AU: I know this was supposed to be posted Sunday and now it's Wednesday... I have no excuse other than laziness, even when my co-writer was dogging me to post it. The next chapter may also be late because both of us have picked up extra shifts at work. But it will be posted promptly this time, I promise. The chats also look better on AO3: /works/432418
July 10th, 2010 21:30 – Sollux and Karkat's flat
caligulasAquarium [CA] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
TA: what.
CA: wwoww wwhat crawled up your ass sol?
CA: cant a guy just be makin casual convversation wwith his mate?
TA: holy 2hiit what do you want.
CA: fine. fef an i were just goin out to the club by your place for a show.
CA: supposed to be the next big fuckin thing in british pop but probably somethin completely shit.
CA: as usual.
CA: maybe you'd like to come since you'd probably be hearing it from yours anywway.
TA: well whiile the iidea of playiing awkward thiird wheel two you two as you bliindly grope eachother iin that fuckiing horriible club 2ounds iincrediibly entiicing iim goiing to have to pa22.
CA: subtlety doesn't exist in your wworld does it?
TA: not really.
CA: and it wwont be like that
CA: fuck
CA: i'm only asking because she wwanted me to
TA: well that2 sweet.
TA: but no.
CA: busy night of hanging wwith kar
CA: sounds like loads a bloody fun
TA: fuckiing riight iit doe2.
CA: fine. you know wwhere to find us if you go changin your mind.
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
Karkat has been living with him for a few months now. At the time he moved in, he tried to make it sound like he was doing it out of kindness for his friend, but it was obvious he was slowly being forced out of his old place with Gamzee. The man hadn't been making rent and Karkat was tired of spotting him. Weed dealing only did so much when one actually dealt it more than smoked it for themselves.
Sollux sighs and opens up a new browser. He stares blankly at the screen as his fingers seem to automatically click on the sites he frequents. Forum after forum, and there's nothing there. His pesterlog is blinking at the bottom corner of the screen but he doesn't notice it. It's probably just Eridan again. He frowns and wonders why they wanted him to hang out with them in the first place. They know that once the sun went down and he wasn't already out, he wasn't going anywhere so long as the internet was still connected. He sighs and heeds the call of the pesterlog, seeing Karkat speaking to him in his usual all-caps, dull gray font.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: YO CAPTOR
CG: ...
CG: CAPTOR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL SKIN YOU FUCKING ANSWER ME
TA: je2u2 fuck kk iim in the next room.
CG: SEE HOW MANY FUCKS I GIVE? SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THEM ALL UP IN HERE.
CG: ANYWAY YOU'VE BEEN IN THAT ROOM FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS.
CG: I'M STARTING TO THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG. AND WHY THE HELL IS YOUR BOYFRIEND PESTERING ME ABOUT YOU BEING A TOTAL PRICK. LIKE I DIDNT ALREADY KNOW.
TA: nothiing2 wrong.
TA: ii diidnt want to go to 2ome 2hiity 2how he and ff were goiing two.
CG: WELL I UNDERSTAND THAT. YOU KNOW I DONT LIKE TO GET ALL UP IN YOUR PERSONAL MATTERS AND SHIT BECAUSE THATS LIKE A DARK DUSTY SPIDER-FILLED CREVASS NOBODY SHOULD EVER VENTURE INTO.
CG: OR IS THAT JUST VRISKA
TA: chrii2t.
CG: NOT THE POINT
CG: POINT IS IM TRYING TO DO THAT FRIEND THING AND SEE IF YOU'RE OKAY
CG: BECAUSE ITS A SATURDAY FUCKING NIGHT AND I'D THINK YOU'D AT LEAST BE OUT TRYING TO SHAG SOME FACELESS CHICK WHO LEAVES YOU BEFORE YOUR HUNGOVER ASS EVEN ATTEMPTS TO ROLL OUT OF BED.
CG: AND MAYBE NEXT TIME COULD YOU MAKE SURE SHE DOESNT SCREAM BLOODY MURDER OR AT LEAST STICK SOMETHING IN HER MOUTH
CG: WHATEVER THAT MAY BE
TA: there ii2 2o much wrong wiith thii2 conver2atiion riight now holy FUCK.
CG: WELL IT HAD TO BE SAID
CG: JUST OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOUR FLATMATE
TA: iim fiine 2eriiou2ly.
TA: can ii not have a niight iin wiithout everyone fliipiing the fuck out.
TA: iin fact iim busy riight now.
