EMPIRE
Summary: A mission, and a visit to the whorehouse.
Notes:
IV. Sixth Sense
After A Few Weeks
"I didn't expect you'd survive." Erwin was amused visibly at her survival. Today, it was another chess game – prodding and poking through the chessboard, minds at work. He at his pace, and she with her naivety. It was a wonder how she navigated so smoothly. Maybe they were meant to play together, after all.
"I had to." Meg rested her head on the table. "I couldn't bear dying. I kept crying – I don't know why, but it felt so awful. Imagine, the deaths…"
"I don't think you did badly. You survived. That's great in itself."
"Still."
Meg nibbled at her fingernails nervously.
"I already made my decision. It's a choice with no regrets. I was looking for meaning in my life – and I've had to put others before myself in my responsibilities. I want to work hard; I want to fight harder than before. That way, my life has meaning. I will not stop."
"You're only coping, you know. What did Thatcher give you?"
"She's training me in the womanly arts. I'm learning, and she often takes me to the Capital. Sometimes, she lets me join the expeditions."
"What do you do there?"
"I occasionally kill Titans." Her face darkened. "And plus, I tend to the sick. It's not a bad thing. I'm more comfortable that way. It gives me a lot of things to think about. I liked tending to the sick and the injured."
"You tended to Levi, didn't you?"
"His back was bleeding. Nothing too deep." Which was a relief.
"If you were tending to him, how did you end up in his bed?"
Meg's ears pinked.
"It's nothing. We didn't do anything that was forbidden. I just cleaned his back and talked to him. He seemed so upset."
"He was."
"Everyone at some point got upset because of the death. I let two of my old classmates die – and I can't bear it. Their deaths weigh heavily on me. I find it hard to forgive myself."
"Everyone feels the same way."
"I wanted him to hug me, I thought if I hugged him, maybe I'd make it a little better. I don't know why." Meg sighed. "How do the others cope?"
"They share others' beds."
"So if I shared his bed…" Meg frowned. "Would it be wrong to do that?"
"A lot of the officers do that."
"Isn't there any rule about sex between personnel and officers?"
"There are rules – but majority of the soldiers here, in the Scouting Legion, they have friends with benefits."
"Friends with benefits?"
"Yes. It's a common term."
"So, people have friends with benefits to cope?"
"They do. A lot of them do."
"What are they exactly?"
How did he have to explain this to her? "Two people have a friendly relationship. In the day, they are friends. By night or day, they can both bed each other, without commitment. The relationship doesn't have emotional intimacy, nothing really serious."
"Why do that?" "They want to forget, too." Meg let her shoulders heave.
"Forget that idea. I will not take a lover. Not now. I'm only sixteen. I've just celebrated my name day."
"Why won't you take a lover?"
"My heart is sworn already." A year ago, she had been in the cabins, reading books, and imagining dragons and the skies outside. "I've sworn it to my work. I will have to be a soldier. I will help the cause, Erwin. I will smile and give people all of me." That was her work – to smile and cheer them up when they needed it. "We all need to carry on, because sacrifice comes. When I was out there, I kept thinking about my role in this war. One day, I need to die for their sake. One day, I will have my revenge on them. Society's happiness would be if the Titans are destroyed – and we all have to contribute to that."
"You're becoming ambitious," Erwin replied. "Is that all you want? With your looks and your tongue, you can have the world."
"No, I'm not. I want to serve," Meg confessed. "I could do more than just join. I can fight! I can become a champion of men! The world needs to be seen, and I want to see the world, too. It's a dream, a childhood dream."
"What were you like?" Erwin chuckled grimly. "As a child?"
"I was tending to people a lot of times. My brother, or my little sister. I braided her hair, I sang to her at night. I helped my brother learn his lessons, and I sewed them clothes. I watched women plant gardens, and by looking, I tried to grow my own. When there was surplus from the harvest of my garden, I would give the surplus to people who needed it more than we did. Simple times, but happy times."
Happy times. Almost four years away, and still she had not gotten letters. Had no one missed her? Meg longed to run her fingers through Ross's and Rose's tangles of hair, and sing to them lullabies of the old. However, she was here, and sometimes, she envied those who had letters from home, from the cities. To keep herself busy, she played chess with Erwin, or Levi, or Hanji, and sometimes, went training in hand-to-hand combat. When there were lessons from Thatcher, she did as she was taught – to walk gracefully, to understand how words worked.
One of these days, Thatcher had said, I'll take you and Erwin and Levi to the Capital. You'll watch – and sometimes, maybe you can do a job there or two. It's one of the reasons why I made you my protégée.
"To put others' needs before your own…"
"Yes."
"Ah."
"What?"
"Not that bad."
Erwin stood up from his seat. "One of these days," he predicted, "you might take a lover. I've had a few myself. I fell in love once. It didn't end too well."
"Really?"
"I had a friend. He loved her, too."
"That sucks."
"I don't mind."
"Really." Meg inhaled. "I just hope you find someone you deserve, if you'll take someone. Someone who you can laugh with. Someone who understands you. As for me, I'm better off single."
