Chapter 3
"Andy! Andy, please talk to my baby. Hey, I'm sorry if I...embarrassed you or something...but—please baby, just talk to me...please..", Alex patiently knocked on Andy's door when she heard sobbing. Alex momentarily kicked herself for being such a jerk and slid down on the floor. "Please, Andy?"
"No! Go away Alex!", Alex sensed a pillow thrown to the door so she picked herself up from the floor. She sighed at the familiarity of the situation and tried to knock again.
A pillow. Seriously? To be thrown at two pillows was too much for the night.
"Andy, c'mon! We need to talk about this...Now!", Alex ordered.
"No Alex! Listen!", a pause. "Right, you don't anything and I'm not talking to you about this! Because apparently, you don't know me, 'cos you ain't got time!", and that's her cue to leave.
Alex entered the bedroom paler than her usual porcelain skin. She walked to the bed dragging her feet with her when Piper looked at her from her phone. Alex slowly sat down on the bed almost falling from the side. Though worried why Alex's mood suddenly changed from a confident fuck to a mule that almost got busted in the airport, Piper still refused to speak to her wife, even she said earlier that they needed to talk. Piper's mad. Very mad, so she just watched Alex slowly stepped in their bed and tugged under the covers then she returned to scroll down her phone.
"She fucked around...", Alex finally spoke. "Your daughter...she fucked around..."
Piper looked at Alex who was still staring at nowhere.
"Yeah...I know. She's a mess back there, and judging by it, she was too devastated to see that punk—who's obviously not her favourite person, sitting on the couch in her own damn house. Seriously Alex, would it hurt to do a background check first before you decide to throw in people in this house? Alex! You're a detective now for fuck's sake! Hadn't the academy thought you to interrogate first before anything else? Where did you meet this kid anyway? She's not somehow related with any of your connections...was she?", the last sentence that Piper said made Alex turned to face her. Her face seemed to lose all its blood and was thankful that Piper was still busying herself with her phone and not looking at her, or she would see how freaked out she was right now.
"Y-Your daughter fucked around and that's all you have to say?", Alex struggled a little to say that.
"And it's your fault...You brought that intruder..."
"It's not tha—why is it my fault? It's not like I encouraged her to charm high school boys and fucked in the bathroom on the second floor of her school a few rooms away from Max's Literature Class...Hey, what are doing with your phone anyway?"
After realizing what Alex just said, Piper slammed her phone on the bedside and hastily got off their bed when Alex beat her to the door.
"No Pipes...She's still upset and...Embarrassed...which was obviously my fault. So, let's just deal with this tomorrow?", Alex remembered Andy's word. It was a kicked in the ass. After all, Andy's right. Because of her job, she hardly had time to bond with her daughter. Piper looked at Alex. She was shaking. Piper got a little worried.
What? Since when did she avoid an opportunity to fuck someone over? Piper thought.
"You know exactly that it's you, who asked her!", Piper stepped closer to Alex.
"I know...and I was just kidding...I was confident in her that she wouldn't do any of that thing...but now, that I had known about it...I mean, we've done this thing too right? We've been teenagers too...and the hormones, curiosity...It's just...over powering and we too gave in...But she's...she's just 17, Pipes...my baby's...she's just 17! It's just hurts...its hurts so much...am I a failure? Haven't we given her enough attention for her to seek for that...Pipes! I'm a failure! I fail our baby...I failed her...", Piper held Alex let her emotions filled her. Alex, she's worried and now she's self pitying. Blaming herself. Piper couldn't take to look at Alex looking like this, even though she's mad at her, still she buried her face in the wife's neck tightening her hold on Alex. "I didn't even know she got this issues...I don't know her anymore! And it sucks 'cos I think I know more of a criminal than my own daughter!"
"Alex, baby...that's not true...you're a great mother. Even greater than your mom and that's saying a lot...please don't say that...she's just...Andy's just...exploring...we gave her everything...she's our baby...but we should be aware that even we gave our everything, there's always be something that we do not have that she wants...and we haven't heard the whole story...well, she might be forced for all we know!", Alex's eyes widen at what Piper said. Piper broke free from Alex's arms and looked at her in the face. "You're the best parent she could ever ask for...remember that babe..."
Alex doubted Piper's words for a second but let it go when Piper kissed her. It was sweet. A reassuring kissed that crashed all her doubt away.
"Aren't you at least worried?", Alex asked sceptical.
"Wha—Of course I'm worried! I'm mortified really! I want to kill that jerk who fucked our daughter! But...this...This is just so overwhelming! You bringing that intruder, not even telling me a single fucking detail about her then I'm having the most ridiculous assumptions ever, and apparently, my daughter knew the girl more than I should...then...Andy...Andy fucking around...Alex...It's just...just so overwhelming that it clouded my judgment for awhile...You know what I mean?", Alex looked at her confused wife who's fighting the urged to break down or probably raged. There's so much she wanted to tell her. So much she wanted to explain to Piper but seeing her like this? Now is surely not the right time.
