Johanna's POV
You'd think by now I'd have been used to living underground in District 13. The grey uniforms, the carefully measured meals, the sterile feeling to everything here-turns out I'm not. I hate it just like most other things. But maybe that's more understandable than most things because I've practically lived outside my whole life, with the trees and fresh air even after winning those fucking Games. And my family…I was shattered but I couldn't let them see that. I couldn't let them know how much that affected me because they would only use it against me more, seeing how they could control and manipulate me. So I hid behind the anger, embraced it. As such, it has what I have done ever since with everything. Like Finnick…
He helped me so much that first year, holding me as I only showed him my sadness and guilt, crying on his shoulder. He was like my big brother at that point, someone to comfort me and he gladly took on that role. But then I had to do the appointments and he…helped me again. He didn't want my first time to be on an appointment because apparently his was and it was horrible, so…he took it upon himself. I mean, I didn't have a boyfriend or anything and I didn't really know or like anyone else in the Capitol so I agreed. Something changed for me after that. I couldn't look at him the same and I certainly didn't think of him as my big brother anymore. But he had Annie. Loved Annie and couldn't think of anyone else. And so when she was reaped I pushed away my jealously and secret glee that if she died I could have him and helped him bring her back instead. For him.
Finnick never knew the real reason why I helped him so much to bring her back nor the reason I helped Gale. No one does really. I helped Gale because he reminded me of me; loving your best friend but something is in your way. In my case it was Annie Cresta in my way, but in his case it was Katniss in the Games and Katniss not wanting love. But he got it; he got her, he got a family and a life he wanted-just what I wanted but can't have. So I add it to the anger I already have plenty of even though I'm glad that at least one of us got it all. Even if he's the one in the fucking Capitol and Katniss is here wallowing. I think it's high time for her to learn anger-anger can be useful, wallowing is weak.
Haymitch and I just walk on into her room not even knocking like a polite or normal person would do. For one because neither of us are polite by any means and probably not considered normal, but I highly doubt that Katniss would have answered the door anyway. She's still curled up on the standard District 13 bed with a leather jacket on that's far too big for her and shocking, doesn't even acknowledge that someone entered the room. That is, until Haymitch speaks up.
"Get up sweetheart." He orders, and to that she pauses for a moment before flying out of her position and sitting up, a hint of the anger we're looking for making its way through her most current state of being.
"Don't call me that." She almost hisses and Haymitch laughs.
"I'll call ya whatever ya want though I'm not sure how sweet ya are real or otherwise." Haymitch points out to which she is first confused and then almost pissed. Why didn't we think of this before? We could have had her out of this before it started.
"What do you mean?" she questions him almost suspiciously.
"Well let's see. Oh yeah, you've been here for three days and ya didn't even notice Squirt hasn't come back in two have ya?" Haymitch asks, and her face contorts into something like she's going to fight back before the guilt washes over her.
"Kennie…" she whispers, clearly mad at herself for something, though I don't really know what. "Damn my mother." She whispers again, and while both Haymitch and I look at her strangely at that comment she ignores us. What does her mother have to do with this? She's the one taking care of Kennie right now but I don't see how Katniss should be angry because of that. Or how she even knows that's where Kennie is.
"Get yourself together and do something useful!" Haymitch half yells at her, "Or do you want him to be there for life?"
"But if we call a-" Katniss begins to protest but Haymitch cuts her off.
"Oh please, you really think that if we call this off he's just gonna return them and all will be well? No, if anything he'll probably kill us all." Haymitch agrues and I can see the anger rising in her once more. Well at least it's working.
"But he already is! He can kill them anytime he wants to. They could be dead already!" Katniss yells back, but her voices cracks at the end.
"No they won't." I reply to which her head snaps to me, "They won't be of any use dead." I point out bitterly. Which is so much worse in a way; sometimes you're better off dead.
"They're being tortured. I saw them." Katniss informs me, shaking her head and trying not to cry. What? Snow actually showed her that in that damn video he left her before he blew up the damn house? Well I guess it was just to unhinge her and that certainly worked. But we can't use unhinged, we can use anger. So I'm going to help bring that to the surface.
"Did you like that? Them being tortured?" I ask her and I can already see the anger boiling inside of her, the frustration at me for even asking something that stupid. But I don't let her answer me and go on. "No you don't. So stop it! Help us rally the fucking country and we'll get them out alive!"
"How is a stupid symbol going to get them back?" she questions me and I roll my eyes. She's sort of got a point but she's not seeing the bigger picture. Yeah she'll have to either be the Phoenix herself or let Kennie be it, but she doesn't have to give in without getting anything back.
"By making them agree to break them out if there's going to be a symbol for the rebellion." I point out to her, "They want it bad-make them give you what you want bad in return!"
She looks like she's going to argue back at first, but then she sits there eyes wide at first before it clicks. She can help. She can get them back. "Let's go to Command." Katniss orders and I smirk as I follow her determined steps but Haymitch pulls me back and looks at me almost incredulously, like he didn't think that I could actually get her to see sense.
