Sasuke cursed himself for his moment of weakness. But now he had Kakashi's attention, he either needed to think up a lie, or... "If I told you, would you swear to never tell another soul? Not even Tsunade?" ...Obviously lying was not an option anymore. Dammit, stop! His mind screamed, every bit of his logic was crying out for him to shut his damn mouth, but his chest was heavy, he'd carried too many burdens on it. They consumed him, constricting his heart, and his lungs. He could neither feel nor breathe, and he couldn't leave them behind... he'd tried. He needed someone to take them away, and right at this moment, he was exhausted, in more way than one. Too many ways for his brain to take hold of him anymore. He was on the verge of a breakdown, and seeing as it was literally impossible or him to be alone; he might as well have someone beside him who knew. Maybe not understood, but who knew.
Kakashi turned around, smiling gently, "Sasuke, I wouldn't tell. I have no reason to. I... I would never hurt you Sasuke." He knew he sounded a bit out of character, but he was speaking the truth, "As a teacher and friend, I swear I will never Sasuke I swear." His grey eye told nothing but truth to Sasuke. He would never break Sasuke's trust. He would never hurt the boy deliberately. He cared too much to.
Sasuke tediously turned over to face the other, searching his face for lies. When he was unable to find any, he gave in. Despite his mind screaming not to tell Kakashi anything, he disregarded it. In a moment of weakness, or naivety, he placed his last remaining bit of faith in Kakashi's hands, in the jounin's promise. "....It was Orochimaru," he said, almost inaudibly. "In my dream."
Kakashi remained quiet as he moved to cup the boy's face softly. He looked with a comforting sorrow in his eyes, concern and most of all support. He remained quiet as well before pushing gently into the subject, "What did he do...?" His words held no malice; they continued to sound as his eyes spoke. He meant absolutely no harm to the boy. He wanted to help him, he wanted Sasuke to recover. He didn't want to see Sasuke this hurt again.
Sasuke's lip quivered and he bit down on it to stop the motion, hating the urge he had to cry at the prospect of speaking again. Knowing that his voice would crack, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. His fists tightened as he tried to force the words out, he would've rather not been so blunt, but there was no way to paraphrase what had happened. The teen shut his eyes, not wanting to look at the other, shame burning inside him like he'd inhaled fire. "...He raped me."
Kakashi tried to resist his initial reaction, but he couldn't as he sharply inhaled his breath. His hands moved to embrace the smaller male, holding him tightly, "I'm so sorry Sasuke... I'm so sorry..." He whispered softly, having one arm hold Sasuke's waist as he petted Sasuke's hair softly, soothingly with the other. Fury had boiled inside him at the Sanin. He couldn't believe that bastard would so such a thing to Sasuke. So... that was the reason Sasuke had come back to Konoha, that was the true, and probably final blow to the boy. He couldn't believe how low Orochimaru stooped. He knew that he was low, but, this was disgusting. "I'm so sorry..." His voice was consoling and parental, full of his concern and love for the boy. Things began to make sense to him now. The poor boy, having to live with this. How it must have eaten him alive. Guilt, distrust, hatred, self-hatred, weakness, bitterness, fear and disappointment must have swirled around in his body, building and building. He knew it wasn't healthy for the boy. He knew that he couldn't mess this up.
Sasuke hated the tears that burned his eyes, threatening to fall, and ruin what little dignity he had left. "I..." He began, but his voice cracked, betraying him. Even if he'd stayed level-headed, he wouldn't have known what to say. How to say any of it, he could never explain. The pain, physical and emotional, the sickness he felt, everyday of his life. He could still feel the snake inside him, tearing his vulnerable entrance with his lust. He could still feel his breath on his neck, the bites, sinking deep into his flesh in a predatorial manner of claiming Sasuke, more than he already had. The sannin had literally taken everything from him, down to his ability to feel decent. No matter how hard he scrubbed, he could never erase the older man's scent. And he'd tried.
"Sasuke it's okay... I'll never let him touch you again. I'll never let anybody treat you that way. He's just lowlife, despicable filth that doesn't deserve the gift of life he got. You can let it out... it's okay to. I wouldn't tell a soul, I wouldn't think less of you nor would I ever use you Sasuke. No, never." Kakashi whispered softly against the raven locks, his hand still holding and running through the hair soothingly, "It's okay..." His voice became lighter and lighter, the love becoming more evident. He would have never guessed Sasuke had been through so much "It's okay..."
