Risky Business

"But it is poor me, why me, o me
Boring the same old worn out blah blah story
There is no good explanation for it at all"

-3-

September 6, 2014

Twenty-three.

From the second that my eyes opened, I felt slightly grumpy, because I knew that I was older.

My ankles ached, as did my knees. Not only that, but my stomach was growling, my elbow was throbbing, and my eyes were encrusted with sleep.

I was pretty positive that, if I made my way to the bathroom, I would see a really thick, old-lady mustache and a zit between my eyes.

Before I dared crawl out of bed, though, I flopped my hand in the direction of my nightstand, grabbing my cell phone.

I didn't bother reading his first eight texts, I just skipped to the last two, knowing that he would know what I needed him to say.

He's my best friend, he's supposed to know what I need. It's his duty in life, and I appreciate him for it.

Does that make sense?

Probably not.

Like I care what you think anyway.

- Text: From CDC (9:09 am) -

Do not fret. Ur not old. Ur 23, not 93. Birthday girl!

- Text: From CDC (10:10 am) -

Happy birthday youngin! Let's go thugin'…and pimp on rugin's? I can't rap. And does pimp mean… 'get it on'? Ew.

His texts managed to yank a smile out of me, but then, after I put my phone back on the charger, I frowned. Today was the day.

'Chadson' was coming out. We were going public, at my birthday party. We'd walk in, hand in hand.

Over the process of our planning period (Chad and I had Starbucks every morning, and dinner three times a week), we decided that it would be best to 'come out' at my birthday party. After all, there would be lots of celebrities there, and with them comes lots of press.

The best part, however, is that both of our families are going to be there. We'll get to see their jaws hit the floor and everything; and then Chad and I will feed them our long, rehearsed story on how we fell in love.

(How did we fall in love, you ask? Whilst Chad was walking me home from Starbucks one bright day, a little boy came up to me, with a water gun, demanding my coffee. Chad, the brave soul that he is, offered the kid his coffee, so I could keep mine. Chad saving my coffee equals him saving my life. After the boy dashed away, Chad and I looked into each other's eyes and knew…)

As dumb as it seems, everyone will believe it.

I mean, when I was little, I used to have this dream that I fell into a lake, and my cousin jumped in and saved me. After that, I fell in love with him (because he saved my life). And, because it was incest and all…

Oh, what the hell. It's just a dream.

Any-who, as giddy and as stoked as I had been about the plan, and how it would go down, all I felt on the morning of my birthday was nervousness, and this sick, twisty feeling in my stomach.

It wasn't twenty-three-year-old blues, either. It was about the plan.

Not the fact that I would have to go on a Victoria's Secret spree to make myself feel better.

Deep down, I knew that something was going to go wrong. The only thing was, I didn't know what was going to go wrong, so I had absolutely no way of not letting whatever it was happen.

By the time that five o'clock rolled around, and I walked into my birthday party, I was completely and utterly nauseous. Having already downed three antic-acids, I thought that I should be ready to go. I was wrong, but knew that I had to go to the party anyway, and go through with Plan Chadson.

My birthday party was being held at 'The Basement'. After So Random ended, Tawni, Nico, and Grady decided to chip in and buy our old prop house/lot. It's a long story, but The Basement is inspired by some stupid incident that we had…but they turned a little part of the lot into it.

And what a good job they did with it, too. There were disco balls everywhere, a hardwood paneled floor, and all of the walls had some type of water fountain attached to it, with cool, colored lights accenting the flowing water.

Chad had dreams of one day buying The Basement, and making all of the fountains beer fountains, and putting a swimming pool (filled with beer), in the middle of the club. But that's Chad for you. The more beer for him, the more good looking ladies (sans clothing) there'll be, the happier he'll be.

Just…yeah.

Besides the normal setting, there were balloons everywhere and a gigantic…flan cake on one of the tables.

