Eva4

I walked to the movie theatre as Ikari-kun talked animatedly about the movie that we were about to watch. Ever since I had caught him sleeping under the tree waiting for me, had had been acting strange, unnatural.

It was almost as if he had to force himself to talk around me, and when he wasn't talking he would always be fidgeting and staring at the floor. I don't know what could have caused this sudden change in his behavior, he was always more reserved compared to other people, but now it was even more obvious.

Perhaps I acted a little odd when I met him under the tree. I didn't feel like myself. Perhaps that is why he is acting so differently around me right now.

I held onto my arm as I walked next to him. Something was amiss. Although me and Ikari-kun had walked together multiple times in the past. This time there was something wrong. I did not understand what was happening between the two of us. But something had changed between the two of us. I didn't understand what it was, but at that moment when Ikari-kun looked at me under that tree, we changed.

I felt different.

Even though I was medicated I still felt the rare high of endorphins, the body's natural anti-depressants and pain killers running through my body. My body felt…light.

"Ayanami-san?" Ikari-kun spoke up suddenly.

I realized that I had stopped listening to Ikari-kun as I was focusing on what was happening between the two of us.

"Yes, Ikari-kun?"

"I…ummm… I'm sorry for what happened earlier." Ikari-kun said softly.

I looked at Ikari-kun, who was staring at his feet as he talked to me. "What are you sorry for, Ikari-kun?" I asked.

"Erm…well, f-for what happened underneath the t-tree." He stuttered. "I'm sorry for s-staring at you so weirdly like that." Ikari-kun blushed.

I did not understand. Why was he apologizing? He did not physical harm me in any way. Nor did he do something to cause me harm.

"I do not understand, Ikari-kun" I admitted to him. I looked up at him, he was staring back at me, fidgeting slightly "why are you sorry for staring at me?"

Ikari-kun struggled to answer that question. He fidgeted and looked at his feet as he fought to keep his composure.

What was this feeling? I looked away from Ikari-kun and looked at my hands. They had started sweating. I wiped my hands on my shirt, only to discover that I was breathing more frequently, and my pulse was elevated. I closed my hands into fists, clenching my shirt. It was the same feeling that I had felt when I was in class. Aida-kun had claimed that I was nervous. Is that what I was feeling again right now? Was I nervous again?

I didn't know. One of the side effects of my medication was that most of my emotions were always dulled out. But for some reason, today was very different. It was almost as if something had managed to penetrate the fog that was within my mind. I...felt today. And it bothered me.

It felt unnatural.

Maybe it was because of the medication, but I had never cared about me. If I were to die, I would think nothing of it.

That was how I understood myself. It was me. But I was now starting to get confused. Unfamiliar emotions that I had never felt before were stirring inside my soul. I felt trapped in my skin. Not knowing what to do. Or how to react. These new feelings were bothering me, they were uninvited.

I looked up. The sky was light blue with just enough cloud peppered around to fill the void of the empty sky while not blocking any sun. It was pleasant.

"Because I think I might have made you uncomfortable…" Ikari-kun finally answered.

I looked at him. His eyes were sullen and uncomfortable. But...they weren't ugly, I realized. And for a brief moment, I wondered what he thought of my eyes.

Did he think they were nice? Maybe he disliked them. I never liked my eyes.

I did not like red.

I realized I had lost my train of thought again, and quickly thought about how to answer Ikari-kun's question. He reasoned that staring at me had made me uncomfortable. I gripped my sweaty palm tight. I was feeling uncomfortable, or maybe I was feeling different. Was this all a result of him starting at me? Was this the reason he was apologizing?

I opened my mouth to accept his apology, to assure him that this situation that I was placed under was of no importance. And that I could deal with it.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't accept his apology. It's true that I was feeling uncomfortable, and confused. But there was something inside me telling me not to apologize.

I looked into his eyes again, this time he looked straight back at me. And it was then that I knew. I was uncomfortable, yes. But at the same time, it wasn't so bad... I did not want to deter him from looking at me. I did not know why the thought of him not looking at me bothered me, but it did.

"No…Ikari-kun." I looked at him as he stared back at me with his brown eyes. "You did not make me uncomfortable... " I answered him. But then, almost against my will, I spoke, "you never did." I answered him.

My answer seemed to surprise him, as he did not answer for a few moments. But then his eyes changed. They grew larger and sparkled as a grin spread across his face.