"See, no need for me to hold her back, now is there?" I mock him almost smugly as he lets me go and I follow the already a half hallway ahead bound and determined Katniss. It just goes to show anger is the best thing to work with. It hides the other emotions splendidly and gets things done.
Katniss's POV
Why didn't I think of that before? A ceasefire wouldn't end anything at all…except the rebellion. And I would bet that if we had actually gone through with it not only would many people I know including my family, me, Kennie, Gale, and a ton of others be dead within the month, but Panem would still be under Snow's power. And you could also bet that the next Hunger Games would be so much worse to make up for it. They already destroyed two more districts, they wouldn't hesitate to crackdown and punish the other ten.
And instead of immediately thinking of this what do I do? Ask for a ceasefire just like Snow wanted before turning into my mother after my father died. I drowned in misery and loss instead of being useful. My god, I didn't even realize that my own child hadn't been there! The guilt for myself is prominent but mostly I'm angry. Angry at my mother for giving me that, angry at myself for being a hypocrite and turning into the very thing I never forgave my own mother for. Angry at Snow for having them, torturing them, showing me it before trying to manipulate me into ending the rebellion that is the only way to make a better Panem. Angry that I have to give in at Command. But Johanna's right (never thought I'd say that); if I'm going to give them at least some of what they want then I want something in return. I want them to go rescue them from the Capitol-really, I don't know why they haven't done it already.
So I walk (or rather stalk) right into Command with my head high, a frown on my face and the anger and determination evident in my expression with Haymitch and Johanna coming right behind me. Coin, Plutarch, and the others immediately look up from their work and stare at me in confusion for a moment before Coin speaks up.
"Soldier Hawthorne." She nods to me before stupidly pointing out, "Command is not on your schedule right now."
I decide to ignore that and go straight to the point, "I don't think you're going to care."
Some eyes shoot up in surprise before Plutarch is the one to ask, "Does this mean that you are going to allow Makenna to be the Phoenix?" and I shake my head. Under no circumstance will I allow them to touch my seven year old for that purpose even if I didn't have control over that in the arena.
But before their confused looks can get very deep I reply, "No. But I will." Murmurings and excited faces and shouts start taking over before I can even say anything else.
"Well that's wonderful, we'll get to-" Plutarch begins but I cut him off.
"I will under some conditions." I announce loudly so that everyone can hear me over the excitement. Command goes a silent before looking to each other with mostly looks of dread before Coin says something.
"What conditions were you thinking of?" she questions me. I do want them to rescue Gale and Finnick and whoever else they decided to hold captive because of us but I don't think I should start with that. I should ask for something smaller at first. Besides, if I'm going to give them what they want I don't want to ask for just one thing. Might as well milk this for all it's worth.
"For starters, I want to hunt out in the woods with Makenna." I demand. I despise being in this sterile place underground and I feel trapped, like I can't be myself. Besides, if I can bring Kennie out with me then she would benefit too. We kind of raised her to love the woods too and I know that she would enjoy it. More murmurings is the response and a lot of them are unapproving, thinking that it's unsafe and the security issues it would raise. But if I can't get this smaller request I'm never going to get my bigger one.
"I would get better faster if I hunt outside. We'll use our own bows and everything and give all the meat to the kitchen." I point out, trying to keep the begging out of my voice. More murmurings and whispers before Coin speaks up.
"Alright. Three hours a day during the afternoon, a half mile radius with trackers and communicuffs." Coin declares which ends most of the whispers but not the frowns. "Anything else?"
My confidence growing after winning that one, I go for my bigger request. "I want you to rescue Gale and Finnick and anyone else they have captive in the Capitol. Really, I don't know why you haven't done it already."
"We haven't because of the danger it imposes, not to mention all the covers that will be blown if we do so. Many of our spies will most likely lose their lives in helping us do so." Plutarch argues back, defending their choice to not rescue them but I'm not backing down. They didn't see them tortured.
"Like your cover? You blew yours and your fine." I point out. Really, might as well bring their spies with them back here. I'm not saying it's the best place to be but it's better than being dead.
"Yes and I just barely made it out alive with you, Nelia, and Carper." Plutarch points out, and I look to the two he mentioned in the corner of the room and I make a mental note to ask them exactly what happened there. I still don't know how I got to District 13, not really. It's all a black fuzzy blur in my mind. "Besides the fact that my fellow rebel Gamemaker Horatia paid the price for us."
Somewhere in the back of my head I remember something about her being the Head Gamemaker which is interesting but I push it back for now. Obviously that price was not living, but I'm not backing down.
"It's too risky. I'm sorry but that won't work." Coin apologizes with a note of finality but somehow I don't think she's too sorry. All her finality does is anger me further.
"No." I glare, "You will rescue them or you will not have your stupid Phoenix."