[-]
It was by firelight, at night, when doors were closed, that Meg decided to broach the subject with her friends. Levi was out of sight. They said he was out, riding with Erwin on some pretext and for that, she was relieved no one would know of what she would do tonight. Thatcher was at the capital, or visiting Shadis. It was said Thatcher and Shadis were fellows in bed and board.
"Charlie, Jack…"
The two looked at Meg.
"What do you know of sex?"
"Sex?"
The word twisted in Charlie's lips. Charlie sighed and laughed. "Why are you asking such a question, little bird? I know people have sex to have children. And well, you do it with either a man or a woman. I've heard that there endless ways to have sex. I grew up in the streets, so I know a lot of things I shouldn't. If you want a fuck, you go to the brothel. Go at it with a man or a woman, if you swing that way. If you like, you can do it with two people at the same time!"
Meg gasped. Jack chuckled.
"Really," Meg mumbled. "Charlie, really, how do you know such things? You're seventeen and you know these things about sex."
"Hasn't anyone told you about sex?" Charlie leaned closer. She looked at Jack. "What about you, Jack? Anyone give you the sex talk?"
Jack dismissed it with a bunch of jokes. "Well, I did visit my parents," he admitted. Charlie and Meg swapped glances; this was the first time they had heard Jack discuss his life outside of being a solder, when he wasn't being quiet. Quiet, and loud, it depended on his moods. Jack was clever, and also, he was a thinker by nature; rational with quick on the uptake of things. Jack Lithgow's clean cut looks made you wonder if he was rich; he sometimes walked alone, or occasionally, with a friend or two, and he had his own ideas about the world. There were times, outside of shift, he spent in Trost, exploring the city, and getting more than a view.
"And what did they say?"
"My mother said that you did it with someone you loved, and to put a baby in a woman's belly. My father said in a noble's wedding, the marriage had to be consummated."
"What does that mean?" Charlie frowned.
"It means that when nobles get married, there had to be blood on the sheets."
"Why blood on the sheets?"
"It means that the noble man has to take the noble woman's maidenhead on the night of the wedding itself. When a marriage is consummated, then it means that the marriage is valid, by the terms nobles use. If they beget a child, then they are lucky, I guess, on the first try." Jack cast a squint at Meg. "I've heard in the military, it is not common to have sexual relationships."
"Erwin said they do it to forget." "That's true. I've seen soldiers exchange heated glances at each other – and then they sneak out to be together."
"I've been shaken myself," Meg admitted. "When I came to shower, I felt awful. There was this gnawing feeling, eating at my mind. I wanted the feeling to stop; it felt like I was being crushed by the world, that I wasn't going to recover. I froze when I first faced them. To think, that the Titans were bigger, and that they could have the upper hand. I wanted to forget so bad when I came home; I entered someone's chambers and threw myself at him."
"And so you gave your maidenhead to him," Charlie assumed. Jack frowned.
"No. I didn't give it to him." It started to make sense all of a sudden why Levi had snapped at her when she had barged inside his room and climbed his bed. Erwin will think we're fucking. So that was why he had balked. His hair had been wet, she remembered, from the wet shower, and his bare skin half-soft, half-muscled, from her fingertips, that was how it felt touching him. He was warm, and that night, she had almost felt sure that she wanted to curl up next to him, lean against him and wonder if he would mind if she shared his bed for the night.
"Why didn't you?" Charlie complained. "That's not fair! You climbed his bed and you didn't even take your clothes off! You should have seduced him! Strike while the iron is hot!"
Meg facepalmed. Heavens. The idea of seducing Levi seemed wrong. To make the thought worse, Levi had seen her legs that night, when she had ripped her nightgown's skirt so that she could use it as a rag to wipe his bare back. For a soldier, his back was pretty and well-kept. Considering the state of how he kept his room, that was to be expected. The thought made her want to puke. After seeing Levi in states of undress, she could only wonder – at how attractive he was – and what it would feel like if he put his arms around her waist, to hold her.
"I'm not that kind of woman," Meg grumbled. "I don't want a man in my bed; I just want to learn about sex is all!"
"How about you, Jack?"
"I've passed by brothels on the way to see my parents. I dropped a visit to the underground, too. I haven't bedded anyone, and I'm still biding my time."
"Why would you want to bed anyone?" Meg huffed in disbelief. "It's not like it's required."
"They say that sex is one of the best pleasures a man can have," Jack explained. His eyes met hers. "I'm willing to try it anytime. I'm a soldier, and I need to have something for me. Women will flock to you, but I'd prefer it to be who makes the choice who I bed. I'm aiming to bed a woman soon. I'll wait for a bit, and I'll see what I can do. It might be popular as an opinion, but I don't rely on that. I've made my mind up to bed a woman already."
"So you have a woman in mind already?" Charlie treated this as if she were a man herself. But then, that was Charlie. More of a man than a girl, in ways – she who loved to get where the action was, she who wanted to feel the movement of the wind and earth beneath where she could experience it for herself.