"I-I see… that's good to know, Ayanami-san."

I silently turned away from him. I couldn't look at him anymore. My stomach felt nauseous, my mouth was slightly dry and my muscles felt jittery. I was feeling…nervous?

Perhaps...perhaps I was feeling nervous.

And as I walked side by side with Ikari-kun, I knew... I wouldn't have it any other way.

When we arrived at the movie theater the rest of Ikari-kun's friends were waiting in front of the movie theatre for us.

It was the first time that I had ever been to such an establishment, the movie theater was connected to a large mall. All around me were lots of people, approximately my age, mingling around, looking at movie times and conversing excitedly. Some were wearing the same school uniform as me, but most of them were wearing uniforms from different schools.

I looked at the large TV screen above me, it showed different movies along with their designated Showtime.

People were staring at me. Several times I caught glimpses of people staring and children pointing at my direction. It wasn't surprising, after all, people fear what they do not know and do not understand. And I was different. I stroked my blue hair blinked my red eyes and turned to face Ikari-kun who was talking to Suzuhara. Something about demanding his wallet back.

"Alright, alright." Suzuhara-kun reached into his backpack and returned Ikari-kun his wallet, who quickly placed it back into his backpack before zipping it up rapidly. "Anyways, you two came at just the right time." Suzuhara-kun checked his watch. "The movie is just about to start, let's get going."

"Here's your ticket." A curt voice came from behind. I looked around and saw the 2nd, with her arm extended, handing me a ticket. "Here, take it." She thrust the ticket into my hands. "I'm only doing this because Hikari asked me to, just so you know," she explained.

I didn't understand.

Seeing my lack of comprehension she rolled her eyes. "It's the ticket for the seat next to the dumbkompf, Hikarai didn't want Touji or Kensuke giving it to you because she thought it might be too obvious."

Too obvious? I still didn't understand.

She saw that I still didn't understand. "Bah, whatever, I don't care. Personally I think what everyone is trying to do is sick. They just don't seem to understand that two negatives don't' always make a positive." And with that Asuka walked to Ikari-kun. She slapped him on the head and handed his ticket to him.

"Ow, what was that for Asuka?" Ikari-kun demanded as he rubbed his head.

"Eh." She shrugged, brushing off Ikari's question and turned to face Hikari, cheerful again. "Come, let's go! The movie is about to start."

I don't think I'll ever understand the second. I looked at my ticket. Row 20 seat 12. I then followed everyone into the theater.

It was bright. The walls were covered in posters and neon lights. Giant LCD TV's were flashing commercials for different upcoming movies. People were waiting in line at the snack counter, ordering popcorn and soda's before their movie started and running around.

Everyone had decided to forgo the snack counter as most of them couldn't afford the elevated prices that movie theatres charged.

Except for the Second.

She ordered two huge buckets of popcorn, soda's, ice cream and candy for her and Hikari-san. When Aida or Suzuhara attempted to steal some of her food they were quickly hit on the arm.

Me, Ikari-kun and the rest entered the movie theatre and took our respective seats. But before I reached my seat, Aida-kun motioned to me, beckoning for me to listen to him.

He pulled me away from the rest and whispered into my ear. "Just wanted you to know, when Shinji gets scared, hold his hand, it'll make him feel better."

I looked at Suzuhara, not understanding why he was telling me this bit of information. "…Why…will holding his hand make him feel…better?"

"It just will, trust me." And with that Aida-kun winked and ran off to join Suzuhara-kun.

Me holding Ikari-kun's hand… I walked over to my seat number and sat down. Ikari-kun was already seated next to me.

"Are you sure you want to sit here?" Ikari-kun asked me nervously. We were isolated from the rest of his friends. In fact, we were at the very rear of the movie theater, "I mean, if you wanted you could maybe switch with someone so you could be near the rest of them…y'know, closer to the screen..."

I looked at Ikari-kun as the movie theater lights slowly dimmed down. "I am fine Ikari-kun."

The movie was starting.

It was an odd movie. And 30 seconds later I stood up.

"Where are you going, Ayanami-san?"" Ikari-kun asked.

"The movie is over," I replied.

Ikari-kun looked at me incredulously and then stifled a laugh. "No, no, that was a commercial." He then looked at me semi-seriously, "You've never watched a movie before?

