Disclaimer - You know the drill. You don't seriously think I created Harry Potter, do you? Give me a break, I'm not that smart. No, these characters are the sole property of J. Rowling and a number of publishing companies.
A/N
SP-in-Sirius-Denial - Done and done. Hope this clears it up for you. If not, you should check out chapter two of my other fic for more details.
AffectedMangoO - Glad you're enjoying it. In this chapter, Sirius gets tough, but the sweeter side will be back.
Versipellis - Yeah, it must be hell on him. I did that on purpose J Aren't I mean?
HOLD ME, KEEP ME
Dumbledore removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, then replaced them on the bridge of his nose. "Mr. Black, I'm afraid I don't understand. You are telling me Mr. Lupin believes he is responsible for the death of his brother?"
"I am responsible!" Remus yelled. "What don't you understand? I killed my parents' son!"
Sirius grabbed Remus' wrist and pulled him back. "Remus, you need to relax for a minute. Sit down and be quiet." To his own surprise, Remus obeyed. Sirius turned back to Dumbledore. "Yes, Professor, that's what I'm telling you."
"How is that possible? If Raymond and Cyrilia are to be believed, their son was attacked by a wild animal sometime after Mr. Black's abduction."
"I wasn't abducted!"
"Remus, SIT DOWN." Sirius sighed. "This is what I know, and it's not much. Remus had been playing outside for some time when he was attacked by a werewolf." Remus shuddered, but did not speak. "He was bitten, and as the moon was full, he transformed immediately after the bite. His parents think he was abducted that night, but really he was bitten by a werewolf. Remus has always known he killed someone that night, because he woke up with blood all over him." He turned to Remus. "Did I forget anything?"
"The shirt," Remus said hoarsely.
"Right. He also had a green shirt, a child's. Not his own. So all these years he's known he killed a child that night, but I guess he's just finding out it was his brother."
"I didn't even know I had a brother…"
"Remus," Dumbledore said sharply. Remus' head jerked up, but he did not meet the headmaster's eyes. "Does anyone else know about this?"
"N…no…" Remus shook his head. "Just the three of us…"
Dumbledore sighed. "Well, that's something. Remus, this is troubling news. I personally feel that your inability to control your actions as a werewolf leaves you free of any guilt, but the ministry and the public will not see it that way. Do I need to warn you to speak of this to no one?"
Remus shook his head, looking like he might cry. "Sir, if…if I were…caught…"
"I won't lie to you Remus," Dumbledore said steadily. "There would be a trial, and your parents would be within their rights to call for the death penalty. I believe the Minister of Magic would support them if they chose to pursue that path."
Sirius sat down heavily. Dumbledore glanced at him. "Remus, I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned, nothing changes here. You are innocent in my eyes, and you will remain in school." If this was supposed to comfort Remus, it fell spectacularly short.
"What about…what about my parents?" Remus swallowed hard. "At some point they'll want me home…they'll have to know I'm a werewolf…they'll figure out what happened, if they know that. They'll know it was me…"
"I agree, eventually they will have to be told," Dumbledore frowned. "It's a difficult situation."
But at this Sirius decided he'd had enough. "Right, that's it," he said sharply, standing up so abruptly that Remus started.
Dumbledore looked at him mildly. "That's it?"
"Don't you understand what this is like for him?" Sirius demanded. "How can you sit there and call it a 'difficult situation'? It's not difficult, it's not troubling, it's HELL! And you don't even have an answer!" Sirius was nearly in tears. "Why the hell did we come to you for help if you…"
"Sirius!"
Remus had jumped up from his seat and grabbed Sirius' arm. Sirius was surprised to find himself holding his wand as if he were about to snap it in two. Tears were streaming down his face. He looked at Remus and got another shock to see his friend's face. Remus was pale and distraught. Sirius felt a pang of guilt. "Moony, I'm sorry."
Remus released Sirius, and the boys sat uneasily back in their respective chairs.
Dumbledore continued as if nothing had happened. "You boys will return to your common room at once. Mr. Lupin's parents are due in just a few hours, and we will not tell them any of what we have spoken of here. The meeting will go forward as planned, and there will be no mention of Mr. Lupin's condition, am I understood?"
