Disclaimer As stated NCIS is owned by CBS and Bellisario. This is only for fun.

Thanks to all who have reviewed and read the story. Please continue to review and let me know if I get off track from where you think Ziva would be at the various stages of her life. This is a long chapter. I hope to post the next chapter tonight also.

November 12th 1983

Dear Diary

I am 10 years old today. Aunt Nettie called and told me she is coming to get me for the weekend and take me to Paris. I am so excited. She said the present she got me would have to stay at her house though. I bet it is a knife, after all she said when I turned 10 she would teach me how to throw them with "deadly accuracy" I best not tell mommy she might get upset though.

Mommy and Tali called and wished me Happy Birthday. Tali turns 6 next month and told me next year she would go to school with me she is so excited. I think mommy is gonna miss having a child in the house though. Tali told me that a bomb had hit near the playground of the school and some kids had been hurt bad. I then told Tali that is why it is important to learn everything so we could help Dad prevent things like this by taking our the bad guys before they could hurt us. Tali the peace loving child she is then said we need to both stop trying to hurt the other maybe then there would be no need for bombs or for war. Poor Tali why can she not understand you have to use force to stop force.

Dad just called, I told him I was going to Aunt Nettie's he said he knew and to have fun. I told him about my classes and grades. He said he was very proud of me. I asked him about Ari and he said he was doing well. Dad does not talk about Ari as much as he use to. Dad informed me my present for my birthday would be waiting for me at the house when I came home for holiday. I am very excited to see what it is. I decided not to tell him that Mom and Tali sent me a card and money for my birthday.

Ari also sent me a birthday card. However I noticed on the outside the last name was not David or Haswari it was Weinstein. I would have to ask him about this. Ari is changing I do not know why though. Dad is not letting him visit us as much and he is spending more time in Gaza which is very dangerous. Though I am learning to hide my concerns better I want Dad and Ari to be proud of me and I want to be like them.

November 25th 1983

The trip to Paris was wonderful. Aunt Nettie got me the most beautiful dagger. The handle is solid mahogany with a solid steal blade. She taught me how to find the center point of the knife so it would throw easy. By the end of the weekend I was hitting my target 8 our of ten times. She said when i come for other visits we would continue to work on my throwing and with other blades. She is keeping the dagger with her since the school would question why I had a weapon. She encouraged me to take archery saying it would help my eye hand coordination. She also taught me how to clean the blade and told me how important it was to keep all weapons clean to keep it in pristeen condition. I bet Aunt Nettie was a great Mossad agent, she knows so much about weapons. Mom would not like it if she knew I was learning about weapons.

Aunt Nettie told me about some of her Mossad adventures they sound like so much fun. She said I can not repeat the stories even to Dad or Ari. However she told me Mossad was a honorable job and a duty to due for Israel. I asked Aunt Nettie why she lives in Paris instead of Israel since she retired from Mossad. She smiled and told me you never retire from Mossad, and Israel is home however Paris was where she was needed. UUggghh I just do not understand that did not answer my question however I could tell I was going to get no other information.

I told Dad about my dagger and most of the trip, he said maybe i could make monthly visits to see Aunt Nettie now that I was 10 and since she could pick me up in Corse. I told him that would be wonderful.

December 8th 1983

Today was Tali's 6th birthday. She begged Daddy to get her into my school earlier. However he told her that he promised Mom one more year then she could go. I am not sure if Tali will like boarding school though she really is close with Mom. She and Mom have a relationship I never had. Mom has always been more distant with me and Ari. Ari I can understand it is her step son.

When I asked Dad one time about Mom treating Tali and I different he told me I could not let something like this bother me. I needed to put others feelings aside to include my own I was to only worry about myself. After I talked to Ari he told me not to worry he would always be there for me and that he loved me. I love Tali however I wish Mom loved me like she did Tali.

When I talk to my friends I get told many things some say there parents are indifferent and treat them like they are partners in Mossad like my Dad does. Others say there parents give them hugs and kisses and tell them how much they love and miss them. I wonder which is normal and which is not.

Ari would not be here for the Holiday instead he was with his mom in Gaza this was a first for him to miss a visit. Though he never did stay for Chanukah, now that I recall.

January 1st 1984

I am on the plane with Officer Isaac he is a new Mossad officer that has had me placed in his charge. Father warned me to be on my best behavior no tricking the young man or hurting him. Darn this guy looks like he would be easy to loose. He must have not been raised in a Mossad family he looks to nice and scared. I wonder how he made it through the training?

School begins on the 3rd. Dad got me signed up for Archery, like Ari I will get private lessons two days a week also. Mom wants me to take a sewing class however Dad talked her out of it, thank goodness. I do not think I will ever be someone's wife or mother I just want to be able to be like Aunt Nettie and go on adventures.