"…No…" I replied, still standing. Ikari-kun looked like he didn't know what to say. But he soon regained his composure and beckoned me to sit down.

"Well, you might as well take a seat, because the movie is going to start soon." He pushed my seat down. Without looking, I sat down on the seat. And on his hand.

Ikari-kun quickly jerked his hand back. He looked like he was about to say something, but with a loud scream, the movie started.

It was a horror movie. Somewhat interesting…I guess. The story was about boy who witnessed his father, depressed with his life, murdering his own family while he hid in the closet. The father was eventually shot by the police and the boy was subsequently haunted by his father, who was trying to complete his unfinished work.

It made no sense. How could a soul, still lingering on earth without a physical body to occupy cause any harm, or even be in existence? When people die their souls leave their bodies behind and their souls go into the Room of Gaffs. Where they wait with other souls to be reborn into the world. But yet this spirit had not joined the others in the Room of Gaffs. A soul without a body is like letters without a piece of paper to be upon. The letters are real, but need a physical medium to be placed into existence. Destroy the paper, and the letters fade away with it. And yet this soul was still active on earth, causing physical harm. It was absurd.

I looked away from the movie and touched the top part of my hand. I was a blank piece of paper. The letters on me were not my own.

I heard a small gasp and turned to look at its source. Ikari-kun was tense and gripping the sides of his seats tightly. His eyes were wide. He was obviously afraid from what he was seeing in the movie. And I suddenly remembered Aida-kun's advice. Since Ikari-kun was scared now, does that mean I'm supposed to hold his hand?

I felt my pulse elevate. I was feeling…odd… again. By now I had forgotten completely about the movie, and was focused on Ikari-kun.

I lifted my hand from my arm rest and slowly and carefully placed it on top of Ikari-kun's hand.

He froze. For a moment I wondered if I made things worse. He still seemed tense, and his eyes were still wide. However it was no longer directed at the movie and instead he looked at my hand and then his gaze followed my arm up to my eyes.

He was looking straight at me now.

By now my heart was beating so hard I felt a little faint.

I felt compelled to speak. "There…is no need to be afraid, Ikari-kun." He looked confused for a moment. So I spoke again. "It's OK." It was the only thing that I was able to say. It was the only thing that was on my mind.

Neither of us spoke for a moment. And after a while, his surprised face faded away and was he was calm.

Ikari-kun nodded, and smiled slightly. I felt fingers grasp my hand. He had turned his hand over and was now holding my hand as I was holding his. He turned back to watch the movie. It was serene.

I tried to continue watching the movie, but I was too aware of my hand. I could feel every finger around mine. I felt him twitch during parts of the movie. I felt him squeeze during particularly intense moments. I felt him relax, I felt him shiver, I felt him sweat. I felt him.

The rest of the movie passed by in a flash. Before I knew it, the movie had ended and the credits had started rolling.

Neither of us moved. Everyone around us started standing up and leaving the theater. But we sat there. I turned to look at him. He was already looking at me.

"Ayanami-san..." Ikari-kun started to say, however, he was immediately interrupted by loud catcalling and whoops coming from beside us. In a flash, Ikari-kun quickly yanked his hand back.

The rest of the group was standing to the side of us.

"Oh MAN!" Suzuhara-kun yelled out loudly. "I knew my plan was dope but I didn't expect it to be THIS amazing!"

Ikari-kun blushed bright red.

"Oh man, I can't believe you would put the movies on her so fast!" Touji whispered to Shinji. Kensuke, Touji and Shinji were walking home after the movie. The three of them were walking in the back, while the ladies, Asuka, Hikari and Rei were walking in front. "I mean, I thought that the two of you would sit next to each other, but I didn't expect the both of you to start holding hands so soon!"

"W-well... she held my hand first..." Shinji protested weakly, to no avail.

"I can't believe that you would let him hold your hand, Ayanami-san!" Hikari said to Rei. "I mean, you're both in high school, you both know that the two of you should be focusing on your studies rather than doing...er...anything. And what if a teacher came and saw you? Both of you could get in so much trouble! Right Asuka?" Hikari turned to Asuka, encouraging her to agree with her.

Asuka shrugged. "Those two weirdo's can do whatever they want. As long as they keep their gross perverted stuff away from me."

"Asuka!" Hikari shrieked indignantly, shocked at her friends bluntness, who simply shrugged. "Anyways, after what I saw, it is obvious to me that I cannot leave the two of you alone together anymore. Whenever the two of you are together I'll have to be around to make sure that the two of you don't try anything weird."

