out the window and tried to think of anything else.

Suddenly, Gerald hit a bump on the road and my arms instinctively wrapped around Helga's waist. She yelled at Gerald for being a lousy driver and, instead of shoving my arms away like I expected her to, she leaned in closer to me. My heart started racing. I wasn't sure if I should take my arms away from her or keep them wrapped around her waist. I could feel the tension in her body, so why wasn't she pulling away?

We finally made it to Peapod's house, and the whole place was crowded. We eventually found Rhonda, Nadine, Harold and a bunch of our other friends on the deck.

Rhonda's eyebrows flew skyward as her eyes swept over Helga. "Well, well, well… What do we have here? Could it really be Helga G. Pataki?" She sneered. "Jeremy must've had a big influence in you if you've finally decided to leave your jeans and sweatpants at home."

Helga's hands clenched into fists as she glared at Rhonda. "Doesn't matter what I'm wearing, Princess… I could still beat the crap out of you! Dress or no dress… So you better keep your big mouth shut if you know what's good for ya."

Rhonda rolled her eyes and waved a dismissive hand. "Clearly you will never be anything but a tomboy, Helga. And no change of outfit will ever change that."

Helga continued to glare at her as Rhonda stuck her nose up in the air and turned towards Nadine.

I took a step closer to Helga and whispered into her ear, "Don't listen to Rhonda."

Helga snorted and shrugged, pretending not to care. "When have I ever listened to anything little miss no-brained princess over there has to say?"

"I know… I'm just saying you're great just the way you are, Helga. Like you said, it doesn't matter what you're wearing… you're still you… and…"

"And what?"

"And I like you that way." Helga's eyes grew very wide and then she frowned. "You do look very beautiful tonight, though."

"Err… Thanks. You, uhm… you don't look so bad yourself, football head."

"So, ladies…" Gerald said, "Can we get you something to drink?"

Phoebe smiled. "I'd just like a soda, please."

"And anything with alcohol for me," said Helga.

"Okay. Coming up." Gerald nudged me forward and we went to get some drinks.

The house was so cramped it took us ages to get to the bar. As we squeezed our way through, Gerald looked back at me and said, "Tonight's the night, Arnold!"

"The night for what?"

"What do you mean for what?! For telling Helga, of course!"

"I don't know Gerald. I was planning something a little more –"

"Why not? Think about it, man! We're leaving tomorrow, so if she blows you off, you'll have the whole summer to get over her. You'll meet some cute Latina, and –"

"And what if she doesn't blow me off?"

"I'm sorry to tell you, but I wouldn't count on it, bro… But if she didn't blow you off, I guess you'd just see her when we get back. No big deal."

As we headed back to the deck, I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if she said yes. What would it be like if Helga and I actually dated? I'd thought about how I'd tell her and I'd fantasized about what it would be like to kiss her -we'd kissed before a long time ago, but I meant really kiss her - but I hadn't given much thought to what would happen if she said yes.

Maybe I should just get it over with… Just tell her how I felt about her and see what happened. Crazier things had happened… hadn't they? What if she felt the same way?

I stopped dead on my tracks when we reached our friends. Jeremy was there, hovering over Helga. What was he telling her that he needed to lean in so close to her?

"So," Jeremy said, "Are you guys having fun? Didn't think I'd find you here…" He looked directly at me as he put an arm around Helga. "I'm really glad you came, Helga. And I have to say you're looking smokin' hot tonight!"

Helga half smiled and nudged Jeremy in the ribs. There was no 'shut up, moron!' or 'get your hands off me' and I felt a stab of jealousy. I looked away and tried my best to ignore it.

After a while, Sid and Stinky came back carrying a tray of shots and offered us one each. I took mine and sniffed the strong alcohol in it. "What is it?"

Stinky just shrugged. "Beats me! But it sure looks fun to drink."

Helga was about to gulp hers down when I reached out and stopped her. "I'm not sure we should drink it if we don't even know what it is."

"Oh, c'mon football head! Lighten up!" She pushed my hand away and drank it in one quick gulp, keeping her eyes tightly shut as it slid down her throat. When she opened her eyes again she grinned and reached out to push the shot glass I was holding up to my mouth. "Don't be such a baby! It's not that bad!"

"Don't be so hard on him." Jeremy smirked. "Maybe it's too strong for him to handle."

What was the deal with this guy?

Taking the challenge, I placed the shot glass against my lips and, throwing my head back, poured it down my throat. It burned the whole way down.

Helga chuckled and was about to say something when Jeremy leaned to whisper something into her ear and pulled her away.

I saw Jeremy's hand slide into Helga's as they walked away and disappeared into the crowd.

Helga's P.O.V.

This whole summer was going to suck big time!

I knew I should be glad that Arnold was going away cause then I wouldn't have to see him every day, but I couldn't help the way I felt. Avoiding and ignoring him had gotten me nowhere. He just wouldn't give up! It suddenly seemed like everywhere I looked there he was with his adorable football-shaped head. And now that Phoebe was spending every freakin' second with Gerald, if I wanted to hang out with them, Arnold just came in with the package. Staying away from him was just… impossible!

