CHAPTER 4
Katniss' POV
Confusion mixed with delight is clearly shown on his face as I step into the spacious room. It's lined with computers and alot of other technical gadgets I don't recgonize. "Hey Catnip," came his usual greeting. Inevitably, a smile spreads across my face. After all that happened - the Games, the uprisings - this part of Gale and me hasn't changed. This is one of my favorite things about Gale. Nothing can unhinge him. But my moment of happiness is overtaken by my realisation of how hurt Peeta would be.
I wonder if he would fight for me or would he tell me to go on, be happy, marry Gale? I hope for the latter. I can't stand for him to be hurt. I find myself wishing he meets another girl who can make him happier than I make him, but a pang of jealously hits me and I scold myself in my head for being so selfish.
"You're just going to stand there or are you going to take a seat?" Gale nods toward a swivel chair and I take a seat. "I see you've made your decision."
"Yeah, I can't believe I've chosen someone who can't even pronounce my name right after five years instead of some sweet innocent boy who would die for me."
"Ha, then what made you me, Katniss? I am such a good kisser?" he asks in a teasing tone but I find some truth behind it.
"I love you, Gale," I tell him.
"I know," he whispers as he rises from his seat, pulling me up from my chair till my chest is against his. My lips search for his. Seconds, minutes, possibly hours pass before the buzzing of a telephone on Gale's desk pulls us apart. The kiss felt like heaven. I felt like I was floating. In wonderland. It was the first kiss with any boy that I had without feeling guilty. It was so good, I was angry at whoever called. But as Gale puts the phone down, I see that his lips are white and quivering. My first instinct told me something bad has happened.
"Gale," I whisper. "Who was that?"
"Let's go!" Gale grabs his coat, grabs me by my arm and we're out the door. My heart starts to pound. Beads of sweat forms on my forehead, palms - everywhere imaginable. Who's in trouble? My mother? Haymich? Suddenly, it feels like my air supply had been cut off and I'm gasping for air as Gale leads me through a glass door. I have no bearings until I hear the roar of the wheels of the plane pushing off, sending us hundreds of feet into the air. Sending us back to District 12.
It's Peeta.
"Gale..." I barely whispered.
"Yes," he confirms my suspicions. A strangled cry flies out my mouth before I can stop myself. I bury my face in my hands and tears flow uncontrollaby. Gale attempts to calm me. Tells me what happened. Apparently Peeta was depressed after I left and tried to take it upon himself. Blame himself for everything. He was simply so agitated he tried to kill himself but Haymitch rushed there after he found I left and kept any forms of weapons from Peeta. Having nothing to kill himself with, he rammed his skull into a glass cabinet.
Peeta. Dead. Because of me. Because I chose Gale. Because I was selfish. I wanted myself to be happy.
"Katniss. Katniss!" Gale pulls my hands away from me. Then only, I realize my palms are bleeding. I release the pressure of my fingernails. No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. No!
"Are we supposed to be back for the funeral or something?" I ask.
"Katniss," he says, shaking me. "he's alive."
Relief floods through me. He's alive. But no doubt he's hurt. Mentally and physically. Because of me. How silly of me to think that I would no longer be hurting people once the war was over; once the Capitol fell. I'm wrong. How stupid of me. I'm a killer. An animal. A mutt.
"I should be dead," I mutter into my hands. Gale pulls me up and leans my head against his chest. I don't resist. "I'm hurting everyone."
"You are, but that's just how it is. Every decision made will hurt people. But it's the end that matters."
I remain silent. If I die, everything will be solved. Peeta won't be grieving over the fact that I chose Gale over him and Gale would probably find another girl. Perfect. A world without Kantniss Everdeen would be perfect.