"I already do. She's going to be beautiful, gentle. I want to take her maidenhead, if that's perfectly fine with her." Jack took a drink from his goblet.
"You slept with anyone, Charlie?"
"I tried to."
"Who did you try doing it with?"
Charlie snorted.
"I tried to seduce Erwin. Nothing happened."
Oddly, Meg had a feeling that she knew why nothing happened.
"Is that all?" Meg called.
"Nope. I also tried to seduce Levi."
"Was it successful?" Jack seemed plenty amused. Meg's ears perked up. Charlie had also attempted to seduce Levi, huh? Both attempts were failures; Meg's belly twisted at knowing why.
"Nothing happened." Charlie scowled. "So I thought maybe in the weekend, I could visit a brothel." Her eyes snapped up at Jack and Meg.
"Any of you up for a visit to the brothel?"
"No –"
"Yes."
[-]
"I can't believe you forced me into this," Meg growled as they sat in a couch. The brothel was in Trost's red-light district, and Charlie was pretty excited to get herself some "action" to Meg's irritation and Jack's amusement. At the door, they had been greeted by a busty blonde, who was the patroness of the brothel, and seeing they were soldiers, underneath the green cloaks, had let them in. Charlie had proceeded to sit, and she had whispered things in the Madame's ear, about what she wanted.
"Levi will kill us," Meg grumbled. "Erwin will turn us to Titan food. Thatcher's going to make us pay for this." And she wasn't kidding. As far as Meg knew, Levi was known to be scary when in a bad mood. She had caught him in one - and didn't want to get involved in another incident with his anger. He already disliked her a lot; the incident where she had climbed his bed was already awkward enough.
"Lighten up, will you?" Charlie laughed. Around them, paraded the whores and wenches – and handsome men. The women were in varying degrees of undress; they stared at Jack with interest and on noticing Meg sitting beside him, shot Meg dirty looks and some of them had wiggled their brows at Meg.
"They're looking at you, Meg. It's like they're threatened by you," Charlie hollered. Just then, two handsome men, dressed in collared and button shirts came up to then. Beside Meg, she could feel Jack stiffen.
"I'll be with Charlie," stated one. He had curly brown hair and green eyes that were the color of emeralds. His face dimpled. He took Charlie's hand and led her upstairs, climbing through the stairwell into what appeared to be a private room. The door was closed.
Great. Deserted.
Meg looked at the other male. He was tall, and had this strong aura about him. Dark-haired, he was well-made and handsome.
"What's your name?" Jack asked.
"My name's Theo." Theo's eyes peeked at Meg. "I'm going with Meg-"
"Jack!"
"I'll wait for you." He smiled at her – but his eyes betrayed him. He seemed on edge.
Theo patted on her arm and put his lips on her ear. "We should get going now."
Ten minutes later, the door was locked, and they were inside a spacious bedroom. Theo had placed Meg on the bed, and hastily undressed.
"Who told you to take me here?"
"Charlie did."
"And what are you supposed to do?"
"Pleasure you." He eyed the 3DMG wires. "I didn't imagine you'd be a soldier with your looks. You're cute. Almost a heart-stealer."
"What do I do?"
"For starters, take your wires off." The wires fell on the floor – and in a flash, her coat was off – and she was in the bed.
"You're being forward," Meg murmured. Courtesy is a lady's armor. If Erwin or Levi found out about this, no doubt, are we Titan food.
"I want to see you try," Theo whispered. His hand crept to her hair and he started to take the pins off, the red strands falling across her face. "Damn, girl, you're pretty hard to undress."
Meg snorted. "I'm a soldier, not a whore, of course I would be hard to undress."
"Your hair…"
"What about it?" Inwardly, she cringed. The pins were off – and she usually had twenty pins stuck to her head to keep her hair in place. If one was missing, then it could spring to discovery of what she had been doing.
"It's so pretty. So are you."
"I'm no beauty, please."
"Relax. I'm only telling you what I see."
"Tch." Silence.
"H-How do I pay you?" Meg just remembered that she had left her purse inside her room.
"I don't mind." His hand went under her shirt. Fingers massaged the skin on her shoulders. "If I could bed a girl as pretty as you are without payment, I'm happy to do such a thing." His mouth vibrated against her neck, then down her bare collarbone. "I don't care; as long as I have you, I'll be happy."
"I don't have…coin on me." What are you supposed to?
"I don't care, sweetling. Just tell me what you want me to do to you." Ugh. How fast his fingers were - her shirt, her coat, her wires were on the floor, scattered. What was next? It was pretty distracting – Theo's mouth on her shoulder, his hands on her.
I'll be Titan food. Her face reddened.
"Your face is so red…" Theo glanced at her from his perch.
"I-"
"What?" His voice lost its lusty undertones.
Levi. Jack. Erwin.
"I…"
She sat up.
I am topless, she realized. Pulling the bedsheet to cover her bare upper body, her eyes widened.
"What's the matter?" He was suddenly a different person.
"I'll see you sometime."
"Meg."
"W-What?"
"Are you a maiden?"
