Chapter 4: Ghost

Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider

"Time Go"

Caught a Ghost

I'm in need of the answer, searching for questions, love would mean broken-hearted
Days race by faster, it's a made up lesson and I've lost before I started
A little white lie, a big black sky, your emptiness open on the dashboard
You feel a lack of self and it's someone else telling you to try where you failed before

Where does the time go? I don't know
It's moving off the deep end
Like I'm moving in slow-mo(tion)
Now reach, I'll go
It passes too quick to see me

Living on the back nine, living out your past life, trying to make a living as an outlaw
But the problem you see, stealing ain't what it used to be, everyone's used to it by now
You pack up your gun, make your best run, your thinking isn't breaking any new ground
But is there such a thing when you watched the rain, wash away everything that you thought you'd found?

"I'm not doing anymore missions," Alex spoke firmly but not without a hint of fatigue.

The doctor smirked ever so slightly before nodding.

"Alright," he spoke. "No one will force you, Alex."

The young man's brown eyes softened with confusion, a frown on his lips.

Where was the threat?

"So," he began listlessly. He grabbed a small hand recorder from his pocket and placed it on the coffee table, switching the red button on as soon as he did so.

"Mr. Alex Rider. You've been blackmailed by the head of MI6, for how long?"

"…Long enough," Alex spoke carefully. "Why are you recording me?"

"Don't mind the recorder, Alex," he said smoothly, "It's only for my reference. I promised to help, didn't I?"

"..."

"So, the head of MI6 has been blackmailing you to do missions. Where were you last mission?"

"Cairo."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"…"

"No need to rush," he smiled kindly. "Let's start with something more simple. Where did you first meet me?"

"Jack introduced you. When we were in my kitchen…"

"Yes, it was your kitchen. Do you remember Agent Bradley? Tall man. He seems a bit nervous around you though. You two don't seem to communicate?"

"What?"

Something foreign waved over the young man.

"I'm sorry, but could you restate your question?" Sheppard spoke so caringly that Alex hesitated.

Where was the playful predator?

"What are you talking about? Who the hell is agent Bradley?"

"That's alright. Next question: how's school been for you?"

"Fine."

"Do you find yourself having any difficulty communicating with your peers?"

"I don't know."

"Teachers?"

Alex shrugged as he looked at his watch for the 10th time.

Sheppard sighed. "Alex, it might make everything easier if you put more thought into this? I've had my neighbor tell me more than what you're telling me right now.

Maybe you haven't had time to think about such small things though."

Alex glanced over to meet Sheppard's eyes. "Whose fault is that?" Alex spoke coarsely.

Surprisingly, Sheppard smiled.

"Point taken, Alex. You didn't ask for any of this. But it still all happened didn't it?"

There was a lengthy silence.

"Apologies are useless, and forgiving is useless if you can't forget. All you want is to be a normal school boy. It doesn't seem too much to ask, does it? Why is it so hard, I wonder?"

Alex looked at Sheppard again with small look of approval.

"How do you know that's how I feel?"

"It's my profession to know how you feel."

"What do you suggest I do about it?"

"About what?"

Alex started fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt.

"About becoming a normal school boy."

"What do you think? Is going to school, speaking to your friends- is that all making you feel like a normal school boy?"

"…No." Alex looked down, his expression hardening with his lips pressed in a thin line.

"Why, Alex?"

The young spy thought carefully about something that seemed to have no answer.

But there was an answer.

"…Because I'm too busy trying to forget."

"But you aren't forgetting are you?"

"No."

"Alex, even if you waited years, there will always be something to trigger your memories.

But even if you never forget some things, you can learn to adjust to a normal life. Those emotions that seem so monstrous, you can make them go away."

"How's that?"

"Talking to me, Alex. I want to help you."

The young boy glared at the man with disbelief. "You want to help me," the boy smirked.

"Let's wait until this session is over before you decide my motives and your needs."

Alex nodded stiffly. "And if I say 'no thanks'?"

Sheppard grinned, his hawk-like eyes piercing through Alex once again. "You're in complete control, Alex."

Something caught in Alex's throat.

"Would you mind if I rush our questions to something more pressing?" Sheppard suddenly asked.

"Maybe."

"Alright," the man laughed with amusement.

There was a brief hesitation before the next inquiry.

"Alex, can you remember what happened in Cairo?"

"Yes."

The man across from him just stared back, his eyes begging him to continue to speak.

The boy's eyes furrowed as he recalled the events one by one. "…I was caught by the CIA."

"They tortured you?" The doctor asked simply.

Alex shrugged, feeling progressively more stubborn. He barely noticed he had crossed his arms and that his foot was relentlessly tapping the ground.

"You don't have to answer, Alex. Now let's see…you were with Jack in Cairo, weren't you?"

The young man's breath was slowly becoming labored. He now stared into the carpet with such intensity that he looked almost able to burn a hole through it.

"That's ok, Alex. What's the last thing you remember doing on that mission?"

"I killed my clone. Julius." There was a new satisfaction the boy found in saying it out loud.

"Yes. Why?"

"Why what?" Alex responded abrasively.

"Why did you kill the mirror image of yourself?"

Alex laughed ever so briefly. Thoughts were shifting in the forefront of his mind.

Suddenly, the boy pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes in hopes of pushing them back in their far corners.

"What did your clone do, Alex?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter." He then looked to the floor with a guarded expression.

"Oh, but I think it matters a great deal. You killed another human being, clone or not."

"He deserved it." A guilty expression was becoming present in the boy's features.

"I don't doubt he deserved it. But I think you are trying to forget why he deserved it."

Alex frowned, the uneasiness growing inside.

"Julius…he killed…I saw it, but…" A brief but loud whimper surprised the both of them.

"Who did he kill?"

"I know!" A quiver went up the young man's spinal cord. "I heard you," he mumbled.

"You remember, don't you?" He could see the boy's reality breaking in front of his very eyes, and he found an odd pleasure in it. He always felt satisfaction taking down a patient brick by brick. "Jack Starbright is dead."

"Yes. No…," a troubled Alex spoke. "It's not possible. I…

She was- she was here, wasn't she? She was here…"

The young boy's eyes became clouded as his breathing became dangerously unsteady.

"It's alright, Alex. I need you to breath for a minute. Can you do that?"

He stood hastily and backed away, nearly tripping on his own feet. He hadn't even noticed the new wave of tears drenching his face.

"Who was I talking to then? A Ghost?" he spoke with a short wave of apathy.

He looked up towards Dr. Dawson with a certain pain in his expression. A sob tried to escape him as he spoke once more. "You're a liar." The words were so heavy with desperation they lacked any conviction.

Sheppard sighed heavily before he stood up as well. After stopping the tape from recording, he stepped towards the boy with wild eyes.

The boy took a step back.

Either way, the man grabbed Alex by the shoulders and attempted to look into his eyes. The young man struggled shortly before the man finally grabbed his chin and forced their eyes to meet. He could see the fear as Alex forgot to breath.

"Jack's dead."

AN: Thanks for reading!