Author's Notes: Ok I haven't updated in ages...but I'll be good now I swear :D
Thanks to everyone who reviewed/favourtied etc. Really means a lot to me :)
Chapter Four
Sasuke and Sai were buzzed into the apartment block and they met Naruto and Kiba waiting for them on the 7th flight of Stairs.
"Smile for the camera!" said Sai who was holding a box of Sasuke's things and a camera phone.
Sasuke pulled a pack of beers out of the box he was carrying. "Look what I got my new husband." He said through gritted teeth.
"Aww look who's trying to make their marriage work!" Sai filmed Sasuke offering Naruto the beer. Video footage of Sasuke making an effort would surely swing the judge in his favour.
Kiba caught on to his idea and pulled out his phone.
Naruto smiled awkwardly at the camera. "Oh thank you baby! I'll buy you a big box of tampax just so I can thank you, because that's what good hus-"
Sasuke's eye twitched in annoyance. "Tampax! I'll tell you where you can shove your tampax…" he growled.
Naruto sensed his life was in danger so he hoisted Sasuke into the air and carried him bridal style into the apartment. "Shall we, Mrs Uzumaki?" (how cliché hehe)
"Stop referring to me as the fucking woman in this relationship and put me down!" Sasuke hissed, kicking his legs in Naruto's arms.
Once they were into the room, Naruto dropped Sasuke promptly. "Whatever you want baby."
Sasuke picked himself off the floor and scanned the room, which was the lounge and kitchen. It was cluttered and messy, but not as dirty as he thought it would be. The place was a complete mess, not that he expected anything less, though he could deal with it. "Ok, I can do this…" He reassured himself and turned around to inspect the bathroom behind him.
"Fucking..." He caught sight of the stained toilet seat, the grubby bath and the sink covered in a thick layer of hair. "I can't do this!"
Naruto glanced around the bathroom casually, "Just don't throw all that hair away, I'm saving it up to make you something nice. Like a hat…or a sweater…"
Sasuke stared on in disgust. "You're going to clean this up." demanded the Uchiha.
"Ok. I'm not here under court order, so I'm out of here." Kiba patted Naruto on the back and waved.
Sai put the box he was carrying down, "I'm off too. Remember 1.5 million dollars."
Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. It was going to be a long six months…
It was quite late and the happy couple were going to bed. Naruto brought a duvet and pillow out from a cupboard a placed them on the sofa.
"That looks like it's going to bed comfortable for you." Sasuke eyed the sofa, there was no way he was going to sleep on that. "Where's the bedroom?"
Naruto sighed, too tired to argue, he pointed to a futon in the corner of the room.
Sasuke approached the futon and was confronted with a horrible smell. "This fucking stinks."
Naruto smirked.
Sasuke peeled of the covers and was horrified to find numerous socks and undergarments amongst the stained sheets.
Perhaps he should sleep on the floor? At least then he wouldn't pick up any STDs.
It was six am and Naruto was rudely awakened by the roar of the blender.
This morning Naruto discovered that Sasuke was very partial to his daily smoothie. Sasuke smirked and Naruto threw a pillow over his head to try and block out the horrendous noise.
This morning Naruto also discovered that Sasuke liked to take him time in the bathroom, because a hairstyle like his needed a lot of maintenance.
Unfortunately for Naruto, he was very desperate for the toilet.
"Umm, honey, I need to get in there for a sec." Naruto said, crossing his legs.
Sasuke ignored the pet name and briefly paused his preening, "Hang on, I'm almost done, I'll be right out"
"Um 'be right out' isn't really gonna work. How about, 'be right out right now'!"
"I'm almost done." He repeated, not bothering to speed up at all.
Sasuke spent one more minute adjusting his hair before deciding to let the blond use the bathroom. "Fine dobe you can-" Sasuke stopped in shock.
Naruto was standing on a chair, peeing, yes peeing into the kitchen sink.
"Too late. You only have yourself to blame." He said calmly, "Oh yeah, it's your day to do the dishes." Sasuke stared in disgust as Naruto pissed all over the already dirty dished in the sink. Surely this couldn't actually be happening? "Well the adults have to go to work now. What are you going to do all day?"
"I dunno yet…" the blond said thoughtfully.
"Hn."
"I'd rather do nothing and be happy that do something I know I don't love."
"Hn. 'Happy' doesn't pay the bills dobe." Sasuke grabbed his bag and left.
"Hey, don't get hit by a bus!" Naruto called after him, "Or do…Whatever…" he shrugged.
