Author's note:
Thanks for the support of everyone who is reading this story! Special thanks for everyone who left reviews and messages – your opinions are welcomed and important.
I noticed a few mistakes on last chapter. I apologize for that. I was in a hurry to deliver Chapter 3, so I didn't take much time to review it properly. I reviewed chapter 4 countless time to avoid that, but I'm sleep deprived so you may still spot mistakes.
Also, I have a question for you guys, so if any of you have the time, just look for it in Author's note at the end of the chapter (read the chapter first for risk of spoilers at the end).
Now let the angst begin (that would have made a better title for this chapter).
Hero's heart.
.
It's Saturday morning when sunlight enters the room through the windows of Kara's apartment. The girl is still lying on her couch, when the light illuminates her face, causing her to frown. Kara wakes up and shifts slowly to look at the ceiling. There is this new weight in her chest, possibly a mix of surrender and self-loathing, and she knows she will carry it with her for a while. The girl closes her eyes. She barely got any sleep and she can feel her eyes swollen. But Kara is done crying for now – she knows this is only the beginning.
So she gets up and does her best to cast her worries aside. Kara notices her phone on the floor and grabs it. Mon-El had called her a few times. He hasn't showed up on her apartment yet, so Kara assumes he is probably mad and, to be honest, she can't feel a single thing. There's also a text from Alex to check on her, and that brings a bit of comfort. But it's not enough and Kara wonders why. Mon-El and Alex, they were her main supporters in life – they were usually enough to make things feel better. So why is it that the thought of losing Lena makes her feel like her whole world is crumbling?
Kara wonders if Lena would ever forgive her. The hero has no idea what is going to happen to her or Lex and it's quite scary. The DEO, by now, is probably tracking Lena every move and knowing the extent of its resources, Kara knows it won't take long until they find out Lex's location. She can only hope Lena doesn't get hurt – like physically hurt – because otherwise Kara will have even a harder time to come to terms with her decision. No, she absolutely cannot let it happen. She will never forgive herself for it.
The time passes by slowly, but eventually Kara receives the call from the DEO. And she knows exactly what this is about when she sees the satisfied look J'onn has on his face upon arriving in the headquarters. Not only him – everyone there looks motivated and determined to capture Lex – and she should be too, but instead she feels hollow.
"You did a great job, Kara." J'onn says and Supergirl fakes a half-smile. "I must say Lena is one smart woman. She fooled our tracking systems and would have thrown us off, if we didn't know better."
"Lena went to Black Creek's facility today." Winn pointed to a location on a monitor's screen. "It's a desert region. Great place to hide."
"What's the plan now?" Kara asks conscious about the worry she displays in her face.
"Tonight the DEO will send a team of agents to arrest Lex and get evidence on the experiments of the facility. And we will back them up." Clark – who had come to the DEO right after being warned about Lex's location – said looking to her and Mon-El. "Bear in mind, Lex is extremely dangerous. Be prepared to face countless traps."
As the team disbanded to prepare for the operation, Kara remained still standing in the same place. And Alex, who noticed her sister's heavy semblance, approaches her slowly. All the years living with the kryptonian made Alex keen to any change on her sister's behavior. So she knows Kara is feeling terribly guilty.
"You did the right thing, Kara. Just keep trusting yourself to do the right thing."
Kara has this very sad look, because she attempts to smile but instead her face distorts in misery.
"I have a bad feeling about this, Alex."
..
The cold laboratory's walls are white and the lights are blinding, so Lena – who is sitting beside Lex – closes her eyes and holds her head with both hands. There is this throbbing pain in her head, as Dr. Valle continues his explanation, and she wonders if Lex is listening. She isn't – she stopped the moment the scientist mentioned leukemia and chemotherapy. Lex has to start the treatment as soon as possible and his prognosis can only be determined by his response to the medications. That was all her mind could process before shutting down.
She faces the same fear again: the one of losing her brother. And that's how Lena realizes how much she still cares for him – how she never really stopped caring – whether or not that man beside her is the one she grew up with. And he was right, he doesn't deserve to die. She doesn't want him to, so Lena is worried and scared and alone. And if Lex dies, she will be even lonelier.
"Lena, don't worry. There's treatment." His voice is calm and he takes her hands firmly. "I'll survive this." He tries to reassure her, but Lena notices he isn't so sure himself. Something in the way his voices shakes confirms it. So she embraces him, like she has not done in years, and it's surprisingly warm. "I'll stay hidden to start the treatment. I'll hide somewhere safe, where you can visit me."
And Lena believes on it.
But Dr. Valle suddenly has this tormented expression, resembling a cornered beast. He stands up abruptly after receiving a message on his phone and the siblings focus on him.
"Lex. The cops are here!"
"What?" Lena asks alarmed as Lex stands up. "I'm sure I took all the measures to avoid them." She has no idea how they tracked them, but maybe she had underestimated the agents.
"It's okay, there's still a way out of this." Lex's semblance is exceptionally calm, and Lena notices a strange gleam on his eyes. "Dr. Valle, you know what we have to do. I need the suit. And release the soldiers."