"Yes."
The door burst open.
"SHIT!" Jack was ruddy-faced, his hair messy, and his voice husky from his undertaking. "MEG, WE HAVE TO GO! ERWIN AND LEVI ARE NEARLY HOME, WE NEED TO GO!" Panic was in the air. When he ended his announcement, he glanced at Meg and turned beet-red.
"Oh, shit."
The door closed.
"I need to go. I'm so sorry." Meg put on her clothes in a hurry, her hands fishing for what was available. Her face was on fire, and to make it worse, her hands shook as she was trying to fasten the wires decently. Theo watched, quiet, but with interest, looking at her like she was a princess. She tied her hair in a messy bun, the pins forgotten.
"I'm the one who should say that. I didn't ask your permission to do it. It's rude and unmanly of me, my lady." He stood up from his perch and buried his face in her coat-covered shoulder. "I'll do anything to make it up."
"Really, I accept your apology." Meg sighed. "I'll see you again, and we'll talk."
"I'll do anything for you!"
"Noted!"
[-]
The arrival was awkward, to say the least. Levi seemed tired, and Erwin was grim. The door burst inward just when Meg was fixing her messy bun, the pins all but forgotten – left on the floor of the room in the brothel. Jack looked grim for some reason ever since they had left – and Charlie seemed to be the only one was happy. Her skin was glowing – and her short hair was messy, too.
"So how was the visit to the brothel?" Meg and Jack growled. "I hope you're happy!"
Charlie slouched and placed her legs on the table. She was laughing so hard at their faces. Charlie, being so casual about such things. There was a rosy glow to her skin that fit her nicely, and she shook her mane, trying to put it in order. "Well, it was worth it," she admitted.
Jack and Meg leaned forward. "Wait… so you gave the prostitute your maidenhead?" Jack's nose twitched and Meg's jaw dropped.
"Of course, I did!" Charlie slapped the surface of the table. "It felt good, it's rather addicting."
Jack nodded; his expression turned grim. Meg shuddered at the memory of Theo's hands on her skin. She blushed even redder.
"Wanna hear more?"
Jack nodded.
"Well, getting undressed was pretty troublesome, and we kissed. We focused a lot on talking until I made him stop and we went all the way. It wasn't that awkward; I enjoyed myself plenty. What sucks is that I kinda feel sore, though." She leaned on the chair. Beneath a lock of sand-colored hair, there was a bite mark. "He bit me in my neck, and other places." Charlie rolled her eyes. "And in places you can't see."
"You liked it. You're coming back," Meg predicted.
"What about you? I set you up with a prostitute myself to get him into your pants. You've been blushing red as a beet."
Jack paled.
"I walked in on them," Jack coughed. "She got naked fast."
"Shut up, Jack!" Meg found her patience wearing thin. This was embarrassing. Just no. "W-Well, the prostitute wanted to bed me – and he was so forward about it. I didn't even say anything and he was undressing me. He said it was troublesome undressing me. The wires; it figures." He had sucked on her neck, maybe even bitten on it, she realized. And with her messy bun, it was visible.
"Did he touch you?" Jack was so close to murdering someone.
"He did – his fingers were fast. Nothing happened." But he apologized about it, Meg thought happily. Maybe Theo is not bad at all.
"I don't like the way he looked at her," Jack snapped.
"What are you three doing, talking this late at night?" Thatcher. Charlie paled; Jack coughed – and Meg smiled politely as Erwin, flanked by Levi and Captain Thatcher.
We're Titan food, Meg thought grimly. She stood up from the seat and had made up her mind. Leaving the room would be safe to do – no one would notice the bite mark on her neck. Her pink face turned even redder when she felt Erwin's eye on her.
"Were you three out?" Levi snapped. "You three smell like a whorehouse."
Jack paled even more – and he looked ready to faint, but he did not.
"How did you figure that out?" Charlie mumbled. She grinned cheekily at Erwin and Levi and took a sip of wine, her legs tangled on the table. She stuck out her chest.
"Your smell," Erwin pointed out. "Mike could smell you three."
Thatcher looked at Levi and Erwin with a raised brow.
"We're having our squad's quarters cleaned," Erwin announced. "You three will be given the most workload, since you snuck out after curfew."
Thanks a lot for dragging me to the brothel, Charlie. Meg hung her head. "I beg my leave," she declared. When she looked up, she was shocked to see Thatcher, Levi and Erwin swapping glances.
"No," Thatcher began.
"You stay. I'll talk to Jack and Charlie later."
"I'm in deep trouble, am I?" Meg sighed.
"No, you're not," Thatcher assured her. The old woman raised a brow knowingly at her. "What did you do, sweetling? Levi and Erwin seem upset you had a bite mark on your neck. Have you been fucking someone? What did you really do?"
"Well, Charlie dragged us to the brothel – and she hired a whore to bed me, and it almost happened."
Thatcher laughed.
"How far did he go?"
"He took my wires, my shirt, my smallclothes and coat off. I said no."
Thatcher nodded. "That's good. You're supposed to be a medic, and I assume you know about sex."
