Disclaimer: Remember that time I owned Sonny with a Chance? Yeah, me neither.

Phase Three: Chad Needs to Admit He Likes Sonny Because Everybody Knows Already Anyway (Just Say It)

"Okay, okay, okay," Nico says, laughing. We're all in the Prop House, and we're supposed to be brainstorming new sketches. Of course, I am contemplating Phase Three of Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial. Sonny is poking herself in the forehead to see if the Chad wound still hurts. Zora is muttering to herself. And Nico and Grady are, for once, actually working. Not that their brainstorms are any good, but they are actually brainstorming. "What if we do one where this GI Joe wants to ask out Barbie, but the Bratz dolls and the army men keep getting in the way?"

Grady looks thrilled. "Yes!" he exclaims. "And then there's pizza!"

"And girls!"

They continue babbling and writing notes, but I am no longer paying attention. Because their stupid idea gave me a brilliant idea.

Let's recap. "GI Joe" is code for Chad Dylan Cooper. "Barbie" is code for Sonny. And the "Bratz" and the "army men" are their own stupid stubbornness and pride. Heck yes. Symbolism and analogy? Take that, Ms. Bitterman!

All right, well, I think it's too soon for Chad to be able to ask Sonny out on an actual date. As suave and cool as he thinks he is, he is a total child when it comes to a certain Sonny Munroe.

Look, even the tools on Teen Gladiator can tell Chad and Sonny are totally in love. And we got so many letters after the "HottiEMT" sketch on the same topic. Of course, the fans don't know the backstage happenings as well as, for example, I do. But they could see the chemistry, the potential, the tension. And they were just as annoyed as I was that the stupid pig got in the way (see a couple paragraphs above for the symbolism).

Anyway, we have to start with baby steps. So we just have to get Chad to admit he likes Sonny already.

Phase Three is a go. Even if it means I have to…ew…flirt with a certain dramaboy.

So that's why I'm now wasting a fabulous hair flip over at Mackenzie Falls. "Oh Chad," I say in my best giggly voice, running my fingers down his arm and trying not to vomit. "You're so handsome. Do you work out?"

Chad stares at me like I have six heads. "Um…yeah?" He tries to pull away from me, but I grab his arm and wrap it around me.

"You're so modest!" I smile widely, resting my head against his chest.

Chad yanks his arm out of my grip. "Tawni, what are you doing?" he asks, sounding both grossed out and bewildered.

I shrug and scoot closer to him again. "I just realized how much more gorgeous you are than that silly Zac Efron," I say quietly, taking his hands and looking into his eyes (which really aren't all that great; I don't know how Sonny always manages to get herself lost in them). "You have better hair, too." I run my fingers through his hair.

Chad's just kind of staring at me. I can tell he's not sure what to do: on the one hand he loves that comment about Zac Efron (by the way Zac, I'm totally kidding. If things don't work out with Vanessa, Tawni Hart is ready and waiting), but on the other hand he's super-freaked out that I'm acting all flirtatious towards him. "Um," he says, taking a step away from me again and clearing his throat. "Thank…you?"

Omigod, I'm going to throw up. But it has to be done. I check the clock on the wall behind us, and it's exactly 11:45. If Nico's not on time, this will all be for nothing. He has thirty seconds. I start to worry. I really don't want to have to do this more than once.

That's when I hear Nico coming down the hallway. "Yo, Sonny, whatcha feelin' for lunch today?" he practically yells.

"Probably soup," Sonny says thoughtfully. "Why are you talking so loudly?"

They're almost here. Now or never.

I brace myself. "You know there's a better way to thank me than in words, Chad," I say, and pucker my lips (ew, ew, ew.)

"Tawni, what are you doing?" Chad starts to say, but I see Nico's foot and it has to be now.

"Oh, Chad!" I say, and grab his face and kiss him.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww, I'm kissing Chad Dylan Cooper!! I'm going to have to go through so much Coco Moco Coco to get that off me.

