Chapter 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of their characters.
"At least let me give you a fashion makeover before you leave" Penelope said as she walked him out.
"There's nothing wrong with my clothes" Spencer said defensively.
"Oh Honey, We love you but honestly you dress like a fifty year old college professor" Penelope said hugging him.
"They're a little old fashioned. You can be an inner geek and still dress fashionably" Emily suggested more diplomatically.
"And you might find it easier to fit in if you dress like the other students" Morgan said.
"Guys the only people who are going to be interested in this body are either hebephiles or legally underage themselves. It's better if I don't try to dress to draw that sort of attention. It's not like I can tell people that I'm really twenty nine. Who would believe me?" Spencer said dejectedly.
"You have a point there Pretty Boy" Morgan said sadly as he realised his friend was facing five years of intentional total celibacy and loneliness.
"So you and Hotch are over?" Penelope asked hesitantly.
"I don't think we can get past this. He can barely stand to look at me" Spencer replied sadly. "He says it's just until I grow up again but five years is a long time and he's now 31 years older than me. I think he's going to find it hard to overcome. Someone referred to me as his son when we were out last week and I could see his attitude to me changing."
"Let me dress you up and I guarantee he won't be able to resist you" Penelope encouraged.
Spencer sighed. "Hotch has a stronger sense of right and wrong than anyone I know and a will of iron. I don't think it would work" he said despondently.
"And he'd hate himself if it did" Rossi added not wanting the team to blame Hotch for Reid's leaving them. "And perhaps rightly so."
"Which is why I have to leave" Spencer said bravely. "He's already hating himself for being tempted and it'll be easier for both of us to make a clean break. I'll be back in five years and if Hotch is still single maybe we can try again then."
"If he's still single? Kid, the man loves you" Morgan protested.
"And six years ago he couldn't imagine loving anyone except Haley" Spencer said bluntly. "I don't want him to commit to waiting for me and spend the next five years alone. If it's meant to be then he'll be ready for me when I come back but I want him to live, to enjoy life." He turned to leave and saw Aaron standing just far enough away not to be pulled into the conversation with the others.
"Please come home" Aaron said quietly.
Spencer looked up. "Do you mean that? You want me to come back to you?" he asked hopefully. "You're willing to be with me?"
Aaron's shuttered look and silence answered the question for him and Spencer sighed. "You know why I can't" he whispered heart brokenly.
"Where are you staying? Are you safe?" Aaron asked.
"I'm looking for a place near Georgetown. I've been crashing at the lab the last few days" Spencer replied. "I'm perfectly safe. I'm an armed federal agent after all, or I was until today. Maybe I should have taken Morgan up on those hand to hand combat classes he offered me."
Aaron laughed slightly bitterly. "I'm sure he'd be happy to teach you when you're in town."
"Yeah I'll think about it. I've got to go" Spencer said trying to walk out casually without breaking down in tears again.
"Poor Reid he's lost his relationship, his home and now his job" JJ said sadly.
"And he can't even go home to his mom for comfort" Morgan said. "That's got to suck."
"It'll be a miracle if Reid doesn't end up having problems with his movie club too" Rossi said.
"He'll have to find a new 'movie club' better suited to a teenager" Emily said obliviously.
"So he'll lose that support as well" Morgan said frowning. "I wish he'd stay with one of us."
"I can understand why he won't though. It would be really difficult to see us leave for cases and be left behind" Emily said.
"So you think he won't hang out with us at all, we're his family" JJ protested.
"Does he even have any other friends?" Morgan asked.
"He must have some friends from the university" Emily said.
"And that friend Ethan in New Orleans" JJ reminded them.
"Do any of you have any idea what Reid's going to do?" Rossi asked.
"Go back to university and get another couple of PhDs" Morgan said.
"He teaches a couple of classes at Georgetown and I think here at the Academy" Emily said.
"He hates teaching" Rossi said. "Do you think that's going to be enough?"
"Enough for what?" JJ asked.
"Enough to keep him going to movie club?" Rossi asked them.
"Oh god! You don't think he would..." JJ asked horrified.
"I'm trying to think of any reason he'd have not to" Rossi said. "The BAU was his life, and other than his mom we're his family. His relationship with Hotch is on hold for at least the next five years with no guarantee they'll ever be able to resume it and the only other person he spends significant time with is Henry. He didn't put all that effort into recovering to avoid disappointing his books or his degrees."
