Chapter Four: Another Auld Lang Syne

"Where do you want me to hang the streamers?" Matthew asked leaning against the ladder with a roll of streamers in his hands.

Gareth shook his head as though distracted. "Pardon? Oh, just over the foyer I suppose." Matthew nodded and laid the streamers across the foyer. He stapled one side and moved to another one. Since Matthew and Gareth and their friends had as Gareth described it, "the Christmas from Hell" they decided to invite Fiona, Tom, Charles, and David to Gareth's home to have a "post-Christmas and New Years' Party" to celebrate getting through this terrible time together. Matthew and Gareth had begun decorating in earnest, but Matthew noticed that his normally loquacious friend was quiet. Occasionally, he opened his mouth to say something but then shut it again as though he wanted to say something but surprisingly forgotten the words. Matthew cringed, he had a feeling that Gareth wanted him to leave, but he changed the subject to divert the conversation to other topics. He started talking about the events of the past couple of weeks, particularly Charles' father's funeral. "It was a grand ceremony," Matthew said. "You can really feel the affection that they had for him."

"I agree," Gareth said. "But then again funerals were always my favorite ceremony. In fact I prefer them to weddings."

Matthew leapt down from the ladder standing closer to the older man. "What an awful thing to say," Matthew admonished. "Very morbid."

"But true," Gareth replied. "It's easier to get enthusiastic about being a part of a ceremony that one has an outside chance of being involved in. I am quite the connoisseur of funerals. I could share some of my favorites with you."

Matthew smiled, but his expression had no warmth but uncertainty. "If you will be able to share them." He hoped that Gareth hadn't heard him.

"What makes you think that?" Gareth asked. "Are you in a hurry to leave?"

Matthew stammered his normally pale face a red from embarrassment and nerves. "No." Matthew sighed and held up the newspaper. "I've been looking for flat listings."

"That's odd," Gareth said. "I don't seem to recall having any conversation with you about throwing you out." Matthew shook his head. "But you still want to leave." Matthew nodded. "Why? Am I too old, too handsome?" Gareth asked. Even though his words had his usual grandiosity, they seemed somehow forced as though Gareth was actually worried about whether Matthew wanted to leave. "Why is it Matthew? Are you unhappy here?" This time Gareth's voice was softer retaining none of the usual bombast.

"No," Matthew replied. "It's easier for us! Why would you want to be with someone half your age?"

"Because my conversations with you wouldn't begin with 'oh he's been dead for five years,'"

Gareth smirked.

Matthew looked down still not convinced. "I didn't have the posh background and education that you did. I am reading most of this literature for the first time. I feel a step behind everyone else-"

"-You are obviously confusing appearance with reality," Gareth corrected. "I'll have you know that my background was the same as yours."

"Right," Matthew snorted.

Gareth touched the younger man on the shoulder. "You mean working class, father who was a coal miner like everyone else. You had the feeling like if you didn't get away, you would die. You felt like somehow you were meant to be different. You got lost in a book or in the subtle qualities for the written word when everyone around you wondered if you were somehow switched at birth. Then when you finally reached your goal, a decent conversation among others with similar interests as yours at university, you wondered if you felt out of place with educated conformist zombies and despaired if you would ever belong in any world, so you just try to create your own world."

"Exactly," Matthew replied bemused that Gareth pulled section of Matthew's life from his recitation. "Except one thing, Dad's a longshoreman."

Matthew turned away from his lover to look at the outside window, while Gareth continued leaning closer to Matthew hugging him around the shoulders. "Do you know what I was planning on doing this Christmas?"

"'Spending the holidays with a few friends particularly Dom Perignon'," Matthew repeated. "You told us."

"No, I was going to wallow in self-pity about my lonely existence," Gareth translated.

"You never seem lonely," Matthew remarked. "You always seem so-"

"-Gay in every meaning of the word," Gareth repeated. "The life of the party? The problem is when you're the life of the party it's hard to maintain an existence when there isn't one. I'm surrounded by people so often that they hear me, without listening to me. It's rather exhausting to be home and realize that you are in your mid-thirties without a soul whom you can really talk to and be yourself around, not the loud colored eloquent clown they expect you to be."

"I'm sorry," Matthew said and he held Gareth tightly until the two found each other's lips. They kissed for several minutes until the doorbell interrupted their thoughts. "That's probably Tom and Fiona." Matthew replied, he pulled away from Gareth who trapped the younger man once more in his arms.

"It's nothing that they hadn't seen before," Gareth grinned impishly.

"Wait until later," Matthew grinned slyly. "It will be worth it." He turned to the door to greet Tom and Fiona, their arms containing various gifts.

****

"Did you take your medicine?" Charles asked, for what David felt was the 10th time in an hour. "Are your new hearing aids working?"

David rolled his eyes. "Yes on both counts, mum," he said sarcastically. Just in case, he adjusted the hearing aids for sound. David had been released from the hospital with a mostly clean bill of health, except for some remaining pain on his back and shoulders which he had to take pain medication every six hours. Charles watched his medicinal intake like a hawk making sure that he wasn't too late or forgot his dosage.

