Sup, I'm back, people!
Let's get this fic on the road! Cricky, get the bags!
Ready? Start!
4. Hinata's Decision
Hinata sat in her room alone. It was already getting dark outside, and looking up at the sky, you could tell it was going to rain soon.
It was almost time for dinner, but Hinata didn't feel like going down to eat. She just wanted to stay in her room all night and sleep, hoping to wake up and realize that today's events were just a nightmare. But Hinata knew they weren't. She didn't want to come down and confront her father after what she had done. She couldn't face him yet, but she knew that skipping dinner was out of the question; if a family member didn't show up at the table, they would just get dragged down by force. So, Hinata just waited for one of the maids to come and call her to dine.
She laid on her bed, thinking of all the mistakes she had made that day. It was a miracle she didn't cry on her way home, nor was she crying now. She didn't want to; she had done enough crying for one day.
Hinata decided that laying around wouldn't do her any good, so she sat up in her bed, took out a brush and started brushing her hair. It sort of took her mind off things when she did, so she pretty much needed this. She didn't know for how long she had been brushing, but it must not have been long since a knock on the door was later heard. Dinner was ready.
"Lady Hinata, your family awaits you for dinner," called out one of the maids through the closed door.
Hinata looked up and answered, "T-Thank you, I'll be right d-down." She waited for the maid to walk away before she sighed. She didn't want to face her parents right now. They had forgiven her for her first mistake, but it would be too much for them to forgive her a second time.
The lavender-eyed heiress turned her head to the side to catch a glimpse of her reflection in one of the mirrors of her room. She stared at herself for a few minutes, wondering how she had gotten to where she was right now. How did she get here? What can she do? What do I do, Neji? What can I do? Father...
"Lady Hinata?" Hinata snapped back to reality, focusing on the voice that had called out to her. "Are you coming down?" asked the maid from a few minutes ago; it seemed she had come back.
"U-Uh, yes, I'm coming out now. T-Thank you." And with that, Hinata dreadfully left her room to join her family for dinner.
Hinata couldn't be more uncomfortable right now. She had come down to the eating quarters, sat on a cushion, and started eating without even glancing at anyone. But around the table was so quiet, so awkward, that her swallowing sounded like thunder in the room.
She glanced around the table. Everyone had their heads down, small words were exchanged between her father and mother, and Hanabi tried to talk about how her day had gone and what she did.
But soon, everything had died down and it was back to the uncomfortable silence. The only thing in Hinata's mind right now, was her father. Here he was, acting like going to war was no big deal, like if he wasn't ill and could die if he left. He just sat there, eating like on any normal day, and Hinata did not like that.
Why did he have to go? Why? She didn't want to lose him too. She knew she would suffer greatly if a scroll were to be sent to their home, announcing that he had died in battle. She didn't want to go through that pain again.
Hinata couldn't take it anymore - she had to say it. The urge just kept increasing ever since she'd sat down to eat. She took a deep breath before she spoke.
"You shouldn't have to go," she managed to say in all seriousness, but her hands started to tremble as she took a sip of her tea.
"What?" Her father looked at her as he furrowed his brows. He seemed to already suspect where this was going.
"I think you know what I'm talking about, Father," Hinata shut her eyes tightly, " ...and you can't go! Please, Father!"
Hiashi sighed, closed his eyes and continued to eat. "Hinata, we are not to discuss this. My decision is final and nothing will change my mind. I am to bring honor to this family."
"Father! If your death is the price for the honor of this family, then I do not want it!" Hinata raised her voice a bit louder than usual, like she had done earlier today when she'd tried protesting against her father accepting the scroll for war.
"Hinata!" Her mother slammed her tea cup down, almost spilling the drink on the table. "Hinata, you are being selfish! Honor to our family is everything! You're only thinking what is best for you and you alone. Your father fighting in the war for the sake of this country is grandly honorable."
"Mother, do you not care for Father? Are you not worried about his health? He is in no condition to be fighting!" Hinata pleaded with her eyes to her mother.
"Yes." Her mother looked down at the table, a sad expression evident on her face. "I am worried about your father, and I wish he didn't have to go. But this is his decision, and we will respect it."
