I Am Not Worthy
Chapter 4
Thank you to my beta's
I am down in the basement trying to get some enjoyment from the blood bag, but it's just not the same as getting it direct from the source. Nothing beats feeding from some sexy collage girl's neck; having their heart rate leap with fear and excitement. But I promised Elena, Stefan and Alaric that I would try to drink only from blood bags. I snort, still unsure of why I made that promise; or better yet why the hell I am keeping to it.
I sigh grabbing my flask with whisky in it and downing some of that too. I start to make my way up the stairs when I hear the front door open and then click closed. I speed up the rest of stairs and out the front door to see Bella sitting in the bed of the red truck crying.
"Still crying?" I ask as I jumped up on the bed. Bella frowns at me as she flips me off, making my mouth drop open.
"Shit you have your hearing aid in?" I mutter, having expected her to leave it off.
Bella rolls her eyes, but bobs her head, "I wasn't sure if Alaric was in bed, and I don't want him to think I am ignoring him…being rude."
I snort and tilt my head at her. "You could just tell him you are deaf." I say with a mocking tone.
"You have no idea what it is like."
"What what's like?"
Bella huffs loudly, "I was born deaf so maybe it's me that doesn't understand. But as I can talk well and lip read, most people didn't know that I am deaf." She chuckles and looks at me. "I think Renee forgot I was deaf sometimes." She shakes her and clears her throat. "When they find out, they don't believe me. I find that they question me and ask if I am sure. Then they start to speak sl-ow-ly." She said with pointed slowness. "Or some even yell or at least it looks as if they are shouting. Which it's odd that you would shout at someone who deaf. What are they expecting? For me to go WOW now you are screaming I can hear you?"
I just shrug; I don't get human on the best of days.
"Then they act as if I am unable to think or make choices so they ask someone I am with what I want, what I need. If I am alone they act as if they are scared to come anywhere near me. Then there are the ones that expect me to prove I am deaf; or the plain rude ones that will sit next to me and then talk about me, making jokes, laughing, judging me." She shakes her head and looks back at me. "Others feel the need to protect me and they go over the top, they start to guide me as if I have a sight impairment too. They will tell me as if I am a child the coffee I have is hot, to be careful I don't hurt myself."
"They are just doing that because they care." I tell her but she snorts.
"No, they are doing it because they don't understand; I need him to see that I am able to take care of myself just like any other person."
I look at her and my eyes glance at the marks that are still boldly showing on her body.
"That's different; I am talking about everyday stuff, normal stuff."
"But you are not normal." I tell her smugly, even if this girl could hear she still wouldn't be what I would consider as being normal, for one thing she barely acts like a teenager.
"Who wants to be normal?" She asks me back smugly, making me chuckle.
"What are you doing out here anyway?"
"I want to watch the sunrise." I hum and take a drink from my flask.
"Want some?" I ask holding it out for her; she takes it from me and sniffs it.
"Whisky?" I nod my head as I give her a sly grin. She shrugs her shoulder and downs some and then hands it back to me. I am shocked that she drank it without any problems, no coughing fit, nothing!
"Isobel gave me some when I was twelve."
"Twelve!" I repeat
"She wanted to be the cool Aunt, remember?" Bella sighs out in a duh tone.
I shrug not really caring.
"Did you ever meet her?" Bella seems to ask.
"Why?" I counter as I look at her.
"She talked about a guy she was looking for, she described someone that sounds a lot like you."
"She talked about guys with you?" I ask feeling shocked.
Bella gives me her 'you're an idiot look'. "Renee, she was talking to Renee." Bella shakes her head. "Who was telling her to go for it and that 'he' sounded hot." Bella's face turned to a look of disgust.
"Not a fan of talking about hot guys?"
"That's not a problem as long as the said guy is single, but more so the girl that's talking about him is. She was married." Bella's eyes flash to the house as she shakes her head again. I pull my eyebrows together as if not understanding something.
"Wait, you said you only had the hearing implant for two years?"
Bella nods her head in agreement. "But she's been dead for almost four, so how…how did you hear?"
"I told you I can lip read, even at a distance I can make out what someone is saying." I raise my eyebrow at her.
I move a little bit away from her, but her eyes stay on me. "You're sexy." I mouth to her and right away she blushes.
"I think you will come in handy." Bella rolls her eyes and looks forward as I move back to sitting next to her.
"Tell you what, I will 'eavesdrop' in other people's conversations if you get my truck to Mystic Falls."
