Even in the dusk of the evening, Jane could very clearly see her mother's storefront sign. It blazed orange in the dimming daylight like a stubborn sun, unwilling to let winter's sleepy nature set in so quickly. She parked her car and locked it twice, took a deep breath and headed toward the front door. A bell chimed as she entered.
Most of the tables were full, even given the fact that it was Sunday evening. A few regulars gave Jane a tiny nod, and Jane waved back, grateful that none of the patrons felt much like conversation. A family of four sat in the corner with sandwiches. They seemed to be the only ones making much noise at all, with the exception of the coffee machines and scraping of chairs and silverware. A young woman stood behind the counter. Jane didn't recognize her and pegged her as the prodigy trainee that Angela told her about during their last phone call. She was petite and heavily tattooed - something Jane did not expect at all. Likely no more than twenty or twenty-one, she flashed Jane a bright smile and straightened her posture.
"Welcome to The Clementine Café," she said brightly, her fingers poised on the register. "What can I get you?"
"My mother, actually. Is Angela in her office?"
"Oh! You're Jane! I'm Darcy," she stuck out her hand, gave Jane a firm handshake and backed up towards the powder blue door behind her. She peeked inside, gave a knock and a wave, then returned to Jane. "She'll be out in a second. I've heard a lot about you. Cop, right?" She grabbed a disposable coffee cup and began to fill it. "Two creams?" One eyebrow raised and she looked over Jane, almost as if she were assessing her. "No. Definitely three. And sugar."
"My Ma talk about me that much?" asked Jane, laughing nervously.
Darcy laughed and shook her head. She capped the cup and handed it over the counter.
"Not quite. I can just tell. On the house. What Angela did tell me is that I should always put coffee in your hand when you walk in the door. Before you get... I think she used the term grumpy Gus..."
"Good coffee," muttered Jane, blowing air into the small lid gap. "Bad mother."
"I heard that," said Angela from her office door. "And look at you. I didn't realize it was a holiday. Come closer so I can commit you to memory, just in case I don't see you in my shop until next Christmas!"
"Ma, I was here last week."
"Yeah, to drop off my grandbabies and rush out the door. You never stay."
"I'm busy."
"Yeah? Doin' what? You go to that job, come home, cook dinner, sleep and repeat. What happened to my little cop that could, huh? Always visited her mother no matter how many cases she was in the middle of. You were busier then, tft!"
"You never liked me being a cop."
"Liked it better than you working in a mall," huffed Angela, tossing on her apron. "At least you were happy. God knows why, but you were."
"I'm getting my PI license, Ma! It's not like I sit around drinking coffee and popping donuts all day,"
"Well that's for sure," she grumbled, her eyes running up Jane's lanky frame. "You're too skinny. I'd give you half of me if I could."
"I get time to study and I get time with my kids. It was a necessary change. I'm happy, okay?" she pointed to a donut in the glass case. "And I'll be even happier when you hand me that donut, yeah?" Angela smiled, slipped on a glove and passed it to Jane. "Thank you."
"So tell me," said Angela, leaning against the counter. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"I, uh, have some news."
"Yeah? This about Charles?" She gave a disapproving frown.
"No," said Jane firmly. "No, Ma. It's... it's about Maura.'
She could hear them whispering, feel their inquisitive eyes ravaging her body. They were looking for clues. Could they see her bones shaking? Did they know how dry her mouth was? How her stomach weighed as heavy as bricks, and how each beat of her heart felt like the stab of a knife? His lips felt like chalk against hers when they kissed, and she pulled away with a smile that she didn't own.
"Jane, we have to move, now," he whispered.
So she did. His hand guided her forward, pulling her, tugging her towards a future that suddenly seemed emptier than it had been when she woke up that morning. Those in the pews threw flower petals as they walked; they felt like bullets against her skin. She turned her head and looked behind them. Jane squinted, hoping that Maura would reappear, that she would see her eyes crinkle at the corners and her smile turn up in comfort.
The door opened and camera flashes blinded her. She tugged away from Casey and bolted to the left, her trembling, sweaty fingers slipping against the doorknob. At last, the door opened, and she let herself fall inside of the room. The door swung shut behind her and the voices fell quiet.