The others looked shocked. "You really think he might… Pretty Boy is too smart for that" Morgan denied.
"He was too smart last time too, that's why it took so long for us to notice he had a problem" Emily retorted. "And Rossi's right even without this potential problem I cant see a life of academia being enough for him."
"Speaking of Henry have you thought about how you're going to explain this to him?" Rossi asked JJ.
"Oh no! How am I going to explain it" JJ exclaimed.
"You mean you invited Spencer to move in with you without explaining the situation to Will?"
"Will will understand, he and Spencer get along like a house on fire since he realised Spencer was never interested in me that way" JJ said. "Henry will be devastated at losing his Godfather."
"You're talking like it's a forgone conclusion they won't see each other. I cant imagine Reid being willing to give up spending tome with Henry" Morgan said frowning.
"My Chocolate god is right Honey. There's no way Dr. Reid will abandon Henry. You can forget that thought right now, so we need to find a way to reintroduce them" Penelope said. "I know we need to throw him a going away party."
"I don't think Reid's going to be in the mood for a party" Emily warned her generous hearted friend.
"He'll need some help to get set up in a new place" Rossi suggested. "Not to mention he got rid of most of his furniture when he moved in with Hotch."
JJ tried to ring Spencer but the phone was turned off.
"Oh no!" She exclaimed. "Spencer doesn't have a personal phone. He used his work phone for everything and Strauss would have made him turn it in."
"So we can't even contact him" Morgan said worriedly. "Can you work your magic on this Baby Girl?"
"I can try Georgetown, he'll have to give them a contact number if he wants to keep working there." Garcia replied. "If worse comes to worse he needs to contact me to get the hard copies of the High school transcripts and ID I organised it to be sent here."
"Does anybody know where he's been staying?" Rossi asked.
Garcia did a history search on the GPS in his phone. "It looks like he's been sleeping in the labs at Georgetown" she said sadly. "Why didn't he come to one of us?"
"He's feeling too hurt and raw at the moment and we already treated him like he's younger than he was" Rossi said. "I'm not surprised he wants to be alone, it's the only time he can ignore the changes."
"Do you think he will leave Virginia. Maybe go back to Caltech?" Emily asked.
"I hope not" Rossi said vehemently.
The others looked at him surprised. "Caltech is the ultimate geek heaven, it was the perfect place for the preteenaged Reid to recover from the trauma of High School. But while I have no doubt that our Doctor Reid is capable of out geeking the geekiest of them when he wants, it's no longer all he is. I doubt Caltech is going to meet all his needs anymore either" he explained. "Going back there might make things even worse, at least at the moment he has the idea in the back of his mind that he could go back to Caltech and his old life there. But if he tries and fails…"
The others nodded sombrely. "We're going to have to keep in contact and keep supporting him whether he wants us to or not" Emily suggested.
"That might not be so easy, look at how difficult it became to keep in touch with Greenwood, Blake and Seaver" Morgan replied.
-o0o-
"I understand that you feel that you can't come to your regular meeting anymore but please Spencer there are meetings you can still go to"
"I don't think I need to. The physical cravings are completely gone" Spencer told his sponsor. "It's probably just as well or I'd be in real trouble. I only gave up in the first place because my job was too important to me to compromise like that. I'll admit there's a lot of things going on in my life that I wish I could just escape from for a while but I'm not going to throw what little I've got left away."
"Find a new meeting anyway Spencer" Bob begged. "Don't wait until you realise you might have been wrong and you need one desperately or it's too late."
"The only meetings that are going to welcome me looking like this are teen meetings and I'm going to feel like I don't belong there" Spencer replied.
"And that's fine so long as things are going well. But you need to establish a new source of support in case you need it. Particularly since you've cut yourself off from your whole previous life." There was no censure in Bob's voice about this decision no matter how much he disagreed with it.
"I wish I didn't have to but it hurts too much to see him and know he'll probably never be mine again and it's hurting him too" Spencer said.
"You'll be eighteen in three years. That's not so long" Bob said.
"The age gap between us already gave him some issues though it never bothered me, add another fourteen years to that and I don't know of he'll ever be able to overcome it" Spencer replied.