March 25th 1984

Wow, I have not updated my Diary for awhile. I have been so busy. Aunt Nettie comes to pick me up for trips every other weekend now. She is so much fun. She is a 3rd degree blackbelt in Karate and has top levels in several other marital arts as well. She has been helping me learn other forms of martial arts, one called Krav Maga. She is also a marksmen. Though I also overheard her talking about assinations one day also, I think that may be her job in Mossad. Though Aunt Nettie is way to nice to have ever killed anyone. A killer is someone who is heartless and cold, not Aunt Nettie.

Archery is a lot of fun. My arms hurt the first several weeks. Now they feel much better. I still have yet to hit a bulls eye, however my private instructor said it takes a long time to be perfect.

My grades are straight 5's this year. English is getting better however it is different than what I heard when I visited America last year. Then again I have learned to tell when a persons language is taught as a second language versus a primary language. Since I learned Hebrew, French and Arabic all together I wonder which was the primary and the secondary etc...

Ari is down to sending me a letter once a month, he refused to answer my question about his last name. He said it was not to be discussed. Dad also refused to answer when I asked. I have not seen Ari since the summer holiday in Haifa. Mom said we are going to Haifa again this year I am so excited. Ari will join us for part of the Holiday also.

April 1st 1984

Aunt Nettie is so funny she called me today and told me I would be moving to Paris with her. I was excited then suddenly I recalled it was April Fools day and before she could go on I called her on it. She said i was getting good at catching people even on the phone when it came to tricks. She had been teaching me to notice the way people talked to you you could learn much from there eyes.

April 12th 1984

Ari called me today. I was so excited, I told him how much I missed him. He said he missed me also. He told me all about his school. I told him about my schooling also. He told me i need to work on my English. Just because he is going to an English speaking school why should I have to also speak English. He actually got mad at me when i said this. He said I needed to learn to be more open. I told him just because he is Daddy's favorite and getting to do whatever he wanted did not mean I had to do the same.

I feel so bad I have not argued with Ari or said a mean word to him ever. However if I back down or apologize it will show that I am weak.

When I see Aunt Nettie I will talk to her and see what she says about this.

May 1st 1984

Well, Aunt Nettie said I should stand my ground she said if you back down then Men or boys as in case with my brother will then push you around all your life. She said even if I knew I was wrong to hold strong and never apologize, however eventually i could say well maybe it would be best to learn more English and to practice it, however it would not be admiting a wrong. This is confusing, however Aunt Nettie is so smart and has been in Mossad forever like Dad so she must be right.

Well Marsi and I have been working on studying for our exams. Dad said these exams and grades will be presented to schools he is looking at for me to attend for secondary. Marsi said she is thinking about going back to secondary school in Israel. I told her I would rather stay in Europe. I told her dad wants me to attend an all girls school. She said her mother said it was better to attend a mixed school so you can learn to deal with men since Mossad is mostly men.

Marsi and her Mom and I are gonna join Dad to go see a couple schools in England, Switzerland, France and Israel in July after school is out. Then Marsi is joining us in Haifa while our parents go on some secret mission together again. Marsi's mom is also a controller however there are times they have to leave for various reasons. Marsi said it is to set up safe houses for the Mossad. Marsi knows a lot more about Mossad than me, I am glad she is my friend she is teaching more about what Mossad is than anyone.

July 3rd 1984

Today we went to Marcell, France to visit an all girls boarding school for secondary education. It reminds me of my school in Corse. However Dad and Hanni (Marsi's mom) decided it was unsafe after they were there for just an hour. I have no idea what made it unsafe, however both Marsi and I are trying to figure it out.

Tonight we catch a flight to Switzerland. The school there is co-ed and has a reputation for secrecy according to Dad. Marsi and I both like what we heard about this school. However they only allow you to go home during the summer holiday and for the Christian Holiday of Christmas at the end of December. However they have more language classes and they specialize in sciences. I want to goto college for criminal psychology and electronic engineering. Marsi wants to also study criminal psychology however she hates the electronics part. Dad said I have made an excellent choice of study, I laughed he has been talking about learning about reading people since I can recall the only thing i choose was the electronics.

July 4th 1984

I loved the school here in Switzerland. Dad and Hanni also seemed to approve. Marsi also liked it, however she was not sure her mother approved of the co-ed. The school also has advanced placement classes and we can take college classes our last year we are there. Every student has a private room and study. We noticed that the school was more secluded, the nearest city was several kilometers away. Daddy pointed out that the school also had a primary school that Tali could attend, he even suggested he could transfer us both here to start in September. Part of me thinks that would be nice, however I really want to finish my school in France.

Tomorrow we goto England to visit a school in Suffolk.

July 6 1984

We are now on the way to Israel the last few days have been so fast. Going from one school to another. So far the school in Switzerland is the best choice. Dad and Hanni both agreed the school in England was not strict enough for us. Marsi and I both wondered what that meant we both had never caused any problems.

