Title: Phones and Drunken Excuses - part 2

Author: Secret Art

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Date: 1st August 2004

Rating: R

Category: Romance, humour?

Pairings: Sam/Jack, Janet/Daniel

Spoilers: none - continuance of Phones and Drunken Excuses

Summary: "Tequila plus me and Jack Daniels plus you equals lots of craziness"

Archive: where ever you want, I'm not fussy

Feedback: can only make me better

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

Author's note: Finally got round to finishing this after way too many exams and a holiday, hope it's worth the wait.

Oh, and I made up the number of bedrooms in Jack's house, can't remember if it was ever mentioned during an episode, so I just used as many as I needed.

Jack's POV

A knock at the door wakens you from your drunken nap, and you look up to see that your Simpson's DVD has finished.

Switching off the TV you move to the door, smiling when you manage it only bumping into a corner once.

Opening the door, you find Daniel stood outside, looking exhausted yet wide awake, and you wonder how many coffees he has had.

He looks past the driveway to the road, checking each car, looking for something.

"Lost something?"

He looks straight at you. "Sam's car is not here."

"That's because she's not here. Remember? You told me not to contact her so I didn't."

He looks at you oddly, surprised. "You did what I told you to do?"

You give him a look that's supposed to mean 'of course', but must look more like 'what?' as he barges past, looking carefully for any signs of anything out of place.

"Now you're here can I phone Sam again?"

He turns around and glares at you before turning back and looking at the empty alcohol bottles scattered on the floor.

You rack your brain for an excuse and it takes you longer than you would have liked for your alcohol soaked brain to work something out. "I promised her I'd phone as soon as you sorted it out for us."

"It's not sorted yet." He is starting to sound annoyed so you shut up, collapsing on the floor by the TV, grabbing the DVDs and trying, unsuccessfully, to build a tower as Daniel continues to search.

You watch out of the corner of your eye as Daniel opens your drinks cabinet, looking at iy as he does with all those annoying artefacts, and alien chicks.

He suddenly looks at you, his face horrified. "Where is Sam?"

"She's at her house remember. You wouldn't let her come over."

He looks at the phone. "I'd better get someone to check up on her."

You shrug your shoulders, far more interested in the DVD tower that is now taking shape. You do however listen to his conversation, hoping that he does not send anyone nasty round to Sam's.

"Hi Janet it's me…No, everything's fine…I'm at Jack's…He's fine, just very drunk…Long story, but I do need you to check up on Sam…I'm sure she'll be only too happy, and drunk enough, to fill you in…Ok, thanks…Bye."

You pretend not to notice as Daniel puts the phone down and moves over to you, looking up only when his body blocks the light so you cannot see you tower.

You try to plaster an innocent looking expression onto your face. "What is happening?"

"Janet is going to look after Sam, make sure she is ok."

You jump up, knocking the tower over. "How will we know if she is ok, we will have to go look for ourselves."

"Janet will phone when she arrives, you are going nowhere."

You collapse back onto the floor, sulking at the prospect of not seeing Sam.

"Will Janet bring Sam over?"

Daniel puts his head in his hands, a sign that you associate with stress. "If I give you more alcohol will you shut up?"

You grin, holding out your hands, nodding profusely. "Please Sir, can I have some more?"

He rolls his eyes, grabbing a bottle out of the cabinet, looking towards the glasses before shaking his head, uncapping the bottle and giving the whole thing to you.

You greedily accept, taking great big mouthfuls. You suddenly pause, looking towards the slightly fuzzy Daniel, who is looking at you intently with all four eyes.

"Do you want some?" You ask, holding out the bottle, nearly spilling some of it onto the floor in the process.

He just looks at you in half horror, half amusement, almost as you were some alien artefact whose instructions Daniel had yet to decipher, so he is not sure whether you are dangerous or not.

Finding this hilarious you burst out laughing, and you would roll around on the floor, except that might spill the alcohol so instead you settle for your free fist on the floor, whilst gasping for breath between laughs.

He storms into your kitchen, causing you to stop laughing, puzzled at his behaviour.

