A/N: Since I have so much of this written already, I'm going to go ahead and give you guys the 4th chapter. This chapter may be difficult for some of you to read, so I will apologize ahead of time: I'm sorry. Please review and let me know what you think, good or bad. Thanks. TRIGGER WARNING.
Winter Roses
Piper was sitting on her couch reading 'Looking for Alaska' by John Green for the 3rd time. It had been nearly 2 hours since Alex had left and Piper felt worse about it every time she recalled the look on Alex's face. How quickly the pretty girl had shut down when Piper had gotten mad at her for having to leave. The green eyed woman was so confusing. Confident nearly to the point of cockiness one moment and then so shy and quiet the next.
The blonde thought of the character Alaska from the book she was reading. Alaska didn't seem like the type to kill herself, but in the end, that's what she seemed to have done. No warning, nothing. Was Alex thinking things like that? Things like just simply allowing her life to come to an end if the opportunity presented itself? Things like possibly even causing it to end? No, surely not. Alex might have her obvious problems, but suicide was for people that Piper didn't know. Not people that she was close to. But was she close to Alex? She'd practically kicked the girl out of her apartment earlier.
"What if I shouldn't have done that, Phoebe?" Piper asked the sleeping cat in her lap. "But she's probably fine, right? She's not that sad."
Again, Alaska popped into her head and Piper tossed the book onto the coffee table. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, sleep calling to her. The blonde sat Phoebe down on the floor and walked to her bedroom. Once she'd changed into her pajamas, she turned her light out and crawled into her king sized bed. The cat joined her and soon the blonde was sound asleep.
xXxXx
"Hey, sexy!" Someone catcalled from across the street. Alex flipped the bird in the general direction of where the voice had come from and kept walking. It seemed like she just continued to get more drunk. She'd have to ask Red what kind of whiskey that was, because she hadn't even bothered to look.
Alex nearly ran into a group of people and they glared at her when she stumbled, grabbing someone's arm to keep from falling. The man she'd used to keep herself off the ground shook her off like she was poisonous and shoved her. Alex lost her ballance and landed on her hip, her hand sliding roughly across the concrete. She slowly sat up and looked at her palm, noticing the skin rolling up in a few places and blood starting to gather up. She watched as it started to drip down her hand and wondered why she didn't feel it. After a few long moments, she very slowly got to her feet and somehow managed to stand up.
"Here, lemme help you." A voice said from behind her. Alex nearly fell over again trying to turn to see who was talking and if they were talking to her. She could really use some help.
A tall man with broad shoulders and a white hoodie on offered her his hand. He smiled kindly at her and Alex figured he seemed trustworthy. The brunette gripped his outstretched hand with her unwounded one and was thankful for the support he offered, holding up most of her bodyweight easily.
"Had too much to drink, I see." The man guessed, as they walked in the direction Alex had been going in.
"Mmhmm. I gotta go home." Alex mumbled.
"You just tell me where and I'll get ya there, babe." He smiled at her again.
Alex thought about it for a moment, "The uh.. Umm.. Redwood apartments."
He nodded and continued to lead Alex towards the apartments. Alex was too far gone to notice that he wasn't taking her there. She didn't even realize where they were until the man was leaning her against a wall in a dark ally. Alex squinted, not able to see anything familiar.
"Where are we?" Alex asked, not sure why she was leaned against a wall and why the man was standing so close to her.
"We just gotta stop here real quick. Then I'll take ya home, a'ight?" He said before kissing her neck, his hands working the button of her pants quickly and unzipping them.
"No-what are you doing?" Alex asked when she felt his hand rubbing her sex roughly. She pushed against his shoulders but he didn't budge. Panic flooded her being but a large hand covered her mouth before she could scream.
The man in the white hoodie quickly maneuvered Alex so that she was on the ground and he was on top of her. One hand contined to cover her mouth while the other yanked her pants down. Alex struggled but was too drunk to be very effective. Once her pants were past her knees he yanked them off in a fluid motion. Then, the hand he'd used to pull them down, pushed her legs over to the sides. She heard the sound of foil being torn and panicked, but was still unable to do anything about it. The intoxicated girl cried out into his large hand when he began what he had planned from the start.