"This truck?" I ask, unsure if this truck could make it down the street.
Bella turns to me as she talks. "I love this truck." She stops and smiles, the first real smile I have seen from her. It seems to not only light up her eyes but her whole face.
"This rust bucket? I may not have heard this thing go yet, but I've got a feeling it will be loud and almost as sore on the ears as it is on the eyes." I state out loud.
"Hush, my truck has some character, just like your car."
"My car has been well taken care of, unlike this."
"It's not my fault and if I had the money I would restore it, but I don't so I have to fix parts when I can." She argues back at me getting more fired up.
"You will need more than money to fix this heap of junk, love." I tell her with a sigh.
"Don't mock my truck. It may be old, seen better days. It has had some owners that never showed it the love that it showed them. But it gets me to where I need to go, safely. It starts every morning, it…." she trails off and I have to clamp my mouth shut to stop myself from chuckling at her rant; but she looks so cute defending her truck. "It's been here longer than YOU have been alive." She huffs at the end and I lose my composure and laugh, but she glares at me.
"Hold up there, firecracker, I'm just playing with you." I say as I hold my hands up in surrender. "I'll get this to Mystic Falls, but you have to ride in there with me."
I hold my hand out, waiting for her to agree. "I am not driving in this thing alone; it's going to take twice as long."
"You're really going to try?" She asks me slowly and I bob my head at her. I was already planning on doing this when I saw her smile, but wanted to see how badly she wanted it and I am so glad that I did.
"No." Her face falls, but I keep talking. "I am not going to try. I am and will get it there."
Bella's small body launched at me, she wraps her arms around me hugging me to her. "Even if it doesn't make it thank you for at least trying." She whispered into my ear and then let me go.
"Don't underestimate how awesome I am. You will owe me big if anyone sees me drive this thing." I mock as if I would be embarrassed to be seen in side of it.
Bella roll her eyes. "This truck will only add to your character."
"Yeah, just not in a good way." Bella hit my arm and I chuckled. I place my arm around her shoulders and pull her closer to my side. "Now hush, the sun is about to rise."
Bella moves out of my arm and ducks her head into the front of the truck before I can ask what she's doing she pulls out a blanket and lays it over both of us and then lays her head on my shoulder. As the sun rises, even after it is high up in the sky, she keeps her head on my shoulders, her breath slowly evens out as her heart rate drops. Feeling comfortable I close my own eyes and tilt my head to her side.
The sounds of passing cars wakes me after three and half hours. I look down to see Bella is still peacefully asleep. Knowing she's been out here for a while now, I know it would be better to take her inside. I pick her up carefully, but I am shocked at how light she feels.
"You need to eat more." I mutter to her sleeping body. I jump down from the tuck. As soon as I am in the house I use my vampire speed to get her up to her bed. Balancing her in one of my arms, I move her covers back and place her in her bed.
I swiftly remove her shoes; pull her covers up over her. My eyes glance at the cochlear, my hand moves to her and takes it off before switching it off. I place it in the drawer at her bedside and my hands go back to the part that is imbedded in the side of her head, touching it softly. I move on to her hair, pushing the strands that have fallen away from her face seeing that she looks so peaceful. She smiles large and lets out a chuckle.
Wonder what got you smiling? Maybe I should have a look. I close my eyes and go to push in, don't be a dick. My inner voice barks stopping me.
I sigh dropping my hand from her head and walk out of her room softly closing her door.
I turn around just as Ric comes out of his room, but his eyes are already on me before I can disappear.
"Damon?"
"Morning." I grin out as he narrows his eyes at me. "Breakfast?"
"Why were you in Bella's room?"
"Just checking in on her." I lie to him smoothly.
He looks at me and then to the door. "Has she slept?"
"Yes, for almost four hours." I tell him as I move back down stairs.
I start making breakfast as Ric just sits looking at me, "Ric stop looking at me." I sing song out.
"She's my niece, so if there is something I should know…"
"She will tell you, now give it a rest."
"Jenna talked to the school, they're happy to let Bella start on Tuesday."
"Anything else?" I ask him pointedly; he was on his cell for a very long time last night.
"John wants to stay at the house too and is acting like a five-year-old." I look at him over my shoulder. "Jenna's words not mine."
I turn back and plate up the food I've made. "Thought the house only had four bedrooms?"
"It does, he said he will sleep in the basement." Ric mutters with a frustrated sigh
"You don't sound sure about this." I note, where I know John and Ric have some tension between them I wasn't aware it was this bad. What am I talking about? It's over a woman; of cause it's bad!