I did a double take at the gigantic wobbly flan contraption and looked at Chad, who was standing beside me, grinning mischievously.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Monica made one for Rachel on Friends, Sonny. It's only right that you have one too!" I rolled my eyes, knowing that I should have never introduced Chad to Friends, much less have given him the DVDs. I should have known that I would've had to pay for it, in some way. And when I gave him The Office DVDs? "That's what she said" came out of his mouth every other second.

Oh. And he used to call me his "Pammywhack."

Yeah. Anyway.

Chad, clad in his green, button-down shirt, grabbed my hand and continued to grin. I looked from our (casually) intertwined hands to my own American Rag, blue and pink flower printed dress.

He looked better than me, and it wasn't fair. What also wasn't fair was that, because of me and my brilliant ideas, I had to "come out" with him tonight.

"Are you getting nervous, Sonbeam?" Chad was all smiles as I shot him a glare. Before I could get a word out though, Jamington decided that now would be a great time to come up and give me a hug.

"Happy birthday, Sonny." She blew a strand of her freshly-highlighted hair and let me go with a smile. She then took a step back, and a look of confusion spread across her face as she looked down. I, in turn, looked down, wondering what was concerning her, and then I spotted it.

Chad was still hanging onto my hand.

I looked from Chad's hand, encircling mine, to his sister, who had now narrowed her eyes. Panicking, and deciding that Chad and I could not pull Plan Chadson off, I tried to yank my hand away from his. Chad just squeezed tighter.

"Why are you-" Jamie drew in a deep breath, rubbed at her eyes, and then took in our holding-hands again. Then, this huge, gigantic grin covered her face, as she let out a squeal, and wrapped Chad and I into a huge hug.

I felt like I was being strangled. Slowly, but surely strangled.

"This is fantastic!" She pulled away, managing to pat Chad and I on our heads. "Are you two actually, really together?"

I blinked. Then, I gulped. Then I blinked again, and let my mouth fall open.

Shit.

She knew.

She saw right through our plan.

She knew that Chad and I had made up some stupid charade, and that it was all fake.

Jamie was smart; she's a mom. Of course she'd figure it out.

I didn't know whether to clap my hands for joy, and then pull her into a gigantic hug of my own, or run off and cry.

"Yes, we really are together." Chad, in all of his cocky/dumbness, decided to speak up before I could react. He also managed to wrap both of his arms around my waist, while he grinned at his sister brightly.

I scowled, knowing that Jamie now knew that we were faking it. Why couldn't Chad see that?

Clearly, his older sister was going to let it rip any second.

"Well, Chad," Jamie just grinned, letting her eyes connect with my own, "and Sonny," she continued, "this is the best news that I could've ever hoped for. I'm so glad that you're finally together."

She took a step back, folded her hands together, and beamed at us. That's when I started kicking myself.

She thought…she really thought that we're together.

It was then that another wave of nausea overtook with me, along with a rush of complete and utter guilt.

Sure, we were going to have our time and play with everyone. The public would know, but so would our closest friends and family members. We were deceiving them, and happily doing so.

They'd get so hooked on Chad and me being together.

But then we'd prove to them that Chad and I could never exist together.

We'd crush them.

And here we were, straight out lying to Chad's sister, who, of course, would tell the news to her precious little daughter.

I fought back the sob in my throat as I thought about Aubree. We would be lying to Aubree.

Sweet, exuberant, happy Aubree.

Chad tapped me on my shoulder, bringing me back to reality, and I realized that Jamie wasn't standing in front of us anymore. We were in a crowd of people, but we were alone, together.

I wondered if he had thought about hurting Jamie, and Aubree.

But then again, if he had, he probably wouldn't be standing next to me with an over-eager smile on his face.

For the rest of my birthday party, I found myself plastering on my fake-smile, with Chad by my side, schmoozing everyone. After about an hour and a half, everyone knew that Chadson was on. Everyone seemed to be giddy (and drunk) with excitement.

We had finally happened.

Hence my fake grin.

My one, lone, amusement of the evening was when a very hammered Zac Efron hit on me.