"Yes."
"You didn't let him take your maidenhead."
"Yes. I didn't want to," she admitted. "I've been told from a young age, I needed to keep it. Nowadays, I want to give it to someone I would care about."
"Well, as a fellow woman myself, and a noble," began Thatcher, "I understand your predicament. We women, we're often told to save our maidenheads for our husbands in the marriage bed."
"What about you?" She blushed.
"Well, it's been a long story. In the end, it's your decision. If you give away your maidenhead, give it to someone who loves you and will protect you and is strong enough to commit himself to you. If you don't, that's fine. Just be careful if you become sexually active. Charlie's no longer a maiden, I've expected that – and you, well, you, who knows of you? Capet, I trust your judgement in things like this."
"Won't it matter? If I gave it away and I returned to Sina soiled, my father will detest me more."
"Well, fuck what your father wants! Do what you will – he won't understand our plight. I understand why a lot of people in this branch sleep around so much – they don't know whether they'll live or die. If you want to do it, do it. We don't know whether we'll live or die, and yet, when we love… What choice do we have? Our choices seal our fate. We don't speak of our sins, not this way."
"Yes, my lady."
"As for me…" Thatcher rubbed the tip of her nose. "I gave mine away to someone I loved. In the end, it's the work that counts."
"Where did your pins go?" Erwin asked, as Meg left the captain's office. Meg rolled her eyes. She shrugged casually, her blush still heating her face.
"They got lost." No, she wouldn't tell him, not now. He wouldn't..
"We'll look for it in the morning." Erwin sighed. "I'm sure Levi, of all people, can find them." He laughed. "He's really good at cleaning."
Meg inwardly facepalmed.
He wouldn't understand. Men, like Levi and Erwin… Not in a million years.
"I know what your pins look like," Erwin went on. "They're made in Wall Sina, made of refined steel. Levi can find them."
Cleaning was a silent task. Charlie was upstairs, and Erwin and Levi had split the tasks; Jack was cleaning the wine cellar and the latrines and the shower rooms. Erwin was going to fix his, Jack's and Charlie's rooms. Hanji had joined in, and helped Charlie clean the hallways upstairs. Levi looked funny when he cleaned – he had a white bandanna, he even had an apron over his shirt, and he was wearing his uniform – except the coat was off. Meg had opted to wear casual, like the others – Meg had slipped on a simple pink frock, slippers and wore her hair loose.
He didn't bat an eyelash when the two of them cleaned in silence. It was almost like the time she had stepped inside the hot showers naked, and she hadn't noticed him, it was a world alone. The silence unnerved her.
"So you lost your pins? Erwin said you lost them."
"I lost them," she stated, looking at the floor. Trying to convince herself that they were indeed lost. Forgotten.
"Whatever."
[-]
The visit to the capital had come, and there were so many things to be done. Getting her squad to look presentable had been troublesome – Charlie, ever the tomboy, had been forced into wearing a yellow dress, Meg had quickly gotten into a gown and Levi had taken 15 minutes in the bathroom to fix himself and look presentable. The ride to the capital was tricky – especially, since they had gone on a carriage wheelhouse.
Their appearances had changed greatly. In a beige suit, Erwin looked dashing. Jack wore black, which made his clean-cut looks look only more masculine. Not to be outdone, Levi had worn his cravat, black dress pants, shoes and a jacket. Hanji hadn't bothered to fix her hair but she wore a dress and a large coat over it; Charlie's dress was a girlish one, with floral designs all over it, and her hair was forcefully tied in a ponytail that made her freckled skin look nice. Meg had tied her hair in a half-ponytail, and chosen one of her dressier gowns – a blue gown that was a reversed triangular shape in neckline, bell sleeves, and it was pretty feminine.
"I feel like an idiot," Charlie grumbled. She was not happy with the ponytail and itched to take it off. "I want to take my dress off already and get dirty in the mud."
"But you look pretty in the dress," Meg countered. "Besides, we're in the capital, so we all have to look nice and proper." Like a tea party. For a moment, she was reminded of her old days within Wall Sina – where she would one day marry a king, become a queen, because that was what she taught. She'd dream of her children, who would be remembered in history.
"I'm pretty sure not everyone will enjoy the sight of you nude, Hunter," Levi snapped. He sat in a sassy way – one leg over the other, like a hitman from a novel. Beside him, Jack chuckled and sniggered.
"Oh, sorry but I beg to differ. One night, we were out in a brothel, the whore I bedded enjoyed seeing my nakedness," Charlie rebutted. Meg blushed. Not now.
"Really?" It was hard to tell if Levi was amused. "No wonder all you three smelled like whores."
"I didn't sleep with anyone!" Jack and Meg interjected. Awkwardness ensued once more, and Meg sighed to herself. If only…
"Meg, are you aware of who Darius Zackley is?"
"I am."
"Finally, Mistress Meg knows something."
"Levi, it's bad manners to interrupt a conversation," Meg snapped. She looked at Erwin, her face serious.