Tomorrow we go see a school in Tulkarm and another in Tel Aviv that is a public secondary school. I have not been in public school since I was 6 years old. I know Mom would like it, however I would rather be in private school. Marsi agrees about public school she also said we could not learn as many languages. Dad says we must at least visit the school.

July 7th 1984

The school in Tulkarm is nice, however they are Orthodox Judaism. Even at home we do not practice orthodox Judaism. Mom is not super strict on the dietary restrictions though at home we practice the sabbath. I know when I was in America with Dad he differently did not practice dietary restrictions he had a cheeseburger. I laughed thinking how mom would have yelled at him. He said when you are on a mission you must learn there are times you do not want people to know where you are from or that you are Jewish.

Dad thinks this school would be too limiting in my education. I think he is also leaning toward the Switzerland school.

July 8th 1984

Went to visit with the public school. Mom went with us to this school. Marsi and her Mom are going to visit tomorrow. Mom pointed out how close it was to home. Mom was very happy with the school. However Dad pointed out that I already spoke the languages they offered as introductory for my grade. He said I was also taking there 2 level courses. He told her that I would be very bored here, and that the school in Switzerland sounded best thus far for both Tali and I. Mom looked at me and I said I agreed with Dad the school in Switzerland was more challenging and I might even be able to complete my studies and graduate when I was 16 and 1/2.

July 15th 1984

We are on holiday in Haifa now, Dad has made the arrangements for Tali and I both to start at the new school in September. Mom has not really said much. Dad said they will take us both to clothes shop and to get skies and other items we will need for Switzerland. Tali is very excited about going with me to school in September. Tali is such a carefree spirit, she and mom are always giving hugs. I wish i could be a little bit like Tali she always sees the best in everyone. Tali never seems to get bothered by the bombings.

August 1st 1984

Yesterday was Ari's birthday he joined us in the afternoon and we had a nice party he turned 15. I gave Ari a copy of Moby Dick it was our favorite story that Dad would read to us when we were younger. Inside was a book-mark with a picture of Tali and I that we made so he could see us daily. Ari smiled and thanked us for the gifts. However he seems a little distant. Ari and I took a walk on the beach dad did not insist we have anyone go with us so we could talk without worry. Ari told me that Dad wants him to use his influence with his mothers friends to learn things about Hammas. I asked if he was going to do it. He said yes, because he has to. He told me to be careful to watch out for Tali and not to trust anyone. I am not sure why he told me this however I will do as he said.

Marsi is also coming to Switzerland this should be a lot of fun.

September 8th 1984

Tali and I have been to our new school for 4 days now. Tali's room is next to mine. She is actually a lot of fun to be around. She is always smiling and she is full of questions. Tali is taking French, Spanish, Turkish then math, literacy and writing. We both are going to have private ski lessons on Saturday. We also are taking marital arts together she has a yellow belt already, she said she is going to get her black belt as the youngest age in the family. I laughed when she said this she is very competitive. Maybe she is a little bit like Ari and I after all.

Tali started to cry a little earlier missing Mommy. I told her it was a sign of weakness and that she should never let anyone see her cry especially Dad. She asked me what he would do, I told her he would get very mad and just to not let it happen. I can barely remember being about 4 years old and getting a spanking for crying then being yelled at and told I was weak and that no child of his would be so weak. He said a child who cried so easily would die easily also. After that I never cried where anyone could see it. Apparently dad had never gotten mad at Tali for crying.

I told Tali that I had very hard classes and needed to study however I would see her during lunch and dinner and Martial arts and at skiing. She looked sad, then said at least it was more than she had seen me before.

Tali is so happy I wish I was more like her. Well now to start to study.

October 3rd 1984

School here is a lot harder. I am working very hard to keep my grades up. Dad and Mom have been calling at least once a week. Before in France I was lucky at times to get a call once a month. Maybe it is because Tali is a younger than when I went to school. I can tell Mom is missing us when she calls.

November 6th 1984

Dad called he said he will be coming to see us for my birthday. I can tell something is not right it is in his voice.

November 13th 1984

Dad, Tali and I celebrated my birthday yesterday. I am now 11 years old. Then after we had dinner he told Tali and I that Mom had died in a bombing last week. He said he thought it would be best to tell us in person. He did not want to disturb our studies and did not feel that it would be necessary to remove us for the funeral. He said we would have a memorial service when we were on vacation in December. He then told us he was sorry, and that he would do his best to make sure we had everything we needed. However neither of us cried as Dad told this to us he showed no emotion. He gave us both a pat on the head and then left.

Tali followed me to my room and once I shut the door she grabbed me into the world's tightest hug and we both let the tears flow. Why had Dad not brought us home, my mommy is gone and he said it like it was nothing that happen. Maybe if Tali or I had not left then maybe she would still be alive. Maybe we could have kept her safe. Now it was up to me to take care of Tali and make sure she is safe.