The Pink Book Predicament
So sorry about the delay of this chapter! I'll do my best with quicker updates. This chapter is short, and a little slow. But still fun to write. Im anxious to get to the fluffiness. But need to keep this moving at a believable pace. Heh. Anyway I hope you're all still enjoying.
-xxSer
4
Loneliness
The first Friday evening of the school year found Helga once again kicking around the soccer ball after practice, but it was different than last time. She stood about five feet or so from the fence blocking off the field, and time and again sent all her fury and frustration in her life hurling into that ball. It slammed against the fence with a very prominent rattling of metal. Even Phoebe, who looked on, was concerned.
"He just comes prancing up here like 'oh please talk to me' after not paying me a second glance for five years. Phoebe. Who the hell does he think he is?"
Pheobe had the task of retrieving the ball, just to pass it back to her after it rolled a little ways off the fence. But she did so without complaint, all the while glancing to the sun to judge the time.
"Perhaps you shouldn't over think it. So he wants to talk. Maybe he simply feels that enough time has elapsed between you two since…" She trailed off, unaware if mentioning FTi was taboo in her presence even if they both knew that night existed. Helga refused to even humor this idea.
"If he wanted anything to come out of …that night…" Phoebe inwardly concluded she made the right decision. "He should've brought it to my attention then. Hell, it was his bright idea to say it was all just the heat of the moment. He didn't have to go with that."
She glared at the ball for a moment as it sat a few inches in front of her, and automatically she pictured his head, that stupid, smiling, slightly oblong shaped head, and then she sent another furious kick right into his face; the ball hit the fence angrily. Phoebe winced.
"We're all human, Helga..Maybe it just took him this long to make sense of everything. Maybe he was just afraid of talking about it with you..It isn't as if you're the most…"
"What?" She hissed, jumping on the momentary pause her friend had taken before she inadvertently insulted her. "friendly? Helpful? Approachable?"
Phoebe looked a little fearful, and held up a finger as if in thought before muttering a meek and timid "all of the above."
"Tch"
Helga scoffed, and kicked the ball again. But she was all kicked out after that and with her shoulders slouched, she followed the ball to the fence, turned around and slumped against it with a defeated sigh.
"What difference does it make anyway, Pheebs? My life sucks as it is. He's dating Lila anyway" She hissed that name through tightly clenched teeth. "And now, I still can't find my stupid journal. It's officially missing."
Pheobe blinked, clearly concerned by that "It's been a week. It's still missing? And you looked good in your room?"
"Ripped it apart. Practically tore up the boards in the floor."
Phoebe didn't want to admit to her friend that if she didn't find it in a week, then there was always the possibility that It was, indeed, lost..maybe forever. She couldn't exactly think of a comforting thing to that at all, so she remained silent.
Meanwhile, Helga was eager to distract herself from that memory, so she picked up her ball, and looked to her friend.
"So..anyway, since I can't seem to find any satisfaction with my horrendous life right now, why don't we go drown my sorrows in junk food and a movie, what do you say?"
"Um.." Phoebe swallowed, feeling and probably looking guilty. She recalled the last few weeks where she just couldn't hang out with her like they had. Her schedule had been, well, crazy for lack of a better word. This weekend would be no different. "I'm sorry Helga.." She started, knowing there wasn't anything else that needed to be said.
Disappointment, even a hint of hurt flashed on the other girl's face, but was then instantly replaced by that usually stoic expression. She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and turned away from her.
"Whatever, no big deal. I mean it's only Friday night. I'm sure you have all weekend to study..But Friday night is just as good I guess" She snapped, her tone laced with sarcasm. She debated throwing the whole "you're probably ditching me for Tall hair boy and don't want to say it" but she opted out of being that much of a bitch. The look on Phoebe's face was already hitting that teeny tiny soft spot in Helga's otherwise iced over heart. She rolled her eyes at the thought.
"Really Helga, We have a quiz in AP History Monday and I-"
"I said..whatever..It's fine."
Phoebe silenced and said no more on it. But the guilt she felt, knowing her best friend and knowing how hurt she probably was, was crushing. She watched Helga leave then with a very heavy heart.
