Webweirdo332 = Get well soon, shiela (I think that's Australian slang for female friend. Opposite gender of mate, I think. Now that I just found out that you're a girl and all).
Guest (Title suggester) = I'll think about it. But thanks.
The last chapter was April 10. This chapter is April 11, 2012.
Alvin Jr.
(A/N, this is not a POV. I'm just stating who this part of the story is focusing on. Just like what Nicholas Sparks did in "The Lucky One").
Exiting the last stages of his dream, his brain pattern changed as he broke free from the shackles of slumber. With his eyes slowly fluttering open, he was greeted by the morning sky shining through the curtains. His vision blurry, then recovered. Feeling sweat on the side of his head, he shifted to the other side, wiping his entire face with his paw. With a stretch, his half of his energy was recovered as his ribs popped with his knuckles.
He opened his eyes again, setting sights on the bedside table he and her sister Ally shared. Past the table was Ally's bed, still asleep with a low snore. He smiled, considering the opportunity to pull another prank at his sister. But considering his energy also, he decided against it.
On the bedside table, his eyes caught a picture frame supported by its stand located at its back. It was the picture of their parents, aunts and uncles winning the international music awards. He reached for it with his paws and shifted his body to face the ceiling. As if reading a book, he examined the picture. His eyes caught his parents the most. But mostly, his eyes were in his mother. How she smiled as she's being held close by their father's paw around her waist.
"'Morning, Alvin." A voice greeted him. He faced at the side, at the other side of Ally's bed to find Alienelle sitting up from her bed, yawning.
"Morning, Nelle." He greeted back, then faced the picture again.
It took a while before her voice asked again. "What're you looking at?"
"Just the picture dad gave us." He answered before examining the picture again. "Dad's pretty lucky, isn't he?" He said.
"What makes you say that?" Alienelle said as she got of her bed, setting destination towards his bed. By the time he answered, she was Already beside him.
"To get mom." AJ took a look at his sister. Alienelle raised an eyebrow in question. "You know, I've never seen anyone as beautiful as her. It's like she doesn't even need make up to be beautiful. Even as a teenager, she's just as beautiful as she is now."
Alienelle chuckled. "It's not surprising she made it to the I.M.A.'s. And it's not surprising why dad ended up with her. Daddy's pretty handsome too, you know. And looking at this picture,..." She tilted the frame towards her for a better view. "... as a teenager, he's the cutest thing I've ever seen."
"Mom has a nice voice too. Remember when we were kids, she used to sing us songs so we can fall asleep? Some of you fell asleep during the song. But her voice wasn't easy to ignore. It was just so good that I wanted to hear it forever." He smiled, taking his thoughts back. "And can you recall a time she ever yelled?"
Alienelle shook her head. "I can barely remember a time when mommy and daddy yelled. I rarely hear them raise their voice."
"Well, there was one time I messed up the room. Dad yelled at me. But after that, mom and dad gave me a small talk. Then we played Wii downstairs as if nothing happened." AJ recalled.
"Oh, yeah, I remember that. You tackled daddy on the couch because you lost so much. Then you ended up laughing and chasing each other outside the house. Then that's where we came in and joined you guys."
AJ chuckled. "Can you believe them? They never even fought at least once. They're some times when I find mom blushing every time dad got near her. Call me weird, but I think mom's cute when she blushes."
"You know what I think?" Suddenly, a small voice came from the other side of the room. Looking at that side, Bryon was sitting up already, looking at them with a grin.
Alienelle and Alvin looked at each other before looking back at their little brother. "Bryon? How long have you been listening?" AJ asked.
"Since Ally did." Bryon told them, earning another puzzled look.
On queue, Ally came out of her covers and sat up from her bed, glaring at her little brother. "Bryon! It was getting good!"
"What's getting good?" Alienelle asked.
Bryon and Ally faced him with grins on their faces. Only him and Alienelle seemed puzzled.
"Well, little sister. I think our little brother hear has a huge crush on mom."
AJ earned the same grin from Alienelle. He felt as if his siblings were ganging up against him, again. Despite himself, he blushed deeply at her sister's words. Ally, he knows, was only teasing. But this is one of those times she actually said something true. Honestly, his mom was one of the females he adore. And one,... let's just say he also has a crush on one of his cousins. Strange, but of course he'll only see that particular cousin a cousin, and just that. He only has a crush on his cousin because... well,... there are no females around here that he's not related to.
