Disclaimer: The West Wing and House do not belong to me. I'm just playing with them. Imagination is beautiful. Reviews are shiny.
The All Important Human Connection
"You didn't bring the white board!" House shouted to his ducklings when they arrived at Josh Lyman's room. And what the hell took you so long?
"It's not our fault we're late. Chase answered. "You paged us to the ER. When we got there Cuddy told us he was transferred up here."
"Don't you think it's interesting that Cuddy isn't here fawning all over our VIP patient of the week.?" House asked
"Um... No" Foreman answered.
"You only take one patient a week?" asked Josh. He rubbed his head a leaned back. Sam if we don't and I'm mean seriously reform medicine in this country..."
"Yeah I know buddy." Sam padded Josh on the back.
"Ducklings meet Joshua Lyman, White House chief of staff" House pointed to Josh and than to Sam, "and Sam Seaborne, deputy chief of staff. The G-men outside the door and are secret service. Patient and Patients bitch, meet my ducklings."
"I'm not his bitch" Sam answered, defensively waving his hands.
"He's so self loathing" House stage whispered to Josh. Josh just rubbed his head. "You!" House said, pointing at Foreman, "Fetch the white board. We doing the differential in the patient's room so that we all can experience the ever important human connection. Cameron, book the MRI and get a history. Chase, get this man some morphine before he pulls the rest of his hair out." House paused and motioned to Josh. Everyone stopped for a moment and watched Josh rub his head. "Go forth and heal. I'm going to the pharmacy. I need a refill." He shook his Vicodin bottle and limped away
"I'm doctor Cameron, and these are doctors Chase and Foreman." Cameron spoke gently as if she were talking to a child. "Chase is going to hook you up to a morphine drip. You should start to feel better soon. After that we'll get an MRI and your history hopefully that will tell us whats going on. " She got up and walked to the phone in the hallway while Chase prepared to start the IV.
"Wait, is that a needle?" Josh asked
"Thats generally how we do an IV drip." Chase answered
"I'm not good with needle's." Josh looked white as a sheet
"Its ok because five minutes after i hook this up, you won't care anymore." Chase pushed the needle into Josh's arm while Josh looked away. "This is a morphine pump. If you feel any pain push this button and the pump will dispense more morphine."
"Seriously?" Sam interrupted
"The pump monitors the doses so you can't overdose." Chase reassured Sam and Josh, "We find that people actually use less morphine this way than when we use a traditional pump. Let's get you to MRI..." Chase was interrupted by a frantic looking pretty pale blond women.
"Oh my god, Josh look at you. Are you ok? What happened. The president said you blacked out and that they couldn't wake you up. Doctor?" The women turned to Chase. "Are you his doctor? Whats going on. Did he tell you he he was shot 9 years ago and almost died? Did he tell you he's allergic to penicillin? He has a delicate system." The women spoke a mile a minute and Chase wondered how long she could talk before needing to draw breath.
"Donna" Josh interrupted, "I'm fine, everyone is just over reacting" Donna walked over to Josh and sat on the edge of the bed, smoothing his hair down. Josh leaned back, visibly relaxing under her gentle touch.
"They're going to take me to get some tests. It's going to be fine. I promise." Josh and Donna looked at each other, their eyes shining. "I'm Sorry" Josh whispered
"Nothing to be sorry about. Lets get you to those tests so we can get you better." Donna stood up and turned to Chase "I'm coming with you"
"We really can't do that ma'am. It's against hospital policy to have family in the testing areas"
"He's not good in hospitals. You might find that you'll want me there." Donna said
"She's right, you know." Josh spoke smiling, the morphine was kicking in. "I get...um...what to I get Donna?"
"Queasy Josh. You get queasy" Donna answered
"I get queasy."
"In that case we will call you. But I really must insist..." Chase was interrupted by another blond women in a gray suit walking into Josh's room
"I'm afraid that I must insist that you allow Donna to accompany Josh." Everyone turned to look at the resent arrive. Even Josh sat up straighter in his bed.
"Mrs. Santos" Josh said, surprised. "I didn't expect you to come."
"Well I had to make sure you were alright. "Helen Santos answered. "After all if something happened to you how would i torment you for making my husband run for president? I'm Helen Santos" She reached out to shake Chases hand. Chase stood still or a moment looking star-struck. He smiled and finally shook her hand.
"Mrs Santos, its a pleasure to meet you." Chase attempted to be suave and professional. "Of course Miss um" Chase turned to Donna, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your full name"
"Donatella Moss." Josh answered for her, "You, Dr. Chase with the perfect hair may call her Ms. Moss."
"Ah snap" House stood in the doorway. "Chase" House spoke slowly as if speaking to a small child. He leaned forward and looked him in the eye. "Do you know why this room looks nothing like an MRI?"
"We are on our way." Chase answered
"Now Chase, you didn't answer my question."
"What question?"
"Chase, it's not funny if you are actually this stupid. If you are this stupid it's just sad. MRI NOW!" House shouted and pointed his cane towards the door. Chase rushed the small group out the door until only Sam, House and the first lady remained. House limped towards a chair and sat down.
"What do you think it is?" Sam asked House
"How do you know Lisa Cuddy?" House responded.
"Excuse me?" Sam asked, confused
"She was looking at you from across a crowded room with goo-goo eyes and now she's avoiding the room of a extremely influential patient who could bring great PR to the hospital. People only act that strangely when sex is involved." House surmised
"I honestly don't know what your talking about." Sam said. "I've never met Lisa Cuddy. If I remember the declaration of independence word for word I think I can remember the names of the women I've slept with." Sam's face was beginning to turn red. Not only was the doctor being an ass but he wasn't answering his original question. "What about the time you slept with a call girl?"
"I accidentally slept with a call girl and it almost ten years ago!" Sam shouted and turned towards the newest arrival. "Mr. President, I'm sorry"
"Its ok, it was a cheap shot. How's Josh?" House surprised him self by jumping to his feet when he realized the president was in the room. He winced at the sharp pain in his leg.
"Please sit down" The president said to House when when he realized that House was in pain. House sat down and popped another Vicodin.
"I'm Matt Santos and you haven t told me about Josh yet." Santos' presence took over the room and even House could feel it.
"He's getting an MRI. We should know more after that." House was brief but surprisingly polite. Foreman and Wilson walked into room, struggling with their new white board. House wanted a bigger one and purchased the biggest one he could find that could still be considered portable. Portable was a relative term. It was so large it barely fit through the door.
"House, I can't believe that you thought someone could carry this thing by themselves." Wilson admonished House without looking away from the board that looked like it could topple over any minute.
"Nonsense, Foreman is my big black strong man. You don't fool me, you just wanted to meet the first lady. I know about your secret crush. I saw the magazines Jimmy. It's ok. I learned in rehab that admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovering."
"Shove it House." Wilson said before looking up directly into the first ladies eyes and dropping his side of the white bored onto his big toe. "Ow, Christ" Wilson yelled. Everyone except House began laughing hysterically. Finally catching a break from the tension that had been building in the room.
"Put it there." House pointed to the adjoining room that was visible through the glass divider.
"What about the all important human connection?" Foreman asked sarcastically.
"I can connect through glass. I'm special. Now go" The two men sighed and carried the white board into the other room.
"Sam. What was the call girls name?" House asked
"Laurie." Sam snapped "What could it possibly matter? House squinted slightly at the name and it slight similarity to another and smiled. There is no way, he thought to himself. She couldn't be...