-oOo-
Arnold stared at the plate of half eaten spaghetti in front of him, while idly pushing around a stray meatball with his fork. His other hand propped up the side of his head, and he had to catch himself before he sighed out loud at how undeniably bored he was.
True, he might have been out to dinner, and what excitement was to be had in that? But his dinner partner was rambling on about the most useless, and boring things one could ever even dream up. Arnold wasn't even sure what they were he was so tuned out at that point.
"Arnold?" Finally sensing his disinterest, Lila tried to pry him from his thoughts. "Arnold are you listening?"
"Wha..? Oh yeah, Sorry Lila. I guess I zoned out a bit.." He admitted, feeling the heat come to his face. He took a bite of the meatball, trying to seem more interested in the meal, in everything. It wasn't exactly working.
"Oh..Well, just what has you ever so distracted?" She asked, her tone giving way to the obvious hurt. "I was asking if you wanted to go see a movie tonight." He perked at that idea, after all, the new Evil Twins: Resurrection had just come out. "I heard the new Bunnies in magic land was out.." and just as quickly as that interest was ignited, it was extinguished. He returned to poking at his food.
"Actually Lila, after dinner I'll be kind of short on cash, and I'm kind of tired anyway. I was thinking we would end the night early..if that's ok." He glanced up at her and noted that she did have a rather disappointed look on her face. But not being one for confrontation, she simply nodded.
"Oh..Okay Arnold. Sure..that's not a problem. Are you sure you're just tired? Is anything wrong?"
"No Lila..Nothing..like I said..just tired." He lied through his teeth, this time his eyes moved away from hers so he didn't have to see the further hurt, or disbelief. But he knew this couldn't carry on like this.
He had walked her home that night, kissed her softly, and thankfully brief, and watched as she made her way into her house.
He sighed in relief then, and turned to go when he noticed her across the street, seemingly staring in his direction. She had on her sports clothes, the soccer ball clutched under one arm, and he swore he could feel the heat in her gaze as she shot him that look. It stirred something in him, something exciting. Something unfamiliar anyway. He made the decision inwardly then, on his girlfriend's doorstep.
Things were going to end with Lila, and soon.
-oOo-
The hate she felt as she stood there, watching the boy across the street, kiss his devoted girlfriend good night, was extremely prominent. It ate at her like a bad infection, and caused tightness in her chest she wished she could dispel. Stupid Lila, she hissed to herself.
Even despite the whole she was in love with Arnold thing, Helga was extremely jealous of the company. Not that she would admit it, but the fact that Phoebe was ditching her, for studying, or dating, whatever the case may be, she was still ditching her, and it stung. Helga found herself with very few people to turn to.
Rhonda? Sure, they had a newly budding friendship, and yes, she had revealed her innermost guarded secret, and was not met with the hostility she prepared herself for, but still…it was Rhonda. Sometimes Helga had a hard time even getting passed that. She found herself longing for 4th grade again, when things were less complicated, and only she grasped the concept of what actual love was, none of this…Arnold actually has to date Lila crap.
Helga sneered, and was about to yell something across the street, for old time sake even, but decided against it at the very last second when a sudden sadness came over her. She waved her had dismissively, and continued onwards towards her own, lonely home.
"Helga wait!"
But that voice suddenly halted her, and she whirled around in time to see him charging across the street in order to catch up.
"What do you want now, football head?"
"What? You're not happy to see me?" It was a very subtle zing. He figured he'd give her one more chance before he put Rhonda's plan into action. She had sent him a text that the auction was Friday. That left him one week to prepare, so might as well try to avoid it if at all possible.
The glare told him it probably wouldn't be. Nevertheless, he thought back to her journal, and his confidence was renewed. He knew how she really felt, even after all these years. He just had to remind her, without directly doing so..
"Nice night, huh?" He started with idle conversation, maybe break the ice a little.
"Save it, Arnold. We haven't talked in five years, I don't intend to start now." Did not work. Arnold frowned a little.
Stupid stupid Helga, he actually wants to talk to you. Maybe you should actually listen to Phoebe for once.
But the heated look from her never faltered. He felt himself starting to burn beneath her stare, but he was determined to not crumble under it.
"I want that to change" He announced.
"I don't" Came her bitter retort.