CG: OH BULLSHIT CAPTOR
CG: YOU KNOW I DONT REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN THERE BUT I CAN FEEL SOMETHINGS NOT RIGHT LIKE ITS RADIATING THROUGH THE GODDAMN WALLS AND I WILL NOT HAVE YOU WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY ON A SATURDAY FUCKING NIGHT
CG: NOBODY DOES THAT
TA: dont bother there2 nothiing to 2ee.
TA: just go get a beer or 2omethiing.
CG: COMING IN THERE MAKE YOURSELF DECENT
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
Surely enough, Karkat bursts through the door almost immediately after his last message. He sighs and shakes his head at Sollux who is lying face down on his bed, hair mussed up, clothes the same ones from three days ago, while empty packets of crisps and energy drink cans litter the room. Like an irritated mother, Karkat glares at Sollux's mess, but he pays him no mind. The glare fades from Karkat's face and he caves in, sitting down next to Sollux on the bed.
"Something's fucking bugging you, I know it is. I can smell your unwashed grease mop of a head from here."
Sollux grumbles and closes his laptop. "What is this, some sort of therapy session?"
Karkat groans in defeat and lays down, his face in his hands. "Look, if there's something I can do to make you feel better, tell me. I just hate to see you go spiraling down that path of depression. I watched it once, Captor, I think it's in everyone's best interest that it doesn't happen ever again."
Sollux cocks an eyebrow. "You think that's how it works? That you can just prevent it from happening again by being all fucking happy all the time? Believe me, I'd love to be happy again right now."
Karkat throws his arms in the air, letting them fall down to his sides, one across Sollux's knees. "There, you finally fucking admitted it. Something had to have triggered it."
He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. "Close," he mumbles. "That's not necessarily always true, but if you're not leaving until you beat it out of me, yeah, there was something this time."
"And what was that?"
He bites his lip to stop from shaking and exhales deeply. "Aradia's seeing someone else."
"Ah, so we're getting somewhere. Obviously you know what I'm going to say to just that, so go on. Who is it?"
"Equius fucking Zahhak."
A whistle and Karkat sits up. "Okay, I can understand where you're coming from."
"For once it's not about me being jealous over her. It's that she goes with him at all that pisses me off. I mean, he's..." He couldn't begin.
"A steroid-infused, jacked-up, brainless twat? A racist, blundering, arrogant miserable idiot?"
Sollux nods in agreement. "And she's smart. And nice and lovely, and–"
Karkat lightly grabs the back of his neck to make him stop. "Okay, there's no use staying in here and dwelling on it. Get cleaned up, we're going to that show."
"What, seriously?"
"Yes, Captor, we are shaking out your bones and making you go somewhere much bigger where you can run around and get some fresh air."
Removing his glasses, Sollux rubs his tired eyes and drums his fingers on the edge of his laptop. "But you hate Eridan, they're going to be there."
"No fucking excuses, Captor, get the fuck up," Karkat snaps, grabbing him by the waist and lifting him with an unexpected strength. He somewhat cooperates by sitting up. "Forget they asked you. Think of it as me asking you, oh, hey, Sollux. There's this incredibly shitty Oasis cover band playing across the street and we're fucking going to it because it's too late to go downtown and you need to get out of your room and get fucked up. Here." Karkat digs his hands in his pockets and pulls out a small plastic bag full of small blue pills. "This is out little secret, okay? Sometimes Gamzee's habits rub off on you. And by habits, I mean what he was supposed to be doing to pay rent, and of curse you know how well that worked out."
Sollux's eyebrows rise in genuine surprise. "Jesus, KK. How much you make off that?"
He shrugs. "It depends where we go. I will overcharge the fuck out of these retards across the street. It's all those fucking rich kids from the private school with fake IDs and no idea how much this shit really is."
He has to chuckle as he stands up. He still isn't convinced, and Karkat sees it. He sighs. "Okay, if you go scrub the collective three-day grime off yourself and come with me down the club, you get one on the house, yeah?"
"Deal."
The shower feels good, he cannot deny that, and Sollux is in his bedroom rooting around his dresser drawers for the right black T-shirt.
"Hey, these kids won't buy anything from anyone, do I look like a drug dealer yet?"
Sollux turns around to see Karkat in his doorway, messy hair combed, clad in a leather jacket, a white collared shirt, tight trousers and pointed shoes. His expression shows he is not proud of what he's wearing and he crosses his arms, the barely-worn leather squeaking. "I take your stupid fucking laugh as a yes?"
"Yeah, it's fine, just, do you weigh seven stones yet, mate?"
