Wizards, Gundams, and Host Clubs, Oh My!
By Ammie Hawk
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
AN: Okay, so here's this week's update. This also brings an end to the family placements at this point in time. There may be more later... but that's for later. Anyway, moving on.
Chapter 4: Shoot Me Now
Duo glared at the two men who were supposed to be his fathers. They had woken him up the following day, at the crack of dawn, and had him pack his belongings, not that he had had an opportunity to unpack to begin with. When that was finished, they proceeded to hand him a curly haired baby doll that was ratty and torn and looked like it'd been run over by a Gundam, quite a few times actually. As soon as they had all touched it, there had been a hooking sensation behind his bellybutton and the next thing he knew he was standing in a lavish garden outside a large mansion that looked like it could belong to Quatre.
"What the fuck was that?" he demanded, not lessoning his gaze one iota.
"Sorry, Duo," Remus bit his lip to keep from laughing, "we should've warned you about the effects of Portkeys. We just didn't want to miss it, international travel is hard at the best of times."
"I personally prefer shuttles myself," the braided teen stared incredulously at the two men. "Though Deathscythe was decidedly better at times."
"Let's get inside," Severus shook his head. "I'm sure the others are waiting, and I'm sure the Mutt will enjoy the chance to fawn over Aidan."
"Don't talk about him like that," the werewolf took a playful swipe at his husband's head. "You know you're going to do the same thing with his daughter. It's all you've been talking about for the past month."
"I did no such thing," the Potions Master snorted, moving away from his spouse and heading toward the house. "Are the pair of you going to stand there gaping all day, or are we going to go inside the house?"
Duo turned to look at the house once more, "Where are we anyway? Don't tell me you guys know Quatre?"
"Quatre?" Remus raised a brow, ushering his son forward. "I'm afraid I've never heard of anyone by that name. This house belongs to a friend of mine, Sirius Black."
"The mass murderer?" amethyst eyes widened in interest.
"He was framed, and recently acquitted," he frowned.
"Damn it, and here I thought you knew someone interesting," the former Deathscythe pilot put his hands on the back of his head and began walking up to the house.
Remus just shook his head and followed his husband and son into the house. Hopefully, he'd get there before a fight broke out between Severus and Sirius. Though with Jonathan there it might not be too bad. James' little brother was similar to Lily in that regard.
He caught up with the braided teen in next to no time, but Severus was already far enough ahead of them that he was about to enter the house. It took less than a minute for the pair to enter behind him, but the sight that greeted them was not what any of them had been expecting at all. Severus was standing right inside the doorway, staring down the barrel of a gun at a tall teen with a fall of auburn hair obscuring half his face.
"I will ask again," the tall teen said in a quiet monotone, "who are you, and what is your business here?"
Duo stared in stunned disbelief at the gun-wielding teen. It couldn't be. There was no possible way in hell that the one who had thoroughly fucked up his life was standing right in front of him with a raised weapon.
"Trowa Barton, I'm gonna fucking kill you!" he darted around the Potions Master before either wizard could catch him and knocked the other teen to the ground.
The gun, which had gone slack in the teen's hand at the sound of his name, skidded across the floor and under a nearby table. The two teens were now rolling around on the ground in a fierce wrestling match, crashing into all sorts of objects and sending them clattering or shattering to the ground.
"Tristan!"
"Aidan!"
Two voices rang out in unison, but it did not stop the two combatants. Though it did manage to draw the attention of Remus and Severus to the stairs, where the form of a shocked Sirius Black stood rooted to the spot, watching the brawl in something akin to horror.
A moment later, another teen walked calmly onto the scene and just as calmly poured a bucket of water over the still struggling pair. Both former pilots looked up incredulously into wide brown eyes.
"Are you quite finished?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, bucket still dangling from one hand. "Or are you going to continue to break my father's possessions with your childish behavior?"
"Who the fuck are you?" Duo demanded, pushing to his feet and shaking his sopping bangs out of his eyes.
"Aidan!" Severus snapped. "You will not speak that way in my presence young man!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sirius finally came out of his stupor. "Aidan? Are you feeling alright there, Snivellus?"
"You know them?" Trowa turned to stare blankly at the owner of the house.
"Yes," he sighed in exasperation. "That," he pointed to the werewolf, "is my best friend, Remus Lupin; his husband," his finger moved to the Potions Master, "Snape; and that's some kid they decided to bring with them," he waved vaguely in the former Deathscythe pilot's direction.
"What are you doing here, Duo?" the unibanged teen turned toward his assailant.
"Ya know," the braided teen crossed his arms over his chest in a pout, "if it hadn't been for you, Trowa 'I-Fucking-Got-Amnesia-and-Left-My-DNA-In-the-System' Barton, I wouldn't be here. I'd be happily living out my life on L2, running my business, with my partner. But no, you had to go and make Une insist that we all had to be put into the fucking system for the FRA."
"Sorry," Trowa shrugged, moving over to retrieve his gun. "I was informed of that. 01 and 05 don't have anyone."
"Wait, what?" amethyst eyes filled with shock. "You've seen Heero and Wufei?"