Alex felt tears streaming down her face from the agony and the fear. She couldn't push him off of her but maybe she could bite his hand. She bit down as hard as she could onto his palm, only a tiny bit of his skin making it between her teeth, but it was enough to hurt him. The man yanked his hand away before backhanding her hard across the mouth. His hand returned before she could scream and he continued his violation of her. This was a pain unlike any she'd ever felt before. She closed her eyes tightly and prayed to any God that would listen, for it to be over soon.
xXxXx
By the time Alex actually made it home, it was nearly 2 in the morning. She wasn't nearly as drunk as she had been. That had begun to fade away when she'd had misfortune of.. Of what had just happened to her. Alex blinked away tears for the millionth time. She wouldn't cry for herself. It was her fault. Her fault. She knew better than accepting help from a strange man- even in that state.
She limped up to her door and tried to open it, but it was locked. But she had made sure not to lock it. What the fuck? She squinted at the numbers but truly couldn't see anything, as her eyes were watery and she'd lost her glasses during her struggle to get away. Really lost them, this time. Not just misplaced them. Alex tried the knob again, jiggling it in frustration before slamming her palm against it loudly. All she wanted to do was get in the shower.
Suddenly, the door swung open and there was Piper, glaring daggers at her. The look quickly changed from anger to shock as the blonde registered who was in front of her. Alex realized then that this was not, in fact, her door. She backed up and shook her head.
"I'm sorry. I thought this was my door." Alex apologized, "I lost m-my glasses."
"Oh my God, Alex. Come in here." Piper took hold of Alex's left hand, noticing it was sticky but ignoring that fact.
Alex decided not to argue. It had done her no good lately. She limped after the blonde and stood there when Piper closed the door. She was sure she looked as rough as she felt. The blonde looked her up and down, walking around her with wide, worried eyes.
Piper looked at the palm of Alex's left hand, taking in the deep scrapes and dried blood caked on the soft skin. She looked at the small spot of blood she could just barely see between Alex's legs. The brunette's bottom lip was busted, too, but wasn't bleeding anymore. Long black hair was a mess and the glasses, like Alex had mentioned, were gone once again. Piper knew what had happened to the beautiful woman, but didn't want to believe it. She studied the look on Alex's face. The brunette was staring blankly off into space, arms limp at her sides.
"Alex, what.. Who did this to you?"
"Who raped me? I don't know." Alex said, her voice monotonous. "It doesn't matter. Why do you care? Aren't you mad at me?"
"Alex, I'm not mad at you." Piper's eyes were filling with tears. God, this was horrible. "I care. Let's go to the hospital."
The brunette shook her head, "No. I just want to shower and go to sleep."
"But Alex-"
Alex cut her off, "No. I'm not going to the hospital. They can't do anything for me. He didn't.. He had a fucking condom. A rape kit won't find anything and I don't want the police involved."
"But you're bleeding."
"I think that's what happens when you get your cherry popped." Alex said harshly. All she wanted to do was go home. She didn't want to be here, with someone who didn't really care about her. Someone who was pretending because they felt bad about what had happened to her.
"Oh my God." Piper lost the battle, tears falling from her eyes as she covered her mouth. She pulled the brunette into a tight embrace, not sure if she was hugging Alex to comfort her or to comfort herself.
Alex wasn't expecting the hug. She also wasn't expecting it to feel so good. The brunette found herself leaning into Piper, her eyes closing and a sigh escaping her sore lips. She couldnt fathom the thought of pushing Piper away, no matter how confusing the blonde was. "I'm okay, Pipes.. I just-I got really drunk and something bad happened. But you shouldn't cry for me."
"Alex, you got.. somebody hurt you. Really bad." Piper sniffled, not daring to let go of the overly warm body in her arms.
"But I said I'm okay." Alex whispered, afraid her voice would fail her if she tried to speak over the stupid fucking annoying lump in her throat. Why was there a fucking lump in her throat, again? She said she wasn't going to cry for herself.