Sirius and Remus nodded.
"We will attempt to discover," Dumbledore continued "how your parents feel about werewolf rights and how they would punish their son's killer." Remus choked a little but said nothing. "And Remus, you would do well to remember this: whatever we find out tomorrow, you are not a killer. You are not to blame."
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Remus had hoped to get up to the dormitory without talking to anyone, but he was not so lucky today. James was waiting at the portrait hole.
"Remus," he said coldly. "Sirius."
Remus quailed under his friend's furious stare. Sirius just got mad. "What, James?"
"You two haven't spoken to me or Peter in three days. You've been hanging out up in the dormitory all the time, you haven't come to meals. Peter got his transformation yesterday, and I bet you two didn't even know about it. So now you're going to tell me what's going on."
"Look…" Sirius began angrily, but James cut him off.
"Forget it, Sirius. I'm sick of this. No excuses this time. He's not unconscious, he's not asleep, and he's not meeting the headmaster. If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now…"
Sirius snapped. He shoved James up against the wall so hard James actually shut up. He looked completely taken aback. "Just shut up, alright James? You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no idea what's been going on!"
"Because you wouldn't tell me…!" James protested.
"No, you know what, the hell with you! That isn't how it works all the time, James! When something happens, we don't just think, right, well I better run tell James then! Sometimes we have to stop and take a moment to just deal with it! So you can just shut the hell up! And I'm sorry you feel neglected, but that is not my biggest damn concern right now."
Remus was standing against a wall, tears streaming down his face. Sirius turned to him, put a hand on his shoulder. "Remy, why don't you go on upstairs, okay? I'll talk to James, tell him what's been going on."
Remus nodded. "Sirius…don't tell him about…"
"I won't. You know I won't."
Remus shot Sirius a grateful look and went upstairs. Sirius turned back to James, who had slid down to sit against the wall. "I'm sorry, mate. Did I hurt you?"
"I'm all right." James allowed Sirius to help him up. "I'm the one who should apologize. You're right, it was none of my business."
"No, look, James, it is your business," Sirius sighed. "Remus wants you to know. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner…there's been a lot going on."
James sat down in an armchair. "So…what is going on?"
Sirius explained, carefully omitting the part about Remus' killing his brother. James was quiet until he'd finished. Then he spoke. "So Remus is worried about what his parents will think when they find out he's a werewolf?"
"Yeah," Sirius said.
"And that's why he's been up in his room crying for the past three days?"
"Yeah."
"Sirius, there's something else, isn't there?"
Sirius sighed. "Yeah, there is. But James, he's not ready for you to know the rest yet. You'll have to accept that for now. When he's ready, he'll tell you. Until then, just be there for him, okay? Let him know you care."
"Sure." James glanced up at Sirius. "Is he gonna be okay?"
Sirius shook his head. "I don't know."
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
In Dumbledore's office that afternoon, Remus was shaking so hard he could barely make small talk with his parents. Despite the firm grip Sirius was keeping on his shoulders, Remus felt he might slip off the chair. Going over and over in his mind what he would say to get his parents on the subject of the brother he couldn't remember, he was hardly aware of what he was saying.
"Do you feel better today?" Cyrilia asked anxiously. "We were concerned after you passed out at our last meeting."
This was his opening. Remus closed his eyes momentarily before speaking. "I guess I was just surprised when you mentioned my…brother…I never knew I had one."
"Yeah, had," Raymond said bitterly. "You had a brother. We had a family. Everything was destroyed in one night."
Remus felt his heart clench with guilt and grief. Sirius' hands tightened on his shoulders. "He was killed by a wolf?"
"Probably a bloody werewolf," Raymond said. "Full moon and all that. Damn creatures."
Remus felt like crying. "Did you ever catch whoever it was?"
"Course not, by morning he'd look normal again, wouldn't he," said Raymond. "But if I ever do catch that bastard, he can forget a trial. I'll kill him myself…!"
"Ray…" Cyrilia looked upset. Raymond calmed himself. "I'm sorry. I apologize. This is a matter I feel very strongly about."
For a long time, no one spoke.