He still wasn't phased. "Your days of making things difficult are going to be over soon enough, Helga. So you might as well just oblige me now"
Helga arched one side of her brow, his words filling her with deep confusion. Bluffing? But why? And how? With what? She sneered then.
"And why do you say that?"
Arnold grinned a little, but shrugged in spite of himself. Should he reveal to her what he knew about her team's fundraiser? And his intentions?
No, let her be surprised, he decided. He also ignored her question, his fingers lacing themselves behind his back.
"Well why don't we go discuss this somewhere that's not out on the street. Maybe Slausens?"
Helga blinked at him, distracted, but for a moment.
Is he really asking me out to ice cream? That definitely sounds like a date…
And it was a thought that made her happy, despite everything else she felt. She found her own resolve steadily slipping…
But he never even bothered for five years…you can't let him just waltz right back in whenever he feels like it..
But he's so attractive..look at that face, and those deep, green eyes..he hasn't changed..
When she found herself inwardly swooning, she shook her head, and made it evident she was having an inner struggle, not that he couldn't sense it already.
"Get out of my face, hair boy. I have better places to be" She finally declared with a snap of that vicious tongue, and forcefully pushed passed him, bumping shoulders as she went. He frowned after her.
"Really? Like where? Home? Alone? Is that your better place to be?"
She stopped, and with her back to him, he couldn't see the look on her face. But he would've been guilty had he seen it. It was so horribly sad. Her brow knit low soon after in a deep scowl.
"It's better than having to see your stupid face."
"I know you don't mean that Helga. You know also."
The ball bounced on the pavement as it was dropped, and rolled into the street. No sooner had she dropped it did she whirl around and pounce, lashing out to grab the collar of his shirt. She pulled him, and herself close until they were practically nose to nose.
"I said leave me alone, football head, or else I will beat that oblong shaped face of yours into a bloody pulp!"
Arnold didn't even flinch as his shirt was yanked in. But the closeness did further the stirring of the feeling in the pit of his stomach; butterflies really. Slowly his blank stare turned into a small smirk.
"Whatever you say, Helga." He practically purred, and she froze at the sound of that voice, of his typical retort to her garbage. She blinked at him for a moment, unsure of how to respond further. They both knew she wouldn't actually punch him, but that was obviously the problem..
Still, I can't. I can never bring myself to damage that face….
Defeated , for the moment, she dropped him and turned away again, hiding her inner turmoil in her hands, mainly to shield the scream that wanted to rip from her throat at the moment.
"Damn it, you asshole. Just LEAVE me alone!" She didn't wait for a response, and bolted now in the direction of her house, sprinting full speed. Arnold watched, but didn't go after her.
He figured she'd had enough for tonight, even if his attempts at getting her to open, once again, did fail. He knew he had his trump card in his back pocket come next Friday, even if it did make him a bit guilty to have to resort to Rhonda's plan..
She makes things so difficult thought, it's her own fault.
He looked to the soccer ball she had abandoned, and picked it up. Didn't have to leave that out in the open so she'd lose it. Plus he could use it for maybe one more chance to approach her before Friday, maybe.
-oOo-
When Helga got home, she burst through the door, up to her room and slammed the door shut behind her. No one even called her name to wonder why she had missed dinner ( if it even existed. It was pretty late anyway ) But that was no surprise.
Defeated, she flung herself onto her bed, and buried her face in her pillow, wishing for a moment, she'd just suffocate already.
The involuntary need for air lifted her head from the fabric, and she sighed, breathing in the cool oxygen of the room. She flipped onto her back then and deeply exhaled, her eyes now trained to the ceiling.
"I can't believe this" She wailed to herself "Why now? He has a girlfriend for sobbing out loud. I just want to forget him. I want to forget what happened ontop the FTI building, I want to forget everything…But he won't let me..Five years..it's been five years.." She sniffled, and took her pillow so she could clutch it to her chest for support. "I don't know what I'm going to do.."
As she calmed down, and relaxation started to come over her, she sighed deeply and leaned back, closing her eyes lightly. But even as she relaxed, she still found herself plagued by annoying visions of him and that stupid face, that warm, inviting smile….
"I really do wish I had my journal.."
She whispered into the air of her room, and sooner after she finally allowed herself to drift off to sleep, clearly exhausted by their latest encounter.