"This visit is more than just a visit," Erwin declared. "This is a mission." He threw a glance at Hanji.
"Mission?" Charlie's hands stopped fumbling with her dress. Jack leaned closer.
"Captain's got her hands on Zackley."
"What's the mission about?" Charlie demanded. "Why are we in the capital? We're Titan-killers, not assassins!" She grabbed a handful of Levi's shirt. "This shit isn't making sense."
"Charlie!" Meg protested. "You shouldn't have done that! You have a point, but you two shouldn't fight."
Charlie hissed and dropped the short man.
"This mission..."
"What do we do?" Meg chirped.
"There's been rumours of underground passageways," Hanji began, "within the capital. Wall Sina could possibly have been breached – and there have been sightings of a possible breach in the Wall, particularly near areas where the noble houses are situated. This is top-secret data, and there has been data that Military Police aren't doing their jobs. What we do is to confirm the data – and clear it up."
"Tasking?" Meg countered.
"Meg and Erwin, you two will work together. Erwin's going to talk to the Lord of the noble house here, and Meg will help him do that. Levi will infiltrate with me, and Jack will tail Erwin and Meg. Charlie, you will try to find the passageways."
"In civilian?" Charlie's voice dripped with disgust. "Great!"
"We bought clothes," Erwin assured the sandy-haired woman. "Thatcher thinks this operation will take a while. Depending on the outcome of the situation, she made preparations for clothes."
"You and me," Meg mumbled. "How are we going to present ourselves?"
"We will be…"
Hanji giggled, and Jack's hand balled. Charlie coughed; Levi scowled and slouched even more, taking more of the space inside the cramped wheelhouse.
"Husband and wife." What the hell?
"A wife who is pregnant will possibly increase our chances of getting out alive. Especially if the man has a sob story."
"Let's tell them that we just got married," Meg sighed. "They'll see the age gap."
"Levi's younger – how about we make him your husband instead?" Charlie's mouth ran like a sewing machine. "And bam! After wedding night, you two consummate the marriage, and then you have a baby mini-Levi growing inside of your belly! It'll be more convincing."
What the actual hell?
"I beg to differ, Charlie. Levi won't be convincing if he's the one as my husband! He'll bully me all the time, no offense."
"But getting you pregnant – he'll be more up to the job!" A few scowls later – and Charlie shut up.
[-]
The weight of Erwin's hand on her shoulder didn't feel awkward. Levi's hand was lighter, Meg thought, as they walked in the streets. Levi trailed off five meters behind them, with Hanji. Getting into the act was Erwin's wife was awkward – they had all settled into the inn, The Titan's Child, and Erwin had told the innkeeper that Meg would share his bed and room (imagine the awkwardness.) When they had unloaded their things, Erwin had suggested they go take a walk – and he was trying too hard to make it look like they were a couple. His hand rested on her shoulder, and the height difference was funny.
"I don't really know how stuff like this works; I've only seen married noble couples."
Erwin chuckled grimly.
"Hold me like I'm your wife," Meg grumbled. "This is a mission after all. I'm sorry I look too young and I don't look pregnant."
"Meg, this is work, after all. I'm sorry if I would invade your privacy from this point on for a mission."
"We are man and wife, we're supposed to be that way. Any ideas to look more convincing, not awkward?" His hand snaked around her waist – and the touch made her shiver.
"We'll take baths together," Erwin decided. "Share the bed together. Eat together. Is that good with you?"
"Yes."
People poured in and out in the streets. The bustling was dull, and for a moment, it was just she and Erwin walking, acting like a man and his pregnant wife who was newly wedded and bedded together. She knew she could possibly throw him off - if anything went wrong. She knew she lacked the glow of a woman newly wedded and bedded, and she feared, in her chest, that she would possibly fail. If she failed, then possibly, she would be the reason Erwin failed. Her hands became clammy as she thought more on a large-scale picture of how things appeared to be. A wife, that was she for now, and a wife who was newly bedded and wedded. If she needed to get that glow, then, she would just give her maidenhead to him, once they were back inside their bedroom, and under the sheets.
If it meant to.
She needed that.
Her hand took a fistful of his shirt.
"How many days will we be staying here?"
"A week, give and take. Are you okay?"
"I'm worried." No. She would not tell him now. "I'll tell you later, Erwin. What's your move once we're done walking?"
Later, she thought, once it was night and it would be quiet. How would she do it?
"I sent Levi ahead to take data on the house lord we'll talk with. It means that we have to work better on being a convincing wife and husband."
"Ahh, that's good."
Her mouth shut as time passed by. In a day like this, what could she be right now if she had not ran away from home? Would she be a warrior, rebelling against her father? Would she be a wife, devoted to a husband who would not love her and only share her bed if he needed children? What an unfortunate world this was – where her circumstance was blurry and this was the only choice she had had.
"Oi, Erwin, I didn't expect to see you here!" a voice called out, and Meg's first reaction was to follow the voice.
A man with short black hair and a growing scruffy moustache was walking, and he approached Erwin with a stride that was both strong and formal. The patch on his uniform had the unicorn crest of those from the Military Police. This man seemed to know who Erwin was.
