Under/In My Arms

"Why didn't you tell me sooner," I asked him as I kept my eyes focused on the water. I could see Charlie shake his head from my peripheral vision not knowing what to say.

"I don't know Bells. I guess with you starting a family of your own I didn't want to ruin that for you."

I looked up at him. I could feel a rush of emotion course through me, tears unable to form to burst their way out. "You are my family. You should have told me."

Charlie smiled at me as if nothing had changed. "I'm going to be okay Bells. Nothing's gonna change. The doctor told me to just continue on with my life like I always have."

"You're sure?"

"Bella, I'm okay."

I stayed silent for a little bit paying close attention to his heartbeat. I wondered why I had never noticed it before, the fastness of it and the higher breathing rate. Maybe I hadn't wanted to look too hard. Charlie had always been a rock as far as I was concerned. He always seemed like the more invincible one.

After the news he had shared with me I knew things had changed but for Charlie's sake I would believe his lie when he told me he was okay.

~*~*~*~*~

Charlie and I continued to sit fishing as if nothing had happened but a lot of things had happened. Billy rolled over a short time after while Jake was with Renesmee. It was then, when the Black's had interrupted my piece of mind that I could feel myself snapping, the anger beginning to work its way to the surface.

I stood up in less than half a second much to Charlie and Billy's disapproval. Jacob was over in an instant with Renesmee in his arms, his body facing sideways as to keep Renesmee out of the way.

"Bella," he said, "Everything okay?"

I had to desperately fight to keep my anger inside.

"Stand back Jake," I replied to him.

Rather than do as I asked, he handed Renesmee to Charlie and took his place between me and our family.

"Bella whatever is going on you need to calm down."

I could feel my own involuntary breathing go faster. I hissed. Maybe not my best move since Jake transformed in that instant. He growled at me and I challenged him back. I could see what he was doing. He was doing, he was pushing me across the river and towards the woods. I looked to Charlie who held my daughter and to Billy who had a disappointed look on his face. I looked back at Jake who still had his teeth showing in my direction.

Taking a deep breath I released my shoulders and ran into the deep woods with Jake following behind me. When we were clearly out of hearing range from Charlie and Billy Jake morphed back.

"Want to tell me what the hell happened," Jake asked me.

Still in my stupor I threw my fist into a nearby tree knocking it over. The next thing I picked up was a boulder which I hurled several feet which hit another tree. With my energy feeling like it had been spent I sat myself down and let my shoulders move back and forth as I let myself breath.

"Talk to me Bella," Jake said sitting on the ground next to me. "What's going on?"

"He's dying," I finally said.

"Charlie, no way that's impossible."

"Yeah," I said whipping at tears that weren't there. "That's what I thought but I can feel it now that I'm paying closer attention." I looked up and shook my head, "Damn it how does this even happen? Charlie can't die. He just can't."

"I'm sorry Bella. I really don't know what to say."

"That's okay neither do I." I looked at Jacob with fear in my eyes, "What am I supposed to do Jake?"

"I don't know but we'll figure it out. You don't have to go through this thing alone Bella. I'm not going anywhere and I know you're family isn't going to leave you either. The Cullens, Edward, even your daughter. Let us be your rock. Don't shut us out okay?"

I looked up and let a small smile cross my face. Jacob knew me so well. I had a habit of shutting people out when life dealt me the wrong hand. Memories of my human life were vague but I could still remember the pain I had gone through when Edward had left. It had been unbearable and worse I had let myself go through it alone until Jacob had become a band-aid to cover my wound and the eventual scar.

"Come on, we should get back to Charlie," Jake said standing up and pulling me up with him. "I'm sure he's worried about you."

"Yeah I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have acted that way."

"I'm sure Charlie understands. So what do you say, I'll race you and I'm sure I can beat you too."

I smiled at Jake. "Yeah right," I replied, "Like you can beat me."

"Honey I was born to outrun vampires."

"Maybe so dog-boy but were you born to out beat the strongest vampire in existence?"

"Well Mrs. Cullen that sounds like a challenge." He smiled. "You're on!"

~*~*~*~*~

It didn't take Jake and I to arrive back to the lake. I was laughing with the knowledge I had won.

"Don't get used to it," Jake said giving me a friendly shove. "I let you win."

"I doubt that."

We both slowed to a walk as we saw Charlie head in our direction.

"I'll go keep an eye on Nessie," Jake said making himself scarce.

"Hey kid," he said to me now that we were just a few feet apart.

"Hey," I said diverting my eyes now and then before finally looking at him. "Dad I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I shouldn't have told you the way I did. I wanted today to be fun and I ruined it by bringing this on you."

"I'm glad you told me. It beats hearing it second hand. That would have been worse."

"Yeah you're probably right."

"Dad, whatever you need I'm here."

"Thank you Bells."

Charlie walked a little closer to me. He and I were never really the emotional type. He always had his space and I had mine. Charlie hugged me and I hugged him back, careful with my own strength.

When we let go of each other he patted my shoulder. "You should go be with Renesmee. That little baby of yours is worried about you."

I looked at Charlie making sure that's what he wanted. He simply nodded.

~*~*~*~

I walked over and picked up my daughter and walked towards the water's edge. I held her as tight as I could without trying to crush her, not that I could. Renesmee had thankfully been born with her father's skin. I closed my eyes and placed my head on her forehead. Renesmee placed a hand on my cheek and the first image she showed me was of me in my angry rage.

"I'm so sorry sweetie," I whispered to her.

The next image she showed me was of the two of us standing there but from her perspective. Her eyes.

"Um, Bella," I could hear Jake say not far off.

I knew what he wanted to tell me but I ignored him, I didn't care. I could feel the sun as it started to set, not opening my eyes. Simply letting the sun radiate off my skin not even worrying if my skin sparkled like diamonds and not even worrying about the three people watching me. I wasn't ready to move and so I stayed there a little longer, just me and my daughter: a piece of tranquility in an unjust world.