Sasuke let a few tears slip. "It's not," he murmured, hoping his voice, muffled by Kakashi's chest, wouldn't give him away. "It's not okay..." He repeated.
"Sasuke... I'm here. I won't leave you. I won't hurt you. It's okay to cry." Kakashi continued to whisper into the boy's hair, now moving to stroke his back, "I Promise you Sasuke, I swear. I will never do anything like that to you, I will never hurt you and I will never tell a soul I swear."
Sasuke tangled his fingers in his bangs, too tight for it to be good for him, trying to stop his chest from heaving with unshed sobs, trying to keep from breaking down. "I didn't cry... I never let him see me..." he murmured, but the last word was choked out as a strangled sob. "...cry..." Somewhere deep inside him, he didn't want Kakashi to see him cry either, because as long as no one saw... he could deny it... and Orochimaru wouldn't win.
Kakashi knew how Sasuke felt, "You wouldn't be giving him satisfaction by crying... by continuing to let it eat you alive you are Sasuke... let it out, give him no more pleasure in letting you suffer..."Kakashi said, continuing to stroke Sasuke's back, "Regardless of what you may say Sasuke... you are still young. You are still growing. Tears are a part of life. Even the best Shibobis would cry at one time or another..." He offered, trying to assist the boy. His heart ached to see Sasuke suffer like this, it hurt him. He wished he could do more, but he couldn't. There was no other way expect offer comfort, support and advice. It was all he could do.
Sasuke felt his will diminish under the weight of Kakashi's words. His self control crumpled into bitter tears and he let his hands slip from his hair to curl up between he and Kakashi's chests. "I-I can still feel him, Kakashi-sensei... he's on my skin, everywhere..." The boy said piteously.
Kakashi didn't seem at all phased my Sasuke tears as he continued to stroke Sasuke's back comfortingly. At the words, he resisted to growl, "He won't touch you anymore Sasuke... I won't let him." He said protectively, "I'll never let him Sasuke..." Kakashi was tempted to say something else to the boy, to 'seduce' him, to tell him that he would get rid of it. But he couldn't. He didn't want to betray Sasuke's trust (as it seemed). He controlled to rub softly, holding the boy safely and close.
Sasuke just nodded helplessly, as if trying to confirm what Kakashi was saying. He sobbed weakly into the older man's embrace for sometime, until he felt exhaustion overcome him, and then he merely sniffed against the other man's flesh, not having the energy, nor the hydration to cry any longer. He hadn't told Kakashi everything, there were still many thoughts he kept to himself. He hadn't given his sensei any details... but he'd told him. That was what mattered... somehow; he felt both worse, and much, much better. Perhaps because he could no longer hide from the fact, or that he had left parts out, that he began to fear he'd never say if he let it end here. But at the same time, it was freeing... to not be the only person who knew... besides the sannin himself.
Kakashi continued his soothing embrace and rubbing, "Rest Sasuke... rest..." He whispered, "You need your sleep..." the concern stayed in his voice. He didn't want the boy to pass out in the middle of a sentence. He smiled down at the boy, resisting to kiss his hair in a tender and fatherly way. Maybe, after the boy fell into his exhaustion would he. Just to protect them both.
"I can't," the teen murmured. But, whether it meant 'I can't fall back asleep" or just "I don't want to", was entirely up to debate. He was exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. He knew sleep would help... but also... it could serve to only make things worse.
Kakashi's face was buried in the raven locks, "You need to Sasuke, I don't want you to get sick..." He wished he could somehow support his student more, but no, he couldn't. Sasuke was too fragile, now and for a long time. He couldn't possibly hurt the boy any further, it would shatter him. "Shh... Sasuke..." He said softly, rubbing circles on the boy's back.
Sasuke quieted after a moment, his sniffles ceased -for the most part- and he didn't say anything for a long while. It probably didn't take long for Kakashi to realize that he fell asleep within minutes.
Kakashi smiled before he gave his student a gently and loving and kiss on the top of his head before he let his body relax, getting the rest that it required.