Hiashi moved his hand to grip her mother's. She gave him back a squeeze.
Hinata just stared at her, then turned her head towards Hanabi to see if she could help her out. She had been very quiet since Hinata's little outburst a few moments ago. But when she glanced at her, Hanabi wasn't even looking at her - only just staring at the table. Hinata knew her sister didn't want to get involved. Was it really over? Was no one willing to side with her? No, I am not giving up just yet! She turned back to her father.
"Father, please reconsider, you could-you could..."
"I could what, Hinata?" Hiashi looked at his daughter with a sudden angry expression.
"You could die!" The words she feared to think were finally out, and they did not make her feel any better.
Just then, Hiashi stood up from his sitting position and glared at her. "I am to fight to protect my family and this country with all my will, and I am not worried about death-"
"But Fa-"
"And I am to bring back our honor to this family, especially after what you did today. How would the village see us now? You, who embarrassed me in front of the emperor's council man. You, who is the only woman her age who is still single and without a husband. And you, who not even me going to war might be enough to take back our honor and respect, thanks to your little antics! You have embarrassed us all and who knows what types of rumors are being said about us behind our backs right at this moment!" He lowered his eyes at her. "And I am done with this conversation!"
Hiashi sat back down on his cushion, somehow gracefully even in his agitation. He closed his eyes, slowly let out a deep, calming breath, and took a sip of his tea. It was obvious he was not going to listen to another word about this topic.
Hinata was shocked, staring at her father. Why would he do this? Why? She started feeling worse. Maybe this was all her fault, after all. Her father becoming more determined to join the war was really all her fault. Once again, she had failed to accomplish anything. Why did she have to go and ruin everything? Why?
The tears were returning and Hinata didn't want her father and the rest of her family to see her crying again. So, she did the only thing she could think of - she ran. She stood as fast as possible from her cushion and sped towards the doors leading outside, tears already pouring out. Even though she said she wouldn't cry, she wasn't able to hold the tears back.
She ran until she reached the double doors and burst them open. She was right, it was greatly pouring outside. The sky had turned a dark shade of gray, and the rain seemed like it wouldn't be stopping anytime soon. But that didn't stop her from running out to the gardens. Right now, she didn't care about getting soaked. All she wanted at this moment was to get away. Away from the pain. Away from the sadness. She had let her family down, embarrassed them in front of the whole village. She had allowed her father decide to leave, and there wasn't anything she could do about it.
Hinata continued running in the heavy rain, getting soaked, and she didn't care. Her salty tears were mixing in with the saltiness of the rain.
Not being careful, she slipped on a large puddle. She fell forward, not being able to stop herself in time and hit the ground with a loud splash. Hinata stayed down for a couple of seconds, weeping, then tried getting up, but her arms kept shaking so hard that she just kept falling back into the puddle.
The sadness, desperation, and humiliation she felt, nearly overwhelmed her right then and there. She couldn't help but let out a loud sob, allowing herself to cry as much as she needed, in order to try calming down. After what felt like a long time, she decided to crawl towards a few big rocks that were stuck together, forming a small little space where it was dry.
Once she had finally reached the small dry space, she wrapped her arms around her crouched legs, making herself into a little ball. And she cried some more.
After what felt like hours, the rain had finally stopped. But it remained dark outside, being already nighttime.
Hinata remained wrapped in her own arms. Having finally stopped crying, she listened to her surroundings, trying to take her mind out of tonight's events. She then decided to lift her head, looking to see if the rain had fully stopped so she could make a run to her room. No one would be able to see her going in, since by now, everyone was surely asleep.
Then, something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned towards the two moving figures in the distance.
The two black silhouettes of her mother and father were visible through the white windows of her home. A candle was lit in their room, so Hinata could easily make them out.
It seemed like her father was trying to cheer her mother up by hugging her and holding her hand. His mouth was moving, but Hinata couldn't make out what he was saying. She saw her mother had her hand over her mouth, her body seemingly trembling, and immediately knew she was crying.
The Hyuuga heiress stared at the scene before her. Her mother was suffering, no doubt that Hanabi must be doing so too. What? Did she really believe she was the only one suffering in all this? She suddenly felt stupid for believing that. They were all suffering, even her father.