She wouldn't cry. Her eyes stung, they burned; it felt as though they hadn't shut in days or months or years, but she blinked, again and again in rapid succession, pushing the tears further away.
Her mother's voice knocked at the door. She allowed herself in and sat at Jane's side, her comforting hand placed on her daughter's shoulder. They sat in silence for a few minutes, until the roaring of the crowd outside grew louder and the church emptied.
"Janie, why did Maura go?" asked Angela quietly. It wasn't nosy. It wasn't accusatory. It didn't even have the biting edge of insatiable, pestering curiosity that most of Angela's questions came with. It was sweet and quiet and worried. Her words wrapped Jane in a hug.
"I don't wanna talk about it, Ma," she replied.
Angela nodded. "That's okay," she murmured. "But you got a man waiting outside the door, you know, and a whole bunch of people..."
"I know."
"We can go out there together."
"I know."
"Or," she stood, extending a hand to Jane. "Or, I can go after Maura. I can talk to her, Jane. See where her mind is at. Maybe she's just,"
"She's not just anything. Maura left. And, you know, she was right. Right to leave. And you're right. Casey's waiting."
"Janie..."
"C'mon," Jane stood. She smoothed her dress out, but suddenly she no longer felt beautiful or elegant or graceful. She felt awkward and unsteady on her feet. "Things have to keep going. I made a choice."
"It looked like a choice Maura made, from where I stood. If you two just talk... it'll be fine, Jane. Everything will work out. You girls are inseparable. Weddings cause a lot of emotions, they cause a lot of... oh, I don't know. But you two, you'll be fine."
"I think I hurt her. And I don't think I can take it back."
"Well," Angela took Jane's hand. "Honey, you can't ever take back the hurt. It's always gonna be there. Once you hurt someone, you can't take back the hit. You can only heal the bruise. Sometimes it takes a little more time and effort. I don't know what happened between you girls, but that's your best friend that just walked out of here, Janie. And I can't imagine her not being in your life. You're a team. You're good for each other. You always make up. So c'mon, buck up. We'll talk more later. Casey's waiting."
Jane swallowed a lump in her throat and nodded. Casey was waiting.
The noise behind them seemed to dim considerably as a nonverbal exchange passed between them. Angela's arms slouched and she wiped her palms on her apron. Having prepared herself for an instant barrage of questions, Jane felt uneasy at the silence filling in between them. She could feel Darcy looking at them both from the corner of her eye, and Jane edged away from her view.
"Haven't heard that name in quite a while," said Angela, her voice uneven. She began prepping a cup of coffee. Jane chewed nervously on her lip, trying to ascertain whether or not Angela was willing to have the conversation.
Jane helped Angela grab a mug from a tall shelf. She handed it to her mother with a weak smile.
"I saw her," she said. "We're going to have lunch next week."
"Did you two run into each other?"
"No, I, uh. I looked for her."
She wasn't surprised to see Angela's questioning look.
"It was time, Ma."
Angela huffed. "It was time a few years ago, I think. Not that I'm mad. You know I've never blamed you for not going and finding her, but," she took a sip of her fresh coffee and shrugged. "You know, I miss Maura. I've always missed Maura. Good on you for finding her. It's about time she came home. How did she look?"
"She looked...wonderful." replied Jane, the image of Maura still fresh in her mind. "She looked really good. Happy. We didn't really talk much. Just made plans for lunch next week."
"Do you think you two are going to... I mean, is she seeing..."
"Ma, no." said Jane firmly. "I don't want to talk about that."
"You can't blame me for askin'!"
"I just want her back in my life. That's it. Look, I gotta go pick up the kids from Casey's." Angela clicked her tongue. "Yeah, I know. But they're fine. He's their father, Ma. I can't keep them away from him forever. I'm going to be late though." Jane kissed her mother's forehead. When she pulled back, Angela pulled her back in for a hug. She wrapped her short arms around her daughter and squeezed, bringing her mouth up to Jane's ear and whispering,
"Give her a hug for me,"
Jane smiled. "I will."