Mommy Dearest

aka

Behind Closed Doors

Summary: I can't believe that she can bear to do this to me, every single day. No relief comes, but I can't bring myself to end it. I need help.

Elaboration: Edward and Alice are brother and sister. Edward is the child that everyone loves to hate, and his sister is the only one that he will let himself trust. Bella and Emmett Swan, and Jasper and Rosalie Hale are the only friends he has, and the only reason he keeps on living. Classic abuse story and not much fluff. All human. Major Out Of Character Moments.

Chapter Four

I noticed that I have begun every stage in my…narrative so far with a philosophical or not-so-easy-to-answer question. Let me start with a big one here; what drives people to do evil things? If God created us all the same, equal and with the same sense of morality, so why do people shun that way, choose to be different? Less generally; why are people religious and evil at the same time? For instance, you will notice that the stereotype for mob bosses is an Italian cigar-smoker with two cronies and slicked back black hair, yet Italians are some of the most devout Catholics in the world. And if that were not enough of a paradox; many Italian mob bosses were Catholics to their dying day. And here's why:

People always think that there will be time for repentance, but here's the snag; it doesn't work that way. Having a priest crouching over your dead or dying form, whispering last rights or whatever does not pardon you from all of your sins. Of course, people would like to believe it does, because then it means that they can commit all sorts of crimes in their life.

But does God really exist? All we have are 'visions' and 'experiences' from religious leaders, and various tomes written from the past. So of course all we have to rely on is suspicion. The same human emotion that condemns many of us also saves us. Suspicion is the only thing that keeps some of us good, because we suspect that there will be judgment one day, and we don't want to be caught red-handed.

But what if, when we die, there is no priest, no one to welcome our souls – if we have them – to the next life? If we go down in the barrage of bullets, do we deserve our sentence beyond eternity? The Italian mob bosses often get their just desserts, but if they do not – if they win – do they not have more blood on their hands, more to repent for? We live in a cruel and dangerous world, and the only thing keeping us on the brink of sanity is suspicion.

So don't condemn those who are distrusting; they are the wisest of us all.

-m-o-m-m-y—d-e-a-r-e-s-t-

I woke up to the same sensation of fingers running through my hair. The hands were small, but not as small and cold as Alice's, with her bad circulation. I tensed immediately. There was a regular beeping going on nearby, and the rate accelerated as I began to panic – I couldn't open my eyes.

"Bella, you should get away from him now. He's awake." I knew that voice.

"Alice." My voice was garbled. I felt like I had just come out of hibernation or something. I tried rolling over, but found I couldn't. Alarmed, my eyes finally opened, and I looked down at myself.

I was in a room, painted in various shades of white. I had a thin wool blanket on, which was also an off-white color, and an IV stuck out of my right arm. I also had a heart monitor hooked up to me, which was probably what the beeping was. Yes, definitely.

I looked around. I was alone except for the five people in my room. As if that weren't reason to panic enough, four of them were female. And if that wasn't reason to panic enough…Esme was there.

My heart rate began to climb again as my eyes met hers. Her amber gaze was alight with triumph, her lips curled into a smile which, on the surface, looked like relief. I was the only one capable of seeing the sadistic ways behind it. Alice was next to me, on my left side, between me and Esme, which I was incredibly grateful for. Bella was on my right, next to my head, her hands resting on my bed. She smiled a little when I met her gaze, and I managed a little smile in return, but the heart rate monitor was still beeping erratically, and the fourth female – the nurse – was fussing over the machine worriedly.

"Edward, you really must calm down," she said, reading the numbers with a furrowed brow, her dark blue eyes concerned.

"Get her out of here," I somehow managed to choke out, looking towards Esme.

"Edward…" Esme looked hurt. I scoffed inwardly. She really was quite a good actress; almost good enough to fool me.

Almost.

"Get out," I hissed, fixing her with a glare. Bella and Alice looked between us, obviously unsure of what to do. Esme took a step forward and I clenched my fists, ignoring my aching muscles' screams of protest. I clenched my jaw as she took yet another step forward.

"Mother…" Alice began carefully. "I think maybe Edward needs time to recover."