"We cannot risk it Katniss, I'm sorry." Plutarch apologizes too, but I half believe he actually means it. But I'm not backing down. So with one last glare I turn and start to walk away, back to the door. Well if they don't give me what I want I'm not going to give them what they want.
"Wait!" Plutach's voice calls to me, almost panicked. What, did he really not believe me at first? I keep walking towards the door but slower, giving them time to go back and give me what I want. "Alright we'll rescue them."
I smile so that no one can see it before composing my face again and turn around, my glare not gone.
"No we won't." Coin argues, but Plutarch half sighs, half groans.
"We need her. We'll risk it and I'm sure that they will understand why we need them to blow their covers." Plutarch replies and Coin gives him an incredulous look before studying me. I try not to look too cocky, but I feel like I actually do have some sort of power and don't back down on my glare nor the look I give Coin which asks her Well?
She gives in first on the staring contest and this battle, "Fine. Anything else?"
"Nope." I answer. I can't think of anything at the moment and I'm pretty content that Gale is going to be rescued so I might as well not push it further.
"Very well then. Let's go to the studio and get to work on the first propo!" Plutarch's assistant declares, clearly excited about this. Everyone in the room stops either their excited or pissed off expressions when a laugh from behind me rings loud. I turn around to find Haymitch doubled over laughing and we all look at him strangely as he finishes, looking up to us.
"You've got to be kidding me." Haymitch laughs, "You want her to act?"
"Well we can't put her in real danger." Plutarch's assistant points out with a roll of her eyes, but she doesn't get the point Haymitch is making. Even I have to grudgingly admit that I'm a horrible actress, and I doubt I'm going to be any good in a studio. Even if I'm still mad at Haymitch and it just adds to that that he's pointing that little fact out.
"Sure we can." Haymitch shrugs. "Her acting will be how this rebellion dies, not keep it alive and moving." I roll my eyes at him but the others don't see it because my back is to them. I think that's a little dramatic.
"Do you believe it would be better to be in the real danger?" Plutarch asks me and I nod. I want to do something real anyway, see the real fighting. A fake demolition sight isn't going to inspire me to do anything at all.
"Yeah. In case you haven't noticed I've hunted my whole life and I won the Hunger Games. I think I can handle a real district in a warzone." I point out. Really, it's stupid to ask any Victor if anywhere is too dangerous. We've all fought for our lives and killed before or did they forget that little detail?
"Fine." Coin sighs. "We will find the safest place to get something out of you and send you there with guards and a communicator from the hovercraft above you."
"Alright." I agree. I'm not too thrilled about the guards or anything but at least I'm going into a real warzone.
"You will be given an earpiece which Haymitch will be able to speak to you in from the hovercraft above you." Coin declares and at that I glare at Haymitch. Great, he's one of the last people I want giving me orders and he'll be able to essentially be inside my head.
He smirks at me before giving me a guffaw, "That's right sweetheart. I'm still your mentor."
"You were never my mentor." I point out.
"Doesn't mean you don't have to listen to me." Haymitch argues back and I roll my eyes. Why do I have to listen to this drunk? Oh wait, he has to be sober now. Is it bad that that fact makes me a little happy?
Probably. But at the moment I can't find it in me to care.
Gale's POV
God I've never been in so much fucking pain in my life, and that includes the arena when I got bitten by that mutt. But I don't let it show too much, don't let it break me. It certainly helps that I have some encouragement.
I look up to the screen on the television that usually plays either Hunger Games tapes or Capitol propaganda to torture me further when whatever was on is cut off and a video plays. None other than Kennie shooting a dummy with the name Snow on it, the dummy tied up. What is this? Is this…was this her private session? I thought that was supposed to be private. After watching it at the end is burning letters that say If I believe in this, so can you. Showing everyone that if a child knows that Snow needs to be taken down then they can fight too. Really, I'm impressed because while I harshly told Snow that Katniss would never call a ceasefire or let Kennie be the Phoenix I didn't actually believe in my own words. I know how Katniss works, and she would have never allowed Kennie to be their symbol to protect her and I half expected her to actually ask for a ceasefire. She can't really handle others being in pain too well, especially if she feels like it was her fault which she usually does. But this just proves me wrong for once. I can't be unhappy about it though and just to see Kennie lifts up my spirits immensely and I know I can resist for a while longer.
"She looks just like you." a voice breaks my concentration and I snap out of my thinking. Well fuck, they're apparently taking away my hunting senses if I didn't even realize that a doctor walked in. I glare at him instead of answering, sure that it's just some pretense before he mocks me or something.
"Here, I brought you some food." He walks over to me and hands me something. Keeping me alive to torture me more? What a surprise.
He walks away and out the door before I look at the food he placed in my hand. A cracker with a phoenix on it…what? One of my torturers is part of the rebellion? I quickly place the cracker in my mouth as the chains on my wrists rattle, letting the treasonous evidence disappear. Maybe I'll get out of here yet. Seems like today is full of surprises and confidence boosters.