Karkat rolls his eyes and walks away, clearly not used to the tighter clothing making his small build look even smaller. He was barely five and half feet tall, though the boots added a good half-inch. Soon enough Sollux is dressed, pulling on his mismatched high tops ("How the fuck do you get laid wearing something like that, Captor?") and they saunter across the street where they can already hear the noise from the bar. Before they enter, Karkat gives Sollux a single pill and he slips it under his tongue feeling it slowly start to dissolve. Already the club is filled with people Sollux suspects will drive Karkat up the wallby simply looking at them. There's mostly people freshly turned eighteen wearing khaki trousers and polo shirts and he can feel the heated irritation coming off his friend in waves. But once they get inside the dimly lit club, he sees Karkat taking off, snaking his way through the crowds, quickly dealing his merchandise; a handshake here, the flash of pound notes there, and Sollux is at the bar, eyes scanning for anyone else he knows. He feels a tap at his back and turns around to see Feferi's smiling face. Her eyes are heavily lined with black, something he would never expect to see her wear.
"Hey Sollux!" she chirps and embraces him in a tight hug as he turns around. "Good to see you came. Did Karkat drag you out?"
With a smile, Sollux says, "Yeah, funny enough. I think he really took one for the team this time. But I guess he's making a profit." He can feel that last of the pill disappear in his mouth. Only a few minutes and he can fucking lose it and forget about everything bothering him. No more thought of Equius or Aradia – fuck, why would they ever like each other? – and just sink into a fucking hole, roll on some good waves and come out of it with nothing more than a headache in the morning. This wasn't Strider's drug of choice, which he and Karkat had ignorantly given a try at his last house party. The fucker had purposely given them too much, knowing Sollux would trust anyone giving him a discount on the stuff. It hadn't ended well; Karkat stood on the street screaming nonsense up at the window to Strider's poor housemate crying over her recent breakup, and Sollux had ran off somewhere he couldn't remember only to be picked up at four in the morning by a very irritated Aradia. The next morning was absolute hell, all nosebleeds and something that wasn't a migraine, but sure as fuck felt just as bad.
"Let me guess, you scored?" Eridan is at his side, still drinking his fucking Guinness and wearing a horribly presumptuous smirk on his face. "Don't know why they call in scorin'. You never really win anythin' at all. Not fuckin' hard to find drugs anywhere, really, not like you aren't payin' ridiculous shit for 'em."
He meanders through his sentences, dropping G's and using probably too many words for coherency's sake, and fuck, why is he thinking about how he talks? It wasn't even his accent (was it?), Sollux thinks, his mind becoming fuzzy, but he grins stupidly at Eridan. "Talk to KK, yeah? He's got shit. He's got good shit."
His pretentious fucking smirk becomes a pretentious fucking laugh. "Nah, don't really want to be poisonin' my mind tonight." Within a minute (something like that) he inevitably fucks off looking for Karkat. If the band playing were any good, he never would have known because of the beautiful high he was experiencing. The wonderful thing about MDMA, Sollux had found, was that even though it made him happy, it didn't make him stupid like an excessive amount of grass did. It was a comfortable middle ground where everything was good and he wasn't a complete retard. Everything made sense and none of it mattered. He wondered sometimes if Gamzee was always in a constant state of rolling because that motherfucker seemed pretty much at peace.
Sometimes he thought if Feferi had ever taken E's, her existing bubbly personality may just escalate into something entirely fucking unworldly. He asks Eridan about twelve times that night if she was as high as they were, but he doesn't know. It's like she's on another plain of existence, and how somebody could always come off so cheerful when life around the entire world was doing nothing but sliding out of view was incredible. Sollux knows his life is going nowhere, and somewhere in the feeling of utter fucking euphoria is the nagging existential thoughts, although they don't depress him.
"Jesus Christ, why is everyone here, are there no other places to hang out in this fucking town?"
Karkat is snarling next to him (when did he get there?) and looking out over the crowd of dancing bodies to the band playing on stage. Sollux is in no good state of mind to judge their quality. He can spot Kanaya and Vriska dancing together, arms at each other's waists. Fucking happy couples.
"Didn't think I'd have to say this, but with this being the meeting ground of everyone in our shitty lives, but what will we do if we see Equius and Aradia? What will be our course of action if we see those two flaunting their happiness about, with Aradia beaming in your face about how such great friends you are while that brick shithouse has got his hands all over her?"
Sollux grins, finding Karkat's words amusing, though they should have upset him. "Take out the fucking trash, that's what," he gleefully exclaims.
Karkat sighs. "No, Captor. You don't do that. You can't do that. There is no possible way you can take out the trash. Not in that sense. No, you know what you do with trash? You go find trash at clubs like this, buy it a drink or two, take it home, and stick your dick in it. Then in the morning, while I'm trying to eat my breakfast, the trash comes stumbling out of your room, exchanging an awkward glance with me, and suddenly I lose my appetite. It's even worse when you come walk-of-shaming your arse back in. And that is the extent of which you deal with trash."