Esme glared at Alice for a long time, probably having some kind of showdown. With the barrier of my stubborn sister between us, I felt myself relaxing a little. I was absolutely exhausted. The substance that I now realized was a sedative did nothing for my actual need for sleep. I was hungry, too, having not eaten a real meal – and kept it down – since about three days ago, depending on how long I was asleep for. Where was I anyway? This didn't look like Forks' hospital, but I had never really been before in case a doctor saw my injuries and asked about it. Secrecy was all the rage back then.

Esme seemed to realize that she couldn't win this battle with so many witnesses. "Of course! My poor sweet boy. He needs to get better so that he can come home." I cringed, but no one saw it. She swept out of the room, and I saw a few police officers talking quietly with my father outside. I hope that I didn't jeopardize his job…Too late now.

"How are you feeling?" My attention returned to the remaining three figures – the nurse had left after my heart rate returned to normal – in my room. I was calmer now, because one was my sister, whom I trusted wholeheartedly, even though she sold me out, the other was Bella, who I trusted enough not to hurt me, and the third – and I'm surprised to say this – was Jasper. He was the one who had spoken.

"Do you want the truth or a sugar-coated version?"

"Truth, please." Bella and Alice nodded in agreement.

I sighed and took in a deep breath; my rant was going to be long and tiring. "I feel like I haven't eaten in days, I'm about to fall asleep because I haven't had more than three hours at any given time. I can't feel my arms, which I must admit is quite worrying. I want to assume that I still have a bullet in my shoulder because it hurts like hell, I have no idea where I am, and to be quite frank I'm scared to death about it."

Bella smiled sadly. "You're in the hospital in Seattle. They couldn't get the bullet out – it was lodged in your shoulder – but they managed to make sure that it wasn't going to cause you any future harm, and they stitched you up. Your wrists were in the middle stages of necrosis and they had to cut out the dead flesh, and they put skin grafts on them, so you'll only have a few faint scars when it's done healing. You have been asleep for thirteen hours, but I can understand why you're exhausted and, if what Alice tells me is true, then you have a right to be hungry also."

"Alice told you?" I asked quietly.

"Everything," she answered.

I sighed, leaning my head back in my pillow. It was inevitable, really, that she should know, but I didn't really want Alice to have told her, because Alice could be a bit candid at times, and she didn't really edit a lot. Bella probably knew every disgusting secret.

"Alice, have you turned in the tape?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because…you weren't thinking straight, and I didn't think that this was what you really wanted."

"So what's the story with the police?"

"They're looking up all of the charges of abuse, but right now…Esme and Carlisle are claiming that you did it to yourself."

"What?!" I shot upwards.

Or tried to. Only now did I notice the restraints keeping me down. There were two around my legs, just below the knee and one above the ankle on each, and two on my forearms, since my wrists were covered in white bandages and stitching. There was also a strap around my torso, preventing me sitting up completely. I thrashed against the restraints for a few seconds before collapsing, exhaustion overwhelming me.

"Where am I?"

"…In the psyche ward."

"So…people think I'm crazy?"

"Haven't you been watching the news?"

"Yeah…"

Pause.

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

Another pause, longer than the first. I looked at my sister in surprise.

"Alice…"

"Well, what do you want me to think, Edward?" There were tears in her eyes. She was in pain to say this, but I couldn't believe her. I looked at her incredulously. I couldn't believe that my sister – my sister – would betray me like this; not only did she tell the cops of my whereabouts, but now she thinks I'm insane? This was so surreal. "What do you want me to say? You ran away, and look at you! You're starving yourself and you're half-dead! The police found the chains in your wrists on the highway, still covered in your blood. How did you get them out, Edward? Pry them out with your bare hands? It wouldn't surprise me." Her tears were spilling over now, and Jasper started to come forward and comfort her.

"But Alice…you know what's happening. You knew what was going on. You know that I have a justifiable reason for everything. Alice, I'm your brother!"

She shook her head, and said nothing.

I turned to Bella desperately. "You don't think I'm insane, do you?"

Her beautiful eyes were shining with unshed tears as well, and she looked down, her hair covering her face.