Chad flails, but then out of the corner of my eye I see Nico and Sonny standing right in the doorway of the Mackenzie Falls set, and Sonny's mouth has dropped open so far I swear, another inch and her chin would be on the ground.

"Chad!" she yells in this weird strangled voice, and bolts off.

When Chad hears Sonny's voice, he yanks himself away from me. "What the hell was that??" he yells at me, wiping his lips off with his sleeve (normally I'd be offended by this, but 1: normally I would never kiss Chad Dylan Cooper, and 2: I know he's in love with Sonny). Then he runs off after Sonny, calling her name.

I follow until I get to where Nico's still standing there. "You sure this is a good idea?" he asks me.

I shake my head at him witheringly. "I'm Tawni Hart," I remind him. "Of course it's a good idea."

Nico shakes his head and heads off to the cafeteria. "I sure hope you're right." He so sounds unsure.

Please. I, Tawni Hart, am a Master of Love. And I know what I'm doing.

So, I head back to the dressing room because I know Sonny's there. I hope Chad ran after her fast enough to get in the room with her, because if not she'll have locked the door and then he can't get in and they can't express their undying love for each other which would so be a damper on Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial (I love that title).

Yay, Chad's not banging on the door. I press my ear against the door because I have got to hear this conversation.

"Chad, go away," Sonny hisses.

"Sonny, come on," Chad protests. I can hear footsteps, so he's probably walking towards her. "It wasn't what it looked like."

Sonny scoffs. "God, Chad, that line is so overused, and you know what? Ninety percent of the time it is what it looked like. You were freaking kissing Tawni! What's not to understand about that?"

Chad sighs. "Jeez, Sonny, you really think I'd want to kiss Tawni? She totally came onto me."

"Yeah right." Sonny laughs in disbelief.

"You honestly don't believe me?"

Their conversation gets faster and faster.

"Why should I?"

"Why would I kiss Tawni??"

"She's pretty."

"So are a lot of girls."

"She's flirtatious."

"Oh, good point." I can practically hear Chad rolling his eyes.

"She's my castmate."

"Um, yeah, she is."

"You like to mess with my head."

"Yeah, I do."

"Why?"

"Really, Sonny? Really?"

"Chad, what are you saying?"

"All I'm saying is that I—"

He pauses and I almost freak out. Just say it already!

"That you what?"

"I—"

BAM BAM BAM. "Sonny!!"

Aaaaand that will be Grady on the other side of the dressing room, banging on the door and ruining what was almost the total win of Phase Three.

I hear Sonny's footsteps and then the click of the lock. "Sonny, have you seen Nico?" Grady asks like it's the most important thing in the world ever (which it isn't. That place is held by Operation: THIS IS LUV: End the Denial, thank you very much.)

"I think he's—" Sonny starts, but then Grady cuts her off. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"What's he doing here?" Grady asks in shock and disgust, and I figure he's probably pointing an accusing finger at Chad.

"Uhm," Chad says, flustered, "I was just leaving." And he does. I can hear his footsteps walk away.

So I run around to the other side where the door is now unlocked and reenter my own dressing room. "Grady, go away," I say, and push him out the door.

Actually, that probably wasn't a good idea. Because now Sonny's got her glare on, and I remember I just kissed the boy she wants to be hers (ugh, ewwwww). "Tawni, why would you kiss Chad?" she asks dangerously.

I shrug. "Got a problem with it?"

She sucks on her teeth, and I think she's about to spill. Which would be almost as good as Chad spilling, except she'd only be telling me things I already know, but at least she'd be admitting it to herself finally. But…"No," she mutters finally. "Not at all."

GAH!

And Phase Three is officially a bust.

A/N: Oh my! :gasps: Chad said a bad word! I think this is the first time anyone's sworn at all (and I wouldn't have put it in there normally, but c'mon. Imagine being Chad in that situation, right? Hah!), and I was gonna mention that at the beginning, just for a heads-up, but I didn't think the word was major enough to warrant that. So if you were offended, I apologize. Now review, my dearests! I adore you all :D