"You are not okay, Alex." Piper stated, pulling back to look at Alex's face. Those big, grey-green eyes were watery and red, a sight she was used to seeing but still hated nonetheless. Alex's lip was swollen around the gash in it and there was dry blood on her chin and in the corner of her mouth closest to the small wound. Piper couldn't believe this had happened to Alex.
"I haven't been for a long time, kid. This is just another set back. I'll get better." Alex admitted, trying to comfort the pretty blonde. She didn't like to see Piper sad. It seemed like maybe the younger woman did care about her. If that was true, Alex wanted Piper to know the feeling was mutual. "Please don't cry over this, Pipes. I don't want you to be sad."
"Why are you trying to make me feel better? I was mean to you earlier and then you got hurt." Piper swallowed and wiped at her eyes.
Alex shrugged. Her eyes searched Pipers before she decided to go for it. She leant forward and gently kissed Piper on the mouth, hoping the blonde wouldn't freak out on her for kissing her while her lip was all bloody. Alex sighed in relief when the blonde kissed her back just as tenderly. They pulled apart and rested their foreheads together, eyes closed, simply taking in how it felt to be held by they other.
"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up." Piper said quietly. She helped Alex to her bathroom and sat the brunette down on the toilette carefully.
"Planning on bathing me?" Alex asked softly, a brow just barely raised and a half hearted smirk on her injured mouth.
"Only if you ask me to. I was about to ask if you needed any help." Piper said, not allowing herself to avert her eyes. She held eye contact until Alex looked away.
"If you don't mind.. Everything hurts." Alex admitted. Her arms hurt, her back hurt, her legs, her mouth, her head, her feet. Her vagina hurt worst of all, though. It felt like the man who'd raped her had torn her in half.
"So..?"
"Help me undress and get into the shower. You were about to see it all earlier, anyway." Alex said in a tired voice. Normally, she'd refuse to ask for help in front of someone she cared about, in fear that they would think she was weak or simply incapable. But Alex was no idiot. She knew that if she didn't get Piper to help her, she would most likely fall and embarrass herself far worse.
Piper nodded, knowing that was true. She turned the shower onto a comfortable warm temperature before turning back to Alex. The blonde pulled off Alex's worn leather boots and sat them in the floor beside the tub. Next the socks, revealing black painted toenails and pale feet with perfect arches. Piper met Alex's eyes as she helped the woman remove her necklace and then her leather jacket, noticing how the brunette winced more than once. She lay it on the counter before pulling the shirt over Alex's head. Piper studied the newly revealed tattoos before moving her hands to the brunette's back. Alex blinked at her and looked away as Piper unclasped her bra and removed it. Piper did her best not to look at Alex's breasts, but caught herself doing exactly that. Alex's nipples were pierced and that caused the blonde to blush deeply. She shook her head to snap out of it, knowing it was certainly not the time for her body to respond in such a way. Her hands went to Alex's pants button and the brunette inhaled a sharp, shaky breath. Piper's hands instantly pulled away from the shiny metal button, afraid she'd triggered a bad memory.
"I'll do that part." Alex whispered. She quickly unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, lifting herself up enough to push them down. Piper took it from there and pulled them off, taking note of each and every bruise along with the rose tattoo on the outside Alex's left thigh. When Alex pushed her black boyshorts down, Piper's eyes automatically went to the brunette's sex. There was a small amount of blood on the little bit of smooth skin she could see and it made her sick. Piper looked away, quickly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked without your permission." Piper said before asking, "How bad does it hurt?"
Alex gulped, "Pretty fucking bad. Does it.. Does it look bad?" She couldn't give a damn about personal privacy at the moment. She would have simply asked for a mirror if she could see. But. She couldn't, so asking Piper would have to do. When Piper didn't shy from the question and what it entailed, Alex spread her legs as much as she could without hurting herself, which wasn't much.
Piper looked at Alex's sex, glad that it was clean shaven so it'd be easier to see any injuries, at least on the outside. "I think most of that is just from the hymen breaking. But he may have torn you a little. You'll be able to tell for sure in the shower when you clean yourself."
"I think I got blood on your toilette." Alex said in an apologetic tone. She sat up straight and winced, yet again. "Help me up?"