Hinata continued to stare at both of her parents. Her mother had removed her hand from her father's, turned and walked away from sight. Her father tried following her, but it seemed he found it useless, knowing he wouldn't be able to comfort her right now. In the end, the silhouette of her father turned to grab the only lit candle and blew on it. The light forming his silhouette disappeared, fading out into the darkness.
The night turned quiet and Hinata never left her sight from the window. She stared at it, not moving.
What if...what if her father didn't need to go? What if there was a way that he could stay here? Where he was safe and sound, with his family? Someone could take his place... Yes... All she needed was to convince someone from their huge family to go in his stead... The council man never said that the recruit had to be from the main family... Anyone could take his place...yes, that's it!
Hinata, with hope in her eyes, started crawling out of the little space between the rocks, until realization hit her.
What was she thinking? Of course that wouldn't work! No one in their right mind would take her father's place! They would think that it was disrespectful to him and his family. Having someone else cover for her family was the most dishonorable thing ever for the Hyuuga. And her father...! He would never allow something like that to happen! He wouldn't dream of ever giving up his position for someone who wasn't his own son!
Losing all hope from her eyes, Hinata slowly crawled back into the hole.
If only she had been born a boy. Everything would have been easier. She wouldn't have had to go through the awful incident with the matchmaker, and she would take her father's place, making him proud at the same time. She would be able to take care of herself and not get married for a longer time than a woman should. If only she could turn back time and choose to be born a boy. How life would been much easier that way.
Or if only I could dress up as a man to join the army in my father's place. In near hopelessness, Hinata smiled slightly at her silly little thought.
Wait... Hinata's eyes widened suddenly. Was it possible? Could such a thing be done? Was she capable of pulling something like that off? She knew it would be punishable by death if a woman were to be caught disguised as a soldier of the emperor's army.
But, something like that had never really happened before...because it was absurd if you even let it cross your mind... To put it simply, no one would suspect a woman impersonating a soldier, anyway... So, yes... All she really needed was to be careful of not getting caught...
Hinata paused her strange thoughts. Was she really thinking about doing this? Was she fully aware of what was going through her mind right now? Was she crazy and desperate enough to commit such an absurd act?
Only one answer passed through Hinata's mind in that instant. Yes...
That's it. She could do it. She was convinced she could do it. She knew she was strong enough to pull it off. Hinata was strong. She didn't need a man in her life to protect her. Women could be just as strong as men if they wanted to be; not literally in the physical way, of course. She could protect herself, and her family. It was her turn to protect her loved ones. She would choose what to do and what not to do. Commencing now, her first major decision would be...to protect her father by taking his place in the army of the Land of Fire.
This was Hinata's resolve.
With her increasing determination, the Hyuuga heiress crawled out of the dry space in the rocks as fast as she could. She had to leave tonight. This was her only chance before her father left the next day.
Once out of the hole, Hinata sprinted back to the house, having trouble on the way due to being soaked and splashing on the puddles.
She opened the double doors slowly once she had reached the entrance. She walked in without making a noise. The house had all the lights turned off, so it was completely dark. The only light available was the moon's light that shone through the windows. But it was enough to know what was where.
Hinata looked around the room, searching for something. Once she spotted it, she moved towards it and grabbed a piece of paper. She took out an ink pen that was on the table, and wrote a few words on the blank sheet: I have to do this. I am sorry, and I hope you can forgive me someday.
She read it once and twice after she was done.
Soaking wet with the paper in hand, Hinata took a deep breath and tip-toed towards her parents' bedroom. She was careful not to make any kind of noise. She reached the door to their room before opening it as quietly as she could. Entering in small steps, she walked towards her parents' bed before stopping in front of them. She took a deep, shaky breath.
"I'm sorry," she whispered sadly, but determinedly.
Hinata saw the scroll on the table by her father and reached for it. In exchange for the scroll, she put the piece of paper she had written on in its place. She turned back towards the door before she glanced back to look at her beloved parents. She gave them a small smile, then turned to face the front and tip-toed her way out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her.
After leaving their quarters safely, she immediately went straight to her younger sister's room.
Hanabi...