"I'd happily stand up with you and explain what happened to these guys so you can keep coming here to meetings if you want to. The people who know you will accept the explanation and new guys will just assume you're just a very young looking officer undercover.
I've spoken to the chief of cryptography. There's a job there for you of you want it. I could also go over Strauss' head and get you a consultation job with the BAU. You wouldn't be in the field but you would do the simple consults freeing the teams to attend the more urgent cases" Bob said. "Child trafficking might also have a use for you undercover if you were interested in that sort of thing.
Spencer smiled. "I don't think I could stand working in the BAU and not being part of the team" he said. "And I don't think I've got the nerve to go undercover unarmed. I can't pretend to be a normal teenager. I could barely pass myself off as a normal adult most of the time."
Bob laughed. "And cryptography?" he pressed.
"They've been after me for a while. I help out there when we're quiet. They're nice enough to work with though the work itself doesn't really interest me as much as behavioural analysis. It would be okay so long as you can still guarantee me reassignment back to the BAU when I turn twenty one again."
"I'll make it a condition of your employment. One of the advantages of staying would be access to the FBI training facilities. If you kept up your qualifications you wouldn't have to go back to the academy when you turn twenty one" Bob promised. "It may not hold your interest like the BAU or researching for a new PhD but the work cryptograhpy does is important to national security and I think that you need that at the moment Spencer. To have meaningful work to do that you know you're contributing something to our world."
"It also means that I can use the FBI training facilities and
if I can keep up my qualifications I could get back to the BAU six months earlier" Spencer said smiling. "Would they be willing to offer me flexible hours so I can study as well?"
"I'm sure they would. But haven't you been studying this whole time?"
"Undergrad degrees. I need a more regular time commitment to enable me to do the research for another doctorate" Spencer explained.
"Have you spoken to the university about the classes you teach?" Bob asked.
"No, I've been teaching most of them for years, the way I look shouldn't have much impact on them. The university already introduces me as a former child prodigy.
-o0o-
"Fear not my peeps" Garcia said coming back. "Our baby genius has a new phone number."
"Do you think we should call him though? There might be a reason he hasn't given us his number" Emily asked.
"Not a good reason" Morgan growled.
"I think you should call. He needs to know that you still want him in Henry's life" Rossi told JJ. "Especially seeing he'll already be missing Jack as well."
"So I should offer to have Jack around as well so Spence can visit" JJ suggested.
"I don't know" Emily said. "It might make more trouble between Reid and Hotch." 'Or trouble with you and Hotch' she thought.
"I'd make the offer" Rossi said. "Let Reid make the decision. I don't know how close he and Jack were."
-o0o-
"Reid" Spencer answered frowning a little as he realised that JJ had probably asked Garcia to find the number for her so they all would have it.
"Hey Spence. How are you?"
"I'm fine JJ" Spencer replied. "I've got a lecture in ten minutes."
JJ took the hint that Spencer was unwilling to chat. "I rang to invite you to come for dinner tonight. Henry has been missing you."
"How are you going to explain this to Henry and Will?" Spencer asked.
"I've already explained it to Will. He's fine with it Spencer and Henry isn't going to care. You're still the cool uncle Spence that can answer all his questions and do magic. He loves you Spence. He may look at you a bit funny like he did when you cut your hair short but he'll still want to spend time with you" JJ said reassuringly.
"I don't know about that. What if he doesn't recognise me?" Spencer asked.
JJ laughed. "If anything he'll think it's cool that you're closer to his age. I'll have to warn him that you still won't be able to crawl around on the floor with him."
"Actually I could" Spencer replied.
"But your knee. Spence you don't need to hurt yourself to make Henry happy to play with you" JJ protested.
"My knee is fine. There's no scarring or anything. It's like it never was shot" Spencer replied. "The damage to my lungs from the anthrax is gone too. In fact the only scars on my body are the ones I already had when I was fifteen, and my dairy intolerance is much milder than it was. The cravings are gone too, the physical ones at least."
"What do you mean Spence?" JJ asked concerned.
"Well the aching in my bones and the itchiness is gone but I still remember exactly how it felt, I know that I could take away all the heartbreak I feel and just stop caring about anything. I'd give almost anything to forget what it felt like. To not know I have that option but I never will" Spencer said sadly.