You watch the doorway, waiting for him to return, not trusting your legs to keep you upright long enough to find out what he is doing.

You are distracted by the phone ringing, so you crawl across the floor, bottle still in hand and manage to grab the phone on the first attempt.

"Hello?"

"Colonel O'Neill?" You don't recognise the voice immediately, but the drunken yell of "Jack!" in the background is instantly recognisable.

"Sam?"

"No, Janet. I need to speak to Daniel."

You look towards the kitchen. "Can't see Daniel."

You hear her sign over the phone. "Shout for him then."

"Ok." You drop the phone, dragging yourself closer to the kitchen. "Daniel?" Hearing nothing you move closer. "Janet wants to talk to you."

Hearing movement you stop, Daniel's face peering round the doorframe.

You silently point at the phone, Daniel's hurt posture making you feel uncomfortable.

You watch him walk over to the phone, not saying a word.

"Hello?…Hi Janet…Ok, good…She what?!…I don't know if that is a good idea…Seriously?…Ok, seeing as you don't have a choice…I'll tell him the good news…Ok, bye."

He turns to look at you, his face unreadable.

"Sam ,well I won't go into any details. Janet is going to have to bring her over."

You smile, clapping your hands, your eyes pleading for forgiveness for whatever you did wrong.

He nods, smiling slightly. "It could be fun, but you have to promise to try and behave."

"Yes Sir."

You turn your face to the window, waiting for the car to arrive, periodically taking gulps from your bottle.

"Jack." You ignore him, willing Sam to arrive sooner.

He moves in front of you, blocking your view of the window, forcing you to look at him.

"Normally I wouldn't ask this, but to be honest I'm not sure I trust your judgement at the moment. Are you sure that you will be ok when Sam and Janet get here, because you know nothing can happen right?"

"It's going to be pretty boring if all we do is sit in a room in silence," you joke.

He doesn't get a chance to respond as you both hear the sound of a car approaching and turn to look through the window.

You watch with a smile as Janet's car stops outside your house, Sam opening the door and nearly falling out, her seatbelt preventing her from moving much.

She looks up at the window, spotting you and waving madly.

You stumble to the door, opening it just in time to see Janet drag Sam out of the car, kicking the door closed and helping the drunk Major up the driveway.

Daniel barges past you, blocking any chance of you getting at Sam first.

You watch in amusement as she falls into Daniel's arms, trying to hug him. "Hi Daniel." She tries to whisper in his ear, only forgets to speak quietly, causing you to laugh and Janet to blush. "Janet wanted to see you, I think she likes you, a lot more than she is supposed to."

You wait rather impatiently for her to finish hugging him, deciding that she mustn't have seen you.

You tap her on the head, giving her a lop sided grin as she raises her head in confusion.

"Jack!" She lets go of Daniel, falling into your arms, resting her head on your shoulder. "Your comfy."

You rest your head on hers, closing your eyes, content to stay that way forever, enjoying the sensation of being so close to her.

You open your eyes in confusion as she is pulled from you, watching as she fights Janet, who is trying to drag her away from you.

You turn to Daniel. "Where they going?"

He shakes his head, pulling your arm to make sure you keep up as he walks you in the direction they went.

You spot Sam on the floor, twirling one of your DVDs round her finger, watching it in fascination.

Janet is stood above her, shaking her head before turning towards you with a sigh.

Daniel walks past you, standing next to Janet, his eyes on Sam.

"How is she?"

"Very drunk. She's a lot calmer know she's here though."

"Jack would get upset if I hurt his stuff. Then he wouldn't like me anymore." She tilts her head up, grinning at her two friends.

You sit down next to her, grabbing the disc off her finger and using it to start another tower.

"Nasty." She reaches across you to pick up another disc, brushing her chest across your legs, her hand lingering over your crotch, the blood already being diverted away from your head.

Looking at her in shock she winks at you, smiling slyly as she turns her attention back to her finger.