"Lex! What are you planning?" Her voice is strained and Lena follows the men as they run through a long corridor. Eventually they reach another room of the facility, and the brunette looks in awe at giant piece of metal. A battlesuit, a weapon with the potential to destroy and kill countless of people. And two soldiers, armed with kryptonite weapons are waiting for them.
Lena's hands shake, not from the contents of that room, but for what she sees in Lex's face. There it is. That madness – the maniac eyes and uneasy smirk. And Lena knows she is losing Lex again. "Lex, don't hurt anyone. We can still escape this place. But don't do anything unnecessary!" Lena urges, but deep down she knows he won't listen.
"Superman is here, Lena. I know it. How am I supposed to stand a chance against him?" Lex says, while entering the warsuit – still a prototype but enough to face his arch-enemy even. "Dr. Valle. Take Lena out of here."
"No. Lex! Don't fight them!" And Lena tries to escape the scientist's arms, but her strength is not enough. And as she is dragged towards the door, she watches in horror the moment Superman, Supergirl and Mon-El enters the room. But the door closes and she finds herself farther and farther away from them.
..
Kara faces down and she observes small pools of red staining the ground. Blood drips from her mouth and she feels her lips burning. Whenever she bleeds, Kara is reminded of her own mortality – something that she often forgets. She wonders if humans are the same. And it occurs to her she never asked anyone about it – if humans live with death in the back of their minds, following their every move. Does Alex think about death whenever she enters a battlefield, whenever she is with Maggie? Probably not. Hopefully not. Once, she heard gods envy humans for their mortality. Well, she is definitely not a god – although being invulnerable and having extended life-span is quite close to being immortal – but for Kara it is not really about being envious of people who die, but actually it's about resenting death for taking them away. And her thoughts on that matter are still pretty much immature, and they are bitter and distressing, so she tries not to think about death, which is tricky when your whole body feels weak and heavy and there's an enemy trying to pierce you with a green blade. And there he is coming for her.
Kara stands up and avoids his blow, by distancing herself again. She's trying to buy time – trying to think about a way to win this battle. She is in disadvantage. Winn tried to improve the kryptonite shield, but that's still not enough. And Supergirl is worried because Clark has it even worse. Lex's warsuit is definitely something to fear and she honestly doesn't know if they can win this. So Mon-El is actually their best bet, but he is still facing his own opponent for now.
"Kara!"
A green blasts hits her right on the chest and throws her against a nearby wall. She's lucky she had the shield, Kara thinks, as she takes a mental note to thank Winn for this one. As she struggles to get up, Supergirl observes the soldier approaching. It would have been her end, if Mon-El had not subdued the soldier he was facing in time, and charged against the one attacking Kara.
"Kara, this place is full of kryptonite. We need to fight somewhere else. Get Clark and let's go!" Still holding the soldier, Mon-El flew destroying the walls in his way and Kara, using what was left of her strength, managed to get her cousin before Lex could hit him.
So they are now in a wide area of the facility, with containers and signs of flammable material. Kara and Clark are recovering from the effects of the stone, while Mon-El continues to fight the soldier. But Lex soon appears inside the giant metal suit.
"This will be the place I'll bury you, Clark." Lex voice is full of hatred and Kara recognizes that man is fatally insane.
Superman, upon seeing his enemy, stands up determined to defeat Lex once and for all. They fight too focused on each other to care about the integrity of their surroundings. And Kara realizes she has to help Mon-El as he is struggling to defeat the other soldier. But by the time Kara and Mon-El emerges victorious on their fight against the super soldier, the place is wrecked and there are flames surrounding all the area.
"I build this place to destroy you, Clark. What a dream is to bury you exactly here." Lex has a frantic semblance as he laughs uncontrollably.
"It's over, Lex!" Superman has had enough, so he uses his heat vision to restrain Lex suit against one of the containers and he doesn't care if they are surrounded by the fire.
"This place is going to explode. We need to get out of here!" Mon-El helps Kara to stand and they are about to fly away, when Kara hears it. It's faint and weak but familiar. And the horror she feels when she recognizes the voice shakes her being.
"Lex!" Lena screams from the other side of the area, still prisoner of Dr. Valle's grip.
"This place is not safe!" The scientist tries to keep her still, but she uses all her strength and it's enough to break free.
"Lex is my responsibility!" Lena says and her voice is almost a roar – resounding with determination and silencing her surroundings. And she runs as fast as she can towards the central area. She can feel the heat as she makes her way through the flames, but Lena doesn't care. It is funny how she never considered herself brave, until being brave was her only option. Or maybe she is just crazy and stupid – yeah, that's more like it. And as she runs towards death, Lena realizes there's not a single doubt in her mind, not one bit of her sense of self-preservation. There is only this conviction to protect someone who is too dear to her.
"Lena!" And Kara's cry is desperate, but Mon-El holds her wrists, preventing her from moving.
"What are you doing? This place is going to explode! You're still weak from the kryptonite!"
"Let me go, Mon-El!"