"I don't think Bella will like to have another male around her right now."
I raise my eyebrow, as far as I have seen, she's been pretty calm around men.
As Ric opens his mouth, I hear Bella's heart rate starting to pick up. Before Ric can say a word I am in Bella's room.
"Firecracker." I whisper as I move to her, but her fear goes up another level. I've never seen anyone in this much fear while they've been sleeping.
"Firecracker." My mind echoes as tears full from her sleeping eyes.
I move to the bed and pick her sleeping body up and slide under her pulling her so that she is laying on my chest, I hum softly as I run my hand through her hair.
"Damon?" Ric question from the door.
"She was starting to have a nightmare." I answer him as her small hands fist in my shirt.
"Hey." I say as she tilts her head up looking at me. "You were having nightmare, Ric and I just came in" I tell her with a head nod at the door, hoping that she is able to still read my lips through her teared up sleepy eyes.
"I'm sorry." She mutters and I help her to sit up.
"It's okay Bella." Ric tells her, but her eyes are still locked on me.
"She knows it's alright Ric." Keeping eye contact with her I continued. "Why don't you get washed and met us downstairs? I made some yummy food and after that we can pack up your room."
Bella bobs her head as her eyes flicker around the room. I clasp her face in my hand. "Top drawer." I mouth to her knowing she was trying to find her cochlear.
She sends me a mouthed thank you and I walk out the room.
"Alright what's going on?" Ric demands as he shoves me against the wall.
"Nothing." I hiss back at him.
"I know there is something, she's hurting Damon."
"I know that." I bark back at him, pushing him away from me.
"I am your friend, your only friend and I am asking you not to do this with her."
I ignore what he just said and walk back down to the kitchen.
"Damon."
I turn and look at him knowing that I am going to have to fib a little, but I have a feeling that she needs me, but will not ask for my help. "I already promised her that I would help her and I keep my word." Ric just looks at me. I can clearly see he knows I am bullshitting him. I groan, not liking that he is starting to know me so well. I close my eyes as I swallow. I look him right in the eyes to show him I am meaning my next words.
"How about I promise not to hurt her, just to help her through this? And when she tells me to get lost, I will let her be. I'll stay well out of her life?"
Ric pulls his eyebrows together then gives me a sad look. He clearly knows that this will happen, at some point just like everyone else Bella will only see the monster.
"Agreed." Ric sighs. "Just tread carefully with her, that's all I ask. No feeding from her and apart from making her forget what she went through; there will not be any more using compulsion on her."
"About that." I hedged. "I can't."
"Can't what?" Ric asks.
"Compel her." Ric just looks at me. "I tried when I first arrived, needed her to invite me in and then again at the funeral when she was falling apart; didn't work."
Ric looks towards the kitchen door and then back to me. "Have you ever failed to compel someone before?"
I shake my head. "Not without the normal suspects" I say knowing he will know I mean witches and humans on vervain.
"This could be a problem."
"I don't see how."
Ric gives me an 'are you joking?' look. "We're taking her to vamp town."
"Yeah and we don't have to worry about her being compelled."
"Yeah you're right." Ric snarls out. "She may not be compelled just used to feed from, what is there to be worried about."
"We'll all watch her make sure she's safe, but you could train her like you are doing with Jeremy and Elena."
"You sound like you think we should tell her." Ric sighs.
"I do; we can't keep this from her."
Ric goes to argue, but I shake my head at him. "Hey." I smile as Bella walks through the kitchen door.
I tap the seat next to me and she walk over to it. "Eat what's on your plate." I tell her, I already have toast, bacon and a pancake on it.
"I'm a vegetarian."
"Since when?"
"About four years ago."
I hum taking the bacon off her plate and add another pancake sliding her plate back to her.
Bella cut her food up and moves it around the plate giving the illusion she is eating. "I mean it. I want you to eat everything." I order, this girl's not eating has just come to an abrupt end.
Bella glares at me and I glare right back at her. It only takes her seconds to huff and start to eat.
"Good girl." I chuckle
She mutters out 'dick', but continues to eat, so I let it slid.
"I can't eat any more." She says. I glance at her plate seeing she's eaten one of the pancakes, but only half of the other and none of the toast.
"Fine." I agree. "But you're eating some fruit in a couple of hours."
"Yes Sir."
I grin at her which makes her smirk a little as she rolls her eyes.
