I take it all back

All that I said

It comes out too fast

So I just couldn't help

The way that I felt

I started the fire.

-Jealousy, Will Young.

Padma can't remember a time when she wasn't jealous of her.

Her, being Lavender oh-so-perfect Brown. Cutest Gryffindor, cream of the crop, queen of Hogwarts.

Her sister's best friend.

Ever since the first day, Lavender struck her as someone to be wary of.

They sat in a compartment together, since there was no where else. Padma was anxious and sat quietly, awaiting the Sorting and her fate in any of the four Houses.

Parvati instantly hit it off with Lavender.

And it annoyed her for some odd reason. She had never been annoyed before when Parvati made a new friend; in fact, she usually encouraged it. But now she felt cranky and irritable and like she was going to snap any second.

Why was Parvati making friends so easily? Didn't she see what an important time this was? Didn't she see that she had to behave well and be a good student and live up to Mum and Dad's expectations?

What was she doing?

And Lavender just kept giggling like she was deranged, so Padma decided, after multiple glares sent towards Parvati, to leave the two silly children alone.

Parvati would come around by the time they reached Hogwarts; she always talked a lot when she was nervous.

Parvati never really came back to her.

When they were little girls, thy had always thought they would be together for their whole life - and that included Hogwarts.

So Padma had been completely expecting them both to be in Ravenclaw - because where else could they ever belong? As she stepped up to the Sorting Hat, she felt an odd sort of calm float over her, as if it was destiny.

The Hat ruffled its self around in her hair. "Ah, you have quite the brains, young lady." Its voice purred in her head like a cat and she wondered what kind of complex magic was used to make this wondrous hat.

"You're curious about me...you love knowledge. This is an easy choice. RAVENCLAW!"

Padma beamed as she gingerly took off the hat and ran to the Ravenclaw table. A girl named Morag, who had been sorted just before her, let her sit next to her.

She already had one friend, other than Parvati, of course.

Then Parvati walked up.

Lavender had been Sorted into Gryffindor near the beginning of the line; and Padma was happy because she was sure that girl was not a good influence for the both of them and that they should stay away.

She never expected what came next.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Padma's world froze. Everything was mute. It was completely illogical. She didn't know what was happening to her.

Parvati shot her a sorry glance; but it looked more relieved than upset, and as she sat next to a squealing Lavender, Padma felt a pang of something odd and painful shoot through her.

What happened to them?

She watched the two of them constantly.

They were always together; the inseparable pair of Gryffindor girls. They were always giggling and whispering secrets into each others ears.

And soon Parvati was no longer Parvati; she was Parvati&Lavender.

A few years later, Parvati was no longer Padma's twin sister.

Padma was always the smarter of the two; she had known it for a long time. Still, she had always thought of Parvati as more than capable.

She wasn't even sure how she ended up in Gryffindor. Parvati wasn't particularly brave.

But she is arrogant, Padma sneered. She had always been quite the bragger.

Well, it wasn't her fault if her twin sister wasn't good enough. It was a tough world, and the weak only got left behind.

(She just wished that the weak didn't include her twin sister, and that some brunette bimbo hadn't stolen her.)

Padma couldn't believe how long it took her to figure it out. She was the smartest witch in their year, probably second only to Hermione, yet she couldn't see something right in front of her.

For the past few years, she had been mad at Parvati, thinking it was her fault that she was arrogant enough to be in Gryffindor, stupid enough to not have impeccable grades, silly enough to always be gossiping like a lovestruck ditz.

But she saw now that it wasn't Parvati who had changed; it was Padma. Parvati had always been girly, giggly, and a party girl. She had never been a Ravenclaw. Padma had always been the uptight, logical one.

No, she had been angry, but not at Parvati. She had misjudged her true feelings.

She was really jealous of Lavender Brown.

Because she was someone better suited to Parvati than her own twin sister.

(Do you know how much it hurts to realize that you're not really sisters with your own sister anymore, and that someone else replaced you?)

Padma would do anything to get her back.

She would win.

She started by looking at herself in the mirror.

She looked exactly like Parvati. It was painful to stare at for too long, because it just reminded her of something she didn't have.

(Yet.)

Padma tried very hard to gossip, she really did. But it was so boring and such a waste of time; she had better things to do, like study and talk about the newest Charm they learned with her friends.

Padma tried to get into fashion. One morning, she forced herself to put on a pendant, part her hair nicely, and curl it with her wand.

She hated it. All her friends asked her if she was alright in the head.

Her hair bounced around and hit her in the face, making it hard to work. Nobody complimented it.

"Parvati, do you like my hair? I tried something new," Padma desperately pleaded.

Parvati outwardly cringed, and Padma felt like crying. "Oh, Padma...you're fine just the way you are. You really didn't need to do this."

Padma wanted to scream, scream that, no, she wasn't fine just the way she was, because then Parvati would still be hers and not Lavender's!

But instead she nodded and took it all in her stride, trying her hardest not to cry.

She stopped trying for Parvati after that. There was no use in changing herself when Parvati probably didn't even want her back anyways.

But it hurt, it hurt so much. What did Lavender have that she didn't?

"Hello, Lavender."

"Hi Padma!" Lavender was by the Black Lake, all alone. She must have been waiting for Parvati.

"Can I talk to you?" she hesitantly asked.

"Sure!"

"Don't tell Parvati." Lavender furrowed her eyebrows.

"Okay then. What is it, Padma?"

"Just...just why does Parvati like you more than me?"

Lavender's eyes widened. "What?"

"Why...why does she go to you instead of me? What do you have that makes you a better sister for her than me? What is it?!" she shrieked, her pent up emotions overflowing. "What is it?" Softly, tears began to pop up in her eyes.

Lavender stared at her, and Padma felt utterly stupid for doing this. Surely Lavender would tell Parvati about this, make her look like a fool.

"Oh, Parvati." Lavender laid a hand on her shoulder. She was probably trying to comfort her, but all Padma felt was sympathy, pity. "Parvati loves you, really. But..."

"But what?" she sniffled, rubbing her tears away quickly.

"Don't tell her I told you this, but..." Lavender leaned in to whisper, "She thinks you don't give her enough space."

Padma felt her heart breaking.

She still couldn't find it in her to hate Parvati.

But, she could always hate Lavender Brown, because if she hadn't come along, then they would still be soul sisters.

A/N: Was Padma alright?

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