The former Heavyarms pilot nodded, "They brought me to my uncle's house. My uncle," his visible green eye shifted to the stairs where the redheaded transvestite was now standing behind Sirius, "Ranka Fujioka; and his husband, Sirius Black," his gaze flicked to the girl who had doused them, "his daughter, Haruhi Fujioka; and that," he pointed behind him to the doorway, where another teen was peeking around the frame, "is my brother, Harry Potter. Though I have yet to figure out how Lady Une overlooked him."
"Well, no shit," Duo shook his head in amazement. "Oh, according to DNA, this here's my dad, Remus Lupin," he jerked his head toward Remus, who just rolled his eyes, "and his husband, Severus Snape, who according to aforementioned dad, is also my dad. Fucked up potion apparently, don't ask."
"Good thing we never wanted a normal life then, right Duo?" a smile tugged at the corners of Trowa's mouth.
"Right," Duo beamed, nodding.
"Now that that's settled," Sirius clapped his hands together. "Who's up for some tea? I'm sure Haruhi could whip us up some and then we can catch up and you, Remus Lupin, can explain what in the name of Merlin's beard is going on."
"I will if you will," the werewolf shot back with a smile.
"Deal," and the Animagus began ushering everyone, except Haruhi, into the den.
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Heero stood behind his former superior as she knocked on the door of a rather opulent house in an upscale neighborhood. His eyes took in the surrounding area with the precision learned from his years of training. It had been almost a week since he'd found out he had a family and he still wasn't sure what to make of it.
A moment later, a tall, dark haired man opened the door. His dark eyes scanned both of them briefly before a dark brow rose in curiosity.
"May I help you?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Yes, I am Lady Une of the Preventers," she began, extending her hand in greeting, which the man shook politely. "I'm here to see Mr. Remus Lupin. I have a few questions about his son that I would like answered."
"What kind of questions would those be?" his eyes narrowed slightly.
"That is between me and Mr. Lupin, I'm afraid," Une didn't back down from the rather imposing man.
"And it is between you and myself whether I allow you admittance to see my husband," he countered coolly.
"Mr. Lupin should be expecting me," she shot back, just as coolly and Heero knew the soldier in her was close to the surface. "He was informed that I would be making a routine visit to check on the child placed in his care."
"By all means then, do come in," he sneered slightly, giving him a mock bow as he moved away from the door. "I shall inform my husband at once that you are here. Potter, come out from behind that table, you are fooling no one."
"I'm not hiding," said an irritated voice from the corner of the room. "I'm studying, surprise, surprise. Considering that, without my permission, Sirius enrolled me in Mu… school, and I start on Monday. And I can't do it anywhere else with that braided maniac you call a son."
"Don't you have a bedroom in which you could do that?" a dark brow rose incredulously.
"Nope, nothing's sacred with him," Heero could now see a head of tussled black hair, which was shaking rapidly. "And there's the fact that I'm airing it out from his last prank. I swear, Shinigami is worse than the Weasley twins and possibly even the Marauders, put together."
"What did you expect?" Snape scoffed. "He is the son of a Marauder after all."
"So am I, but that doesn't mean I'm going to prank everything I see just because it's related to a good friend of mine," green eyes, which so resembled the Heavyarms pilot, rolled in annoyance. "Besides, isn't he related to you as well? Why couldn't he have inherited some of your skulking presence?"
"Hn," Heero grunted, that sounded just like Duo.
"Shall we please continue on, sir?" Lady Une said impatiently. "I'm afraid I don't have all day."
"Of course," he nodded, and led them further into the house.
He showed them into a lavish library, where a sandy haired blond was sitting on the sofa, reading. The dark haired man went over and whispered something into his ear, before the other nodded and turned to smile at the Head of the Preventers.
"Welcome," he pushed gingerly to his feet, extending his hand in greeting. "I have to admit, I wasn't expecting you quite yet. Severus, would you be so kind as to fetch Duo?"
The dark man, now dubbed Severus, nodded and left the room.
"Won't you please have a seat?" he motioned to the sofa and chairs that were around him. "Duo should be here momentarily. Can I offer you some form of refreshment? Tea? Water? Something a bit stronger if you'd like?"
"We're fine, thank you," Une shook her head. "I'm Lady Anne Une of the Preventers. I also have another reason for being here, aside from the routine check-in I'm sure Dr. Po informed you about."
"Oh?" he asked curiously. "And what might that be?"
"Shortly after you picked up your son," she locked gazes with him. "We found another relative for him."
"That's not possible," Remus shook his head. There was no way that could be possible, neither he nor Severus had any other living relatives. And Severus wasn't in the Database.
"The impossible seems to crop up quite frequently with Duo and his friends," she smirked. "Now, the other relative is a half brother but the strange thing is, this brother of his is not your son, yet the two boys share a male parent. Care to explain how that is possible?"
The color drained from the werewolf's face as the door burst open and in bounded the braided menace himself, followed closely by Severus Snape. Noting the pallor of his husband's face, Snape stalked over to his side and gave him a clinical frown.
