Levi lifted up the floor mat and retrieved the key to his and Erwin's apartment. What a coincidence. He wasn't supposed to be back here. Yet fortunately, Eren had the decency to drive Levi to the complex and save him the trouble of walking.
The ride had been dragged out by their tense silence. Eren was obviously agitated, and in return so was Levi. In the van thoughts like "who does he think he is?" and "what right does he have to get angry with me?" had plagued his mind.
It's not that he wanted to feel angry with Eren. He's the last person who he should be this way with. It's quite obvious that out of all the people that'd offered him assistance, Eren would be the least judgmental.
Thinking about it now, in reality maybe he was just hurt. Hurt that Eren had given up on him so easily. Not everyone is going to bend over backwards for me. He reprimanded himself. He was the one that had refused Eren. But why was Eren angry?
Levi shook his head. He already knows the answer to that. Eren was probably just frustrated that he was refused and annoyed that he had wasted his time. I can't blame him. Even I wouldn't go that far for someone like me.
While unlocking the door with one hand, the other fiddled with the piece of paper in his pocket. It had Eren's phone number in it.
"Here." It was the first thing Eren had said to Levi since he'd asked where he wanted to be brought.
"What is that?" Had been Levi's agitated response. It was said more as a statement rather than a question.
He watched as Eren looked to the side with his bottom lip poking out a little and tucked one side of his short hair behind his ear. His cheeks looked a bit warmer.
"My phone number. Call me if you need anything."
After a moment of hesitation, Levi took the folded paper.
"Bye, Eren." He stepped out of the car.
"I mean it." Levi looked over his shoulder and saw Eren watching him leave with a weird expression. Weird seemed to be a good way to describe it being that he couldn't quite place the emotion in his expression.
Levi sighed to himself as he walked through the door. What had that been about, anyways? "Call me if you need anything." Anything like what?
The apartment was quiet. Looking through the rooms, Levi found that Erwin wasn't home and that the sheets were washed. At least he has the decency to clean them.
He really, really did not want to see Erwin. But it seems like it can't be avoided forever.
Levi grabbed his phone from the kitchen table. That wasn't where he had left it this morning. There were quite a lot of missed calls spaced out a few hours from each other. They were mostly from Erwin, three from Hanji, and one from Mike. Almost all the calls were accompanied with voicemails.
As the phone locked itself, Levi saw his reflection in the black screen. He looked very unkempt. His expression was somber, skin paler than usual, dark circles present under his eyes, a small amount of stubble was faintly visible, and his hair was overgrown, tangled, and frizzy.
This was the first time he'd looked into anything remotely close to a mirror in four days, and his disarray didn't bother him much at all.
Not wanting to look at himself much longer, he unlocked his phone again and played the first voice mail.
Erwin's frantic voice filled the silence: Levi? Call me back, please.
The second: Please pick up your phone. Where are you?
The third: I promise, it didn't mean anything. I'm sorry.
The fourth: Shit, Levi. Please don't do anything you'll regret.
One from Hanji: Levi, please answer your phone. I know we haven't talked in almost a week but this is important. Erwin is worried sick about you. We're all worried.
There were a few more, consisting of the same contexts.
Levi assumed that they'd found his phone once the calls had stopped. He'd left it turned off in the drawer of his desk as he'd rushed out earlier. He was fully intent on dying this morning, and he hadn't felt the need to bring his cellphone.
He felt nothing besides contempt towards the calls. If Erwin cared so much maybe he should have at least tried to stop me from walking away.
Not wanting to brood too much, Levi decided to distract himself and do something useful. He packed all of his few clothes as personal belongings into a small suitcase and put it in the closet near the door. He had a small meal and slept on the couch, not bothering to shower.
Erwin still hadn't returned once Levi awoke. He spent the whole morning laying down, falling in and out of sleep. He felt like he wanted to sleep and never get back up, and so he'd only gotten up a few times only to relieve himself.
It wasn't until the evening came that Levi decided to visit Hanji. Even if they hadn't been on the best of terms, he didn't want to leave her worried. She lived in the same complex as Levi so it didn't take long until he was knocking on her door.