"Oh Spence!" JJ said crying.
"It's okay JJ I'm not planning on using again. Even now I know I have too much to lose" Spencer said reassuringly.
"Promise me something Spence. Promise me that if you feel too alone, if you get tempted that you'll call me" JJ begged. "Come for dinner Spence."
"Are you sure Will wants a teenager in the house influencing his son?"
"You're not a teenager Spence" JJ replied. "You're his godfather, and one of the most conscientious uncles I could ever find. If looking like a teenager increases your influence over Henry it will only be to his benefit."
"That's your opinion, what does Will think?" Spencer asked suspiciously.
"Will's looking forward to not being the shortest man in the house" JJ said laughing.
"You're avoiding the subject" Spencer pointed out.
"He doesn't know what to think" JJ admitted. "It will be fine once he spends some time with you and realises that you're still the same Spencer Reid. Just shorter."
"For now!" Spencer said amused. "Tell him not to get used to it I'll be taller than he is again in a couple of months."
JJ laughed.
-o0o-
Jessica had called Spencer as soon as Aaron left for a case.
"Hi Jess. Did Aaron explain what happened?" Spencer asked.
"He tried to" Jessica replied unimpressed. "He showed me the photos. Jack is missing you."
"And I miss him" Spencer replied earnestly. "But it's up to Aaron if he wants Jack told what happened."
"Jack knows about you becoming a teenager but he doesn't understand why you left" Jessica said bluntly. "He's been asking for you every day."
"Is he there? Can I talk to him?" Spencer asked.
"He's at soccer training but you could come for dinner and spend the evening" Jessica said.
"I can't Jess, it hurts too much when Aaron looks at me like a kid. Please understand" Spencer begged.
"Aaron left for a case this afternoon" Jessica said. "Please come and explain to him. He thinks you don't like him anymore."
"Nothing could be further from the truth. I miss him almost as much as I miss Aaron and the team" Spencer replied.
"Aaron only told me you weren't going on this case. Did that miserable sod Strauss fire you?" Jessica asked.
"She offered me a compulsory leave of absence on 75% pay until I'm twenty one again" Spencer replied. "The director has agreed I can transfer to cryptography instead if I want."
"So you're still working at Quantico? That will make it difficult to avoid Aaron."
"I'd work in the basement and I get to work whatever hours I want so long as I log 40 hours per week. It's almost like being on holiday" Spencer said. "I just have to avoid the car park at Aaron's usual times."
Jessica laughed. "We'll he's fairly predictable" she agreed. "So you'll come and have dinner with us? I'm staying at Aaron's."
"I'd love to, I'll pick Jack up from training and bring him home" Spencer offered.
"Better not. The coach and other moms won't recognise you" Jessica reminded him.
Spencer sighed. "Yeah you're right. I'll see you at home. Do you want me to bring dinner.
"No thanks Spencer. I've got lasagne in the oven" Jessica said gratefully.
"Spencer" Jack yelled running in and jumping on the teenager sitting in Spencer's usual chair.
"Hey Jacko" Spencer said hugging him tightly. "I've missed you so much."
Jack happily cuddled in finding Spencer's hug just as warm and comforting as always in spite of the skinnier body and arms. "I missed you Spencer" he said. "Are you coming back?"
"I can't be with your Dad at the moment Jack. He could get arrested for having a relationship with a fifteen year old" Spencer explained.
"But you're not really fifteen" Jack objected.
"Yeah I know that and you and your Dad know that Jacko but everyone else won't know that and they'll think your Dad's a bad guy. I don't want that to happen to him" Spencer deliberately explained it in a way that didn't tell Jack how upset he was with Aaron's reactions.
"So where do you live now? Did you move back home with your Mom and Dad? Can I come and visit you?" Jack asked.
"My Mom lives in the hospital in Vegas. She doesn't have a home and I don't know where my Dad lives. I'm staying with friends at the moment but I promise you can come and visit me when I get an appropriate place" Spencer said.
"Can you stay here with me until Dad comes home?" Jack said looking at Spencer entreatingly.
Spencer looked at Jessica. "This is still your home as far as I'm concerned, Spencer. Aaron would tell you that you're welcome here" she said.
"He did" Spencer admitted sadly. "He wanted me to move into the guest room." He blinked the tears out of his eyes.