"It's completely understandable," Remus' voice was practically a whisper. "Of course you would want to kill him, I'd kill him myself."
A/N
SP-in-Sirius-Denial - Done and done. Hope this clears it up for you. If not, you should check out chapter two of my other fic for more details.
AffectedMangoO - Glad you're enjoying it. In this chapter, Sirius gets tough, but the sweeter side will be back.
Versipellis - Yeah, it must be hell on him. I did that on purpose J Aren't I mean?
HOLD ME, KEEP ME
Dumbledore removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, then replaced them on the bridge of his nose. "Mr. Black, I'm afraid I don't understand. You are telling me Mr. Lupin believes he is responsible for the death of his brother?"
"I am responsible!" Remus yelled. "What don't you understand? I killed my parents' son!"
Sirius grabbed Remus' wrist and pulled him back. "Remus, you need to relax for a minute. Sit down and be quiet." To his own surprise, Remus obeyed. Sirius turned back to Dumbledore. "Yes, Professor, that's what I'm telling you."
"How is that possible? If Raymond and Cyrilia are to be believed, their son was attacked by a wild animal sometime after Mr. Black's abduction."
"I wasn't abducted!"
"Remus, SIT DOWN." Sirius sighed. "This is what I know, and it's not much. Remus had been playing outside for some time when he was attacked by a werewolf." Remus shuddered, but did not speak. "He was bitten, and as the moon was full, he transformed immediately after the bite. His parents think he was abducted that night, but really he was bitten by a werewolf. Remus has always known he killed someone that night, because he woke up with blood all over him." He turned to Remus. "Did I forget anything?"
"The shirt," Remus said hoarsely.
"Right. He also had a green shirt, a child's. Not his own. So all these years he's known he killed a child that night, but I guess he's just finding out it was his brother."
"I didn't even know I had a brother…"
"Remus," Dumbledore said sharply. Remus' head jerked up, but he did not meet the headmaster's eyes. "Does anyone else know about this?"
"N…no…" Remus shook his head. "Just the three of us…"
Dumbledore sighed. "Well, that's something. Remus, this is troubling news. I personally feel that your inability to control your actions as a werewolf leaves you free of any guilt, but the ministry and the public will not see it that way. Do I need to warn you to speak of this to no one?"
Remus shook his head, looking like he might cry. "Sir, if…if I were…caught…"
"I won't lie to you Remus," Dumbledore said steadily. "There would be a trial, and your parents would be within their rights to call for the death penalty. I believe the Minister of Magic would support them if they chose to pursue that path."
Sirius sat down heavily. Dumbledore glanced at him. "Remus, I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned, nothing changes here. You are innocent in my eyes, and you will remain in school." If this was supposed to comfort Remus, it fell spectacularly short.
"What about…what about my parents?" Remus swallowed hard. "At some point they'll want me home…they'll have to know I'm a werewolf…they'll figure out what happened, if they know that. They'll know it was me…"
"I agree, eventually they will have to be told," Dumbledore frowned. "It's a difficult situation."
But at this Sirius decided he'd had enough. "Right, that's it," he said sharply, standing up so abruptly that Remus started.
Dumbledore looked at him mildly. "That's it?"
"Don't you understand what this is like for him?" Sirius demanded. "How can you sit there and call it a 'difficult situation'? It's not difficult, it's not troubling, it's HELL! And you don't even have an answer!" Sirius was nearly in tears. "Why the hell did we come to you for help if you…"
"Sirius!"
Remus had jumped up from his seat and grabbed Sirius' arm. Sirius was surprised to find himself holding his wand as if he were about to snap it in two. Tears were streaming down his face. He looked at Remus and got another shock to see his friend's face. Remus was pale and distraught. Sirius felt a pang of guilt. "Moony, I'm sorry."
Remus released Sirius, and the boys sat uneasily back in their respective chairs.
Dumbledore continued as if nothing had happened. "You boys will return to your common room at once. Mr. Lupin's parents are due in just a few hours, and we will not tell them any of what we have spoken of here. The meeting will go forward as planned, and there will be no mention of Mr. Lupin's condition, am I understood?"
Sirius and Remus nodded.
"We will attempt to discover," Dumbledore continued "how your parents feel about werewolf rights and how they would punish their son's killer." Remus choked a little but said nothing. "And Remus, you would do well to remember this: whatever we find out tomorrow, you are not a killer. You are not to blame."
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Remus had hoped to get up to the dormitory without talking to anyone, but he was not so lucky today. James was waiting at the portrait hole.
"Remus," he said coldly. "Sirius."
Remus quailed under his friend's furious stare. Sirius just got mad. "What, James?"
"You two haven't spoken to me or Peter in three days. You've been hanging out up in the dormitory all the time, you haven't come to meals. Peter got his transformation yesterday, and I bet you two didn't even know about it. So now you're going to tell me what's going on."
"Look…" Sirius began angrily, but James cut him off.
"Forget it, Sirius. I'm sick of this. No excuses this time. He's not unconscious, he's not asleep, and he's not meeting the headmaster. If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now…"
Sirius snapped. He shoved James up against the wall so hard James actually shut up. He looked completely taken aback. "Just shut up, alright James? You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no idea what's been going on!"
"Because you wouldn't tell me…!" James protested.
"No, you know what, the hell with you! That isn't how it works all the time, James! When something happens, we don't just think, right, well I better run tell James then! Sometimes we have to stop and take a moment to just deal with it! So you can just shut the hell up! And I'm sorry you feel neglected, but that is not my biggest damn concern right now."
Remus was standing against a wall, tears streaming down his face. Sirius turned to him, put a hand on his shoulder. "Remy, why don't you go on upstairs, okay? I'll talk to James, tell him what's been going on."
Remus nodded. "Sirius…don't tell him about…"
"I won't. You know I won't."
Remus shot Sirius a grateful look and went upstairs. Sirius turned back to James, who had slid down to sit against the wall. "I'm sorry, mate. Did I hurt you?"
"I'm all right." James allowed Sirius to help him up. "I'm the one who should apologize. You're right, it was none of my business."
"No, look, James, it is your business," Sirius sighed. "Remus wants you to know. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner…there's been a lot going on."
James sat down in an armchair. "So…what is going on?"
Sirius explained, carefully omitting the part about Remus' killing his brother. James was quiet until he'd finished. Then he spoke. "So Remus is worried about what his parents will think when they find out he's a werewolf?"
"Yeah," Sirius said.
"And that's why he's been up in his room crying for the past three days?"
"Yeah."
"Sirius, there's something else, isn't there?"
Sirius sighed. "Yeah, there is. But James, he's not ready for you to know the rest yet. You'll have to accept that for now. When he's ready, he'll tell you. Until then, just be there for him, okay? Let him know you care."
"Sure." James glanced up at Sirius. "Is he gonna be okay?"
Sirius shook his head. "I don't know."
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
In Dumbledore's office that afternoon, Remus was shaking so hard he could barely make small talk with his parents. Despite the firm grip Sirius was keeping on his shoulders, Remus felt he might slip off the chair. Going over and over in his mind what he would say to get his parents on the subject of the brother he couldn't remember, he was hardly aware of what he was saying.
"Do you feel better today?" Cyrilia asked anxiously. "We were concerned after you passed out at our last meeting."
This was his opening. Remus closed his eyes momentarily before speaking. "I guess I was just surprised when you mentioned my…brother…I never knew I had one."
"Yeah, had," Raymond said bitterly. "You had a brother. We had a family. Everything was destroyed in one night."
Remus felt his heart clench with guilt and grief. Sirius' hands tightened on his shoulders. "He was killed by a wolf?"
"Probably a bloody werewolf," Raymond said. "Full moon and all that. Damn creatures."
Remus felt like crying. "Did you ever catch whoever it was?"
"Course not, by morning he'd look normal again, wouldn't he," said Raymond. "But if I ever do catch that bastard, he can forget a trial. I'll kill him myself…!"
"Ray…" Cyrilia looked upset. Raymond calmed himself. "I'm sorry. I apologize. This is a matter I feel very strongly about."
For a long time, no one spoke.
"It's completely understandable," Remus' voice was practically a whisper. "Of course you would want to kill him, I'd kill him myself."