"Levi?" Hanji stood in front of the door, wide-eyed with a slack jaw. She immediately pulled him into a tight hug that wasn't returned. "Dammit, I thought you'd actually done it this time." He heard her muffled whisper and felt tears on his neck. He didn't need to ask what she was referring to.
Is that all I am, a burden? Am I only capable of making mistakes and hurting everyone around me?
It'd only been a few minutes when Erwin appeared at the doorway. He looked similar to Levi, but not as severe. His hair was messy and he had stubble, but that was all.
Levi's manner went from self-loathing to irritated.
"Hanji... I have to go." He whispered, not wanting Erwin to hear, and lightly pushed at her shoulder.
"What? Why, no stay and talk to me." Hanji released her embrace with a frown on her face. She saw Levi glace over her shoulder and turned around.
"Oh, of course... Erwin could you, y'know." She gestured for him to leave. Erwin had probably told her what happened. Great.
"I'll be in our room." Erwin nodded as he walked out without arguing. It wasn't difficult to gather that Levi doesn't want to talk to him. Even though he tried not to show it, hurt and guilt were faintly shown on his expression as he walked out.
As soon as Erwin departed, Hanji was pushing Levi through her door. She immediately went to make tea, and Levi situated himself in her living room.
It wasn't long until the two were sitting together, enjoying tea in silence. Hanji wasn't stupid. She knew when people needed their space.
"I'm sorry." Levi had finally said after finishing his tea.
"I am, too." Hanji nodded, understanding that he was referring to their prior argument. A solemn silence followed.
"I was so close to doing it." Levi muttered, looking down at his lap.
Hanji didn't say anything. She only scooted closer to him on the couch and held onto his hand.
"I would have, too, if this kid hadn't shown up. His family owns a group home." He looked at Hanji. "What a fucking coincidence that is." His laugh was hollow.
Hanji watched him with a frown and put an arm around his shoulders.
He sighed, leaning against her. This was unusual of him, but today was a... special occasion.
"Levi, get help. Please. If you won't do it for yourself do it for the people around you." The sadness in Hanji's voice made Levi's chest tighten. He didn't have the energy to get angry with her anymore.
"I don't want to waste money on something that might not even work."
"Levi, you know you're on my insurance, right?" She murmured.
He sat up to look at her. With narrowed eyes he said, "No?"
She laughed nervously knowing that this probably won't sit well with him. "Don't get mad at me for this, but..." She trailed off.
"What?"
"I decided to add you to my medical insurance because, well... It's not like I don't have the money for it. And you have to understand that none of us have any clue if you're ever going to - I don't know." She faltered. "... Do something that you shouldn't have, and I care too much for you to just let you do something as reckless as killing yourself."
He frowned and tensed his jaw, getting slightly agitated. "I'm not your responsibility." He huffed.
"Would you go to an appointment if I scheduled you one with a psychiatrist?" Hanji asked, dismissing Levi's words. She really didn't want to start another argument with him.
Levi sighed. He didn't really have a reason not to go if the bill would be covered by insurance, and meeting Eren has given him a tiny, tiny bit of hope of getting better. But did he really want to recover? You know what. Fuck it.
"Yeah." He whispered, feeling as if his entire world had completely crashed if what happened in the previous day didn't get the job done. He had nothing else to lose.
A/N; Please read! Important!
Apologies for any mistakes. I'm not really happy with this chapter anymore than I had been whenever I wrote it. I only checked it over for spelling mistakes, not even grammar, so I'm sorry about that. Not enough to actually do anything about it, I know. Why apologize, right?
But I can't apologize enough for not updating. There's not even an excuse I can give. This chapter had been written for months; the whole editing process was just incredibly tedious to me that I simply didn't do it or write. I lost motivation for the story and got interested in other plot lines.
I'm thinking about picking this story back up again, though. What do you guys think? Anyone still interested?
This story will be a bit different from how it is now if I do start writing it again. I've gotten a lot better at writing, so I can't say that the style will be consistent if I pick this back up. Should I start a new fic all together so that there won't be a change in the middle of it like this, or just try to write some more for this one?
How about sharing my other stories? Would anyone be intrested in them? They aren't fanfictions, but I think they're pretty decently written. I'd like constructive criticism if anyone that's interested could message me.