"Do you, Alvin?" Alienelle, his loyal elder sister joined his other siblings against him and asked in a teasing tone.
Feeling pressured, he managed to give a nod. "To be honest, guys. I do. But not that much. I just love her because she's beautiful, she has a nice voice, and she's my mom. Nothing special but that."
Ally looked at her other siblings before turning back at him, this time, with the same grin. AJ braced himself for what's going to be said next. "Oh, really, brother?"
AJ shuddered. "Stop calling me that. It creeps me out."
"But you are my brother. Right, brother?" She started again.
"Alright, what is it?"
"I know Bryon hasn't noticed this yet, but I think Nelle knows something about this?"
Alienelle raised an eyebrow. "About what?"
"Alvin crush. I mean his real, real crush, crush."
Alienelle grinned again.
AJ gulped.
"You know, someone his age. Not older than him. Someone who's going to turn 10 today with her brothers and sisters?"
"Wait, wait. Our cousin aunt Jeanette and uncle Simon's side?"
Rats, AJ thought. How'd she find out?
. . . . . . . .
Serene
Serene stood there by their door, hiding and - as much as she hates to admit - eavesdropping. She was supposed to come here to call Ally, Alienelle, Alvin and Bryon for breakfast, since they're only the ones not in the dining room table. As she was about to head in, she heard Ally talking about AJ's crush. A topic like that is very interesting, even for a shy, quiet, and timid girl like herself. But then again, why is she interested? There's no way she's going to be attracted to any of her cousin, and there's no way for AJ to be attracted to her.
It's was only a minute ago when she found out that AJ has a crush on her mum. But that didn't surprise her, not even a bit. So what if someone has a crush on his mother? She has a crush on her father, and no one in her family seemed to mind.
She peeked into their room, adjusting her glasses to the bridge of her nose. Inside the room, Ally, Alienelle, and Bryon were already grinning at AJ, trying to pressure him.
"We know you have a crush on Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Simon's daughter." Ally said.
Serene listened secretly with growing curiosity.
"Which one is it, Alvin?" Bryon asked, grinning.
"Oh, it's already clear." Ally said. "Right, Nelle?''
''Yeah. The way you kept looking at her during our birthday. We know you hate books, but she gave you a novel and you didn't mind." Alienelle replied.
Okay, that's the clue. AJ's crush gave him a novel for his 10th birthday. But who? She, Shannon, Janice, and J'Nell were the only one who gave him a novel, and he didn't react negatively. J'Nell's a boy, so he's out of the picture. So AJ's crush could either be Janice, Shannon, or... her. She shuddered. There's no way that's going to happen. There's no way AJ's going to have a crush on her, and there's no way she's going to have a crush on AJ. Why? Because he's... well,... a bit of a show off, that's why. Shrugging it off, she listened again.
"Who is it already, Ally?" Bryon asked.
Ally and Alienelle faced each other with a grin before finally saying it together. "Serene."
With that, she gasped. Her heart pounded against her chest as instincts told her to run away.
. . . . . . . .
Alvin
Breakfast has ended with another morning dessert made specially by Brittany. She and Eleanor worked together for breakfast. Eleanor cooked the main course and Brittany did the dessert. It has always been like this ever since their children were finally settled, born, raised, and comfortable. Ever since Jeanette got out of the vet after suffering from a major bleeding, breakfast has never been the same. Before, there was only breakfast,... then that's that. Now, it's appetizers by Jeanette, main course by Eleanor, and desserts by Brittany.
Since the kids have their own room now, he and Brittany decided to take advantage of it. Brittany had been very passionate and wild today. They missed mating season last month, and that seems to be the explanation. They hadn't mated until now, and that left Brittany longing for a long time. When he arrived from his tour more than a week ago, Brittany led him straight to the bedroom. But they were interrupted. One time, they tried to mate under the bushes again at night time. But then came Simon complaining about his kids waking up because of the noise. That's as close as they got to mating until now.
It's a bright morning, not later than 9 O' clock, but Brittany's already asleep on his chest. She snuggled closer to him, using his arm as a pillow. With the same arm, he caressed her shoulder which made her moan even when asleep. He kissed her on the forehead before allowing his mind to drift into thought as he faced the ceiling.