"I'm sorry, I know I worry too much," Charles said. After David had been released from the hospital, the two brothers with their new friends had spent a great deal of the week moving their things from the bigger house to Charles' smaller flat trying to adjust to living together. "I don't know what I would do without you."

David smiled touched. He averted tears falling from his eyes. The two had done enough crying to last a lifetime. He looked at his older brother up and down to see if he was properly dressed. His socks matched, his laces were tied. He even remembered to wear a hat and gloves. Will miracles never cease, but wait a minute- David pointed downward. "I don't know walk around with your flies undone?"

Charles looked down embarrassed and zipped them. "You could have told me at home!" A sly smile spread across his brother's face. "You little brat." Charles said his tone having no malice, but instead loving. They reached Gareth's door and Charles knocked rapidly.

Gareth opened the door to greet the two brothers. "Charles, almost on time I see. Is this a record for you?" Charles laughed as Gareth waved the two brothers to enter.

*****

The six friends talked and laughed as they exchanged jokes and stories and opened their gifts from each other. Tom tapped Fiona on the shoulder. "Fifi, I know I got you a gift already, but I saw this at a rummage shop and I thought that you might like it."

Fiona glanced at her brother warily, wondering what he could find in a rummage shop that she might like. She opened her gift to see a small collector's box with The Carpenters logo and a picture of Karen and Richard Carpenter on the front. She smiled and opened the box as it played "Close to You" in a simple bell. Fiona noticed a piece of paper inside the box. She pulled out the paper and read, "We had fun once." She glanced at her brother with tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Tom," she said. She wiped the tears. "Such rubbish, I got you something else as well." She handed him a small box.

Tom glanced at his sister then at the gift as he opened the box. He smiled at the ceramic figure of a black lab. "Guaranteed not to run away from an angry sister or howl during a concert."

Tom laughed as the brother and sister hugged and whispered "Thank you," to each other.

Matthew smiled at the happy scene then turned to Gareth. "Gar, I also got you something. At first, I wanted to get you flowers, but I thought that this was more appropriate since it reminds me of when I- started to have feelings for you."

Gareth opened the gift to see a book, The Collected Poems of W.H. Auden. He flipped through the pages and saw lavender and lilac petals inside various pages. "I guess those late night study sessions paid off in more ways than one," Gareth quipped as he slyly kissed him on the ear and handed him a small gift.

Matthew glanced at his boyfriend confused, as he opened the small box to reveal a familiar looking key that resembled Gareth's."When I want you to leave, I will say so," Gareth said gently. "Of course you don't have to."

"Like you had to ask," Matthew said. "But what about the university, what if the word gets around?"

"We will deal with it when it comes," Gareth said determined. He leaned closer to the younger man and whispered in his ear. "I will regret nothing."

"Me neither," Matthew whispered back. The others made teasing retching sounds and laughed loudly as the lovers pulled away.

Charles felt his younger brother tap him on the shoulder. "That reminds me, Charles. We never got the chance to give each other presents."

"Whose fault is that?" Charles quipped sardonically as his brother slapped him lightly on the shoulder and handed him a rectangle shaped gift that felt like glass. Charles opened it to reveal a photograph in a painted frame.

"Do you remember it?" David asked. Charles nodded. "It was the first picture that Dad took of us after Mum left."

"I remember," Charles replied as Charles glanced at the photograph of their father looking fare younger than he had ever seen him. Charles stood at his side gangly with a mischievous grin and lopsided hair in front of his face. In the young boy's arms was David, as a six month old infant in a blue suit. Charles remembered how much his younger brother wiggled as he held him, but he liked the fact that his Dad trusted his son enough to hold the little fellow. The frame also interested him. It was painted orange and black with small animals painted in African style around the frame. "Madge helped me work on it in the hospital," David said. "Does it look alright?"

"It looks just fine," Charles answered. "Dad will be watching us at our new place." David nodded as Charles handed his younger brother what felt like pieces of paper. David opened the present to find two plane tickets to Kenya for the summer. "There's no reason why we can't visit anyway like we always wanted."

The two brothers embraced gently as Charles shivered. "What's wrong?" David asked.

"It's nothing," Charles replied. "I just felt a cold chill there for a minute. It's probably nothing."

David smiled knowingly. "What is it?" Charles asked.

The younger boy shook his head. "I'll tell you later."

Gareth cleared his throat as the friend's poured champagne (or cola in David's case). "I would like to propose a toast. It's been a hellish Christmas for all of us, a year we would all rather forget. But hopefully we emerged from it older, wiser, and better looking- at least I had. Well here's to the New Year, it's got to be a hell of a lot better than this one."

"To the New Year," the friends clinked glasses and drank.

It was the worst holiday season for all of them for various reasons, they would always admit. But what they knew without saying was that it was the best because they got exactly what they needed: a new loving family.

The End