"It's nice to see you, Nile," Erwin responded.
Nile took a look at Meg then back at Erwin.
"So, what are you doing here?"
This is a top-secret mission.
"Walking with my…"
"Oh, so you're seeing someone? Who's she?"
"She's my lover and squad mate," Erwin allowed. "We're off-shift, and right now, we're taking a walk together."
Nile's eyes scanned her. For a moment, Meg smiled at him, like nothing was happening. She was supposed to act happy.
"I didn't think- oh well, your woman's pretty. I didn't expect you'd have her."
"We're happy," Erwin explained. "How are you?"
"I got a promotion," Nile told him. He put a hand on his hip and grinned. "Marie is with child."
"Congratulations," Meg murmured, raising her eyes.
"Thanks. What's her name, Erwin?"
"Meg," Erwin replied.
When the conversations had trailed off, Meg allowed herself to lean closer to Erwin, as her mind wandered off. The other conversations did not exist; she would think while he talked with Nile. However, there was this manner that she could read between them. They were old friends, and Nile seemed to have this cold manner. Something had passed between them, and she didn't particularly enjoy it. Not one bit.
If I were a lord, I would have him watched. If I were Erwin, I would be careful with him.
The day had passed – and eventually, they had returned to the inn. What Meg did was to take a bath inside the latrine, full of warm water. The door was knocked on.
"Meg?"
"It's open. The water's warm."
He entered and when he was on the tub, Meg let her eyes trail off to the ceiling. It would be awkward if she stole a peek or two at the man who was pretending to be her husband. It was awkward already – naked in the bath, hair falling across her body, and her mind always wandering off.
"Can I wash your back?" Erwin asked.
"I already did it myself. I'll wash yours." She took the soap and rubbed the soap against his broad back. He was definitely bigger, compared to Levi. The skin on his back had some cuts, and a few scars.
"Erwin, what happened to you and Nile?"
"Why are you asking?" It wasn't like he was angry at her. Erwin had never gotten angry at her. After all, he was chess buddy. The man who played chess with her. His mind was so full of ideas, and he was a natural as a leader. A man of high calibre, compared to Levi and his sassy crassness.
"I watched you and Nile. I'm also intellectually curious. Why does he act that way? What about you?"
"So much for being intellectually curious. He was my friend. He was supposed to be in the Survey Corps… but he changed his mind."
"Why did he do that?"
"We used to go drinking in bars – and we met a woman named Marie. Nile and I, back then, we were thick as thieves. He met Marie, and we often saw her. He loved her, and when the time came to choose, he chose the Military Police, not the Survey Corps. Now, he's married her and made her his."
"Was Marie the woman you loved?"
"..Yes."
It sent a gloomy feeling onto Meg's stomach. The soap slipped from her hands and her shoulders shook. So no wonder it had happened. There was a kind and smart soldier, a fine man who aimed for the stars with his friend. He met a woman and his friend loved her. The man loved her, too but he never had the chance to make her his. That was sad. And Meg suddenly felt for him – his pain, his loss, his sacrifice. Why did such things happen? Erwin had also loved her, too. He should have her, made her happy, but why?
"I-I'm so sorry," Meg wailed. That was too sad. Erwin didn't deserve this. Not this.
"It's no problem." Erwin grit his teeth. "Didn't you say you have to something to tell me?"
"I'm worried, if I fail in this duty. I don't look like a wife who's newly wedded and bedded. I don't have that glow – and if the MP and the others see through our disguise, you could be put in danger. I don't want to lose you, Erwin. You're my comrade, and I might be the cause of your undoing. I'm too bony and skinny, I'm plain, for the Walls' sake, I haven't even given my maidenhead away, and I'm terrified they might take me away from you!"
"Meg…"
"What I'm saying is," Meg breathed, "is that I need you to take my maidenhead and make sure that-"
The door burst open.
Seven hells.
"Oops." The tone was not even apologetic. Meg's face twitched in annoyance. Jeez. Why did Levi have to interrupt?"What's your business here?" Meg grumbled.
"The latrine my room isn't clean," Levi complained. "I thought I could borrow yours. I didn't think you two were…doing some activities together."
"Well, you didn't knock the door. That was bad manners," Meg huffed. "Hasn't the thought that someone else was using the latrine crossed your mind?" The wonders of his rudeness – astounding. Second time he saw her naked – sometime, maybe she ought to return the favour.
Silence.
Leave it to Levi to ruin the night. After they had changed clothes, in silence and slipped beneath the sheets casually, she lay in the bed. Whatever mood she had stored had been ruined. For once in her life, she thought as she watched Erwin sleep peacefully next to her, no one had managed to get such a strong reaction out of her until Levi had come. Did she like him or not? The man got on her nerves shamelessly, the man taunted her, and he had yelled at her so hard, mocked her for her manners, and yet he was the one who had caught her when she had passed out, put and rode with her in his horse, his cape wrapped around her. She owed him something – she would repay it one day.