"Alaric." She says as she turns her attention to him for the first time this morning.
"Yeah?" He mutters, looking between her and me.
"Sue and Harry are going to look after this place till the new Chief arrives, but what about my mom's home, what will happen to that?"
"I am not sure as it's in Phil's…" Bella's whole body stiffens as soon as Ric says Phil's name, but Ric doesn't seem to pick up on it as he kept talking. "…name, until he is tracked down we can't legally do anything. Was..."
I place my hand over hers making her look at me. "Bella did Phil have something to do with what happened?" I ask cutting Ric off.
Bella looks at me and I see hate flash in her eyes giving me my answer.
"So we can't do anything, fine. I'll be in my room packing." Bella stand up and walks away.
I look at Ric and he asks. "Phil?"
I bob my head sure, that whatever went down, her step-father played a part in it.
"Think we should go up there?" I shake my head. I can hear her sobbing quietly, but sometimes people just need room to breathe and grieve.
"She knows we are here."
Ric and I spend most of the early morning packing up the living room. Right on the two-hour mark from breakfast I walk up to her room with some fruit.
"As promised." I say as I walk in.
"Thank you." She says turning to me, I hand her the plate and sit next to her.
"You're all packed?" I ask, noticing that her room looks empty.
"Yeah, didn't have much, mainly books." She says pointing at the three boxes.
"That's all books?" I ask her and she nods biting her lip.
"Remind me to show you my library when you come to my home."
"You have a library?" I grin bobbing my head. "How many books does it have?"
"Thousands." Bella's face drops and her eyes start to twinkle.
I roll my eyes chuckling softly. "Okay, instead remind me to get you a key cut for the house, I am not a morning person."
Bella chuckles lightly as she blushes. "You'll probably be better off to just not show me, but as you've already told me I know it's there. Though that's lucky for you. If I go missing, look in your library before panicking."
"I will." I look at her then to her plate. "Eat." I demand. She sighs putting down the bundle of drawings she was holding; as she eats I pick them up.
"These are good." I tell her looking over them, seeing they all have a BS at the bottom. "You drew these?"
I ask because they are amazing with such strong detail I can imagine all of these people in real life, even their personality. I can almost tell that Renee was a flake, more like forgetful. Charlie, who to my amusement has a porn stash, liked sports and fishing but looks, closed off. More comfortable with his own company, never had a serious relationship with anyone after Renee.
"You are very talented, firecracker."
"Grape?" She asks holding up the bowl and I take one.
"Eat the rest yourself. Who is this?" I ask holding up a photo of a girl that looks like a pixie that can't stand still.
"Alice." I give her a look to tell me more.
"She was my friend; her family was like my family." Bella tells me taking the book from me. "This is Carlisle." She says, showing me a man in a doctor uniform. "His wife Esme." I smile, because she smiled. "Emmett, Jasper, Rose." She tells each of their names as she shows me their drawings. "Lastly Edward, we dated." I take the book off her giving this Edward a once over.
"He looks constipated, broody." I mutter out and she snorts.
"He was…broody that is."
"Where are they; back in Phoenix's?" I only ask because I haven't seen them here and if they were her second family then surly they would be here for her.
"No they lived here. Edward broke up with me about a month ago." She chuckles looking at me. "He told me the day after my birthday that he was done and he and his family were leaving."
"Dick." I tell and she nods her head at me.
"I was so broken up about it, about them all just leaving. That's why Renee came here, if I just dealt with it then, he wouldn't have been here. I would have followed him and…" Bella again cut herself off making me even more curious about what happened.
"You can tell me, I will listen and not judge"
"I know. It just…" Bella shakes her head at me, and clears her throat.
"I am all done so we can leave as soon as we give Sue and Harry the key to the house. Most of my father clothes, bits and bobs that he had are going to goodwill next week."
"Yes, Ric and I have already packed everything up in boxes." I reply knowing she's just not ready to talk about it yet.
"So we can leave?" I look at her, there's something a little troublesome about her eagerness to get away from this place.
Bella stands up picking up one of the lighter boxes, as she looks around I pick up the largest on. "I want you to make me a promise." I say softly making her look at me. "Tell me when you are ready to come back and say good bye and I promise that I will bring you."
Bella just bobs her head at me.
"Ric, come get one of these boxes." I yell making Bella chuckle as we walk out her bedroom.
That's them off to Mystic Falls. The Cullen's are Vampire, and were a part of her live. They will or at least some of them will come in to the story but not. Let me know your thoughts