"Well you can sleep anywhere you want while he's away" Jessica suggested.
"Will you stay Spencer?" Jack asked.
"How about we make a blanket fort and have a sleepover in it?" Spencer asked.
"Yeah" Jack shouted enthusiastically.
"Do you have homework to finish before we can play?" Spencer asked. Jack nodded and got out his books. Spencer grabbed a book out of his bag to read between helping Jack as he needed. He didn't get a chance to open it. Jack had a lot of questions though relatively few were about the homework in front of him.
"Have you been saving all these questions up for me?" Spencer asked amused.
"Yes" Jack said innocently. "You know everything."
"Not everything Jack. If I knew everything I wouldn't be stuck in this teenage body. I could fix it and then I could stay with you and Aaron" Spencer said sadly.
"Don't you like being a kid Spence? I do" Jack asked.
"I'm not a kid Jack, my brain is still an adult" Spencer replied. "My thoughts and feelings are grown up thoughts and feelings. I only look like a teenage kid, I don't feel like one" he explained when he saw Jack hadn't understood.
Jack gave Spencer a hug. "You're still a big person" he said.
Spencer smiled comforted by the simple love of the boy he loved like a stepson.
"You can go home if you want to. I'll stay with him tonight and tomorrow" Spencer said to Jessica as he helped with the dishes.
Jessica smiled. "Thanks Spencer I do have a few things I want to do tomorrow. Call me if you need me."
"I don't have anywhere to be, but can you call me if Aaron calls to say he's on his way home" Spencer said. "I might take Jack out tomorrow, I'll let you know where we'll be."
"Don't spoil him too much, you can come back every time Aaron's away if you want" Jessica said.
"I'd like that. Jack's like a son to me. I don't want him to remember me as someone who just walked out of his life without warning" Spencer said.
In spite of Jessica's warning Spencer did in fact spoil Jack that weekend, they slept in the blanket fort every night and went to the zoo and the aquarium, Spencer brought Jack to his soccer game and cheered enthusiastically, treating the whole team to commiserating ice-creams when they lost. He watched Jack climb onto the school bus before he left for work on Monday and was home to greet him when he arrived back home. On Tuesday Jessica who'd been in touch with Garcia rang to warn Spencer that Aaron would be home that night and Spencer asked her to meet the school bus and look after Jack until his father arrived. Jessica agreed and offered to call Spencer the next time Aaron went on a case.
So the conspiracy was born. Jessica rang Spencer as soon as Aaron let her know he'd be away and Spencer moved back into the house to look after Jack being careful to leave before the older man returned. Neither Jessica nor Jack said anything to Aaron about the arrangement, Jessica because she knew how much it would devastate the deaged teenager if Aaron asked him to stop spending so much time with his son and Jack because he could see the deep sadness in both men whenever he mentioned the other.
-o0o-
Dinner with JJ was cancelled when the team got called away but Will encouraged Spencer to still come over and see Henry. Spencer explained that he was spending time with Jack but Will was happy to have the other young boy along as well. The four of them enjoyed their dinner, the two boys played together well in spite of the difference in their ages having been encouraged to think of each other as cousins. They fell asleep on the couch together.
"Does your heart good to come home at the end of the day and see their innocence and love" Will said.
"Tough day?" Spencer asked.
Will shrugged. "The usual, domestic violence, teenage runaways. You?"
"Lecture hall's full of students that didn't listen to me, an experiment that didn't work due to outside contaminants, codes that I just couldn't see the pattern in. Being hit on by a thirteen year old in the mall" Spencer replied. "My new usual. Is it wrong to say I'd rather be dealing with a serial killer."
Will chuckled. "It's understandable. The BAU takes over your life, I know how bad it was when Jayje got transferred to the State Department. I thought it was great, she was still doing an important job and she got to come home every night but it was like she'd lost a part of her family."
"I feel like I've been disowned. The team was the closest thing to a functional family I've ever had" Spencer admitted.
"JJ hasn't disowned you Spence, we still want you in our lives. JJ thinks of you as her little brother, changing jobs isn't going to change that" Will said putting a supportive hand on Spencer's shoulder.
A/N: Thank you to Tiny Handz, Guest and Angel Went Crazy for your support.