Sollux only laughs, not getting a word of what Karkat said. "I don't know why you're trying to relay paragraphs on me, mate."
"Nah, I don't know, either." His attention is grabbed suddenly as he sees a fight break out on the floor. Kanaya is there, attempting to force herself between Vriska and Eridan. Whatever pathetic attempts they had made at violence were stopped as soon as she stepped in.
"Yeah, can you just fuck off, right?" Eridan snaps over the loud music. "I don't know what you're tryin' to imply."
Sollux saunters after Karkat who hooks his arm around Eridan's, giving him a warning look. Vriska grins maliciously.
"I'm just saying people are going to find out one way or another."
"Yeah, and you're not supposed to know, so you can stop tryin' to tell everyone here. There's no fuckin' need to blackmail me for anythin'."
"Are you done?" Kanaya threatens, her voice low, barely loud enough over the music. She's dressed in a green glittering halter-top, black jeans and red pumps, elongating her already tall, thin frame. Her eyes are lined in a very intimidating fashion, something unusual for her, typically trying to make her eyes look bigger. She stands with her nearly flat chest puffed out, almost as tall as Eridan in her high-heeled shoes. Her dark eyes on her thin face glare at both of them, and she takes Vriska's hand, leading her away. Vriska is nearly the opposite, dressing in ripped skin-tight jeans, layered shirts under a worn leather jacket, and dyed black hair unkempt. Her lips are painted with a signature dark blue, and they flash a final grin at Eridan as she walks away.
"When do they not fight?" Karkat mumbles.
When he gets home, he's already starting to come down. Karkat half-drags him down the street, looking pissed off, but certainly pleased with himself. He immediately retreats to his bedroom when they get home and Sollux does the same, collapsing on his bed. He stares at the ceiling, clarity filling his head. After a few minutes, he flips over onto his stomach and opens his laptop. The row between Vriska and Eridan hasn't left him. He signs into pesterchum, seeing a few names illuminated amongst the other grayed-out names. He clicks Eridan's.
twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]
TA: yo what the hell wa2 that all about wiith VK.
CA: nothin
CA: seriously nothin dont wwaste your time
TA: no really.
TA: iim iintriigued.
CA: its none a your business
CA: none a vvris's business either but she fuckin sticks her nose in it
TA: okay fiine
CA: you were trippin balls i have never seen you so happy
TA: ii told you. KK ha2 good 2hiit.
CA: hows the come down
TA: not two bad. 2tiill feel iinexpliicably happy though.
CA: wwell as you can see i passed on that shit
CA: that shits chemical
CA: like im not talkin fuckin mother natures good green grass here
CA: that shits not good for you
TA: wow thank2 mum
TA: you know how fuckiing annoyiing you are riight?
TA: liike ii dont know why ii'm botheriing talkiing two you riight now other than the fact that ii'm 2tiill 2toned.
CA: you started it sol
TA: well 2hut up then.
TA: or ju2t dont 2top talkiing.
TA: ii dont know
CA: youre fucked up and its kinda adorable
TA: okay now 2hut up.
TA: and ii fuckiing needed iit.
TA: you know how AA is datiing equius
CA: no i did not knoww that and i can tell you that no part of me gives a shit either
TA: he2 a total piiece of 2hiit doe2 that iintere2t you?
CA: how so
TA: liike thiis guy iis every braiinle22 jock youve ever known
CA: really? i thought he built like robots and stuff
TA: okay maybe he2 not that braiinle22
CA: and so what is the point a all this you're tryin to make?
TA: he ju2t 2uck2.
TA: that2 ba2iically iit.
CA: he sucks because he's datin your ex girl, thats wwhat im gettin here
TA: yeah maybe
CA: gonna sound like a broken record or karkat by sayin youvve gotta get ovver her sol
TA: ii am.
CA: clearly not
CA: like holy shit has anyone evver taken you seriously when you say that?
TA: can we not talk about thii2.
CA: no i think you need to say it
TA: okay.
TA: ii'm not jealous of hiim. really. it2 ju2t that it2 a biit iinsultiing that iit2 HIIM out of all people.
TA: 2he could have hooked up wiith KK for all ii care.
TA: and plu2 2he hang2 around me all the tiime liike we're best fuckiing friiends two.
CA: aha
CA: there's somethin.
TA: what?
CA: obviously you dont actually like her and cant stand when shes around you
TA: well ii wouldnt say iit liike that
CA: admit it sol
TA: ...