"Oh come on class rep." Touji ran up to the group of girls, grinning.

"Don't you class rep me. I know that was your idea to get the two of them hitched, but I didn't know that it would progress this fast." Hikari glared at Touji.

"And I'm damn proud of what I've accomplished too." Touji walked next to Hikari. "Who else can get two people together this quick?

Asuka rolled her eyes, "You guys are so stupid." She muttered, Touji however, just flashed her a wide smile and a thumbs up.

"What are you guys talking about?" Shinji asked as Kensuke and him caught up with the rest of the group.

"Oh nothing, just about how suave you are, you crazy love machine you."

"Oh come ON," Shinji shouted. "It was only for a while, it meant absolutely nothing!"

Although no one noticed, since they were all paying attention to the drama between Shinji and Touji, Rei stuttered slightly in her walk.

"Ya don't have to be shy around me, I'm the one who planned it out remember?"

Shinji didn't know what to do. He was embarrassed out of his wits.

Hikari, on the other hand, knew exactly what to do. Grabbing Touji by the ear, she pinched him. Hard.

"Oww" Touji's demeanor instantly changed, he was now hunched over with his face contorted in pain.

"That's enough Suzuhara-kun. It's time for you to grow up and leave Ikari-kun be." She released Touji, much to his relief. She check her watch. "It's late, we should all be heading back."

The rest of the group check their watches, and agreed. It was time to go home. Because of where they were situated in the city, Hikari, Touji, and Kensuke went one direction while Shinji, Rei and Asuka went another. The three of them walked silently to the train station, none of them spoke to one another.

The train station was almost deserted, which was strange considering how active Tokyo-3's night life usually is. The three of them bought tickets and waited patiently for the next train to arrive.

Shinji was looking at the train tracks, staring mindlessly as he waited for the train to arrive. It had been a long day, with many ups and downs. And he was tired. All he could really think about while he waited was two things. One of them has how tired he was and how good a nice warm bath would feel. The other thing was how soft Rei's hand was. He gripped his hand unconsciously, remembering how her hand felt in his.

He was so engrossed in remembering how her hand felt that he didn't notice how quickly time had passed.

Echoes of the approaching train vibrated through the empty station. And Shinji waited patiently for the train to come to a complete stop in front of him. The doors opened up and Shinji was just about to step on the train when Rei spoke up suddenly.

"Ikari-kun."

Shinji stopped in his tracks and turned around. Rei was staring back at him. But something was different. Her head was bowed slightly and she was looking downward half the time. It was almost as if something was troubling her.

"Yes, Ayanami-san?"

"Did our...holding hands...really mean nothing?" Rei asked, looking up at Shinji.

Asuka let out a groan and covered her face with her hands.

Shinji didn't understand what she was talking about, what did she mean holding hands meant absolutely nothing? But then he remembered what he said to Touji. "Oh, n-no! That's not what I meant at all!" Shinji quickly tried to explain. "I just didn't want to give Touji any Idea's about us... I mean, not that I-I wouldn't like the idea of us...w-what I'm trying to say i-is...err." Shinji struggled to explain to Rei what had happened. How could he explain to her that holding her hand wasn't just some pointless thing to him, but at the same time he was shy about Touji and everyone else making fun of him?

Asuka watched Shinji intellectually trip over himself. "My god he's hopeless." She mused as Shinji stuttered and groaned his explanation out to Rei. Sighing, she saw that the train was just about to depart. She checked her backpack to make sure that her Gameboy and walkman were inside, then she walked up to Rei and Shinji, who stopped talking and looked back at her.

"Asuka, what are you–." but he was cut short and Asuka pushed both him and Rei into the car. The both of them fell down and Shinji quickly sat up right. "Asuka! What was that for!?" Shinji moaned as he rubbed his now sore derier.

"Don't get any wrong ideas. I'm only doing this so I wouldn't have to listen to this retarded conversation on the way home. I'd much rather wait for the next train in peace."

And sure enough, the doors closed and the train started moving.

Once the train was out of sight Asuka sat down on a nearby bench and whipped out her Gameboy. At least its peaceful now, she thought, as long as she didn't have to deal with the two of them getting all retarded around each other she was more than happy to wait the extra time for the next train to arrive.