Shit.
Dorothy Ann didn't curse very often, but that was the most appropriate word to cross her mind at the moment. Thankfully Carlos had soccer practice right after last period, so she had time to consider what she may have just done.
Did she really invite Carlos over on Saturday night? And casually mention that they'd be on all on their own? And did he really look excited? Or was her imagination, hoping that he looked excited?
Was it really going to happen? Crap, she thought, feeling her heart race. This was what she wanted. Wanda and Keesha would practically jump for joy at the news, ready to ply more outfits and make-up and condoms on her. She'd be extremely prepared; she still had two days to plan after all.
Then why was she on the verge of a panic attack? She stepped outside of school, her head spinning with the reality. She'd made a move and it had worked. A very simple move and she was so close to a dream and she kinda felt like she wanted to throw up.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Phoebe and Arnold, sitting on a bench and casually chatting. Phoebe! She needed advice from a difference source, so she headed directly towards them.
Arnold greeted her first, but she cut him off before he could even finish saying her name.
"Phoebe, I need to talk to you."
Phoebe looked confused at her urgency. "Um, sure."
She looked at Arnold. "Alone." She gave Arnold an apologetic smile.
He held up a hand and stood up. "I can get the hint. You just better not be fighting again with Carlos because he's my partner for my history project due next week and if you are, we're never getting anything done."
"I'm not," she promised, holding herself from practically shoving Arnold away. Thankfully, he gave Phoebe a quick kiss good bye and left them alone. She plopped down on the bench next to her friend and lowered her backpack to the ground with a gentle thud.
"What's up, Dorothy Ann?"
Dorothy Ann didn't answer right away. She watched Arnold walk away, waiting until he was well out of earshot. She cut right to the chase.
"How is it?"
"How is what?" Phoebe asked.
"It," Dorothy Anne repeated. Phoebe still looked confused. Realizing she needed to elaborate, she paused for a brief moment, trying to choose her words better this time. She came to the conclusion blunt was still best. After all, it was just sex, right? "The first time you and Arnold had sex. Wanda makes it sound so…"
"Oh that." Phoebe said, finally understanding her frank line of questioning. "Wanda makes it sound amazing, right? Well, Wanda's mistaken."
"Mistaken?"
"Definitely." Phoebe glanced in either direction. Apparently satisfied that there was no one within earshot, she started gently swinging her feet back and forth. "It was…awkward, I guess. And it kinda hurt."
"Kinda? What do you mean kinda?"
Phoebe was quiet for a minute before answering. "Kinda as in, yes, it did hurt. I guess it's supposed to, at least a little, I'd heard, but it hurt more than a little. It's why I didn't tell anyone. It seemed stupid to talk about an experience that wasn't really fun. Neither one of us had a clue what we were doing. Arnold had bought a book, but it didn't make it any less…" her brow furrowed as she searched for the proper word, "…intimidating."
Huh. Dorothy Ann took a minute to contemplate Phoebe's words. That certainly wasn't in romance novels. Or in her biology textbooks. Oh sure, she knew the mechanics or sex and what a hymen was, for example, but she'd never really stopped to think about how such thing could detract from the experience instead of enhance it.
The first time was always amazing in fiction. In science, it was hard to tell, as simple facts don't convey emotions.
Perhaps the answers she wanted she wasn't going find in any book.
Phoebe suddenly stopped swinging her feet. "But it isn't really all bad, DA. I mean, the next time was much better. Fun."
"Next time?" Dorothy Ann was confused. "I thought you said you and Arnold only did it once."
Phoebe grinned sheepishly. "Well, we had only done it once then."
Dorothy Ann raised an eyebrow. "Phoebe!"
Phoebe shook her head slightly. "I'm not revealing any details, yet. But I think it's going to be like me and the clarinet. You only get better with practice."
"Lots of practice?" Dorothy asked with a smirk.
Phoebe shrugged. "Maybe once a week practice. You know, like…"
"…the clarinet," Dorothy Ann finished. "I wish you'd been there when Wanda convinced me to invite Carlos over on Saturday night. I might have reconsidered."