"I know baby. Trust me, I know. But please...trust me too about this shit...I promise, this is for everyone's good. I fucked up...but believe me...I never would have wanted that to happen...Maybe, for awhile...but I never would have thought that it will come to this...", what Alex said made Piper looked at her. Alex avoided her eyes and leaned back on the door. She looked lost and hurt.
"Baby...please...just tell me...I'm not sure I could handle it well knowing you've been hiding something from me...it's too much, babe..."
Alex debated with her thoughts for awhile opening her mouth to speak but closed it instantly. Piper sighed and stepped back a little knowing Alex won't spill anything at the moment.
"Not now...", then came silence.
No one dared to move from their spot while they just both stare at nowhere. Piper knew better than to push Alex for more. It would always come out wrong. Alex would open up if she felt like it's the right moment though Piper knew it would take a while, she needed to be patient. She should be patient. Piper sighed and reached for Alex's arm to make her look at her. Alex did.
Looking at those green orbs, Piper swallowed all her issues and let go of her anger for awhile. She couldn't stay mad at this woman for too long. Well, it's kinda like their thing. They threw grudges at each other, fucked over each other, but still they would make up and this time not because of sex. Piper smiled at that.
God! We're getting old.
"So, tell me. Who told you about Andy?", Piper asked.
"Max..."
"Of course...", Piper shoved Alex out of the doorway a little and opened the door.
"Piper!", Alex tried to stopped her wife.
"Relax. We just need a little chat...It won't take long...", Alex looked at Piper's eyes and saw that her wife's just needed some answers concerning their daughter so she stepped out her way and let Piper out of their room. Little did she know that it was something more.
"So, where's her bunk?"
"The ghetto. She's better off with the black people..."
"Racism? Really Alex?"
Piper laughed a little as Alex finally smiled.
Alex saw Piper turned the corner to the far most side of their apartment. She went to go back to bed when Piper's phone beeped with a text message. Curious of whom it was and why her wife was so engrossed in the device awhile ago, Alex peeped on the screen. Her eyes widened immediately.
Nicky: What the fuck do you want Chapman?
"So, it's Diane...Seriously Nichols?", Alex waved off the beer that was being offered to her when she followed Nicky to the kitchen of her huge apartment. Nicky raised her eyebrows staring at her.
"Right. If we're gonna talk about this, you'd probably gonna need this.", Nicky shoved the bottle in front of Alex. Alex abruptly took it and drank the contents in a beat. Nicky was amused and sat on the kitchen counter drinking her own beer. "Ok, but you'll probably gonna regret that..."
Alex slammed the empty bottle on the counter and looked at Nicky, square to her face. "Now! Hurry up! 'Cos I've got an arrest in—" Burp.
Nicky snickered and drank her beer. "What did I tell ya?"
"Shut up!"
"Ok...I will", Nicky pursed her lips.
"God! Nicky! Just say it!", Alex impatiently grabbed the beer Nicky was holding and glared at her.
"Well first off...Give me back my beer...", Nicky said all serious as Alex handed out the bottle. "Thanks...and calm down 'cos your aggressiveness might be attractive for your wife but not for me..."
Alex sighed and took the leather chair near the counter and settled down.
"Good...", Nicky smiled. "Look, you know you asked me to get you a bitch, right?"
"A surrogate...Nicky...A surrogate."
"And that too...", Alex rolled her eyes. "See, I couldn't think of anyone rather than that Sapphic blonde chick with perky little titties that you fucked over right after the straight uptight blonde college chick left you...I mean your standards went over from what? Huge fucking milk jobs to cute little mouthfuls in just a snap?"
"That is not what I wanted to hear Nichols!", Alex pointed a dangerous finger at her as Nicky chuckled.
"What'd you want me to say?"
"Why of all you'd decided to pick my ex!"
"To mess with you?", Nicky smirked.
"What!", Alex abruptly stood from the chair. "You did all of this just so you can fucking mess with me? What am I? A fucking tv drama of some shit?"
"Easy, tiger…", Nicky smirked and got off the counter. "Well, it's entertaining really…",
"Fuck you Nichols!", Alex pushed Nicky hard to the counter. "This isn't funny! And you know what…", Alex gritted. "I thought you are a friend…but you know what…I should've known better than to trust a fucked up junky like you!"
"What the fuck! Yeah you shouldn't have…", Nicky snapped at Alex. "Like I shouldn't have trusted you! Alex! You're destroying the cartel! My business! If only I had known that you would give up the job and choose to be a fucking detective in the fucking drug unit then I shouldn't have given you the opportunity in the first place! But that would be fucking ironic 'cos you wouldn't have met the love of your life if it wasn't because of this job!"
"That's not true! I don't need that job to get her!"
"Oh really? What was your introduction in that fucking bar?"
"That I'm Alex?"
"Fuck! You told her that you work for an international drug cartel!"
"So?"
"Fuck. You're the worst...", Nicky sighed. "Tell me, how'd you suppose to get a boring little girl from Connecticut that wanted to be special and bad to sleep with?"