Sasuke woke sometime late in the night, or rather, early in the morning. His sleep had been painless, silent. If he'd dreamt, he didn't remember it. He woke snuggled closely against Kakashi, and his cheeks tinted pink at the contact with the other, both of them shirtless, Sasuke lying in his arms like this... earlier it had been comforting, he hadn't really thought of it... now it was awkward, and he assumed he'd snuggled up closer in his sleep, and Kakashi would want him farther away before he woke. So Sasuke carefully pulled away from Kakashi, regretting the loss of warmth, and scooted back to his side of the bed to see if he could sleep any longer.
As soon as there was a disturbance in Sasuke's breathing, Kakashi woke. He reluctantly let the boy go, watching his back carefully. He always did this, it was routine. He, too, also missed the contact between him and the boy, though he wouldn't voice it or act upon it. He watched through slit eyes, watching if the boy would fall back asleep.
Sasuke shifted several times, trying to get comfortable and fall back asleep, but found he was unable. Maybe it was because, now slightly less distressed and exhausted, his mind was buzzing. Or perhaps it was just because he'd been asleep for probably over twelve hours, and his body just didn't want anymore sleep. He sighed inaudibly and crawled out of bed with the utmost grace, hoping not to disturb his sensei. His stomach was twisting with hunger, and he really needed a decent shower, anyway. Plus, if he could take his shower while Kakashi was still in bed, it meant he could take said shower without the other being in the room. He'd gotten used to it, after awhile, but the smallest bit of privacy was still nice. So the boy headed for the bathroom.
"Where are you headed to Sasuke?" Kakashi said. He inwardly chuckled at the boy's foolishness. Ever since the boy was awake, so was Kakashi. That was the whole reasoning for them sleeping in the same bed. Sasuke was just too cute sometimes. He presumed the boy had wanted to take a shower of some sort, especially to ease his aching muscles, as they should from being stressed from the last few days.
Sasuke stopped and sighed, turning around. He should've known… I did know. He thought. Who was he kidding, there was no was he's wiggle out of the other's arms, and bed, without waking him. "I need a shower." He said quietly. He was alert, as any shinobi should be, but his body was still slightly groggy, sluggish almost in it's relaxed state, and he wasn't really able to speak loudly at the moment, even if he normally would've.
Kakashi looked over at Sasuke before sitting up, "You know the rules Sasuke." He said simply, walking out in boxers. Sleeping in close proximity to Sasuke had luckily not done anything to him. Though, he really didn't know how long he would last. When could he get that damn lay?!
Sasuke sighed. He was tempted to ask Kakashi for an exception, in light of all that had been going on lately, but decided against it. If he was going to pull that card, he would save it for a time he really needed it. "Fine..." He grumbled.
"Meh, I need a shower too..." He mumbled, but it was so low and slurred that even he really couldn't understand it himself. He then remembered. They... didn't get payment for this job. His left eye twitched uncontrollably, 'Shit...' he thought in his mind.
Sasuke looked over at Kakashi and frowned. "Why so irritated? Something wrong?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.
"The bill is coming up; you really don't know how much another person adds to the bill Sasuke... Tsunade refused to pay me anything extra while you living here either..." He groaned. This wasn't going to be pleasant.
Sasuke paused, frowning. He hadn't thought of it that way before. On top of that, it then occurred to him that Tsunade hadn't paid them at all for their mission. Now, she never paid him. This he was used to, but he always assumed that was because, regardless of how helpful he was or was not, he wasn't supposed to go on these missions, he only had to do to Kakashi's having to constantly baby-sit him. His frown deepened at that. He'd never really thought of the financial burden he was to Kakashi. "I..." the teen bit his lip; apologies really, really weren't his thing... even when he found them necessary.
"I'm not blaming you Sasuke," He said, shaking his head, "We'll just have to compromise that's all... however discomforting it will be. Wish Tsunade wouldn't gamble all her money away..." He said, mumbling out the last sentence out disappointedly. He really, really, really did not want to do this... but then again, he knew that Sasuke didn't want to be coddled and he needed to act normal around the boy... well as normal before it got awkward that was...