Phoebe frowned slightly. "Why? You always have Carlos over on Saturday night."
"Not when my parents are going to be in a different state," she admitted. "I think he finally got the hint and I'm freaking out a little."
"Or maybe you just invited him over Saturday night."
Dorothy Ann shook her head. "He practically fell over when I mentioned my parents were going away this weekend and taking Evan with them."
"Oh." Phoebe's brow furrowed again. "Wait, don't you want to do it with Carlos?"
"Yes! Well, I mean…now that he seems to be on the same page, it's well…"
"Scary?"
"Yeah."
"Of course it is." Phoebe brushed a piece of lint off her "Save the Earth" T-shirt. "Arnold froze at first, you know. You'd have thought we were about to go on one of Ms. Frizzle's field trips from the rambling and precautions he mentioned beforehand. Me, I felt like I'd just switched schools all over again. It was definitely an experience. But it was new for both of us. I mean, Carlos hasn't, well…"
"No!" Dorothy Ann immediately answered, surprised at how quickly the word came out of her mouth. Then she realized that she actually didn't know for sure the answer. She and Carlos had gotten together towards the end of sophomore year, and he'd been such a gentleman (out of character for him, she'd often reflected, of course) when it came to physical affection, that she'd assumed he was also a virgin.
But Wanda had lost her virginity to the captain of the soccer team when she was fifteen. Carlos was on that same soccer team and Florrie spent that entire year flirting shamelessly with him…
She shook her head. No. No way.
"I mean, I'm pretty sure," she admitted, amending her previous statement.
"Then don't worry so much," Phoebe told her, putting a hand on Dorothy Ann's shoulder. "And I bet even Wanda's first time with captain of the soccer team wasn't as awesome as she made it sound. Plus she was missing the most important thing."
"Which is?"
"Love," Phoebe said, as if it were the most obviously thing in the world. "If you love each other, the rest of details aren't as important, I think. I bet that's in your books? Well, those steamy romance stories, anyway. Aren't they always in love?"
Dorothy Ann nodded. "True. They are."
"Then go for it. Without Wanda's wardrobe, though."
Dorothy Ann laughed. "How did you know about that?"
"Who doesn't know about Wanda's 'I-need-to-get-some' outfits? You guys are the same size, but since she's two inches shorter, her already short skirt would be giving Carlos very easy access, I'd think."
"Phoebe." She was starting to blush and she knew it. Phoebe was definitely the most shy of the group, but it was circumstances like this that showcased that she'd left most of her naïve nature back in grade school.
"Well, it's true. And nothing needs to be that easy. Even Wanda. But she'll figure that out on her own." She glanced at her watch. "I have to go. I have a clarinet lesson at four." She stood up and reached for her bag.
"Clarinet lesson?" Dorothy Ann repeated, raising an eyebrow.
Phoebe laughed. "A real one this time. Look, trust me. If I can survive the awkwardness, so can you. Oh, and Keesha gave you condoms, right?"
"Um, yeah. Lots of them. How did you know?"
"Because Ralphie's the one that gave them to me. I figured Keesha had the same access."
"Wow, I'm out of the condom loop, apparently," Dorothy Ann muttered. Then a thought just occurred to her. "Wait, if Ralphie gave you condoms, than how come Keesha didn't know you and Arnold did it?"
Phoebe shrugged. "Since my dad starting dating his mom a few months ago, we talked more and Ralphie kinda started looking out for me. I thought it might lead to him beating up Arnold, but instead he gave me condoms. I don't understand it, but it was a nice gesture, so I just appreciated it." She paused a moment, looking thoughtful. "Or you know, it really could be because I found out he still sleeps with a stuffed green dinosaur." She held up a finger to her lips. "But I didn't say that last part, right?"
"Right," Dorothy Ann agreed with a slight grin. "Thanks, by the way."
"No problem. What are friends for?" With that, Phoebe turned to walk away.
Dorothy Ann watched her for a minute, then took a deep breath. She could and would do this - her way.