Piper held her hand out and had to basically pull Alex up onto her feet. "I'll sit in here in case you need help, if that's okay."
"Okay." Alex nodded, greatful.
Piper held Alex's hand and helped her into the warm spray. Alex closed her eyes and ran her hands over her face before pushing her hair back. Piper couldn't help but look at her, finding she was still beautiful even like this. The blonde pulled the shower curtain closed and cleaned the little bit of blood off the toilette with a disinfectant wipe. She sat down and stared at the wall in front of her, wondering how Alex was able to even look at her. If Piper hadn't have been so pissy with her and hurt her feelings, maybe Alex wouldn't have gotten so drunk and then this wouldn't have happened to her.
It was mostly quiet for a few long moments, aside from the sound of the water hitting the shower walls. Alex dropped the shampoo twice in a row before finally getting a solid grip on it. She washed her hair, not bothering with conditioner. Her left hand was stinging badly from all the chemicals soaking into the wounds there, but Alex figured at least now it was kind of disinfected. She squinted her eyes before locating the body wash. Honey Vanilla something or other. Go figure, it matched the shampoo and probably the conditioner she'd passed up, too.
She squeezed a small amount of the soap into her hand before sitting the bottle in the floor of the shower. Alex grabbed the washcloth that Piper had tossed in a moment ago and lathered it up with the soap before scrubbing herself nearly raw from the face, down. She felt gross, like some nasty film was covering her body. Closing her eyes tightly, Alex ignored how painful it was to move in certain ways. When she'd washed everything except for the small area between her legs she stopped, giving herself a moment to prepare for what she knew would hurt the worst.
"Jesus!" Alex gasped in pain once she touched herself with the rag.
"Are you okay?" Piper asked from the other side of the curtain, worry prominant in her voice.
The brunette nodded before realizing Piper couldn't see her. "Yeah. It just stings. A lot."
"Don't use the soap, then. I can get you something that will keep it clean without hurting you. Can you feel anything.. Different?" The blonde questioned, softly.
Alex felt around after rinsing all the soap off her hands. It still hurt, but not nearly as bad. "I can feel where it is because it hurts the worst there. I don't think it's worth going to the hospital over, though."
"Okay. I have a towl ready for you when you want to get out. Also some clothes for you to sleep in." Piper offered.
Alex shut the water off and squeezed on her hair, getting most of the water out before pulling the curtain open, wobbling a bit when she stepped out. Piper went wide eyed, failing to look away without blinking several times first. She held the towl out to Alex and stared at the floor, cheeks hot. Alex dried herself off the best she could, glad the towl was black in case she was still bleeding a little. Piper helped Alex into a pair of white cotton panties, baggy sweat pants and plain grey t-shirt.
"Do you want me to wash your clothes or throw them away?" Piper asked softly as she led Alex back to the couch and eased the brunette down slowly.
"Throw them away. But not the jacket-it was my mom's." Alex answered, using the towl to try and dry her hair a little more.
Piper realized then that Alex's mother must have passed away. The brunette had said that Red was the only family she had left.. The blonde nodded before setting about gathering Alex's clothes up. The simple black leather wallet and her cell phone were in the jacket, so Piper brought that to Alex before shoving the jeans, panties, bra, shirt and socks into a black trashbag. She tied it up and sat it out of Alex's sight in the hall closet, planning to take it to the dumpster the next day. Piper washed her hands quickly before returning to the living room.
"Are you still bleeding?" Piper asked, sitting down gently beside Alex.
"It was hard to tell in the shower but I don't think it's much if at all." The other girl answered, her voice quiet.
"If you want, I have some pantiliners in the cabinet in the bathroom. You can use them." Piper said. "Can I bandage your hand for you?"
Alex flipped her left hand over, trying to ignore the bruise flowering on her wrist from where that man had held her down. Her palm was no longer bleeding, but the skin around the scrapes and the one deep gash she could see now, was dead. It hurt to flex her hand but she did it anyway. "If you want to."
Piper said that she did want to. She stood up and nearly tripped ove Phoebe, who ignored her completely to hop onto the couch and see about a certain brunette she'd become smitten with. Piper went to get her first aid kit, glad that she'd never had to use it before so it probably still had everything she needed.