He found his thoughts drifting to the kids, Ally, Alienelle, Alvin, and Bryon. He never thought he could be so happy to finally have a family. They'd raised them perfectly. And to add to their pride, Ally and Alvin act exactly like them when they were kids. Arguing, pranks, rivalry, a normal parent would be depressed if their kids are like that. But to them, it only adds up to their pride. They remind them of when they were younger. About fourteen years old, before they got out of that island.
Alvin and Bryon are kind of mommy's boys at most times. But what he's afraid of is the girls being attached to him. He has no problem with that, he just doesn't know how to treat other girls. What if they'll start having crushes? Or start having boyfriends which is never going to happen. See? That's why he's afraid. He's afraid that the girls might rebel against him for being too over protective.
What if they'll start having crushes? Chipmunks can have crushes when they're eight years old. And also, to add, when he returned from his tour, he suspected Ally giving discreet glances at Stanley - one of Simon's sons - for the whole day. Does she have a crush on him? If they get together, it's called incest because they're cousins. But will he allow it if Ally's happy about it? That's the question.
He felt Brittany's head lighten from his arm, then snuggled closer to his neck. Her paw ran from his stomach to his chest. He felt her warm breath blowing against his neck as she spoke. "Alvin."
Her knee made its way to his groin. "What is it, Brit? Did I wake you up?"
"I was never asleep. I was looking at you the whole time."
"Looking at me? Why?"
She faked a frown. "Because I want to. Got a problem with that?"
"We could have at least made out, you know."
"Nah, making out is for humans. I want to do other things. Like you know, touch you, lick you, do things I've never done to you before."
"You've done everything to me. At first, you nearly killed me with a pillow. You pushed me in a deep pool pull hoping I couldn't swim. You ripped one of my sweaters because I lost your brush. I ripped off your favourite jacket in return."
In a swift motion, Brittany laid down on top of him, their bodies pressed. He earned another grin from the queen of seduction. Their faces close, her breath blowing on his face as she spoke. She could smell this day's breakfast. Together with her natural scent, it became very arousing. He had the urge to stick out his tongue and shove it in her mouth. But he decided against it.
"Well, I could at least touch you and lick you." On queue, Brittany stuck out her tongue and let it run across his cheek. She did it several times, each becoming more lustful and passionate. She nuzzled his cheek afterwards before returning to her place on the bed, getting off of him.
Alvin frowned, knowing that she's been teasing him. "You're such a tease, you know that?"
"I love teasing you. It makes mating more interesting. And besides, I'm not going to let you mate with me unless you tell me what you were thinking of."
"Thinking?"
"Don't do that, Alvin. I know it when you're thinking or not. What was it about?"
He sighed, recollecting his thoughts. "I don't know. It's just that I'm afraid."
The sympathetic mate came out of Brittany as she snuggled closer to him. "Afraid? Of what?"
"The girls. Ally and Alienelle are two digits now, and what if they'll get a crush on one of their cousins? Or maybe even their brothers."
"Chipmunks aren't romantically attracted to siblings. And if you ask me, I'm way more concerned of the girls having their first period."
"Why?"
"I don't know. What if it came late and all? And you know I don't like blood. So that leaves you."
Alvin shuddered. "I don't even know how to handle girls."
With a kiss on the cheek, Alvin felt a bit more encouraged. "You handle me perfectly. You're gentle, passionate, and loving. Not to mention handsome. I think they'll prefer to be handled by you. Come to think of it, I think they might have a crush on you."
"Excuse me?"
"What? There's nothing wrong about a child having a crush on parent. I think the boys might have a crush on me."
"Doesn't surprise me. You're the queen of seduction, everyone's supposed to have a crush on you."
"Yes. But they should know I'm already taken, right? Someone's already drinking pleasure from my body. And I'm glad that that someone loves me more than anything."
Alvin chuckled. "I do love you more than anything. But don't think that I love you just because of your body."
"You're the male. You're supposed to love me because of my body."
"And where'd that law came from? Listen, you're my mate, and you live under MY laws. And I say, let the female sit on a throne while the male does everything to make her happy."
Brittany kissed him again, blowing on his ear. "You're so loving, you know that? You have no idea how much you're making me happy."
"You have no idea how happy I am for allowing me to be your mate."
"I was already owned by you to begin with. I think we were already mates before we even met each other and we just didn't know it."
"We were born for each other."