"Should I get your… medicine?" he shot a glance over his shoulder at the two Muggles.
"No," Remus shook his head, his eyes flashing gold. "You might want to have a seat though, Severus."
The werewolf's hand fisted in Snape's shirt and forced him down onto the couch beside him. Dark eyes widened in slight fear. He knew the full moon was close, but his mind couldn't come up with a reason why his spouse would be upset with him, he hadn't done anything recently to warrant this kind of behavior.
"Could you please repeat what you just said, Lady Une?" his tone left no room for argument.
Heero instinctively reached for his gun, only to find it gone. Damn Lady Une! This man was exuding a dangerous feel and he didn't like the fact that he couldn't take the offensive, or even the defensive in the situation.
"I was saying that Duo, here, has a half brother," she frowned. "Though the common parent is male, it is not Mr. Lupin. I was awaiting an explanation."
Severus frowned. That wasn't possible. He'd never been with anyone but his spouse since they were married. And before that… he could count on one hand the times he'd been with anyone else.
"Whoa," the braided teen chuckled. "You're in trouble now, Sevvie. You cheated on Remy and had a kid? How could you?"
He doubled up laughing. This was better than any soap opera out there, bar none. Wait, this was his life now. Aw shit! This sucked. He sobered up immediately. Why was his life so fucked up? Then his brain caught up with his mouth.
"Wait, you said I have a half brother?" he scowled. "Who is it?"
"We will get to your question in a moment, Maxwell," Lady Une scowled at the braided teen. "I am a very busy woman and I haven't got all day. So could I please have my questions answered first?"
"Your questions are not easily answered," Remus sighed, though his expression didn't change. "The best answer we can give you is magic."
Both Heero and Une scoffed at this. There was no such thing as magic. These two men had obviously dabbled in something illegal and were scared to admit it with the law there. But there were ways of getting the information they wanted, even if they had to take them into custody.
"Yeah, cause that explains everything," amethyst eyes rolled in annoyance. "You're gonna have to do better than that."
Severus rolled his own eyes as he pulled his wand from his sleeve. He waved it over the coffee table, which transformed immediately into a large black panther. He held Lady Une's gaze for a moment as the large cat prepared to pounce on the former Deathscythe pilot. Just as the panther began to leap, he flicked his wand again and the table returned to normal, landing on the floor with a thump.
"That is so fucking cool!" Duo exclaimed. "Do it again!"
"Maxwell!" Lady Une snapped, giving him a stern glare before returning her gaze to the two men in the room. "Alright, you can do impressive parlor tricks. Now explain Duo's parentage."
"There is a potion," the Potions Master began, "that allows a same sex couple to conceive a child that will have both partners' genetics. We," he sent a glare at the werewolf, "used said potion, and Aidan was the result. Now as for this other child you say I have, I can assure you there had been a mistake. I have never cheated on my husband."
"If you are indeed Duo's other father," the lead Preventer shook her head, "then there is no mistake. DNA does not lie and I can prove that. By law, I should demand that you come down to the Preventers branch with me and register, then the test will do the talking for itself."
"Perhaps we should," a dark brow rose in challenge. "Perhaps that should've been your first course of action, instead of coming into my home and making absurd accusations and upsetting my husband."
"Very well," she pushed to her feet and motioned for the dour man to precede her.
Snape stood and then offered his hand to his spouse, not sure if he was actually up to going to the Preventers with him, but offering nonetheless.
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Wufei Chang scowled at the back of his companion's head as he knocked on the door of the huge estate apparently belonging to a distant cousin of his. The long haired blond turned a smirk on him as they waited, causing the frown to darken.
"Don't pout, Wufei," Zechs Merquise chuckled quietly.
"Shut up, Zechs," the former Shenlong pilot snapped, just as the door was opened.
"May I help you, gentlemen?" a snooty looking butler asked politely.
"Yes," Zechs gave him a disarming smile. "The master of the house should be expecting us. I am Agent Wind of the Preventers."
"Of course," the butler bowed and motioned them into the house. "If you will please follow me, the master is waiting in his study."
"Thank you," the blond nodded, falling into step behind the servant, his hand firmly planted on the Chinese youth's shoulder.
They were led through the ground floor of the estate, till they came to a single oak door. The butler knocked twice before the person inside admitted them entrance. Once they were inside, Wufei took in the rather opulent office, and was starkly reminded of the study of the late Master Long. He swallowed thickly as he tried not to think of his deceased clan and took a seat across from the large desk where his new found relative was seated.
"So this is the son of my late wife's cousin?" the master of the house gave the former Shenlong pilot an assessing look.
"That is what the tests show, sir," Zechs nodded. "Now, before I take my leave, I am under orders to inform you that Wufei is a special case within the FRA, and as such, Lady Une will be doing a routine check up within the next week."
"Very well, Agent…"
"Wind," the former OZ lieutenant extended his hand as he pushed to his feet. "And with that, I shall take my leave. Farewell, Wufei. Mr. Haninozuka, it has been a pleasure."
Ammie: Okay, so there it is. I hope ya'll enjoy it, and please let me know what you think.