Hinata carefully opened Hanabi's bedroom door and went in. Her little sister was sleeping soundly in her bed, clutching one of their father's robes. Hinata smiled at the scene. She closed in on her when she noticed that her eyes were red from crying.
Oh, Hanabi, I'm sorry.
Hinata had the immediate urge to hug her small sister. But she had to hold it in; she was soaking wet in her kimono, and she didn't want to risk waking her up. But one thing she did do was to lean down and press a small light kiss on her sister's forehead.
I love you, Hanabi.
A few tears slipped from Hinata's eyes before she drew back. She will return home. In that moment, she promised herself she would. For her sister, for her father, for her mother. She would prove to her father especially, that she could be strong. Strong enough to protect him and the family. This family will not be losing any more members any time soon. And it will remain like that for years to come. Now it was up to her to survive the upcoming events.
Hinata backed away and went out of Hanabi's room before closing the door lightly.
It was now or never.
Hinata opened the closet doors to where she knew her father kept his army garments. She stared at them in awe, then she shook off the dumb look on her face and grabbed the armor and clothing. She was taking them out when she glanced at herself in a small mirror that was attached to the wall, and paused.
Her hair was too long.
She couldn't go dressed up as a man with such long hair. Hinata stared at herself for a few more minutes before making her decision. She was going to cut it short. She had to do it. Her hair would grow back eventually. Nothing to worry about.
Looking around the room, she spotted her father's sword. She let out a shaky breath before reaching to grab it, and then sat down on the floor to keep herself calm. She inhaled and exhaled a couple of times before raising the sword towards her hair. With her other hand, she took a hold of her hair in a fist, so that it would make the cut faster and easier. Hinata shut her eyes as tight as she could. She waited a few more minutes to calm down again. And finally, in one swift movement, sliced her hair short. Her silky indigo-colored hair fell freely to the floor. It was now up to her shoulders.
The young woman turned to look at herself in the mirror. Her beautiful, long hair was now gone. But it was worth it, just a small price to pay for her decision. She grabbed the lace that was in the armor and tied her hair up in a bun, the type of bun a male soldier with long hair would sport. She still had her bangs, but there were males out there with bangs too, so she didn't need to cut those off, thank goodness.
After having finished doing her hair, she stood up and undressed herself. She turned towards the outfit she had taken out of the closet before reaching towards it. She was about to put the shirt on when she noticed her chest. Now that would be more problematic than her hair had been. There was no way she could hide that big chest of hers...
There must be something I can do to hide this. Hinata thought for a couple of minutes before an idea popped in her head. Bandages! She immediately searched around the room for a set of bandages. She easily found them in a drawer and took them out. She started unrolling them and pressed the first piece to her chest. She started rolling the bandages carefully around her chest as tightly as she could, actually flattening it to a decent size. Once she was done, she turned to look in the mirror. The size was good enough. She could easily hide her now less-noticeable breasts with her father's baggy soldier clothes, and since she'd be wearing armor too, this could actually work out.
Hinata quickly started putting on the clothing and armor as fast as she could. She tied and twisted and tightened. It took her quite a while to be done with dressing out, but she had finally finished. She really needed to quicken her pace. Once she had attached her sword to the armor, she slowly started to walk out of the spare room where her father kept his stuff. She walked quietly through the hallways until she reached the double doors leading outside. Giving one last glance towards the house, she pushed the doors open and slid out.
She made her way towards the stables, going to get her horse, Akamaru. She opened the gates leading inside, and went straight towards him. At first, the horse went a little wild when he noticed there was an unknown person closing in on him, but Hinata immediately started to soothe him. He eventually recognized her, calming down.
Hinata then led Akamaru out of the stables carefully. She took one more look at her home before she mounted on her horse. She pulled on his reigns and took off into the darkness of the night.
It had started raining again.
Finally done with this chapter, wooo!
For those of you SasuSaku fans who are reading this, please be patient! There will be SasuSaku in later chapters. I planned it since before writing this story; it's just that I'm not gonna tell ya'll how they're going to fit in 'cause I'd be spoiling it, but I got everything planned out for them (well, mostly everything), so please be patient, 'cause they'll appear later!
Also, guess who finally appears next chapter... ;)