Sorry for the delay! Had to make sure this was epic enough to deserve the title of: The Great Luthor Thanksgiving of '17 Debacle
Hope I did it justice! Please enjoy!
Lena gave her an incredulous look and then Kara realized what that must've sounded like.
"I mean that she is my sister and not actually a Luthor," Kara quietly clarified.
"Ah. And why is your sister here?" Lena asked in a hushed whisper.
"Because she got worried when she found out her sister was going to be rubbing elbows with the world's most xenophbic alien hater, your brother," Alex said, sidling up next to the two ladies.
Lena nodded slowly. "And how did you dind out about Becky?"
"I may have perused the Luthor dossier and found the least likely person to actually show up at this party and posed myself as her."
"Becky is somewhat of a pariah with the Luthors," Lena explained, keeping her voice down as she looked out to the guests staring at the three of them in disdain. "And she had been banned from these parties for her raucous attitude. But I suppose that now you're here, they can't very much just throw you out."
"And what are the three of you gossiping about?" Lillian Luthor asked, walking up to them. She gave a scathing glance at Becky and her lip gave the slightest curl of disgust.
"Actually mother, I was just telling Becky here about all the things Kara will do to me once the party's done. She's been feeling very frisky," Lena said, deadpan.
Lillian let out the fakest laugh Kara had ever heard. "Oh aren't you precious. And speaking of which I don't believe I have had the pleasure of officially meeting you, Kara."
Kara glanced at the outstretched hand and she debated taking it. It vaguely made her think of shaking hands with the devil. "Likewise," Kara said, keeping one of her hands on Lena's back and the other holding her clutch, refusing to shake hands with her date's mother.
Lillian took her hand back with a quirk of her lips. "I see Lena has told you about me."
Not wanting to spend more time with her, Lena said, "Please excuse us, mother. We have better things to do than to listen to you fishing attempts."
"Clearly," Lillian sneered, walking away.
And then Lena rounded off on Alex once more. "Why do you have a dossier on us?"
"I work for a clandestine organization within the government," Alex responded simply. "Against my better wishes, Kara decided to be a good samaritan for Thanksgiving and help you, so I'm here for back-up."
Kara was surprised at how forthcoming Alex was being. But it was her turn to ask a question that had been nagging her. "Do you actually look like Becky? No one seems to be giving you a second glance."
Alex shook her head. "Not in the slightest. But people are less likely to look at the shameful relative, so it gives me a break."
Lena hummed. "Not to mention that the real Becky was known for radically changing her hairstyle - among other things - so it's not so far out there that Becky would have chopped off a good chunk of her hair and became a red-head."
Alex let out an amused snort. "She kinda did, but she's blonde now. Now, please tell me that you guys changed the plan a bit with Lex's inclusion."
Kara nodded, but before she could elaborate, they were interrupted by a soft bell.
"Dinner is served," Charles called out.
"Does he do everything around here?" Alex asked, jerking a finger towards the elderly worker.
"Pretty much," Lena responded.
They were all ushered into the dining room where a long table was already set up. Lillian obviously sat at the head, with Lex at her right side, and Lena on the left. Steve sat beside Lex, and Kara sat beside Lena. Alex grabbed the chair next to Kara before Ron with the lecherous eyes could snatch it.
The soup starter was a calm affair, but when the appetizers came, Kara struck.
Well, rather, she broke her knife in half.
"Oh!" Kara exclaimed in surprise, getting the calm din that had built to stop abruptly.
Lex was semi gaping, having been in the process of bringing his fork to his mouth when the knife broke.
Steve just continued eating, and Alex hid her grin by wiping her mouth.
Lena looked worried as she asked, "Are you okay Kara?"
"Yeah," Kara nodded, wincing and holding her hand as if it was in pain. "The knife must've not been of good quality."
Lillian scoffed. "This is the finest German steel!"
Kara made a face. "Someone probably lied to you."
That got everyone to begin murmuring and examing their utensils, holding it between both hands to see if it'd bend or break.
Lillian plastered a polite smile and called out, "Please, everyone, I am not in the habit of being cheap for the festivities, so just return to eating your dinners."
The majority of the guests went back to their dinner and conversations, though a few were still trying to see if they could bend their forks, much to Lillian's chagrin.
Eventually, it was time for the first course.
