Stepping out of the shower, Lorna squinted at the mirror. She dropped the fluffy white towel Vinny had left out for her. Her abdomen had taken on a slight curve, her body already changing to accommodate the life she was growing inside. Instead of it making her burst with pride like it had when she was expecting Aurora, the growth of her belly repulsed her. How many weeks was she, now? She hadn't tracked the days like she had before. Everything she did was an attempt to distance herself from it, to pretend that it wasn't really happening.

"Lorna! Are you almost done in there? I need to get to work!" Vinny's voice interrupted her thoughts and she didn't have time to dwell on her grief. Despite all the distractions in her life, the bad feeling remained at all times. It was a little voice in the back of her head, telling her how badly she'd messed up. It was flashes of horrific scenarios when she closed her eyes.

"Yes," she called back with a sigh. Picking up the towel, she roughly dried herself off and shimmied into the outfit she'd already picked out. Despite her tiny bump, the skirt hung loose off of her small frame. She frowned as she adjusted it. Taking a deep breath, Lorna eased the door open. Aurora was sat outside, her big brown eyes immediately locking with her mom's. Her face lit up when she saw Lorna, a smile tugging her lips heavenward.

"Hi, mama!"

Lorna felt the knots in her stomach tighten. She swallowed hard and pushed down the feelings of worthlessness that plagued her. For weeks she had cried until there seemed to be no tears left, her throat raw from the screams into her pillow. Now she just felt numb when she thought about it. But looking at her baby girl, she burst with love. It made her feel even worse for the revulsion she felt for the new life inside of her.

"Hi, baby," Lorna murmured. She scooped Aurora up, smothering her face in kisses. She wiped the crumbs from around her daughter's mouth. "Did Daddy give you breakfast already?"

"Mhm," Aurora said, nodding happily. "Pancakes!"

Lorna's chest heaved. Vinny was such a good father; it was the one thing she couldn't fault him on, even if she tried. It made her feel even guiltier about not wanting him near her. For the past few weeks she couldn't even stand to have him touch her. Every time he tried, she flinched and pushed him away. He was a good father, but he wasn't a good husband, not for her. For some girl, he'd be perfect. But for Lorna...well, she wanted to be with 'some girl', not be her for her husband.

Vinny was waiting at the front door when she emerged, holding the baby. Lorna carefully set Aurora down and took the baby, letting Vinny place a tender kiss on her cheek. She used all of her willpower not to pull away. "Are you okay, hon?" Vinny asked. His brow furrowed into a deep V. "I know things haven't been easy lately, what with work being so busy…"

Lorna tuned him out. The fact that work had been so busy was a blessing from the gods, as far as she was concerned. Everything was easier when it was just her and her little girl at home. She didn't have to worry about keeping up appearances.

"Lorna?" Vinny asked.

"Hmm?" Lorna snapped out of her thoughts and was faced with Vinny's concerned face staring back at her. She offered him a weak, unconvincing smile.

He sighed, and took her hand. He didn't seem to notice the slight way she pulled away, and if he did, he didn't react. "I said, you would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you? You've been acting real strange."

Lorna ignored the tears welling in her eyes. "It's probably just hormones," she whispered. She shifted the baby in her arms to give her something to focus on other than Vinny's imploring eyes.

"Oh, that time of the month, is it?" Vinny squeezed her arm sympathetically. "Don't worry, baby. It'll happen. We've only been trying for a couple of months."

Lorna nodded. If only he knew. She swallowed, pushing down the guilt. No. He could never know. He'd be so happy, and it would kill her. "I...I'll see you tonight."

Aurora slipped her hand into Lorna's, and they both waved as Vinny left for work.

"Just you and me now, huh?" Lorna asked, swinging Aurora's hand as they walked into the living room.

"And the baby!" Aurora corrected.

"What?" Lorna stammered. Her head span - how could Aurora possibly know? God knows she'd said nothing to indicate her pregnancy, and Vinny knew nothing about it...didn't he?

Aurora was nonplussed, unaware of her mother's acute distress. She nodded enthusiastically, pigtails swinging. "Luca's here, mommy."

The blood that had rushed to her head in her panic seemed to go back to her body, and she breathed out in relief. 'The baby' had been consuming her thoughts so frequently and intensely lately that she forgot that there was a real, live baby in her arms.

"Of course," Lorna breathed. "Clever girl, that's right," she said weakly.