Sasuke sighed and nodded, assuming Kakashi was referring to their future however-long together. The thought of a day job crossed his mind as he grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom, Kakashi right behind him, but nothing really suited him, on top of that Kakashi had to always tail him so it wouldn't work, even if he really wanted it to. -Which, to be honest, he didn't.-
Kakashi sighed before he locked behind him and Sasuke. He sat down on the toilet, considering his options: Stay dirty until he could afford his water bill or take a shower with Sasuke. There really wasn't much of a choice... but it was really disturbing. How the hell would it turn out...?
Sasuke leaned into the shower, turning on the hot water which immediately began to steam, as a testament to how hot it was. The teen slipped out of his pants and boxers simulatiously and into the shower, letting the liquid fall down onto his ebony skin, immediately beginning to dye it a pink shade.
Kakashi groaned, "Sasuke," He said before standing up, "I can barely pay the water bill, and this would be the last shower we cold have from awhile..." He tried to explain as he shook his head, and mutter, "if only Tsunade would pay me..." Before he removed his boxers and stepped in behind Sasuke, "I... I know it's cramped..."
Sasuke stiffened slightly; this was not what he wanted to hear. But, what the hell could he say to it? It was Kakashi's house... and... Kakashi's bills... although... it was still not at all what he wanted to hear. He fumbled about his mind for words and eventually managed a "Whatever," which he hoped seemed impassive.
Kaka reached over to grab his shampoo, trying not to notice how Sasuke's wet skin felt against his. He kept his eyes closed as he squirted a random amount of soap in his hand and rubbing it into his hair and scalp. Soap really did feel much better than just water. He tired to forget who was within the shower with him. He kept his eyes closed, trying to survive within a world of denial. His boy did seem not to react yet. But, yet was the key. He just wondered how long it would take.
Sasuke's every movement was stiff as he scrubbed himself, notably harder than a normal person would, his back to Kakashi the entire time. As Kakashi's skin touched his he stopped, hating and loving the feel of the wet skin against his own, and hating that any part of him loved it. He went back to scrubbing himself, and blinked slightly as the soap slipped from his hand. "Dammit," he muttered, bending down to pick the objected up, his ass brushing ever so slightly against Kakashi's groin, he blushed and stood immediately. "S-Sorry!" he snapped instantly, edging away slightly. He crouched this time, to get the soap, but, -and perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or the grogginess his body still suffered- he tumbled again, falling against his sensei's legs and successfully knocking the other over, too. He more or less jumped to his feet, but -and perhaps this time it was hopping in a slippery shower, and being as flustered as he was- he lost balance half-way through said jump, and landed this time, directly in Kakashi's lap.
Kakashi opened his eyes from the small muttering Sasuke made as he lost the soap. He couldn't look away, and when he felt his groin being brushed he bit his lip from making a sound. Seeing the boy bend over, so tempting did not help his growing erection one bit, not to mention the hot water sliding over his dick oh so gently. When Sasuke knocked him over he blinked before he shut off his throat at the sensation. It took him a moment to regain his senses, but once he did he frowned and immediately lifted the boy off of him, internally swearing at his body's pathetic reactions, ' FUCK!' he yelled in his mind, holding the still-sitting boy above his waist. His cock was aching for the feeling of being encased again but he wouldn't give in, "Fuck! I'm so sorry Sasuke!" he said while panic flared in both his eyes, scared for the boy's sanity.
Sasuke went completely stiff, as he was mostly suspended by Kakashi's hands. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean..." He muttered, his face turning bright red. He attempted to wiggle free of Kakashi's grasp, but only made the situation worse by wiggling over Kakashi's slick body so instead he went still, stiff enough to have been six feet under, and waited for Kakashi to release him, a tiny bit of panic spreading through his body.
Kakashi carefully pulled the boy down as far away from the jounin as possible, "Sasuke, no, you shouldn't be apologizing. I'm sorry." Both his eyes were still trembling slight with fear for the boy. He didn't know what was running through the boy's mind. That incident really couldn't've been good for Sasuke. Especially about dreaming about what he did the night before.
Sasuke stayed there for a moment, half huddled on the shower floor, trying to calm his heart rate. Quit over-reacting idiot! He snapped at himself, standing. You're just paranoid, get over yourself. Not everyone in the world wants to molest you. He thought, shaking his head. "I'm done..." He muttered, slipping out of the shower and grabbed his towel, wrapping it securely around himself.