"Isabella Swan…" my words came out harsher than I intended, but I kept on going, "you seriously think I'm crazy? Does everyone think that?"

"Rosalie does. Emmett still doesn't know about the…about Esme and everything, neither of them does. I…don't think you're insane, Edward. I just think that you need help."

"I'm not insane! I'm not!" I was staring up at the ceiling now, trying to come to terms with this betrayal. The monitor started beeping wildly again. "I'll prove it to you, I swear."

"Edward, please, you'll hurt yourself."

"I'm not a child, Bella! I've seen things you wouldn't even dream of, so don't you dare treat me like a child!"

"Edward -."

"Can I talk to my son now, please?"

Esme's voice cut through all the tension, but only to replace it with her own. I froze, my eyes slowly locking with hers. No…this couldn't be happening. She started forward.

"Get her away from me!" I started thrashing against the restraints with new determination. She said nothing but continued her advance. "Don't let her touch me!"

"Edward…it's alright."

"I think you're the one who should be in this bed, Isabella, not me. Don't let her come near me."

"Edward, I'm hurt," Esme said, putting on a wounded face. I snarled; my fists clenched as I tried to get away. There was no escape though. The monitor was beeping with a vengeance now. I would probably go into cardiac arrest or something. I tried to reach at any one restraint, to get some freedom of movement, but I couldn't. Damn it! Why wasn't anyone doing anything? Alice and Jasper had retreated from the room, and Bella was standing in the far corner, watching on. There were no barriers between Esme and I now; we had been reduced to a repetition that had become commonplace in our home. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

"Esme, get away from me! If you touch me, I'll kill you! I'll kill myself! I would threaten to kill us both but I don't even want to chance a meeting in the afterlife."

Now here is an interesting fact; when in a hospital psyche ward, very close to having a heart attack and thrashing against your bonds, yelling death threats and suicide threats are as bad as yelling 'bombs!' in an airport. Seriously, just don't do it. Very, very bad things come of it.

Nurses and Doctors rushed in from all sides, blocking her from my view. I relaxed immediately, knowing that she couldn't penetrate the ring that the doctors had formed. Though there were only half a dozen of them – at most – they all worked like ants, bustling around me until they were sure that everything was still intact and working, I assumed. One doctor held up a needle, pushing it into the IV in my arm. I didn't protest; I was so tired and drained. I wanted food and sleep. Sigh, but I noticed that those were two things that you rarely ever got in hospitals.

-m-o-m-m-y—d-e-a-r-e-s-t-

I slept for another few hours, and then slowly began my 'treatment'. The doctors put me on a mixture of steroids – I never found out why, probably for my immune system which was suffering – and I began to look and feel better than I had since my childhood. I could start eating almost normal-sized meals, and keep them down. My wrists were healing, and Bella had been right – there were only a few scars there now. My other wounds on my arms and stomach and legs had long ago healed over. I was sleeping more, though nightmares constantly plagued me. Life was actually looking up, and I found myself hoping.

Esme didn't visit me – the doctors had enough sense to see that her presence was not good for my recovery – but Bella did. She was the only one, actually. Alice would send a few things via Bella, but she was my only visitor. I wasn't actually that mindful; I trusted her. Perhaps more than I should, but I trusted her. Sometimes we talked, sometimes not, sometimes she read to me while I sat watching her, and sometimes I just sat and reveled in her company. We didn't talk about the outside world; nothing else existed but her and me.

I was expecting her today, so I was very surprised when Alice came in the room. She watched me like I was a wild animal, ready to attack at any moment. The look saddened me. She really thought that I was insane, and she was afraid of me. She shouldn't have to fear me.

"Edward," she greeted solemnly.

"Alice," I replied with an equal monotone.

She seemed to relax a little at the sound of my voice. She walked forward and sat herself in the chair by my bed, where Bella sat during her visits. She smiled a little, taking in my appearance.

"You look better."

"Yeah, but I bet I'm hugely out of shape now."

"You were never in good shape anyway, Edward," she snapped. She was really aggravated; her body was tense and she couldn't stay still. I tilted my head to the side.