"Why take the risk? She's the enemy." He has this resentful look and Kara can't really believe his words.
"Lena is important to me!" Kara says in a burning anger. She's weak and she can't free herself from him, but her eyes – her eyes can shoot him if necessary – and they are cold and bright. And Mon-El has this dark gleam in his look, a hint of disappointment and bitterness, his jaw tensed. But he lets go of her arm and Kara turns and never looks back.
When Kara finds Lena, she is just meters away from where Superman and Lex are having their confront.
"Lena! We need to get out!" Kara holds her friend in her arms, despite her protests. And Lena watches in horror and she sees herself distancing from Lex, as Kara flies as fast as she can away from that place.
"Lex!" A scream that burns forever in Kara's memory. She will never forget the despair, the fear and the sadness in Lena's voice. And that is all Kara hears before a loud explosion engulfs everything in flames.
..
The remains of Black Creek are still on flames when groups of agents, one after another, leave the wreckages of the building. Kara watches as they greet each other in contentment – the sudden relief of finding those who are dear to them safe and alive. A feeling she shares when Alex appears among the agents, smiling with just a few minor injuries. Their eyes met and the sisters exchange this look only they know the depth and the meaning of it. And Kara lets out this breath she was holding the whole time, the weight disappearing in her chest as a wave of relief takes over her. A feeling that is denied to Lena.
Kara observes as the Luthor watches the flames. There are hints of shock, fury and sorrow in her semblance. But her green eyes never waver; they remain steady replaying again and again the moment Lex was consumed by the fire. A scene that will haunt Lena for many nights to come. And Kara wants to offer words of comfort, but nothing comes out of her throat, except for this sudden urge to cry. Because this world keeps moving forward – the agents greet one another, Alex coordinates her team, Superman leaves the building with minor injuries – but time has stopped to Kara as Lena's world crashes in slow motion.
"Lena. I'm so sorry for Lex." Kara approaches her friend to embrace her, but the brunette raises her arm to stop the hero.
"Don't touch me." And her voice is hoarse and cutting and she just wants to pierce things with it. "You left him to die in the flames." She says, her eyes never leaving the fire.
"Lena…"
"I admired you. I thought you were different." She says and Kara listens quietly feeling the weight of guilty pulling her down. "But you're like everyone else. Only seeing the world in black and white. Having this firm belief that your point – and your point alone – is right. You stand like all the others, a judge of saints and demons. A self-righteous, moralistic god who gets to decide who lives and who dies. I have no need of people like you in my life."
Lena says those words in a hatred she never thought she held inside. And she doesn't care if she's blaming the wrong person or not or even if she is making any sense. Because right now, there is not a single thing in her being that does not ache and she is disgusted at everything. Even at her. She reached her breaking point. And she doesn't give a damn to her life or anything really. So Lena walks past Supergirl in silence, towards Alex who has been watching everything, and extends her hands together. The handcuffs are cold against her skin, but everything besides pain is numb in her body.
Lena has no intention in staying in jail. She is determined to be in her brother's funeral.
..
The first memory she has of Lex is of the day she arrived in the Luthor mansion in a gray morning. She was four and she didn't know what to expect, but her new mother seemed scary and she didn't want to live there. But Lex – he never cared about their family issues – and the first thing he did was to teach her to play chess. Lena had so much fun she forgot the adult's conversation.
Lena remembers the fights began when she was a few years older. No matter how much she struggled, it was never enough. Never a decent tremolo, never the ideal chess' strategy, never the best attitude for an honor student. And, eventually, "never enough" became "rebel" and then "insolent" and then invisible. She didn't expect her new mother to smile like she did when she was with Lex. But Lena wished she could at least look at her.
Fortunately, Lex would laugh. Whenever they played chess and she would win, Lex always laughed delighted. Maybe he thought it was amusing. People didn't know Lex very well – he was never one to have friends. Even their father would complain he wasn't passionate enough. Lena disagreed. Lex was passionate about many things, chess being among them. Astronomy being another. When Lena had troubled sleeping, Lex would take his telescope and teach her about galaxies, black holes and distant suns. She loved their late night conversations about dark matter and multiverse.
And Lena would never have thought that of all possible universes – of all millions stacked on millions – this one would have her bury him twenty years later in one rainy morning, cold and bleak. No one cried. No even Lena, whose eyes kept facing the ground even after everyone left. There was no comfort in burying a brother. Wherever her mind wandered, she would find memories of Lex – of her brother she would mourn more than once.
Author's note 2:
It was really a pain to write the action scenes. I was so dissatisfied with the first version that I decided to cut them short and add introspection lol.
I decided to compose this chapter with shorter scenes. I know there was a lot I could explore in Supergirl x Lena confront and Lex's funeral, but I decided to save it for later, or the story may become a bit repetitive.
Question: Regarding Kara's character, does she look more like a puppet for this story than a main protagonist? Since it's more Lena centered, I already expected that it could happen. Also, Lena is more relatable to me, so she's easier to develop. Kara will have more light in the next chapters, so I'd like to know what you guys think.