[-]
The times he played chess with her came to mind when he was walking with her in the streets of Wall Sina once again. Every tidbit of the times she had fought him in her mind, every lesson, every whisper, the grimness was real. The war was real, and as a soldier, nothing had ever come close to this. Every moment she watched Erwin from the sidelines only contributed to her knowledge of him. She learned every trick, from simply watching, and also, researching on her whim. They were fighting Titans, but what were they really doing now – sneaking in Wall Sina, where the air used to be the air she breathed, her old home, that she had thought was safe and sound? This was supposed to embody the tomes of the old, of the nostalgia, that covered the poison within this Wall.
No time for expectations, to keep playing. That was what it was supposed to be. If one didn't have to bare his or her true feelings… She frowned. Her jaw clenched, but she was not Meg, not now. Who was she today?
She had seen more than enough times to know how she was going to operate. Smile, she told herself, as she brushed her hair in the early daylight, the windows open, and the air blew in. It was way before Erwin would wake up – she estimated it was two o' clock in the morning. There was something that kept bugging her, and to top it off, she made herself a cup of hot cocoa, and now, brushed her long hair in the common room of the inn in the second floor. The inn had a common room, where one could have breakfast in peace with your own companions. Hanji, Levi, Jack and Charlie and she and Erwin had all occupied the second-floor rooms, so of course, the second floor was all theirs.
"So you can't sleep, too."
Someone placed a mug of downed coffee in the table. Small hands that are callused – and when Meg took a look at the man who had placed the mug in the table, she had no reaction. The man sat on the table, his dark eyes the color of steel.
"I just couldn't." What did he want from her now? Another sip of the hot beverage burning feverishly on the surface of her tongue, the cold air that surrounded her, despite the long-sleeved coat placed on top of her lengthy white nightgown and Levi, in the same room, with the same air, in this fateful ticking of time. There were so many things why she couldn't sleep. There was Erwin, peaceful and tucked away, and when she closed her eyes, she dreamt – of running in a garden filled with white snow and roses, in a labyrinth, and dead Titan corpses around her. "I dream so much."
"At least you dream. I don't."
"I can't understand dreams, but I feel like it's supposed to tell me something. I need to get something from it, if it's telling me something." Was it the future? Even back then, the dreams haunted her. She had dreamt she was standing on a pile of castles, that wind blew around her, and she saw bodies of people, they looked so small she found it hard to tell if they were living or not. "Why am I even talking to you about this? You don't understand."
"Understand what, Meg?"
"You'd never understand things I worry about," she blurted. "You're always putting me down, you're rude to me, and make me run laps and then you push me away when I try to help you!"
He stared at her. Was he really so hard to understand? Instead of spitting, he leaned closer and closer, looking at her eyes.
"You worry about dreams, you're worrying for Erwin, and you have this damn mission to fuss about."
She hung her head. She had been weeping too much of late, and she was determined not to cry. Not again. In a hundred years, if only, she could hate the man in front of her but it wouldn't be fair to both of them.
"You're right. Leave me alone, Levi." A sigh. "I feel so sorry for Erwin."
"For him? He's got women who want him, who adore him, but it's his decision not to take a woman as his wife."
"He loved one, and she didn't become his. Isn't that sad?"
"Life is no song, Meg."
"I know. Haven't you loved someone once, maybe? Maybe you'd understand."
"No." Never had he felt such a thing.
Meg smiled at him, her eyes heavy, her head hazy. "One day, you'll understand. You'll find someone sweet and nice, who will enchant you, she will make you happy and give you sons and then you'd do anything for her, because she makes you smile."
"Tch. As if a woman would want me."
"She would. One day, she would."
He said nothing – and they spent the sleepless time playing chess. When morning came, she had fallen asleep on the table, her head on the chessboard, holding the pawn piece.
[-]
"You're too attached to her, Erwin," Levi warned as Erwin and he drank cups of coffee. Meg was nowhere to be seen - sleeping in the bed, carried away by Erwin himself. At the reply, Erwin put down the cup and looked at his friend. Since when did Levi have a say in such matters? He wasn't attached to Meg. He didn't favour her, and that was it, but he had a look that almost had a taste of how bland Meg was to him.
"Is that your problem? She's my wife in this mission. The next time we have a mission or you go into hiding, do you want me to let you take her as your wife?" There was little love lost between the two of them. Their relationship could be casual, but there were limits, too. Levi, he knew, trusted him, but not fully. To let Meg go into hiding in case the mission got worse, he would have to put Jack or Levi with her into the countryside, to have someone watch her. Charlie wanted to offer herself, but Erwin had said no, because Charlie's tactics were needed in the main battlefield.
"I didn't say I wanted her. The girl's willing to let you fuck her," Levi spat. "She knows nothing."
"If she proves you wrong, I'll decide if I'll appeal to Thatcher to let her handle cleaning wounds and leading more."
"Enough about the girl." Levi rolled his eyes. "When do you strike?"
"Tomorrow. I can't let this drag on – especially with Thatcher's current condition."
He looked at the window.