"I agree. I was born to be loved by you."
Alvin kissed her on the forehead. "And I was born to love you."
. . . . . . .
Serene
Oh no, oh no, oh no... that's what was on her mind since morning. Ever since he heard from Ally and Alienelle, she finished breakfast, she'd been pacing back and forth in their room whispering 'oh no's' over and over again. She sat on her bed, thinking to get that horrible memory out of her head. Once she ran from their room, she managed to bump in on Jermaine, who was sent to see what was taking her so long. She told her to call for AJ, Ally, Bryon, and Alienelle and not to ask why. She ran down toward the dining room and told her parents that they were on their way down. Once Jermaine came down with Alvin, Bryon, Ally, and Nelle, she stayed quiet, not even taking a glance at AJ's direction. Fortunately, Jermaine hadn't asked why she was acting strange.
While the rest were doing chores, she'd finished hers quickly and ran straight for the room, thinking. How can AJ have a crush on his cousin? And worse, how can AJ have a crush on her? They're the complete opposite. While AJ likes playing videogames, watching movies, she more interested in reading books. And for the playing part, well,... she plays with her father.
But the point is, AJ has a crush on her! How can AJ have a crush on a quiet, shy, and timid girl like herself? She doesn't even see him more than a just a cousin.
"Serene?" She heard someone calling her. She looked towards the door, Jermaine was standing there.
She sat up and faced her. "Jermaine?" She knew she was going to ask her why she's acting like this.
"May I talk to you for a second?" Her soft tone hid concern, but it was enough for Serene to know what she wanted.
"Sure. Close the door, please." She told her. Jermaine did as told.
She approached the bed she was sitting on, sat beside her and adjusted her glasses. She studied her for a moment before starting.
. . . . . . .
Alvin Jr.
AJ usually likes to have his little brother around, especially when Alienelle isn't available and Ally has turned against her. But for him, this is one of those days he hated his presence. His mouth never stopped asking questions ever since Ally and Alienelle said that he has a crush on Serene. So what? He has a crush on his little cousin who's a few weeks younger. It's not like their ever going to get married some day, no. Their cousins, and it's gross. It just won't feel right.
It's been an hour or less after breakfast. AJ already told Bryon about having a small crush on Serene, but he hadn't told him why.
"Come on, Alvin. Why do you like Serene, anyway?" Bryon asked.
He didn't answer, hoping he'll just leave the room.
"Come on, Alvin. You know I won't stop until I get what I want."
Still no answer.
"Alvin..." Bryon started poking his side, making him flinch.
It was getting annoying, but still, he didn't answer.
"Alvin... come on..." Bryon was already grinning, each poke becoming faster and harder. Alvin felt magma rising into his head. "Alvin..."
That was the last draw. He couldn't take him any more. "BECAUSE SHE'S LIKE MOM, ALRIGHT!? YOU HAPPY!?"
Then again, much to his disappointment, his face asked another question. "Like mom? What do you mean like mom? Serene and mom aren't even close to looking like each other. I mean, Aunt Jeanette and mom are sisters, and maybe there's something in Serene and mom that have in common, but I can't see it."
"If I tell you, will you go away? Please?"
Bryon nodded. "That's fair. Bring it on."
AJ sighed, recollecting his thoughts. "Remember when I said mom never yells? She never even raised her voice once? When she sings, she sounds like an angel?" He started, Bryon just listened. "Well, that's what I see her. She's quiet, she never talks unless someone does. And when she does, I think I can hear a little bit of mom's voice in hers. I don't know if she and mom have the same voice, or I just don't hear her talk a lot. And don't even forget her face. Mom has blue eyes, and so does Serene."
"Correction..." Suddenly, a voice came from the door. Standing by, their cousin Simon leaned on the wall with a grin on his face. "...Serene has my dad's blue beryl eyes. Your mom has sapphire."
AJ felt the heat rising up to his cheeks, making him blush very deeply under his fur. "S-Simon? What are you doing here?"
Simon Jr. adjusted his glasses to the bridge of his nose before walking up towards them. "Don't you know me?" He started. "I'm an eavesdropper. Just like you, Alvin."
"A what?" AJ asked.
"An eavesdropper. Don't worry, you'll know what that means sooner or later." He sat down on the bed beside him. "But the thing is, you have a crush on my sister, don't you?"