"What are you pointing at?! Nicky! You know I could get her if I please. This is not a fucking game! Seriously, don't ruin my life just because Lorna left you when she found out that you owned a fucking cartel!"
"Then, what do you want me to do!"
"Abort it!"
"Fuck no Vause!", Nicky smashed the bottle on the counter. "I don't have the heart to do that!"
"And you have the heart to destroy multiple lives just to have the life you selfishly want?", Alex yelled and Nicky stared at her. "Nicky, Piper's pregnant and I couldn't say shit, so please...just abort it. I had so much in my fucking life."
"No, Vause...please, don't say that shit...", Nicky bit her bottom lip. Alex didn't know what the hell was wrong with Nicky and why she's being like this but sure she knew nothing would make her change her mind.
"Then, I'll do it. I'll make Dianne abort that..."
"Jesus! Vause! Don't you get it? I don't want to abort the kid!"
"Then why?"
"Fuck! Because I want it!", Alex was taken back.
"What? You want my baby?"
"No! I mean...yes.", Nicky mumbled. Alex unbelievably looked at her.
"Jesus! Do you even know what you're saying right now!", Alex held Nicky on both arms and shook her with force. Of all people, it's her who knew how messed up Nicky would be when Lorna left her, but she didn't except Nicky to direct her anger to her. Why would she do that? Why would she want to want to ruin her too?
"Vause...", Nicky looked at her straight to the eyes. "We got fucked over, and do fucked up choices. Sure, I was mad at you for giving up the cartel. I was mad at you when you tried to ruin your life for a girl who fucked you over! I was mad at you for messing with my deals and locking up my mules! Mostly, I was fucking mad at you for leaving me behind, never contacting me until now that you needed my fucking help! Again! Vause! I fucking give you a life! I fucking cared for you when Chapman left you and this is how you'll repay me? And then Lorna left. My first instinct was to call you. To fucking call you because I thought we still had each other's back after all, but you changed your goddamn number! I couldn't reach you, I couldn't talk to anyone else, I didn't know what I will fucking do!"
"So this is revenge! Seriously Nicky, I'm really really sorry. I never should've done that, I mean I never should've abandoned you, but this? Nick please..."
"No! God! Why are you so goddamn stupid!", Nicky pushed Alex. "Yes! Alex! I'm mad at you! I got blinded by revenge! I did this to get back at you, but it never occurred to me that I was destroying an innocent being's life even before it will learn how to breathe! Alex, it's your seed for god's sake! Your fucking kid!", Nicky knocked out sense from Alex. She grabbed her collar and pulled her to her eye level to burn her eyes with guilt.
Alex was stricken unable to even swallow the lump that's forming in her throat. Nicky was right. It's her kid. Her fucking kid!
Why would I ever think of aborting my own kid? Killing...it.
Alex's knees suddenly became weak after the realization. Now it came to her how fucking selfish she'd been, only thinking of how she could get herself out of bad situations not even thinking how it would affect others. Alex bit her lip and looked at the floor. She couldn't bring herself to look at Nicky. Yes, she fucked her over but what she said just now, made Alex felt like a dick.
"Now tell me Alex, do you even know what you're asking me to do?", Nicky said in all seriousness.
"Nicky...I'm sorry."
"Tell that to your kid when he told you he get boo boo's or when he laugh at your stupid jokes or even when he's scared of the monsters under his bed. Because you almost didn't let him feel or experience those shit...", Alex smiled. "And you know...I'm sorry too..."
"Yeah, We're assholes..."
"But seriously Vause, don't rush it. I mean, if you're not yet ready to tell Chapman about this, then take your time 'cos I swear, I got your back this time. I will take care of that kid like how I take care of you, but no drugs. I promise...", Nicky raised her right hand and swear. Alex rolled her eyes. She grabbed the leather chair to sit on when she remembered Piper.
"Yes...Piper.", Alex sighed. "Nicky, she'll get mad at me! And she'll get mad at me more when she finds out that my ex was the surrogate. You know how her mind works! She might leave me!"
"Where the fuck did that came from? Alex! Why would she leave you just like that? I mean, it's not like you and Diane were shagging behind her back! You just impregnated her! No strings attached."
"I don't know Nicky. I'm just scared, I guess. After all, I really did something shitty behind her back."
"Well, blame your romantic self. You should've asked her first before you did this..."
"I know! I'm so fucking stupid!", Alex raised her hand to her face.
"But I mean it Vause, I got you now. I got your kid. Well, it's my fault you're in this mess, am I not?"
Alex glared at the glowing device. She sighed and grabbed it from the bed side table. She read the text message again.
Nicky: What the fuck do you want Chapman?
Since when did Piper start contacting Nicky? And where did she get her number? Alex was pretty sure they hadn't met each other since Piper left her in Paris. But why this text message?
Then the same feeling that she felt 17 years ago came back to her. Terrified. Alex was terrified that soon Piper would find out about her secret and she'd hate her because she had left her in the dark for that long.
"Fuck Nichols. Hadn't I paid my debts yet?", Alex tightened her hold of Piper's phone. "I should've told her back then...",
Deleted.