Lena had explained to Kara that bowls and platters of food were served in the middle, but they were usually lukewarm at best.
"Why she doesn't complain is beyond me, she usually would never let this stand," Lena had commented.
But it worked good for their plan.
"Can you pass the mashed potatoes, Lex?" Kara asked, pointing to the bowl by Lex's side.
Lex looked at it briefly before deciding to hand it over to her.
Then Alex took her cue.
"Say, Uncle Larry, is this your seventh or tenth wife? I can never remember."
That got everyone to look at Larry and his quite embarrassed wife, and Kara took that time to subtly heat up the bowl with her vision while Lena also shielded her from her mother's view by leaning forward.
Larry was fumbling through a response while Kara served herself and Lena a few spoonfuls before holding it back out and quietly saying, "Thanks Lex."
Lex, very intrigued by Larry's meandering attempt at an explanation, just took the bowl without giving it much thought.
Except Kara had heated it up quite a lot. Not fully intentional, she had meant to just confuse him with the temperature change, but she might have overdone it a tad.
"YEOUCH!" Lex yelped, throwing the bowl up because the reality was: it was searing hot to the touch.
That got everyone's attention to flip back to Lex, who practically ran out of the room to dunk his hands in cold water, closely followed by Steve, who couldn't let his charge out of his sight.
And the bowl?
Well, it did a nice trajectory upwards before gravity did its thing and it flew down to land upside down smack dab on cousin Luke's head, covering him in the scalding mashed potatoes.
His undignified scream would fuel the vengeful part of Lena for years to come. Although no additional victim was set in mind (they really had no way of knowing how Lex would react with the bowl), this added an extra sense of satisfaction for Lena, who hated the little weasel.
A small break was added so that a gaggle of concerned Luthor women could help poor Luke and usher him to a bathroom and clean him up.
Lillian was glaring at Kara, though the latter was doing an excellent job on ignoring it in favour of talking to Lena.
Once Lex had returned, fuming and mouth set, he sat down and he didn't say anything nor look at anyone. True to form, Steve sat down beside him and was quiet as well.
Kara and Lena had figured that after this, they could keep things normal until the turkey carving.
Well, that was the plan, until…
"Really Lillian, I know the world is full if those liberal hippies," some distant aunt began stating boisterously. "But we never had any problems during this dinner until Lena and her lesbian showed up."
Kara gritted her teeth but Lena put a calming hand on Kara's thigh. Well, it wasn't exactly calming, but more focusing her attention elsewhere.
But Alex had no such indication to stop, and she just retorted, "Well sucks to be you because there are three lesbians here."
The aunt let out an insulted gasp. "Well no wonder you'll never amount to anything in life."
This time, Kara had enough foresight to hold her sister back, though Alex was putting up a hell of a fight.
Lillian, who was probably a few steps away from a conniption, clinked a fork against her glass just as the gaggle of relatives were reentering with cousin Luke, now clean but still sporting a nasty red welt on his face from where the potatoes dripped onto him.
"Come everyone, let us begin with the turkey carving." Right on cue, two waiters brought out the turkey on a cart, depositing it in front of Lillian. "Now, who wants to do the honours?"
Lena immediately offered, "Kara can do it!"
Kara was at first confused, mind still focused on Lena's hand earlier on her thigh. Then she remembered. "Oh yeah, I'm quite handy with a knife."
They could see Lillian's internal struggle and eventual resignation to, "Very well, Kara, the turkey's all yours."
At first, Kara began to cut the turkey slices like a pro, serving them to the guests. And then it was Lex's slice, and she angled her knife differently, added a bit more pressure, and sliced.
An unbearable succession of noises was heard as Kara not only cut through the turkey, but also the silver platter it was served on and the table underneath it. Everyone flinched and cringed at that, even Kara was regretting the amount of force she used.
And then silence.
"Oh wow," Kara breathed, making a show of even checking the knife under the table, poking at the protruding end.
Lillian was flabbergasted. "How..."
Kara shrugged. "Cheap silver?"
"It was a family heirloom!" Lillian countered.
"Maybe someone pawned it off and replaced it with a cheap imitation?"
A facepalm was heard in the silence, and Kara was sure it was Steve.
"And the table!?" Lillian demanded. "It was mahogany!"
"Someone lied to you?" Kara tried again.