AJ blushed again, turning pale and crimson at the same time. "N-No!" He denied.
"He already heard it, Alvin." Bryon interrupted.
"Thank you, Bryon." He acknowledged before facing AJ again. "Don't worry, the secret's safe with me. I'll be a bit tactful around her whenever a subject's about you."
"Can you please stop being smart for once?"
"It's in my genes, Alvin. I can't help it."
"Yeah, then why's Serene always... well... the opposite of you. She's smart, but she doesn't talk smart. I can understand everything she says."
"That's because you always listen to her. Inspired much?" Simon Jr. teased with a grin.
"Shut up!"
. . . . . . . .
Serene
"So you're saying he has a crush on you?" Jermaine has been calm about this topic. In fact, she seems calm about everything. Serene might be pressured sometimes, but she never shows it. But Jermaine on the other paw, can be both pressured and calm at the same time. What a balance!
Serene had told her about what she heard from the other room. But she didn't tell the fact that she was eavesdropping. What will her sister think of her? The timid and shy Serene can't respect privacy. But it was about her, so she had the right to know, right?
Serene straightened her glasses. "Yes, that's what I heard."
"And come to think of it, I think you were eavesdropping."
Busted, Serene thought. "Y'think?" She made it unclear that she was hiding the fact.
"So you were? Tsk, tsk, tsk. What would daddy think of you?"
Serene didn't say anything.
"Alright, I'm getting off the topic here." Jermaine scooted closer to her and placed one paw on her lap. "Look, Serene. It's not surprising that somebody has a crush on you."
"It's not?"
Jermaine shook her head. "No, it's not." She answered. "You're smart, talented, and you can calm anyone down just by looking at him or her. You were the one who calmed Stanley down when he was freaking out about his vision. Just one touch on the chest was all it took."
"Thanks, Jermaine. That's making me feel a whole lot better about my cousin having a crush on me." She answered with sarcasm she inherited from her father.
"Don't give me that, Serene. I know everyone on daddy's side has a sarcastic mind, but please don't use it on me."
Serene sighed. "Alright, I'm sorry."
"No big. But still, what's the big deal of your cousin having a crush on you?"
"Incest."
As if on queue, both of them shuddered in disgust at the same time.
"Ugh, that IS bad."
"That's what I said."
"Yes, I know. But it's not like you two are ever going to be mates. But also, there's a possibility for everything."
"Elaborate, please?"
''Take the first human beings. Allan and Eva,... I think was their name?" Jermaine tapped her chin, thinking.
"Adam and Eve."
Jermaine lightened up. "Oh, yeah, that's right."
"What about them?" Serene asked.
"Their descendants married their own brothers and sisters. Cousins even. It wasn't mentioned in the book, but I think they had a daughter and one of their sons married her. I think."
"So you're telling me that it's okay for Alvin to have a crush on me?"
. . . . . . .
Alvin Jr.
"I don't think there's a problem with you having a crush on my sister." Simon Jr told AJ. AJ had told him most of the reasons why he has a crush on Serene. He even told him that she looks good in her glasses. Frankly, she looks good with everything. He told him that his liking Serene isn't even in a madly-in-love stage yet. But there's always 'yet'.
"But doesn't it feel wrong? I mean, Serene and I are on the same family."
"Uncle Alvin and Aunt Brittany are siblings."
AJ held a gaze of confusion and surprise. "What?"
"You heard me. Your mom and dad are sisters and brothers. They're both Seville's, from the same family, but I don't know about their genes. But I still think they're siblings."
"And so are your mom and your dad, right? They're both Seville's too."
"Yeah, I think so too."
''So there's nothing to be worried about?"
"Nothing at all." He assured. "At least, in my opinion."
. . . . . . .
Jeanette
Jeanette finished up the rest of the chores, cleaning the spots that the kids missed. She's really glad that the kids were willing to help her around their part of the house. The Seville's household was too big for a big family of chipmunks plus one human. Though on the outside it might seem small, but the inside is like a sub-mansion, so every single person/chipmunk in the family has to contribute to its wellness. Including Dave.
After eliminating the last hint of dirt visible, the house was spotless already. It was Eleanor's turn to do the dishes, and Brittany promised to do the upstairs, but no progress so far. So, that leaves her with three choices: Clean the upstairs, wake Brittany up and let her clean the upstairs (which is dangerous considering the fact that she's a dragon when woken up), or leave it to Brittany and hang out with Simon.