Sasuke typed idly at his computer. Only had three hours to go, then it was time for the first counselling session. He wondered if he should inform his parents of his situation… His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing phone on his desk.
"Hello, Sasuke Uchiha here."
"Yo." With that extremely casual answer, he knew it was his boss on the other line. "Bring Hyuuga and come to my office."
"Of course."
'What did the boss want with him? And why did he have to bring that Hyuuga?' Even though they worked together, they hardly even spoke to each other unless it was necessary.
Sasuke easily spotted Neji's desk.
"Uchiha." Neji stated, even though Sasuke was still a few steps behind him.
"Hyuuga. Hatake wants to see us in his office." He said in a clipped tone.
The other nodded and they both walked to his office in silence.
Sasuke knocked on the door.
"Come in!"
They both entered.
Kakashi put down the orange-coloured novel (suprise suprise...) he was reading and stood up from behind his desk.
"Hello gentlemen. Let's get straight to the point. As you know Hatake publishers is rapidly growing, with Jiraiya, the publishing project manager retiring, there is a promotion and a office up for grabs."
Sasuke and Neji glanced at each other.
"So it's out of you two. Good luck
It was 4:25.
Naruto and Sasuke were outside the building, 5 minutes early for their appointment.
"You ready to do this?" the blond asked.
Sasuke exhaled deeply, "Pretend you don't make me vomit every time I look at you? Yes."
"So…Naruto, tell me about yourself. What are your hobbies?" asked the busty woman in the chair opposite.
Naruto and Sasuke were sitting far too closely, the blond had an arm around Sasuke's shoulders and the Uchiha was doing his best to resist the urge to bite it off.
"Hobbies? Um you mean besides my marriage? Well…Mostly I just like loving him. Um, what else? Oh! Listening. I love listening to what he has to say. Actually…" He reached into his jacket pocket, "I carry this notebook around with me, so I can write all those mono-syllabic words down. What else… Being there for him… Just loving him till it hurts…That's most of my interests really…"
The raven looked at him is disbelief, what a load of bullshit.
The doctor nodded. "And Sasuke?"
Sasuke forced a smile on his face "I have to agree. You know most people would probably be repulsed to find his dirty socks and underwear at the bottom of the bed, touching them in the middle of the night. They might want to scrub and scrub to get the stains and scent of them, but not me. I love it."
The blonde raised her eyebrows. "You do realise that I do have a few degrees, and I went to a bunch of expensive schools, so I'm not buying any of this shit. Now, if you want me to report that you're both working on your marriage, you're gonna actually have to do that."
Realisation dawned on them and they slowly shifted away from each other on the sofa.
Tonight the couple were going to spend some quality time together. Watching TV.
Sasuke who was dressed very casually this evening, in a plain white t-shirt and grey sweat pants had just made some popcorn. He was in an average mood, so maybe the dobe would get some if he was lucky. He carried the big bowl over to the couch and sat down at a comfortable distance away from Naruto.
Sasuke watched Naruto slip his hand under the waistband of his trousers and scratch down there. After a few moments of scratching, Naruto pulled out his hand and dipped in straight into the popcorn bowl. Sasuke threw up a little bit in his mouth. Naruto munched on his handful, completely oblivious.
"Yes, that is the flavour I wanted. The toffee one is nice, but I really much prefer "Naruto's sweaty balls" flavour. Thanks."
The blond sighed and grabbed the bowl from Sasuke and proceeded to empty the contents down his trousers, ignoring the murderous intent coming from the man next to him.
[The following week at the golf course...]
"Marriage is hard! I don't know how people do this." Naruto swung his club and sent the small golf ball flying through the air. "And I haven't had sex in forever!"
"Well, I've been doing a little bit of research…" said Kiba replied.
[Over at the gym...]
"I don't know if I can do this Sai." Sasuke complained, he wasn't oine to just give up, but this blond idiot was really pushing him to his limits.
"Funny you should say that…" Sai grinned. Determined to beat Kiba, he had been investigating some cases...
"In this particular case, the husband came into a ton of money. The court said if they both want the money, they had to remain together and prove they could make it work." Kiba said
"But then, she proved he had been unfaithful, the judge rolled in her favour." Sai said smugly.
"And gave her all the money! See the judge said that you had to prove that you were trying to make the marriage work, but if we can make it seem like he isn't…I don't know why I haven't thought of this before!" Kiba cried, he wasn't useless damn it!
"'Cause you're not a very good lawyer!"
Sasuke smirked, it sounded almost too easy. "So if I can get Naruto to leave me or cheat on me…"
"Not only would you end the marriage, but you will also get all the money."
"Perfect."
TBC...