Chapter 3: Need

Two weeks went by faster than expected. With Mark's cheesy jokes, Chris's sarcastic comments, and killing time in the hotel lounge playing Mario Kart; made it easier.

Thursday night, and I was nervously preparing for the next day, the first day of filming Season 4. I had more lines than I expected, but not too many that it pushed my limits. I had a bad memory.

I tied my hair up in a high ponytail, and threw on my slacks. It made me feel comfortable, and almost at home.

I was leaning against my bed, muttering my lines with my eyes shut when there was a thud at my door.

I swung it open to face a very intoxicated Darren.

"Anya, I have something to confess. I'm falling for you," he slurred. "I can't stop thinking about you, and everything you do." He took a shaky step forward, backing me up. "Anya, please-" his voice broke. "I can't say anymore, I have to show you. Show you how I feel about you." I was still processing this information when he kissed me.

It started gentle, held-back. My hand slid up his neck to get tangled in his hair, while his arms slipped around me. Then the kiss got needier, hungrier, more passionate. Our mouths fought for dominance. I pulled him closer, wanting more of him, just wanting... something. I hadn't been that close to someone in a while, and with Darren here, showing up at my doorstep, drunk but very gorgeous... Just to feel someone, warm, up against me... And Darren felt right. He felt good. God, he was even a good kisser.

But then the nagging voice at the back of my head kicked in, as soon as I had pushed off his blazer, and unbuttoned his shirt. He had me up against the wall, pressing against me.

He's drunk, what do you expect? They have to be drunk to want to be near you,the voice taunted me. I felt sick. It was right, it was-

"Darren," I breathed against his mouth.

"Mmm-hmm?" He murmured in response.

"I-I can't do this. I thought I can, and I can't. You have to leave." I pushed him away firmly.

He was drunk and I was taking advantage of that. It wasn't fair to him.

"But, Anya-" he looked at me with desperate eyes. "I need you. I want you."

"You're drunk." I choked back a sob. "I want you out. GET OUT!"

My scream startled him, and he grabbed his blazer and ran out. I slammed the door behind him, and fell against the door, slid down to the floor, and cried until I couldn't breathe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, my insides felt raw. I felt raw. I felt cheated, like Darren had used my feelings for him to trick me. But I knew it wasn't true. Meanwhile, the voice in my head was whispering to me, about how worthless and useless I was, no-one cared about me. It made me feel ugly, worthless... fat.

That night, I stuck two fingers down my throat and retched. Retched until I felt right again.

A/N: I'm not sure how I made this chapter a bit angsty, I just went with the flow of the story and ending up here. It's a short chapter, I know, but I decided to split one long chapter into two.

And don't worry, things get better from here for Anya.