Deciding that two can play at that game you climb up, pulling out a bottle of something, the label is too blurry to read. Pausing behind Sam, you 'accidentally' spill some onto her neck, watching as it dribbles down to the front of the shirt, causing her to shriek.

"jack!"

Sitting down in front of her , you lean in close, "I'm sorry," licking the liquid off her neck, following it's path down to her shirt.

Raising your head you find yourself looking straight into her eyes, you lips so close that if you just moved your head forward a…

"Alright, that's enough. Time to break up this party." Janet forces her way between the two of you, causing you to groan.

Moving your head slightly you can just see Sam's face. She smiles cheekily at you, mouths "later," and is pulled to her feet by Daniel and dragged into your kitchen.

"So Colonel, what are we going to do with you?"

You look up at her, the expression on her face matching that which you always see her give Cassie when she did anything wrong. "Anything but the needles and it's fine with me."

She sighs, shaking her head, perching on the edge of the table next to you. "You and Sam do have to stop this."

"Stop what?"

"This whole 'more than just good friends' thing you both seem to want so badly. I've tried to talk to her about it but she's too drunk to care, so I'm asking you, for both your sakes, to stop this before it goes any further."

You drop your head, feeling slightly guilty for what you must be putting them through, frowning as you hear things being broken in the kitchen.

"Tell Daniel to put Sam in the single room, she'll probably pass out as soon as she's lying down." you look about, trying to remember how many bedrooms you have. "You and Daniel can share the double room, it's the one he normally uses anyway; Teal'c likes sleeping on the couch for some reason."

She looks at you in shock, " what makes you think that I'm not happy to take the couch?"

You stand up, patting her on the shoulder as you pass, "everyone knows about you and Daniel, but, if you really want, the couch is all yours. I'm going to bed."

Collapsing into your bed you hear the others as they lock up, putting Sam to bed before turning in themselves.

It's barely five minutes before you hear her door open, your ears picking up the unusual noise they probably, hopefully, missed.

You don't hear her walking down the corridor, jumping slightly when your door opens, her head appearing in the gap.

You sit up, holding out a hand for her. She moves into your room, gently closing the door before moving to sit on your lap.

You smile, "Now, where were we?" Grabbing her lips in a passionate kiss, her hands already moving to take your top off.

---------------------------------------------------------------

You are woken by the smell of freshly brewed coffee and wince as you open your eyes.

Feeling very confused, and rather naked, you dress, walking into your kitchen, surprised to find Daniel, Janet and Sam sat drinking coffee, the latter looking as bad as you feel.

"What?…What are you guys doing here?"

They all turn to look at you in surprise.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Daniel asks, putting down his mug.

"It was…I think I was watching TV, I remember wanting something to drink, and I think I remember a phone ringing."

Janet gives Sam a meaningful glare, causing her to blush and duck her head.

"What happened?"

"Well, basically, you invited us over, and got a bit drunk. Oh, and I sorted out your Simpson's DVDs for you."

You look at him in horror. "What happened to them?"

"You tried to build towers, Sam twirled them on her finger and Janet stayed up half the night watching them…Don't worry they're fine…I hope."

You look towards the two women, both of them finding the table very interesting; and you can feel your headache getting worse.

"How come I don't remember any of this?"

Janet silently points at the collection of empty alcohol bottles stood up next to the bin.

"I drank them all?!"

"Apparently." Daniel shrugs his shoulders, finishing off the last of his coffee before climbing to his feet. "I should really get going. I'm sure your memory will return, eventually."

Sam stands up next, turning to face Janet. "you'll have to give me a lift home, seeing as you're the one that brought me here."

The doctor rises, looking at you before turning back to her. "I'm amazed you remember anything of last night, let alone all of it."

Sam gives you a look that tells you a lot more than you were told happened last night. "Something like that is impossible to forget, at least for me anyway."

After saying goodbye, all three leave you, and walk through the house, glad to find only a few plates in the kitchen broken and all the spare beds looking used.

Collapsing on the couch you decide that first of all you'll take a headache pill with some coffee, and then you'll check to see just how 'fine' your Simpson DVD's are.