Upon her return, she smiled softly at the sight in front of her. Alex hugging the small black cat to her chest with her right arm, scratching Phoebe's neck and kissing between her pointy little ears. Phoebe meowed at Piper, purring loudly.
"I think she likes you better." Piper said, sitting beside Alex once more.
Alex raised her brows at the cat. "Is that true?" She turned to Piper, "She says it's true. She likes brunettes."
Piper chuckled, very glad that Alex seemed to be doing so well after all that she'd been through. She knew that it was probably just another disguise to hide what Alex must really be feeling, though. Piper decided to let Alex get away with it for now, not wanting to push the brunette into another downward spiral. "She takes after me, then."
Alex smiled. "It's 'cuz we're hot."
"No, that's not the word I'd use to describe you." Piper said, waiting on Alex to put the cat down so she could tend to her hand. The green eyed girl quirked a brow at her, tilting her head slightly.
"I don't know if I should be offended or not."
The blonde grinned, taking Alex's left hand gently and laying it on her lap. She opened the first aid kit and got out a couple alcohol pads, a neosporin packet and the role of gauze. "Don't be offended."
Alex hissed when the blonde wiped the first alcohol pad over her palm. "No? It's hard not to be when you're trying to kill me."
"I am not trying to kill you, Alex, I'm trying to make sure your hand doesn't get infected and like, fall off or something." Piper replied, not allowing Alex to pull her hand away from her when the brunette tried.
"Please, let go." Alex said, her tone off somehow.
Piper looked up and saw that Alex was trying not to flip out on her. She released Alex's hand at once, silently cursing herself for upsetting the girl again like she had done with the pants button earlier. She needed to know the details of what had transpired so she would know what not to do.. So far, touching the button of Alex's pants was a no-go and so was physically restraining the tall, young woman- even if it wasn't meant to hold her down.
After Piper let go of Alex's hand, she quickly pulled it to her chest. She then closed her tired, burning eyes and took a deep, weathered breath. Of course she knew Piper wasn't trying to bring back any of the horrible memories that seemed to be replaying in her head at the moment, but that didn't stop it from happening. A clammy hand went to Alex's forehead and she sighed, clenching her jaw. Once she'd calmed herself down as much as she figured she would be able to, Alex opened her eyes and looked at Piper.
"I'm sorry." Alex offered her the hand the blonde had been trying to clean up.
"Don't be," Piper shook her head, taking Alex's hand gently, not daring to tighten her grasp. "I should have let go, sooner."
Alex lifted her brows briefly before shrugging. "You didn't know. Just.." She shook her head in frustration.
Piper hated this. She wished Alex would just tell her what to do and what not to do. But then, maybe the brunette didn't know yet, either. Blue eyes continued to focus on the scraped up palm resting in her own and she moved it to her lap so she could open the neosporin. She applied it everywhere from the deepest most painful looking wound to the tiniest little scratces. Once that was over with, Piper wrapped the gauze securely around Alex's hand and finished it off by tucking the end into one of the many layers.
"All done." Piper said, offering the dark haired woman a weak smile.
"Thank you. I'm gonna go home and go to sleep now." Alex stated, wanting to kiss Piper again but not sure if she should. Instead, she ended up trying to fix her glasses, only to realize they weren't there and having to divert her hand to her hair. She pushed it back and looked away, awkwardly.
Piper wasn't sure what to do. On one side of things, she didn't want Alex to leave because she didn't want her to be alone right now. On the other, Piper didn't want to be the one to have to deal with it; she had a job and responsibilities, already. Did she really need to be taking care of a grown woman with as many issues as Alex seemed to have? Piper scolded herself for thinking that way. Hadn't she already decided she wanted to help the pretty woman in whatever way she could? Alex was fucked up, sure. But Piper knew there was a lot more to be discovered. She knew Alex was just as sweet as she was sour, and every bit as lost as she tried not to seem. Piper hadn't been through half of what Alex had experienced. She decided to quit being a prissy little bitch.
"You can stay here." Piper offered, hoping Alex would at least consider it. She didn't think Alex would go for it, though.
