Disclaimer: I don't own Jacob, Bella, or Edward. I do own the licensing office lady, though.

Recap: Bella has been struggling with her decisions concerning Jacob and Edward, and plans for the wedding are underway.

Chapter Four: My Drug and Sunlight

I sighed as I fiddled with my car keys. The bland interior of the vehicle licensing office gave little distraction from my current state of mind.

I'd told Edward not to come with me when I got my license plates renewed in Port Angeles. I'd said that I'd be fine by myself.

"Are you sure?" his concerned voice had asked.

He'd been right to question me, but I'd nodded and he'd agreed to let me go alone.

Over the past week, Jake kept popping into my head at the least notice. I couldn't deal with that. I needed some time to myself, to straighten things out with my overactive conscience.

He was hurt, that I knew. It was my fault, of course. I was so selfish! Becoming friends with him, leading him on, loving him… it was all a part of it.

I never meant to do it. Even when Edward had left me, even when I'd considered letting myself fall for Jacob, I never meant for it to get this far.

I loved him, as he'd managed to convince me. But how could I love both Edward and Jacob? Edward was my one true love, but Jacob… was my one true friend? But more than that… I couldn't describe it.

I remembered Jacobs words from barely over a week ago, though it seemed like much longer: "He's like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."

Was he right? Was Edward just that—a drug? I faintly remembered when Edward had used a similar comparison over a year ago. He'd called me his brand of heroin…

It shook me to the core. Perhaps Jacob was right. Maybe Edward was a drug. But not a bad kind—a good kind, if one existed. The kind that helps people survive.

But, I reminded myself, People need air to survive too.

I buried my face in my palms. It was all too confusing—two different loves, drugs and sunlight, my vampire and my werewolf. Both wonderful.

But I couldn't have both.

Suddenly I cursed the ingrained hatred between vampires and werewolves and my horrible conscience in one thought. They were the two things that kept me from both Edward and Jacob, not together as a unit but rather my separate tethers to sanity. They hated each other, that much was obvious however much they tried to tolerate the other for my sake.

And if I had no conscience, I'd feel no guilt of not loving Jake like he deserved to be loved. No guilt of saying to Edward that I needed air and sun as well as him.

In all of the different classic romances I'd read, there was only one hero. Elizabeth Bennet loved Whickham, but he ended up as a scoundrel and she married Mr. Darcy instead. The same with Marianne Dashwood. Juliet had Paris, but dumped him and married Romeo….

Why was I the only girl in history to love two men?

I squeezed the keys in my hand until they were on fire with pain. It was all too much.

"Miss?" I heard the lady behind the counter ask. "We're ready for you now."

A/N: Short, yes, but there was originally an extra scene in this chapter that I decided needed to stand alone. It'll be very emotional.

All references to Edward being her drug and Jacob being air or sunlight is taken from page 599 of Eclipse (which I quoted). The title of the story is now "My Overactive Conscience," which was inspired by this chapter. I really feel like Bella's conscience is a main reason of her internal struggle between Edward and Jacob, a main theme in the story.

And no, I am not a JacobxBella supporter. I just think that it's okay for Bella to love both of them in different ways.

Constructive criticism, please! All writers love it!

I'll shut up now with the author's note... sorry!