She smiled, considering the most obvious choice. After cleaning the drawers in the kitchen, arranging the utensils, she made her way toward the living room, where her mate sat down on the couch, reading a novel to the kids seated beside him. Jasmine even laid down on his shoulder as if he was her boyfriend. The rest were Shannon, Jeanette II, Simone, John, Janice, J'Nell, and Stanley.
As she hopped up on top of the couch, she greeted them with a smile. "Hi, kids!"
Hidden behind the human sized book, heads popped out from the sides and greeted her with cheers and smiles.
"Mom!"
"Mommy!"
The kids stood up and attacked her with hugs and embrace, nearly knocking her back. She nuzzled their cheeks, ruffled her paw against their furs, and gave them loving kissed on the cheeks and forehead. "Hey, did you miss me?"
Stanley's arms wrapped around her waist as if he was a small python. He looked up at her and smiled. "Of course we did, mom. It just feels so empty without you."
Jeanette blushed and nuzzled his cheeks. Her face felt a hard plastic, something like an eyeglass which he never wears. She looked at him and asked. "Stanley? Since when have you worn these glasses?" She asked. "Did I miss something?"
"No, these aren't mine. These are J'Nell's. He let me borrowed them. You wouldn't believe it, mom. This morning, I woke up and I couldn't see a thing!"
"Really? Well, it's normal. You know how my eyes are." She scratched the fur on his hair before turning to J'Nell. "And J'Nell, it's nice of you to let your brother borrow your glasses."
J'Nell just shrugged. "It's no big deal, mom. Besides, I don't have to read anyways, and my vision might be impaired but I can still walked."
Jeanette noted the words he used. Those words were in teenage level, and they're barely close to 10 years old. Looks like impaired vision comes with wisdom. She really IS lucky to have mated with Simon.
"Unlike me, mom. Even with these, things still tend to get a bit blurry. But at least I can still see."
Jeanette kissed him on the forehead. He looked up at Simon, the book lying down beside him. He was looking at her, smiling. "Don't worry, I'll take him to Beatrice later." Simon told her.
Jeanette got up and kissed him on the cheek. "You're a great dad, Simon." She told him. "Right, kids?"
"Of course he is! All the fun's taken away when he's not around. We're so lucky to have both of you." Stanley answered.
"Aww, thank you, Stanley. Hey, tell you what, after your debut, I promise I'll take all of you to the beach." Simon told them. Instantly, the children's interest sparked into an enormous flame. Everyone went wide-eyed as they approached him.
"Wow, really daddy? You're going to teach us how to swim?" Jeanette II asked excitedly.
"And teach us how to make sand castles?" Shannon followed.
"We're going diving in a pool, right, dad?" Simone asked.
"Diving? Simone, you're too young to dive." Simon protested.
"Well, you know what they say. 'Live while we're young'."
Simon gave out a chuckle. "Could you stop giving me these innuendos. You know I can't fight against them."
"Too late, dad. But we're going diving, right? Pretty please?"
Simon patted on his head. This daredevil attitude reminds both him and Jeanette of his namesake. "I'll think about it, Simone."
A few minutes from this scene, the phone rang suddenly, it's tone ringing all over the living room. Jeanette stood up and said "Don't worry, I'll get it." After receiving an acknowledgement from Simon, she left them, missing their presence already. She made her way toward the telephone, hopping up on top of the table to get it. The red light was beeping, signalling an incoming call. She pressed the call button and talked.
"Hello, Seville's residence." She greeted.
Strangely, there the other side was quiet, completely quiet. No answer came, not even a breathing from the caller.
"Hello." She talked again.
Still no answer.
"Hello?"
Still nothing.
"Is anyone on the line?"
A beep was her next reply, telling her that the other line hang up. Flabbergasted, she took a look at the caller's number. But it wasn't registered, nor was it from someone they know. She pressed the button, hanging it up. As she absent-mindedly made her way back to her family, Simon greeted her with a question.
"Who was it, Jeanette?"
"I don't know."
Oh, no, who could that caller be? It's probably Ian... nah... nice try but no.
So, is my new writing style confusing? Annoying? Please let me know.
As for those vermin we call errors, please report them to the exterminator - me.
Is there anything else you want me to do?
Do you hate the crushes?