Alex shook her head, "Piper-"
"You can sleep in my bed, I'll take the sofa." Piper said, suddenly not wanting Alex to leave even a little bit. Even though Alex lived right beside her. What if she had nightmares about what had happened and needed someone to comfort her? What if she couldn't see something clearly enough and ended up hurting herself? What if she really was like Alaska and this was just another reason to call it quits?
"I'm not taking your bed, kid." Alex sighed, going to stand up. She immediately gasped in pain from the quick movement and gripped the arm of the couch to keep herself standing. God, that hurt.
Piper stood, quickly and looped an arm around Alex's waist. "You should take something for the pain."
Alex allowed herself to be eased back onto the couch, frustrated with the entire fucked up situation. Piper came back soon with a glass of water and 3 white pills. Alex took them, hoping they would actually help. "Deja vu."
"Alex, please stay. I've slept on this couch more than once and it's really not bad." Piper said, eyeing the brunette heavily.
Grey-green eyes closed and Alex sighed in defeat. She looked at Piper, "Fine. But if it's not that bad why don't I just sleep here so you can have your bed?"
"Because, I lied. This couch sucks and you're already in pain. C'mon." Piper held her hand out to Alex to help her up.
Alex gawked at the blonde. "You tricked me."
Piper helped Alex to her feet and led her slowly to her bedroom. Phoebe galloped like a horse full speed past them and hopped up onto the corner of the kingsize, meowing at them. Alex squinted around Piper's room, noticing what she suspected were more books, clothes in the floor, shoes of various colors. There was a laptop open on a small desk beside a large framed picture of Piper with some dark eyed girl. The bed wasn't made but it looked very comfortable.
"Who's the girl." Alex asked, hating that the question came out so dry. Alex hadn't ever been jealous before, so the feeling swirling around her mind was confusing until she realized what it was. Then it was just annoying.
Piper followed Alex's line of compromized vision. "That's Polly, my best friend." Piper replied, helping the long legged girl to sit on the edge of her bed.
"Ah. She's the one you were telling me about at the pizza place, right?" Alex asked, glad when the jealousy started to fade.
"Yeah," Piper nodded, "The one and only."
Alex eased herself from the edge of the bed and lay down on her side, using her arm as a form of pillow. She was so tired. Her eyes were fluttering shut when she felt Piper pulling the comforter over her. Alex managed to open her eyes enough to see Piper looking at her closely.
"Lift your head up." Piper said, wedging her most comfortable pillow between Alex's head and arm when the brunette complied. Piper leant down and placed a tender kiss above Alex's brow, so happy she'd succeeded in getting the girl to stay, even if she'd had to trick her.
"Sleep in here." Alex mumbled, eyes closed.
"What?" Piper asked, not sure she'd heard her right.
"Share the bed with me. I don't snore and I won't.. I won't try anything." Alex's eyes were open now, staring sleepily up at the blonde.
Piper didn't need to be asked again. She flipped her light off and crawled into the bed beside Alex, slipping beneath the covers. "Can I hold you?"
"If you want.." Alex said softly. She'd never cuddled before, but if it was anything like hugging, she wouldn't complain; Piper was a good hugger.
The blonde moved up behind Alex and curled her body around that of the other girl, wrapping an arm loosely around Alex's waist while the other hand pulled Alex's still damp hair away from her neck. Piper kissed Alex's pale, smooth skin as softly as she could and nuzzled her face in the crook between the brunette's shoulder and neck, inhaling deeply and releasing it in a yawn. Alex placed her hand over the one resting on her belly and laced their fingers together, deciding that she liked this whole cuddling thing; it was a lot like a hug. Alex felt safe and warm with Piper holding her like that, something she couldn't recall feeling as of late.
"Goodnight, Al." Piper said, snuggling a little closer.
"Mm." Alex tried to reply, but was already fading fast.
xXxXx
A/N: By the way, I don't have spell check, so apologies for the mispelled words. I like to write, but I can't spell for shit. Also, I have given Alex a personality / emotional disorder. Any ideas as to which one(s)? Again, please let me know what you think with a review or PM. -SK