CA: you fuckin hate wwhen shes around
CA: like shes there remindin you of all the good times and rubbin it in your face that shes happy and youre not
TA: okay 2top.
TA: youre ju2t beiing retarded now.
CA: but im right
CA: and youre not wwrong for not wwanting to hang round her
TA: thii2 ii2 2tupiid. ii feel liike iim talkiing two kk.
TA: but wiithout the abu2e.
CA: yeah see how fuckin nice that is for a change?
CA: how do you livve wwith that?
TA: hehehehe iive known hiim siince unii 2tarted.
TA: ii got u2ed two iit.
TA: iive known aa siince then two.
CA: ...
TA: we met liike the fiir2t day and hung out twogether and 2hiit.
TA: 2he a2ked me out after a whiile.
TA: and we moved out of tho2e fuckiing 2tupiid dorm2 and liived twogether.
CA: clearly youre still fucked up because i can tell youre about to get sentimental here
CA: but go on
TA: we ju2t 2ort of driifted apart.
TA: for a whiile ii wanted to marry her but obviiou2ly that wouldnt happen.
TA: and ii gue22 ii really dont liike her hangiing around.
TA: fuckiing annoyiing how 2he2 tryiing two be friiend2 and 2hiit.
TA: yeah iim fucked why am ii telliing you all thii2.
CA: dont wworry i wont say anythin
CA: god knows i hate other people blabbin my business
TA: ii thiink you owe me here. siince ii ju2t spiilled my pathetiic heart out to you.
CA: yeah its a bit more serious than that sol
CA: are we sharin our secrets like schoolgirls noww is that it?
TA: fuck ye2.
CA: fine
CA: not like its cheery or anythin
CA: wwhat vvris wwas threatenin me wwas that shed go tellin evveryone wwhy i was all sick when i first got here.
TA: how could ii forget.
CA: i wasnt exactly keen on everyone like kar or gamzee or aradia knownin
CA: or her because i mean shes a proper bitch
CA: i wwasnt exactly livving at home before wwe moved here
TA: well iid thiink not how old were you
CA: i meant not really livving in A home period
TA: ...
CA: wwhen ii was
CA: nineteen i think
CA: i left home because i was horribly horribly depressed and wwanted to fuckin die
CA: and my parents believved i wwas perfectly fine and didnt treatment or anythin
CA: so i sort of just livved in the city sometimes crashin with mates who more or less kept me alive
CA: then there wwas the time i actually tried to do it and ended up in hospital
CA: so fef dropped school to come get me
CA: after that she moved us awway like i mean she wwas really the only one wwho cared so much about me
TA: 2hiit ED.
CA: shit indeed
TA: well iif ii had known iit was THAT bad ii wouldnt have a2ked.
CA: i wwouldnt have told you if i didnt trust you wwith it
CA: i dont think about it much
CA: it doesnt upset me or anythin
CA: but if you knoww how people judge you once they knoww about somethin like that holy shit
TA: ...
TA: well ii kiinda do.
CA: then theres nothin to say
CA: and iim actually exhausted so
CA: happy come down
TA: yeah.
caligulasAqaurium [CA] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]
Silence fills the room as if he was hearing Eridan's voice in his head the entire time. Sollux only stares at the chat log, skimming over the words again and again. He feels himself fighting to become completely sober, though he figures he needs just a little bit more time to push past the fuzziness into clear thought. He hopes it isn't true, or that it was a lie, or that for some reason he had been hallucinating or at least misreading the words on the screen. He rubs his eyes and shuts the laptop, curling up on his side, not bothering to undress or get under the covers. There's no way he can sleep now and he wonders if he should have asked Eridan to stay awake just a bit longer if only to ask him if what he said was really true. He can't picture it – a teenaged Eridan Ampora looking worn from the dragging effects of depression Sollux knew so well. But being homeless is what he can't wrap his head around. Eridan always looks well-put together, Sollux thinks, feeling his face heat up marginally. And even when he looked like death, he at least wore a collared shirt and trousers without holes. Hell, he dressed fucking fancy compared to himself.
He doesn't know what it is when he feels the uncomfortable tightness in his chest and the pulling in his stomach. He flips over, feeling the anxiety creep over him like he has to do something right now. What that is, he doesn't know, but he feels tonight is one of those nights. Those nights where he surfs mindlessly online or paces around or even lies in bed staring at the walls until he passes out. He used to make Aradia suffer with him during this, when he would get up in the night and get back in bed over and over thinking he would be able to sleep. She would wake up and half-consciously whack him in the chest out of irritation unless she woke up completely and simply glared at him. He never missed that about her, and he was sure she didn't miss it either. But what about Eridan? Eridan...
Yes. Tonight is one of those nights.