All I wanted to do was curl up in a hole in the ground and hibernate through summer… But instead here I was at a party at Peapod's place with Jeremy and his friends.

I wasn't sure how it had happened. One moment I was playing Beer Pong and laughing my head off with Jeremy's friends, the other I was trying to stand up from a chair and the whole world was spinning around me. I would've collapsed on the floor if it hadn't been for Jeremy's arm around my waist.

He grinned and steadied me on my feet. "I think you should lie down for a while."

I shook my head. "No. I need to find Phoebe."

"Let me take you upstairs so you can lie down and then I'll go look for her."

"Go… upstairs… with you?" I asked, slurring every word.

He chuckled and draped my arm around his shoulders, keeping his tightly around my waist. "I promise nothing will happen if you don't want it to."

Feeling dizzy and a little disoriented, I let him lead me upstairs. When we got to the top, he opened the first door on the right and we walked in on a couple of horny teenagers making out on the bed. The guy threw a pillow at us as we burst out laughing and Jeremy closed the door.

"Lock the door, you nimrods!" I yelled.

Still laughing, Jeremy dragged me to the next empty room, which was some kind of studio, and helped me onto the couch.

He sat down beside me. "You never drink much, do you?"

"Nope."

Jeremy moved his arm to the backrest of the couch behind my head. "Then why did you drink so much tonight?"

"Can't a girl just try to have some fun?"

"Yeah… I just kinda got the feeling you're trying too hard…"

I shrugged and looked away. "I don't know… I guess I just wanted to get some stuff off my mind."

"What stuff?"

"That's none of your business."

He chuckled and moved a bit closer. "I might be able to help." When I just shook my head, he went on. "Then at least tell me why you accepted my invitation. I didn't think you'd come."

"I didn't. My friends wanted to come."

"Okay… Then why did you just spend all night with me, away from your friends?"

"You ask too many questions."

Again he chuckled and pushed a strand of hair out of my face, causing a tingling sensation to run down my spine. "Fine… Then you try asking me something for a change."

I stared back at him for a moment and asked what I'd been wondering since the first time we'd met. "Why do you like me?"

He thought about it for a second and then finally said, "I guess it's because I've never met anyone like you. You're unpredictable… and interesting." His hand moved up to cup my cheek and my heartbeat started racing. "And you have no idea how gorgeous you are, which makes you even more attractive."

A moment later, he was pulling my head closer and pressing his lips against mine.

He kissed me gently at first, nibbling softly, urging my lips apart. When I opened my mouth, he slid his tongue inside, exploring. I finally kissed him back, meeting him stroke by stroke.

I couldn't breathe… I couldn't think… My heart was beating so fast. I pulled my mouth away from his to catch my breath and clear my mind. Everything was spinning and I wasn't sure I could blame it entirely on the alcohol.

His lips moved impatiently down my neck, licking and tasting his way down to the spot where my pulse pounded. He leaned over me until I was forced to sink onto the couch and he was lying on top of me, his hips pressed hard against mine. His mouth moved slightly lower. I felt his hand reach up to cup my breast and my body throbbed from his touch, the sensation completely new and unknown.

I knew I had to end whatever was going on. But as I fought to say the words, his hands moved all over the place causing all sorts of tremors and shivers to run down my body.

My mind went blank…

And then suddenly, as my eyes drifted close, it was Arnold's hands touching me, Arnold's lips kissing me… but through the daze of the moment a nagging voice kept telling me something was wrong… that this wasn't right.

I opened my eyes and came back to reality. What the hell was I doing?

With a hard shove, I pushed Jeremy away from me and stumbled off the couch.

Jeremy looked up at me, his breath coming in short ragged gasps and the evidence of his arousal visible through his jeans. "I'm sorry," he breathed, "am I going too fast?"

"No." I said, trying to bring my own breathing back to its normal rhythm. "It's just that…" I looked him in the eye and shook my head. "…I can't do this."

"Is something wrong?" He frowned as he pulled himself up from the couch.

"Yes… No! I don't know…" I sat down on the couch again and buried my face in my hands. When would the image of Arnold stop haunting me?

"Who is he?"

"Who?"

Jeremy narrowed his eyes and stared at me. "The guy you're thinking about…"

"What? I'm not thinking about anyone!"

"C'mon Helga… you don't have to lie to me." He looked away for a moment and then back at me. "It's that blonde kid you're always calling football head, isn't it?"

"A-Arnold?! No! … I don't even like him!" I lied, feeling my face turn red.

"So now he's Arnold…" He mocked. "What do you even see in that guy? He's a freakishly shaped nerd!"

My blood boiled up inside and I leaped up from the couch. "Arnold is not a nerd!" I snapped at him. "And he's not freakishly shaped!"

"Then how come you're always calling him football head?"

I pushed him hard against the door and thrust my finger into his chest. "That's none of your bloody business!"

"Fine," he said, moving my hand away from him. "Whatever."

He stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. I sunk back into the couch feeling the nausea sinking in when I heard my cellphone vibrating on the floor. I picked it up and saw I had at least a dozen missing calls from Arnold and Phoebe, along with a text message from Arnold that read: 'Helga, where are you? We've been looking for you everywhere!'

Feeling an instant pain in my chest, I buried my face in one of the cushions on the couch and closed my eyes hoping no one, especially Arnold, would ever find me.

Arnold's P.O.V.

Helga had left with Jeremy hours ago and we hadn't seen her since. It was getting close to Phoebe's curfew and we were starting to get worried.

We started looking for her and eventually found Jeremy playing beer pong with a group of friends.

We walked up to them and I asked him where Helga was.

"Beats me." He didn't even look up at me and continued playing his game.

"I thought she was with you…"

"She was… but as you can see, now she's not."

My patience was running out so I took a deep breath. "Then where is she?"

Finally stepping away from the game, he turned and shoved me away. "I said I don't know! I'm not a fucking babysitter!"

I clenched my fist and tried to stay calm. "Where did you last see her?"

A smug smile curved his lips as he slowly replied, "Upstairs… second door on the right…"

"Why'd you take her upstairs?"

"Chill out, dude! What are you… her Dad?" Laughing, he stepped aside. "Go on upstairs. I probably left her nice and randy for you…"

What happened next was a blur. All I remembered was hot fury building up. One moment I was slamming my fist into Jeremy's face and the next I was lying on my back looking up at his bleeding nose while one of his friends was pulling him back.

"Let go of me! I'm fine!" He shoved his friend's hands away and pointed his finger at me. "Stay away from me, kid. I'm warning you."

Gerald reached down and helped lift me up. "Are you okay, man? Let's just find Helga and get out of here before you get both our asses kicked."

"Fine." I wiped blood off my split lip with the back of my hand. So that's what it felt like to get your ass kicked. It was already beginning to swell.

We found Helga exactly where Jeremy had left her. She was lying on the couch with her face buried in a cushion and her hand dangling to the floor gripping her cellphone. Phoebe sat down next to her and tried waking her up but she just vaguely opened her eyes and mumbled something in her sleep.

Gerald and I tried everything, from shaking her to pouring water into her face, but nothing worked. How much had she had to drink?

Phoebe sighed. "We'll just have to take her back to my house. I'm sure her parents won't mind if I tell them she's sleeping over."

I turned Helga over and slid my arms under her legs and back and lifted her off the couch. Her head slumped against my shoulder and her arm came around to hug my neck. Then I carried her to Gerald's car.

Sid and Stinky weren't coming back with us so I laid Helga down on the backseat and climbed in through the other side, lifting her head up and resting it on my lap. She muttered something about being cold, so I took my jacket off and wrapped it around her.

When we arrived at Phoebe's place, Gerald asked me if I could carry Helga up to Phoebe's room while they said good-bye to each other outside. I didn't like the idea of walking up alone with Helga. What if I ran into Phoebe's parents? But they weren't going to see each other most of the summer and I figured they just wanted some time alone together.

As I climbed up the stairs, I creeped into Phoebe's room, careful not to wake her parents up. I gently pushed the bedroom door open with my foot and carefully placed Helga on one side of the bed. I slid her shoes off and pulled the blanket over her. I knew I shouldn't stay any longer than I already had, but as I glanced down at her sleeping, I impulsively bent down and brushed a kiss over her forehead.

"You don't need to wear cologne…"

"What?" When I pulled away, I found her drowsy eyes looking up at me.

"I said you don't need to wear cologne… You already smell nice… You always smell nice…"

I chuckled and sat down next to her on the bed. "Thanks, Helga."

"You're welcome…" She closed her eyes and breathed. "…football head." She was silent for a moment and then said, "I'm gonna miss you…"

"I'm gonna miss you too, Helga… you have no idea."

Helga stumbled back to sleep and as I stood up, something on Phoebe's nightstand caught my eye. It was Helga's pink ribbon hanging out of a notebook with the initials 'H.G.P.' inscribed on the front cover. I grabbed the notebook and opened it to the page where the ribbon was laid in and read:

"Of Everything I have seen,

It's you I want to go on seeing;

Of everything I have touched,

It's your flesh I want to go on touching.

I love your cornflower hair.

I am moved by the sight of you smiling.

What am I to do, love, loved one?

I do not know how others love

Or how people have loved in the past.

I live, watching you, loving you.

Being in love is my nature."

I heard footsteps down the hall and quickly closed and hid the notebook under my shirt. I wasn't sure why I did it. I knew it was wrong to take something that didn't belong to me, but I desperately needed to find out what it was. I walked out of the room and bumped into Phoebe.

"Oh! See you soon, Pheebs!"

"See you, Arnold. Hope you have a nice summer."

"You too!"

I kissed her cheek and walked down the stairs.

Note: The poem I used is not mine. It's from a famous poet named Pablo Neruda. I just modified it a bit to make it fit Helga.