The hours ticked by painfully slowly. By lunchtime, Lorna's state of mind was growing more and more fractured. After giving both children their lunch, Lorna started to put them down for their naps. First, she picked up her daughter and settled her into her bed.

"Goodnight, mommy," Aurora said softly, her eyes closing. Lorna stroked her forehead, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby," Lorna murmured. She tucked the blanket around her daughter tighter. "You know that, don't you? Mommy loves you so much."

Aurora nodded, and Lorna gave her one last kiss, leaving a lipstick print on her cheek. Slowly, she went out of the room and turned the light out, leaving her little girl to sleep. "Goodnight, honey."

Then she took the baby from his bouncer and rocked him until his eyes began to close. As tranquil as the baby looked, Lorna still didn't feel at peace. In fact, she felt far from it. She placed him into his crib, smoothing down his tufts of dark hair.

After being satisfied that the two children were taken care of, Lorna picked up her phone and punched in Vinny's number. It rang a few times before Vinny picked up, his voice cheerful as always. "You okay, babe? I'm a little busy, but -"

"You need to come home," Lorna interrupted.

"Why?" Vinny asked. His upbeat tone had been replaced by one of fear, and he was beginning to panic. "Is it the kids? Is everything okay?"

Lorna cut the line. As if on autopilot, she grabbed her bag and shrugged on a jacket. It wasn't even her jacket; Franny had left it there the previous day, and Lorna had even said that she hadn't liked it. But that didn't matter now. She headed for the door, and without a second thought for the babies she was leaving alone inside, power walked in the opposite direction to her apartment.

She didn't know where she was walking to - all she knew was what she was walking away from. The trees rustled wildly in the wind and the streets were almost empty. The brunette walked against the wind and the spits of rain, only stopping to pull her jacket tighter around her. When she finally stopped, she found herself on an overpass.

Lorna sniffed, attempting to stem the tears that fell. The cool air was refreshing, but she knew that eventually she'd have to go back home. Back to where she couldn't breathe. Back to where everyone needed her for something and she had to be the strong one. It was fucked up, but she longed to be back in Litchfield. She felt safe there, with Nicky holding her…

Nicky.

Lorna pulled her phone from her pocket. Dozens of missed calls from Vinny flashed on the screen, but she ignored them. She deleted the texts from Franny without even reading them. Within a few moments she held the phone to her ear and was listening to the dialling tone.

"Hey, doll," Nicky answered. "What's up?"

"Nicky," Lorna answered, closing her eyes. Even the sound of the blonde's voice was calming to her, and she placed her hand on the cold concrete of the overpass as the cars rushed by. "I miss you."

Nicky strained to hear what she was saying. "Where the fuck are you?" Nicky asked. "I can only hear cars."

Lorna shook her head. "I don't know." Lorna opened her eyes. She watched the cars zooming by, letting out a shaky breath. "I've done something bad," Lorna confessed, casting her eyes towards the sky. Gray clouds greeted her. "I always mess shit up."

"God, what are you talking about?" Nicky asked. She was growing concerned about Lorna. Over the past few weeks, she'd met up with the brunette a number of times. Mostly to be a shoulder to cry on, or to be a...comfort to her. Their visits had only compounded her worry, but she didn't want to interfere too much. She was afraid that if she didn't back off, then Lorna would push her away. "Of course you don't."

Lorna sucked in a breath. It sounded more like a shuddering gasp due to the tears, but it made her head feel less light. It didn't make Nicky less worried though - the opposite, in fact.

"Listen, Lorna...where are you near? Let me come get you," Nicky pleaded. "I know you said you didn't know where you were, but look around," she said firmly. "Tell me what you can see."

"I'm on an overpass," Lorna said, rolling her head and rubbing at the back of her neck. She sighed deeply. "You don't need to come get me, Nicky...everything will be okay." Lorna looked out at the distance, breathing in the fresh air. "I have to go."

"Wait, Lorna," Nicky stammered, and unlike with Vinny, Lorna didn't hang up the phone. She held it all that bit tighter, and waited for her to finish. "Please...just look around," she repeated. "What are you near?"

Lorna focused. "Uh...an Italian restaurant. There's a row of stores. A hotel. I don't know, Nicky.." Lorna shook her head, trying to shake off every emotion that was coursing through her veins.

Nicky nodded. "I think I know where you are. Stay there, okay? Don't move."