It went along the lines of him walking up behind me, and grabbing my butt. Chad, in turn, snapped at him and told him I was taken. (Side note: Zac and Chad have never gotten along. It's Chad's fault…because he hates/is-secretly-jealous of Zac's acting ability.) After being told that I was unavailable, Zac got this weirded-out look on his face and asked who my boyfriend was. Chad told him that it was him. Zac, in turn, stood back, and began clapping his hands and laughing hysterically.

That was when I had to hold Chad back from punching him.

All in all, Zac's reaction was my main source of entertainment for the evening.

After three hours, and a cocky-drunk Chad later, I found myself in the bathroom, sitting down on the little lounge Tawni had put in there.

I needed to get out. I needed to get away from the lies.

I was tired of feeling sick and dirty and getting "congrats" every-other second. I just wanted away from it all…And I finally managed to get away from it. In the restroom.

I thought that I was alone, until I came face-to-face with Shae Jonas, arms crossed, standing in front of me tapping her foot.

Shae Jonas is a beautiful woman. Tall, but not too tall. Long, wavy brown hair with a smattering of freckles across her dimpled-cheeks. She also has piercing green eyes and a normally charming personality (which is probably how she wooed Nick Jonas into marrying her). Seriously. The second that he laid his brown orbs on her, Miley was long forgotten.

Any-who… However, as she finally sat down next to me, I was just scared.

"Hey Shae," I chirped nervously, then laughed nervously, hoping for a light conversation with said Jonas' wife.

Instead of smiling, she pursued her lips and narrowed her eyes at me for a second. Then, much to my relief, her eyes lit up.

"He chose me, Sonny." Okay, she caught me off guard there. I looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "Nick. Jonas. Chose. Me."

Point taken. We knew that much when the curly-headed singer bounced back from their honeymoon, his face lit up in every way possible.

"The guy who could get any girl chose me. He could've chosen Miley…even Selena. Heck, he could've gotten the Queen to marry him. But, instead, he chose the girl who spilt her coffee all over him when she tripped over her own feet at Starbucks."

(Side note: Shae previously worked at Starbucks prior to 'falling for' Nick Jonas). See what I did there?

(Another side note: Shae was getting in "that" mode. She was making a point. And it scared me.)

"I couldn't believe it. I still can't. But, Sonny," She leaned towards me, a smile taking over her face, "he's my husband. The most incredible guy who I've ever met is mine. The nicest, sweetest guy who God designed for me is now, officially mine." Her smile widened, and I looked at her, waiting. Alright, Shae. I know that Nick Jonas is a pure sweet man who has a Grammy-worthy voice, but seriously?

Maybe, if a sex tape ever comes out, we might get a better idea.

But then again, this is Nick Jonas.

I'll have to trust his wife's word.

"I married my best friend, Sonny. And marrying my best friend was the best, most wonderful thing that could've ever happened to me. And sure, we have our spats, our major-fights, but nothing overcomes our love for each other. And I think that a lot of the reason of why we're so strong is because of us being best friends."

Shae shut up then, and I looked down at my naked feet.

She knew.

She hadn't been fooled.

But she still thought that Chad and I need to be together.

She'd gotten her point across, loud and clear.

And it scared the living hell out of me.

Lyrics: Bush, Kristian; Nettles, Jennifer; Pinson, Bobby – It Happens by Sugarland

A/N: So, it is going somewhere! And Sonny's already gotten caught by good ol' Shae. : ) I really hope that you like this chapter, and I promise things will get more exciting.

Thanks to my awesome beta, I already have the next two chapters beta'd. However, I'm going out of town to the Country Music Festival (and I get to meet Taylor Swift – squee!), and I probably won't be able to update until the 14h/15th. After that, there'll be lots of updates every week. And if you're curious about the CMAFest, my Twitter link can be found on my profile.

Also, the "Cure for the Common Man" one-shot (maybe two) will be posted today – it's called "And Then the World".

I'm sorry for such an impossibly long AN…But, I do hope that you liked the chapter, and I love you guys for reading this! Please let me know what you think.

-Aly