"Alice, something wrong?"

She hesitated. "They're…releasing you tomorrow."

"What?"

"Deaf now?"

"No…it's just a shock." I sat back with a slight smile, the idea of getting out of here very inviting, but then terror overtook me. "Oh God…I can't go back there Alice, I can't. I can't go back home, to Esme." Though the heart monitor had been taken away a few days ago, I could feel the blood rushing through my veins, pounding in my ears and the fear overtook me in huge waves. I felt my chest constricting painfully. It was becoming difficult to breathe again.

"Edward, calm down, you're going to hurt yourself and end up right back here."

"Here's better than there."

"Edward, just listen to me." I focused on her, though it took a disturbing amount of effort. "Listen, I have a plan."

"I'm listening, Alice. Get on with it."

"Well…I've moved in with Jasper, as you know." I nodded; she had done so soon after I was admitted. "And I still have the tape. I'm using it to convince Esme to take a very long 'vacation' in Europe. Emmett and Rosalie are going away to collage and…well…I want you to stay with Bella. She's agreed to stay with you in your house, to help with your 'rehabilitation'. Esme is going to be gone for three months. I was kind of hoping that…I don't know…you'd be over it by then."

I opened my mouth, and then closed it. I did that a few times more. I wasn't sure how I felt about this. I weighed up the pros and cons in my head.

"No, Alice. I'm not doing that."

"Why not?"

"Why haven't you turned in the tape, anyway?"

"I…"

Realization dawned. "You don't want Esme in jail, do you? You don't want her to pay for her crimes."

"Of course I do, I just don't want her to do it that way."

"No you don't, liar. Of course…it makes sense now…why you sold me out…I can't believe you Alice, I trusted you. I trusted you!" I tried to sit up, but was once again held back by the restraints; they hadn't taken them off yet. She sat back a little, seeing the action. "I can't believe you would betray me like this, Alice! Have you not seen what she did to me? Do you want to see the pictures that the doctors and police took again? I almost lost all of the circulation in my hands, and I got shot in the shoulder. And tazed! Do you have any idea how fucking painful that is? No, of course you don't, because you're the poor damsel, aren't you? Mother and Father love you, of course. They hate me, so of course you want them to go free, and you'd be happy for me to just rot in here. Esme should be rotting in her cell, but no, I'm the one who gets the short stick, as usual. I honestly expected better of you, Alice. Do you want me out of your life forever? Fine! Go live your perfect life with Jasper, all the best, really." I spat the bitter words out, my anger making my tongue loose. "I hope you have the model life, and I hope that when you have kids you don't turn out just like Esme. You're a lot like her sometimes. You better make sure that Jasper doesn't cheat and create a bastard child like your bastard brother. But of course, I won't be in your life anymore, so I won't even exist. You want me to get over this Alice? This isn't the sort of thing you get over, alright? You have never known pain like mine, and I pray to God that you never will, just stop acting like such a damned hypocrite Alice, because you're not fooling me. Just leave." I sat back, exhausted from my long rant and breathing hard. Alice's face was perfectly composed, but I could see the tears and I knew that I had delivered some low blows, but I was too angry to care.

She stood up. "Alright, Edward. I'll tell Bella that you're not interested, and I'll…see you around, I guess." She left the room then, and I was surprised to feel little to no remorse. She deserved every word, stupid conniving little…Damn it all. God loved to mess with me, didn't he? Was I purposely not meant to trust anybody? What did that accomplish? I would be suspicious of people my entire life, never trusting anyone, and never letting anybody in. What a lonely life. At least, in my past life, I had had Alice.

Never, in all my years of abuse, neglect and torment, had I ever felt more alone.

-m-o-m-m-y—d-e-a-r-e-s-t-

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss the silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with

Was the radio reading my mind?

Author's Note: Wow. Never in all of my planning did I expect that! That chapter had a mind of its own. Don't worry though, Bella will help Edward.
Or will she? Will he suspect her too? You'll have to wait and see, won't you?
Song was "I Miss My Friend" – Daryl Worley
Review and let me know of mistakes! Love you all!

HigherMagic x