"Enough!" Lex thundered, bolting upright and throwing his napkin onto his plate. When Kara turned to look at him, she could see he was shaking in fury. He pointed to Kara. "You, with me, now!"
As Lex stormed off with a very nonplussed Steve, Kara and Lena exchanged glances. The former shrugged and followed Lex out the door.
Lena and Alex soon followed, and by that point, the rest of the guests also went along, everyone very curious as to this showdown.
Lex walked to the foyer before barking at Kara. "What kind of sick joke do you think you're playing?"
Kara feigned confusion as she said, "I'm not playing any kind of joke."
Lex scoffed. "Right. You merely just so happened to break a knife, heat up a lukewarm bowl, and carve a hole onto a silver platter and a mahogany table just out of pure coincidence."
"Things happen," Kara innocently said, adjusting her glasses.
He wagged an accusing finger at her. "Who put you up to this? Was it Waller? Or...Superman."
Kara frowned, trying to ignore the nauseating fear that Lex would find out the truth by asking, "Superman what?"
"He put you up to this!" Lex screeched.
"Lex, that's preposterous," Lena interjected. "I was bringing Kara before I found out about you coming, isn't that right, mother?"
Lillian had no choice but to nod, though by the way her right eye was twitching, she was sorely reconsidering hosting future parties.
But that did not sate Lex. "You are not human, I am sure of it!"
Kara did not back down, and did not drop her charade of indignation as she huffed before asking, "Then what am I?"
Lex spluttered a bit before exclaiming, "Kryptonian!"
"I thought Superman was the last Kryptonian," Alex piped up.
"He once mentioned a relative. A cousin of some sort. You must be her. That Supergirl that's been showing up in the news recently," Lex said, gritting his teeth.
Kara rolled her eyes. "Seriously? Do I look Kryptonian? I mean, I wear glasses, for crying out loud!"
Lex let out a guffaw. "So does Superman when he's not out saving the world!"
Lena had had enough of this. "Honestly Lex, you sound deranged. So what, if I put glasses and a red cape on a dog, he's all of a sudden the Super Dog? Listen to yourself."
"You mock me, but I am telling you, the one mocking all of us is her!" Lex pointed an accusing finger once again at Kara.
"Then let's settle this. If I am a Kryptonian, or even an alien, I should easily defeat you in an arm wrestling competition, right?" Kara suggested, holding her right arm out.
Lex willingly took it, and within minutes, they were both leaning over a table, their hands clasped, both of the staring intensely at one another.
"Begin," Lillian dryly said, looking very done with the entire event. She was ready to down half a bottle of whiskey that was hiding in her liquor cabinet.
It didn't take long for Lex to slam Kara's hand down on the table, but victory was not so satisfying for him. He merely frowned, and then came to the realization of, "You could have easily just thrown this entire contest to make me think you don't have super strength."
Thankfully, Steve had had his share of playing chaperone. "Alright Luthor, time is up."
"This is ridiculous! They're playing me!" Lex whined.
"I don't really care. Time is up," Steve insisted.
But Lex didn't want to go gently off into the good night. Suffice it to say, resisting Steve was going to cost him five years of freedom from an already lenient 6 lifetimes.
Grandma Lexa didn't take the news well, fainting once Lex had been sufficiently tased and apprehended.
Lena decided that the confusion was a wonderful time to slip out, taking Kara and Alex with her.
"Well, I dare say that was a smashing hit," Lena gleefully stated as she adjusted her coat back on.
Alex nodded. "I have to admit, it was a lot of fun."
"It really was, and I really appreciate your help," Lena added with a smile. She even hugged Alex, which the latter returned after a few seconds of confusion.
Realizing that it was her cue to leave, Alex headed over to her bike, waving and winking to Kara.
Lena then turned to Kara and coyly asked, "If you want, we can head back over to my place and continue where we left off in the car?"
Kara's grin was wide as she nodded and said, "I'd want nothing more."
And that was that! The end of this fic.
Well kinda, I just have one small scene I want to add, an epilogue if you will, 'cause the whole romantic aspect wasn't fully explored.
Also, because one person commented: yes I am very well aware that I made the Luthors out to be caricatures and one-dimensional, and I do know it doesn't give them depth, but at the same time, I did intend this to be a semi-ish crack fic, so!
I really hope this was enjoyable!
Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts!