CHAPTER IV

EXPLANATIONS

Nancy looked almost scared, something the others had never seen before, even during her battles with her Great Aunt Maria. Peggy felt frightened, this was almost worse than thunder storms and in her fear reached out and took John's hand in her own more for comfort than affection.

Titty saw her do so and was not at all surprised, but Nancy, despite her own sudden emotional turmoil, had also noticed and looked shocked. Despite their years together, only Titty and Dot of the nine of them showed tenderness towards each other and sometimes the rest of them, the others passed this behaviour off because of the worlds the two of them inhabited away from everyone else.

Peggy waited, Nancy still said nothing and Daisy looked more aggrieved. Peggy tried again.

"Told us what?" Nancy did not answer at once but because Daisy gave her no chance.

"Ruth, look, if you don't tell them I will. This nonsense has got to stop, I warned you, you came up here not telling me the whole truth as to why and now…" Her own anger almost silenced her. "…now you clam up. Why?" Nancy looked at her and began to shake with what almost seemed to all of them fear, her eyes looked ready to cry, a look they had only seen before when she had talked of her father. They were all very surprised to hear someone other than her mother call Nancy 'Ruth'.

John released Peggy's hand from his own slowly and gently, then spoke to try and calm everyone.

"Look Daisy, all of you, sit down, I'll get the fire going and make some tea." and set too doing exactly that. Titty was impressed by this as John had never shown any signs of domesticity, he had always left such things to Susan when they were all together, but then Susan wasn't here. Peggy now knew of his abilities, and so was not at all surprised.

As John filled the kettle, set it on the range, prepared the teapot and mugs the women sat down around the table, and once all of them were seated and without any warning Nancy, sitting next to Daisy, just began to talk, her voice trembling.

"Daisy and I, well, we live together." Peggy interrupted her, she was irritated.

"We know you live with someone, I've been to your flat but never seen her!"

"No Peggy, we share," she paused, "everything, even the bed, we are…" She hesitated as if grasping for the word to use. Daisy, exasperated, finished Nancy's sentence.

"We're lesbians!" She was still annoyed. "And Ruth's ashamed of me. Three years now, two in the flat, and she always puts off telling you all. Did you know we wrote to each other almost every week since that summer we met? No, I know you don't." She slapped the table with the palm of her hand, the move forcing herself in to silence. Peggy thought out loud.

"So that's who those letters were from!"

John passed around mugs of tea, saying nothing and then sat down. Nancy attempted to start again.

"I wasn't ashamed, I wasn't, truly. I love you Daisy, I do, it's just…" Titty was not surprised by Nancy's confession; she was only surprised to hear her talk so openly of love. Only she and Dot ever did, then mostly wondering about Dick and what girlfriends he'd had. Before Nancy could continue again Peggy spoke.

"But, but, you, you always said you'd end up marrying John!" John avoided their glances. Nancy blushed.

"But I didn't mean I would! If I'd have liked men in that way I would I'm sure, but I don't, I never have. When we met Daisy back then I already knew what I was, but when I met her again after years of writing, four of five years later, I was smitten, it took me long enough even to drop a hint to her in a letter, then in '44 she was posted to the same camp, same unit, on the South Coast, D-Day preparations, we both knew from talking that first night in our barracks, so no more need for hints, Daisy had known too, but didn't know how to say."

It was Peggy's turn to look shocked.

"Does mother know? Does Uncle Jim?"

"No, I tried to tell them when we moved in to the flat, but I couldn't, I just thought they wouldn't understand."

"Is that why you don't go to Beckfoot very often?" Peggy was almost accusing her.

"Yes, no, it's just too complicated. Anyway you or John always seemed to be there." It was John and Peggy's turn to look embarrassed. Titty said nothing, knowing her long held suspicions were being confirmed. Peggy spoke.

"Well, yes, we had to, mother let us. She, like me, thought you always carried a torch for him and one day would say something, but, well she knew, she told me. John had already spoken to her. We're engaged, sort of." She looked at John opposite her and smiled, he returned her smile. Titty felt a feeling of knowingness, he had never said anything to her but she always thought there was something between them. She had once confided in Dot who confirmed her suspicions immediately, she had thought so on that first day they met in the winter, at the igloo.

Daisy remained silent for a moment but still looked agitated. She started again.

"But why, why did you never tell them?" Nancy once again looked guilty. None of them had ever really discussed their feelings, even towards each other, and those such as hers and Daisy's were not commonplace.

"But people don't always understand." She had witnessed such liaisons in almost every camp she had been billeted, and all of them had become the subject of gossip or derision or both, and this was just from other women. Daisy continued.

"But these are your friends, old friends; did you think they wouldn't understand?" Nancy held her head in her hands and desperately wanted to say something, anything that would resolve matters.

Then she thought about Peggy, what of her and John, she wasn't sure what confused her the most; that they all thought John and herself would become a couple or that Peggy, her younger sister, would have an interest in him? But then she was not just her sister but a young woman, she was no longer the mate of the Amazon to be ordered about. Nancy carried on.

"Titty, can you tell Dick and Dot?"

"Yes, but, shouldn't you?"

"Yes, you're right, I should. To long hiding away, too many secrets." Daisy looked more relaxed and reached out across the table and took Nancy's hand in her own. Nancy did not resist, she looked pleased, and relieved. "I'm sorry." Titty intervened.

"Do Don and the others know?"

"Don does, he asked me out once and I took a chance of telling him when I turned him down, he was fine about it, we write once in awhile. The others, we lost touch during the war, I haven't been back home for some time, once I'd joined up and got posted it was easier to stay away." John suddenly stood up.

"I'm hungry, Daisy and I will see to breakfast while you three get ready." Daisy did not argue.

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