Kakashi sighed and got up after the boy left the shower. He quickly finished before wrapping a towel around himself as well but remained quiet. He didn't know what to say. The boy... he seemed to be taking it calmly, but it was probably was just a facade. The boy had always put them up. He really wanted to console the boy again, but he couldn't. He was still aroused slightly, as that was the closest thing to sex that he's had in months. He inwardly groaned at that 'So... I'm totally abstinent for months and the thing that prevents me gets me the very damn closest thing? The fucking irony.' he thought to himself, shaking his head. And it was his student! It was an accident. Dammit. He needed that lay really soon.
Sasuke went back to their room and toweled himself off, and pulled on some loose clothes. He sighed, now at least fully clothed, and sat on the edge of their bed, his brain a mess.
Kakashi followed, putting on another mask, a loose shirt and loose pants. His left eye was covered habitatually by the mask and hetai-ate. He sat in a chair in the corner of the room before pulling out his orange book and relaxing, trying to read. He did this all in silence as not to disturb Sasuke.
Sasuke sat in silence for a few minutes, combing through his thoughts for which ones were rational, and which weren't, when he felt sufficiently calm, and could maintain his outer-shell without having to worry about it crumpling to pieces at any time, he stood and headed for the door. Soldier pills ate away at your stomach after awhile, even if you did eat regularly, that, on top of his natural hunger, being a teenage boy, was causing rather extreme abdominal pain, and he was thoroughly intent on ending it.
Kakashi didn't follow. He just closed his eyes as he tracked the boy's chakra and envisioned his building. He really didn't know what to do after that awkward moment.
Sasuke, honestly, was a little relieved to have a moment alone after that incident in the shower. So he went downstairs and made himself something to eat. It was small, but it tamed his growling stomach he didn't feel like eating all that much. It was amazing what tripping into a river of blood could do for destroying your appetite.
Kakashi groaned. It was getting out of hand. He stood up and walked towards the door, shutting it before sitting back in the chair. He couldn't stand this anymore. He opened the front of his pants before wrapping his hand. He hoped Sasuke would take awhile, though he doubted that it would take long, being how "out of shape" he was. He closed his eyes but bit his tongue. The faster he got this done the better. He imaged Sasuke all wet from the water, the tightness of his entrance. He imagined all of that while he stroked. The jounin wouldn't let a whimper escape his throat, a moan. If he did, he might whisper the wrong name around the wrong person.
Sasuke finished his food and sat for awhile. Now that his stomach wasn't threatening to eat itself inside out, they were back home, and he'd had a decent night's sleep -not to mention a weep-a-thon- he felt much better, and considerably more rational. He decided he really didn't need to worry about the strange things that had been going on with Kakashi over the last few days. They'd been under a lot of stress, a LOT of stress. And people just did things under duress that that normally would never do. None of it meant anything. He reassured himself, before heading back upstairs.
Kakashi continued to bite his tongue as he stroked, completely oblivious so Sasuke's chakra signal getting a little too close to the room. His face was a mixture of pleasure and constant effort. As the door opened to the room, the jounin was startled and saw Sasuke he gaped.
Sasuke stopped in his tracks when his eyes landed on the jounin. For a moment, he wasn't sure what to do. He'd never really... experienced this situation before. He assumed he should leave, so he muttered a hurried apology and ducked back out of the room. But that then left him to ask himself one question: What, exactly, had gotten Kakashi so hot and bothered? His mind wandered to all the bumping and grinding they'd done in the shower, and it only would've made sense... the way Kakashi held onto him, holding him above his groin area until he could get control of the 'situation', so to speak... Sasuke bit his lip, shaking his head fiercely. That wasn't it. It couldn't be...It couldn't. Kakashi couldn't want him. He wasn't thinking about him while he touched himself. There were plenty of other reasons, after all... like for instance, with Sasuke living with him, Kakashi hasn't gotten a moment alone -or 'alone time' with someone else- for months... he just had... pent up frustrations that had nothing to do with Sasuke what-so-ever. That was it. That was all it was. The boy told himself. But somehow... it didn't feel right.
Kakashi had blink before groaning out painfully. 'Why did Sasuke have to see THAT?' he thought to himself. Everything just wouldn't settle down around them would it?! The jounin sighed before 'finishing' up, as Sasuke gave him the privacy to do that. Only a contented sigh escaped him. He quickly disposed of the little 'package' before he groaned, rubbing his temples in frustration. How the hell was he going to get out of this one?
Sasuke sat, firmly perched on the couch downstairs, firmly denying any chance that what he had done was related to Kakashi's arousal. Although so many coincidences seemed far-fetched, no, impossible, he just had to convince himself that the alternative was more impossible. Which was turning out to be hard to do... given his past experience.
Kakashi groaned again before he made sure everything was fine before walking downstairs, saying "Sorry about that Sasuke.... I haven't been able to, well you should know..." he muttered, sighing. Well, that was half the truth anyway.
"Whatever," Sasuke said, shrugging. He tried to seem as casual as possible. "It's not like it's a big deal." He muttered. The teen looked over his shoulder at Kakashi, and found that somehow he was still unable to make eye-contact with the other.
Kakashi sighed before sitting down and pulling out the porno book, watching Sasuke out of the corner of his eye. He really didn't want Sasuke to see him in the moment of weakness. It was seriously a hit to his ego. Though none of it showed on his face.
Sasuke sighed, rubbing his temples in frustration. His head hadn't stopped buzzing in days, it seemed. It was seriously getting to him, making his head hurt. Maybe he just needed to take a few Tylenol and get some more sleep; it still was only about five in the morning. They'd gone to bed sometime in the afternoon, and woken up early as a result. He sighed and got up, "I need some drugs," he muttered, walking into the kitchen and fishing through the cabinets. He found a bottle labeled 'Tylenol PM' and opened it. The small pills would do nicely. He emptied a few of them into his hand and swallowed the three little tablets. Three was probably a pill or two too many for his bodyweight but he really didn't care. He put the cap back on the bottle and walked back into the living room, "I'm going back to bed," he said quietly, though he was sure Kakashi heard him. The jounin would follow him or he wouldn't, but either way, Sasuke wanted to lie down, and now that he wasn't exhausted beyond all rationality, the couch didn't seem nearly as appealing as a warm, comfortable bed.
Kakashi just grumbled a thing before following the boy into the room. Letting the boy lie down, he continued to read his book, only half zoned into the world.
Sasuke fell asleep not too long after, his will to sleep over-powering his body's desire to be awake, and after not too long he found himself entrapped, once again, in Orochimaru's hold, the sannin destroying him with his touches. Small whimpers escaped the boy as the cold hands ran all over his body, invading his space, taunting his sensitive skin. The sannin's hissed words in his ear were like verbal poison. But he shuddered at the feeling of the other's breath on his ears, neck, everywhere. Sound asleep, he was completely unawares of the small whimpers and moans that escaped his lips.
Kakashi was so into his book, that he didn't hear the growing sounds coming from his student. At first, he thought his mind was making the sounds, he was hearing things. But, as the sounds got louder he became concerned, wondering if he was actually going crazy. The Jounin shook his head before looking up to see that Sasuke was the source of the noises. He blinked, wondering what exactly the boy was dreaming about. Luckily, his member seemed to be satisfied currently, so this scenario wasn't affecting him - yet.
Sasuke could feel the pressure building in his groin, whether his dream was supplying the feeling, or his mind was reaction to the physical truth of the matter, was anyone's guess. But himself, even in his dream, did not like it. Yet, he was helpless, trapped in the shadow of a memory long passed. Thus, he cried out as he would've under any other circumstance, and with probably the most verbal response he'd had in his sleep in a long time. "No!" The teen cried out loud, even through whatever arousal he felt. "Don't touch me!"
Kakashi immediately stood up, walking over to the boy. He was worried. "Sasuke!" He said, but there was no response. He shook the boy from the side, but, no, there still was no response. He then sighed before straddling Sasuke, shaking his shoulder's roughly, "Sasuke! Wake up!" He said, trying to get the boy to awaken.
Sasuke woke with a start, in a cold sweat, his lower regions aching. His face was drenched in a mixture of sweat, and perhaps tears, though a distinction couldn't truly be made between the two, and instantly he tried to shove Kakashi away, the weight atop his small frame caused his tired mind to panic, not registering his sensei's form in the dim lighting.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"