Lorna closed her eyes and shoved her phone back into her pocket. The rush of traffic gave her something to focus her mind on. Every week that passed, the thing inside her was growing bigger and stronger. Vomit rose in her throat as she realized that by now, it had a heartbeat. Her own heart thudded at the realization. Her fist balled up on her stomach. Instead of gently caressing her baby's home for nine months like she had with Aurora, she tapped on her belly. The taps grew stronger until she was almost punching herself, and her cries grew hysterical.

She edged closer to the brink, knowing that if she opened her eyes she'd feel sick at the sight of how high she was. When she felt the wind whipping her hair back into her face, she finally snapped her eyes open. She wobbled on the thin bar she was now standing on, and took a deep breath.

Lorna looked down at the road, gripping onto metal bars at her sides. This was it - the end. She'd kissed her daughter goodnight, and she was tucked up in bed. Everything was taken care of. She bit her lip. "One...two…."

"Lorna," Nicky breathed. She grabbed the brunette as she launched herself forward, pinning her to the ground. "What the fuck, Lorna?!" Nicky yelled breathlessly. She threw her arms around the only girl she'd ever loved, holding her tight. Nicky's own bravado fell apart at her feet, and she felt the panic rising in her chest. The only thing that felt real was the freezing cold ground touching the bare skin of her legs.

If she'd been a minute later…

"What were you thinking?" Nicky screamed. She shook Lorna, who had fallen apart by now too. Lorna's tears mingled with Nicky's as she kissed her cheek, willing her to snap out of this. "What would I do without you?"

Lorna shook her head, pushing Nicky away. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand, for once not worrying that her mascara was running and that the wind had wrecked her previously perfect messy bun. "You'd find someone who treats you right."

"I don't want someone else! I want you, Lorna! And I want you to stay fucking alive!"

Lorna's sobs grew harder. "I'm sorry, Nicky, I'm really sorry," she cried. Nicky took a second to breathe, the scent of Lorna's familiar perfume permeating the air around them and calming her.

"It's okay," Nicky soothed. "I'm sorry, you just scared me. Don't you see how much you're worth?" She felt Lorna shaking her head against her chest, but chose to ignore it. Nicky pushed back Lorna's hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Are you okay? Did I hurt anything on the way down?"

"No," Lorna managed. She looked guiltily up at Nicky. "What are you gonna do now?"

"I'm gonna get you some help," Nicky said firmly. Lorna started to interrupt, but Nicky put her hand up. "No. Don't argue. Do you expect me just to let you go back to your life? And then when I'm not looking, end it? I'm not gonna let that happen."

Nicky helped her down from the ledge she'd climbed up on. "Come on," Nicky murmured, slipping her arm around Lorna's waist. She hailed a cab to the side of the road and helped Lorna walk to it. Both women felt exhausted, mentally and physically.

Lorna slipped out of Nicky's grasp as Nicky gave details to the cab driver. She watched the blonde for a moment, her face a mix of regret and longing. And then she ran in the opposite direction, across a busy road. She could barely see with her hair billowing in the wind and the light fading.

"Lorna! Lorna, wait," Nicky called. She reached out, her curls whipping as she sprinted towards Lorna and the traffic. Everything seemed to slow down. As she reached the edge of the traffic, Nicky stopped. She steadied herself on a bollard and held her breath as Lorna ran in the road, narrowly dodging one car after another. And then she turned towards Nicky, like a deer in the headlights, in the middle of the road.

Nicky tried to move, but her legs felt like concrete and she stayed in the same place. Her eyes locked onto Lorna, and they both noticed it at the same time. The car that was headed Lorna's way. Nicky didn't know if she still wanted to die, or if her legs just felt the same as her own, but neither of them moved until Lorna was on the ground. Her body was thrown like a ragdoll through the air, and she landed some feet away from where she'd been hit.

Nicky could hear screaming. It took her a minute to realize that it was her own voice, strangled and haunted, that sounded above the other concerned yells. Someone wrapped their arm around Nicky, noticing her distress, but she pushed them off and ran to Lorna.

"Lorna!" Nicky screamed. She was instantly by Lorna's side, and she wondered why her legs could suddenly move again when they couldn't a moment ago. She fell to the floor next to Lorna's crumpled body, and cradled her head.

"Don't touch her neck," someone behind her said. Nicky didn't move her, but gently trailed her fingers down Lorna's forehead.

"Somebody call for help," Nicky pleaded. "Lorna...don't go. Hold on, baby." Lorna's eyes were closed, and Nicky wanted to shake her. She needed to see that sparkle in her eye. She desperately tried to picture it in her mind, willing herself to believe that she'd see it again soon. "Please, Lorna...don't leave me."